My thoughts exactly...

The possible insanity of a clinomaniac

[beaclinomaniac]

I'm thinking of words that I would say to you if you ever come back. I want you to hurt like you've hurt me... but who am I kidding? You're never coming back and I'm here hurting all over again.

12.10am

[beab-8]

I never wanted to fix you. I only wanted to help you battle your own demons. Here I thought I was helping you but instead, I was slowly destroying myself. You always said that I was worth more than I think I do… but now you left me more broken than I ever thought I was.

12.37am

[broknmindx]

Relationships are so fucking scary to me. No matter how great things are going or how in love you are, your significant other could always just lose feelings for you and be gone. And none of that is in any of your control.

[beaclinomaniac]

You made me fall for words you didn't even mean.

12.29am

[kaliforhnia]

[beaclinomaniac]

I am just an afterthought.

6.43am

[beaclinomaniac]

I'm holding on to thin air.

11.08pm

[beaclinomaniac]

I wish I could make all the demons go away but I'm not even strong enough to fight off mine.

2.14am

[beaclinomaniac]

Don't say goodbye, say good night.

[beaclinomaniac]

Hindi pa rin pala ikaw.

[beaclinomaniac]

Ilang taon na din akong naghihintay. Parang isang batang nakadungaw sa bintana, Nagaabang ng panandaliang lamig at tamis na dulot ng sorbetes na tinda ng mamá. Parang isang rosas na nababalutan ng niyebe, Natatago ang natatanging tingkad at halimuyak ng bulaklak para sa darating na tagsibol. Parang isang natutulog na higad, Naghihintay sa bahay nito upang sa wakas ay makalipad. Ilang taon na din akong naghihintay, Sana... Sana ikaw na ang hinihintay ko. Sana sa bawat pag gising mo, naiisip mo din ako. Sana sa pagtapos ng araw mo, kahit gaano man ito kagulo Maalala mong nandito lang ako para sayo. Sana sa bawat araw na lumipas, tanda iyon na napapalapit na ang araw na pinakahihintay ko, Ang araw na magkita tayo. Ang araw na hawak mo na ang mga kamay ko. Ang araw na maramdaman ko ang init ng yakap mo. Ang araw na ang mga labi natin ay magtatagpo. Ilang taon na din akong naghihintay. Sana ikaw na ang hinihintay ko.

Sana

[beaclinomaniac]

I want silly conversations made entirely of emojis. I want long car rides on the freeway with the windows rolled down. I want spontaneous slow dances even without music. I want a cliché love story.

[beaclinomaniac]

You are a smart person. One of the smartest people I know. A smart person would never even consider a relationship that I want to have with you. It's stupid. Wanting this is stupid. You are not stupid... but please, can you consider being stupid with me?

Thoughts 11:51am

[beaclinomaniac]

The reason why I stopped saying good night to you is because good night feels like a goodbye and I never want to say goodbye to you

Thoughts 12:14am

[beaclinomaniac]

Nung una, binibigyan mo ako nang oras. Kahit gaano ka kaabala, kahit may ginagawa ka pa, ilang minuto lang sasagot ka. Ngayon, ilang oras na ang lumipas, nganga pa din ako sa kakahintay. Madalas nga umaabot pa kinabukasan ang sagot mo. Minsan sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na kahit magpadala ka nang mensahe ngayong araw na ito, hinding hindi ako sasagot. Pero sadyang marupok ang puso kong pilit kong sinasabing walang pakiramdam. Pilit kong sinasabi na bato na ang puso kong paulit ulit nang nasaktan. Unti unti na pala akong nahuhulog. Pero unti unti ka na din lumalayo.

Thoughts 12:43am

[beab-8]

I’m keeping you a secret from everyone else. It’s not that I’m embarrassed that I met you in an unconventional way. I’m keeping you a secret because you’re special. As they say, ‘A magician never reveals his secrets.’ You’re special to me. You are magic.

Thoughts, 21:20 (via beab-8)

[beaclinomaniac]

I don't know how to feel. I'm not sure what I'm even feeling. I don't want to feel.