Bean Blog

Just a couple of curious human beans exploring the world

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Long distance relationships 101

A guide to survive long distance relationships from someone who is actually in one. 

Don’t do it. Honestly, really this is just the honest and best advice I can give anyone. If you don’t have to do it, or if you’re considering it, dump them NOW. It’s not worth the pain. Unless you’re already married, or if you’re some “destined to be together” couple, really, just rethink your options and pick anything else.

Educate yourself. The most helpful thing you can do is learn about the culture and conditions of the place your partner is in. Are they moving away for college? Are they going to be working? What are the people like? Does everything close early or do people stay out till late? Understanding where they’re going will help you on the days when you’re waiting for a text back and you’re assuming the worst is happening. It also means you can relate to your partner better when they talk about the places they visit or the people they meet.

Unlearn and relearn. People change, a lot. It’s not so obvious when you’re with them all the time and when you’re both changing together, but it’s VERY obvious when they’re miles away and a good conversation is like an oasis in the desert. Unlearn what you know about your partner and make room to relearn and accept. It’ll either feel like falling in love all over again or spending time with your distant aunt who knew you when you were “this small”, and if you fall in the latter category, I would suggest you read point #1 again.

Socialize. Long distance relationships make you realize the lack of friends in your life. Don’t wallow. Get off your ass and make new ones, push yourself into social situations you normally wouldn’t and try new things. The Meetup app and many other similar services can help you pick up a hobby and new friends.

Love yourself (more). The most difficult thing about a long distance is the lack of intimacy. I don’t mean the obvious physical intimacy (see point #6), I mean the emotional intimacy. The pillow talk, that one second of eye contact across the room, the time spent together appreciating good music, the casual hand holding. You won’t feel as lonely if you are your own best friend. With that being said however, if you’re not mentally prepared to feel a bit lonely sometimes, I would suggest you refer to point #1.

Get weird. Physical intimacy doesn’t have to be missing. Phone sex and sexting are great fun, and while it may not be the same, it will definitely make the distance a lot more bearable. There are a ton of online resources that can help you get started. Maybe it’s your cup of tea, maybe it’s not, but long distance relationships are really about compromise and trying new things, so try. If physical intimacy is super important to you, have an honest discussion about the possibility of pursuing an open relationship.

Get creative. Communication can be tough, especially if you’re dealing with time differences and busy schedules, and some times it just gets plain boring. Hour long Skype conversations can be difficult to maintain, so find creative ways to date. Binge Netflix together if you can, or if you’re dealing with a 10 hour time difference like me, film vlogs. Nothing fancy, but a 20 minute video of you filming your make up or workout routine, or your shopping trip, can make your partner’s day, because it’s always the mundane things you miss the most.

Checkpoints. Set up regular checkpoints or milestones in your relationship. Use these moments to discuss a purpose and remind yourselves of why you’re doing this. Pick a time frame that is reasonable for you, ours is quarterly and have an open conversation (or argument) about how you’re feeling and if you still want to do this. In between checkpoints, learn to trust the process and try not to get too meta about the whole relationship.

Speak up. If something bothers you or makes you insecure, speak up. Conversely, be willing to listen if your partner is speaking up. It’s really not difficult when you remember that this is the person you love and are willing to commit to this difficult relationship for. If that’s not the case, just refer to point #1.

Long distance relationships don’t have to be completely awful, and if they’re done right, it can be the perfect combination of all the benefits of being in a relationship as well as the benefits of being single. It definitely isn’t for everyone, and there’s a very high likelihood that it won’t work out. But on the rare occasion that it goes well, the ability to be with the love of your life is well worth the pain.

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Change

1. To make different in some particular manner; to alter.

2. To make radically different; to transform.

3. To make a shift from one to another.

4. An opportunity.

We often hear that change is inevitable and it is constantly happening around us. The term ‘change’ often invokes a plethora of emotions. Most people are often fearful, expecting that their whole world is going to turn upside down. The very thought that the normalcy and routine that we had carefully designed for ourselves could be remotely altered frightens us. It may be as simple as a new haircut or a change in the way we dress up. Or it could be something massive, like changing your career or moving to a completely different continent. Whatever it is, we often find ourselves anxious, scared and lost at first. But why do we feel this way?

A lot of it comes down to our attitude to the changes that come our way; that is how we perceive it. When changing schools, do we think “Oh my goodness, this is fantastic! I can leave all my best friends and cherished memories behind and live my life with total strangers in a completely unfamiliar environment!”? Or do we ball out in tears and throw a fit that we’ll never ever be able to have friends or a social life again? (Yes, the latter was the way I reacted when I changed schools). As I pointed out before, change is inevitable – it’s going to happen whether we want it to or not. So what matters is how we embrace the change; the change in our profession (whether we find another job or we remain unemployed), the change in where we reside (continents apart from the people we love and care about), or the change in the new and unfamiliar people that we interact with.

We need to be hopeful when we think of ‘change’; it’s an opportunity to start fresh. A new beginning of sorts. Does that mean that we should give up everything that got us to where we are today? The people that made us who we are today? The moments that got us to this new and unfamiliar situation that we find ourselves in? Absolutely not. Those moments, those people, those experiences are what has made us who we are and it gives us the courage to tackle the challenges that come our way.

So do we need to be fearful of change? I don’t think so. I think you grab ‘change’ by the horns and make it truly yours.

How does change make you feel, Beanie?

Beans

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Traveling on my own Hey beanie, So two weeks ago I went on a trip that I never actually dreamed would happen. After one year of begging and pleading I got to finally travel on my own, to London, to visit and surprise my best friend, and here's a bunch of stuff I learnt: 1) I like to walk slowly. I've never been in a situation where I didn't have to keep up to someone else's time, because I've never actually been anywhere without my mom, a group, or work people. So I never actually had to give thought to what I wanted, I'd just blindly follow. Turns out I like to stare at old walls and sit in parks and look at all the doggos and enjoy the cold by the riverbank. 2) I never stop missing my mom I always miss my mom, sometimes I'm too distracted to remember it but then it comes back and no matter how happy I am I just want a cuddle from my mama bean 3) I stop in a lot of random places to take weird pictures Turns out that's not as uncommon as I thought because being instagrammable is a thing and everyone's doing it for the 'gram 4) I don't know how to pack for the cold Or deal with the cold, or dress for the cold, or behave when it's cold. 5) I'm awful at direction, even with maps. But I usually figure it out after 30 or so minutes of being lost. 6) I'm really easily excited...by trees THERE ARE SO MAN TREES AND THEY'RE HUGE AND I LITERALLY LIKE CAN'T THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. 7) I'm really outgoing and sociable When I'm forced. Not being in my comfort zone gives a new dimension to my personality that isn't generally there. 8) My people are my home No matter where I am, or what kind of day I'm having, I never miss home, just the people that occupy it. Sorry for being late beanie. I hope you like it! Beans

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Home

1. One’s place of residence. 2.The social unit formed by a family living together. 3. A familiar or usual setting. 4. A place of origin.

If I were to ask you to think about what home means to you, what comes to mind? Is it your comfy, inviting bed where you rest after a long hard day? Is it your relaxing couch, where you can kick back and read a book with a warm cup of Joe (coffee)? Or is it your warm bathtub, where you can sit back and unwind? Most people often associate the term ‘home’ to its most obvious definition – the place we live in. However, ‘home’ is so much more than that.

Home is where I can truly be myself; unfiltered and unrestricted. Home is that place I go to seek strength. Home is the sweet smell of my mom’s ingenious cooking. Home is where there are some ups and downs. Home is a place where I don’t have to be afraid.  Home is the laughs and stupid jokes that make my stomach hurt. Home is the feeling of pride and triumph when my football team wins. Home is that welcoming chaos that always ensues when I argue with my family. Home means spending time with those that you cherish and love; making memories that last a lifetime. Home is where I can go back to and breathe a sigh of relief after a long, hard day. Home is the only place I can poop. Home is the scent of fresh, warm laundry. Home is the warmth and comfort I feel when I’m clothed in your embrace.  Home is standing on the balcony and taking in the view with a soothing cup of coffee. Home is where I can bare myself emotionally and physically.

A home comforts you when you’re exhausted. A home lifts you up when you’re down in the dumps. A home pushes you to be the best version of yourself. A home keeps you grounded and secure. A home gives you the opportunity to love and be loved.

So maybe home isn’t just a place; maybe it’s a feeling. Maybe it’s where your heart is.

I think the saying “Home is where the heart is” makes sense to me now.

What does ‘home mean to you, Beanie?

Beans

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A b u s e Abuse 1. Use to bad effect or or for bad purpose; misuse 2. Treat with cruelty or violence, especially excessively or repeatedly 3. Speak in an insulting and offensive way to or about someone I can tell you what abuse isn't.Abuse isn't the scars on my skin. It isn't the bruise on my arm or the scratches on my shoulder. It isn't the red marks across my face or the fear in my eyes. Abuse isn't the crying as I hurt myself or the pain when I dig my nails deep into my skin to stop myself from shaking or the vacuum in my lungs when I can't breathe. Abuse isn't the pain in throat when I try not to cry or the throb Bing in my head when I cry too much. Abuse isn't the nightmares I have or the fear that keeps me up all night. Abuse isn't looking over my shoulder every two hours or the fear that he'll come back in my life again. Because abuse isn't about the violence or aggression of the act, it's the realization that he meant every bit of it. Abuse is the hollow in my mind where my trust used to reside. Abuse is the emptiness in my bones Abuse is the butterflies I never get in my stomach anymore Abuse is looking at an oncoming car and realizing that your fight or flight reflex doesn't work. Abuse is the chronic lack of dopamine and constant excess of serotonin in my brain Abuse is knowing that it's all in my head and that my brain chemistry is probably fine, but not being able to change it anyway. Abuse is looking into your eyes and knowing that I love you, but not being able to feel it in my fingertips anymore Abuse is not caring, not because I don't want to, but because I can't Abuse is the pain deep inside my soul, not the marks I have on my body. This one was a bit heavy beanie, I hope it's not too hard to read. Beans.

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Hey Beanie, 

Infinity

1.       A state or quality of being infinite.

2.       Mathematically, a number greater than any assignable quantity or countable number, symbolized as  ∞

3.       Infinity is hope.

The concept of infinity has always intrigued me. I often find me asking myself “What does infinity really mean?” Does it bear a quantitative value? If so, is there more than one? Or is it something that we just came up with to perceive something that is truly boundless?

The concept of infinity was first introduced by a philosopher named Zeno of Elea, who lived from 493 B.C. to 430 B.C. The idea was then further studied by many ancient philosophers, including Aristotle; who questioned whether infinities could exist in a seemingly finite physical world.

Infinity wouldn’t be rigorously defined until the late 1800s. Mathematicians at the time, found the concept of infinity vaguely distasteful and felt that it had no place in a serious mathematical discussion; they believed that infinity was something for philosophers to discuss. It wasn’t until 1874, when a German mathematician named Georg Cantor published the first mathematical proof for the existence of infinity; in fact he revealed that multiple infinities existed. He achieved this by building on an ancient and seemingly useless branch of mathematics known as set theory. According to set theory, integers, which are numbers without a fraction or decimal component (such as 1, 8, -9), make up an infinite set that is countable. On the other hand, real numbers, which include integers, fractions and so-called irrational numbers, such as the square root of 2, are part of an infinite set that is uncountable.

We can go on debating about the mathematics of infinity (in fact, many mathematicians known as set theorists dedicate their study to it!), but where does infinity really manifest itself in the real world? This got me thinking about the universe. Is the universe infinite? Astrophysicists have used various instruments to measure billions of light years out into space in an attempt to measure how big our universe truly is. But in spite of all this, no one really knows if our universe is infinite or not. Some people speculate that our universe may be like the surface of a ball – it has no end, but it is finite. (Hey, maybe the universe could really fit into that lightbulb!)

I came across this TEDx talk by astrophysicist Hakeem Oluseyi, who really shed light on the concept of infinity. I strongly suggest you watch the video {https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45pTq0ADz6o}, because I find the way he explains infinity to be really fascinating. He ultimately explains that the sum of choices that we make in our lives, even if it’s negative, adds up to a very large positive value. And so, for him, that infinity is really hope.

Maybe that’s what infinity really is. Maybe it is the hope that no matter how many shitty things happen in our lives, we are in fact amounting to something really big. We just need to build on the choices we make and ensure that ultimately, we have a positive impact in the world and in the people that we love. So no matter the terrible situation you may find yourself in, especially in this new year, just remind yourself that you are amounting to something spectacular and amazing. [You can count on me to remind you of that]. And just maybe, in that moment, just as Logan Lerman and Emma Watson were scripted to say in the ‘The Perks of Being A WallFlower’, we will truly feel infinite.   

What does infinity mean to you, Beanie?

Happy New Year! Beans.

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Memory; The faculty by which the mind stores and remembers information. Something remembered from the past, a recollection. This may sound like a repetition to you but I'm really just fascinated by the wonder that is the human memory. It's weird how powerful, yet how weak our memory is. We never remember perfectly, and even those imperfect images in our head are vulnerable to change. False memory is a phenomenon where fabricated or incorrect recollections of past events feel so real, that you refuse to accept any evidence to the contrary. The Mandela Effect is the name given to phenomenon when a group of people collectively misremember something. The term was coined by "paranormal consultant" Fiona Broome, when she found out that she wasn't the only one who genuinely believed that Nelson Mandela died in the 1980s when he was in prison, even though he actually died in 2013. Their false memory went as far as them remembering his funeral covered on the news and the riots that followed his death. She started a website and soon discovered a number of instances of people collectively remembering something that had not happened, and it spread like wildfire. Theories on the cause of this effect include the ripple effect of time travel, or a quantum ripple created by CERN's Large Hadron Collider. The most popular theory, however, remains that there are multiple parallel universes or alternate realities, and that the people who remember differently somehow moved between the realities and thus remembered things that don't exist in the current time line. The most likely scenario is that there were similar factors that affected the memory of these people, such as social reinforcement, misleading news stories and photographs. I'd like to believe in the theory that there are alternate universes out there, mostly because it allows me to live in my head and fill my mind palace with stories of what might be in those realities. What do you think beanie?

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Hey Beanie, 

Composition

The nature of something’s ingredients or constituents; the way in which a whole or mixture is made up.

A work of music, literature or art. 

Composing an image by arranging elements within it in a way that suits the core idea or goal of you work best [Photography]

Simply put, composition is a key aspect of a good work of art. Aspiring artists tend to give composition a lot of attention. Why? A good composition is one that has just the right amount of detail; too few elements is bad as it robs the art of necessary detail that makes correct interpretation possible. In essence, a bad composition would ruin the balance of the image. Well then, how can I ensure that my work has a good composition? Fortunately, there are a few guidelines in the niche of photography, which can help you attain a great composition!

Of the several most commonly used photography composition guidelines, the ones that really stand out to me are the following:-

Rule of Thirds – To add balance and interest to your photos, try to imagine that your image is divided into 9 equal segments by 2 vertical and 2 horizontal lines. The rule of thirds dictates that you should position your subject (the most important element in your scene) along these lines or where these points intersect.

Leading Lines – When observing a photograph, the human eye is naturally drawn along lines. Thus, by carefully thinking about how your place lines in your composition, you can pull your audience into the picture, or towards your subject; or better yet, take them on a journey “through” the scene.

Framing – We are surrounded by objects that make perfect natural frames. In fact, the picture above is a great example of the use of framing. By placing the trees on the edge of my composition, I was able to isolate the beautiful temple from the rest of the outside world. I was able to draw your focus naturally to the temple.

But does all this mean that my photos are constrained by these ‘rules’? It may sound clichéd, but the only rule in photography is that there are no rules. 

Personally, I have taken these guidelines on composition to heart and in fact started composing my own life with them! How?! Well, since the only rule in photography is that there are no rules, by extension there are no rules that can hold me back in my life. Artists use intersecting, leading lines and frames to control their image; to bring balance and take their audience on a journey. That’s the power that we have with our own lives. We need to intersect our experiences with people every day, frame how we want to live and who we want to be on our own accord, and most importantly enjoy journeying through this crazy piece of art that we call life.

That went real personal, real fast! But hey, that’s how I composed it. {PUN}

For more photography composition rules, you should definitely check out “Top Photography Composition Rules” on the Photography Mad webpage (http://bit.ly/1ccwMne). There is also a great article on what composition in photography is all about on the Photography Life Webpage (http://bit.ly/1BUvt6y). I’m sure that this will help you out on your photography journey! So what does composition mean to you, Beanie?

Beans.

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Memory: The faculty by which the mind stores and remembers information. Something remembered from the past, a recollection. The name of the movie constantly playing in my head, keeping me stuck in a time loop of my own past. I remember the day I took this picture. It was 8 months ago. I remember because I've never worn that outfit since then. I remember because I made decisions that day that set a precedent for the next 4 months of my life. I've found lately that I'm always stuck in my past. Not because I want to, but because my present doesn't feel like it's worth living in. Not in a suicidal way, but there isn't really anything in my life right now worth focusing on. Maybe I'm just being ungrateful and pessimistic, that's the advice I usually get because depression isn't justified if there isn't a valid reason for it. But I do need to try harder. I need to push myself to get out of my bubble. Make some new memories if you will. What does memory mean to you beans?

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Hey Beanie,

Pizza

1. A dish of Italian origin consisting of a flat, round base of dough baked with a topping of tomato sauce and cheese, typically with added meat or vegetables.

2. The perfect meal. {Urban Dictionary}

3. An indescribable feeling. {My Definition}

It might seem quite silly to dedicate an entire post to something that we eat, but to many Pizza is so much more than just something we consume. The classic – the Margherita Pizza – has a beautiful and rich history that I’m sure will forever romanticize pizza for you!

Pizza was said to be first introduced in the 1700s and early 1800s in Naples (which was founded as a Greek settlement around 600 B.C.) It was a form of inexpensive food that could be consumed quickly; being that it was essentially a flatbread with various toppings. When Italy had unified in 1861, King Umberto I and his Queen (Spoiler Alert) visited Naples in 1889. Bored with their usual French haute cuisine, the couple asked for an assortment of pizzas from the city’s pizzeria. The queen fell in love with a pie topped with soft white cheese, red tomatoes and green basil (coincidently featuring the colors of the Italian Flag). And thus, originated the particular topping combination that we now know as Pizza Margherita; named after Queen Margherita!

Since then, pizza has evolved into a phenomenon. With countless variations in toppings and crusts, this absolute perfection of a meal has forever left its mark as one of life’s true delights.  

Personally, Pizza is something that has etched itself as an integral part of my life - there is something magical about it. We have pizza when we want to celebrate moments like birthdays with loved ones. We have pizza when we want to just stay in and binge-watch Stranger Things. We even have pizza when we spend time with that special someone and want to make sure that moment remains cherished forever.

It seems quite preposterous how something so trivial can have such an impact on one’s life. As you pointed out previously, it does indeed come down to perspective. Personally, pizzas for me are those memories and feelings I experienced; those memories I have and will continue to cherish for the rest of my life. Have things come in the way of those precious memories and stopped me from indulging in pizza? Yes, at times. But that’s what makes me into the person I am today; a true pizza lover. 

Yes, of course this whole thing is cheesy, but hey, so is pizza. That was a pun, which I’m sure you will appreciate.

You should check out “A Slice of History: Pizza Through the Ages” on the History webpage, for a great video talking about Pizza’s rich history. Also, if you find yourself in NYC you must try Joe’s Pizza - It is the absolutely the best slice I’ve ever had.

Beans

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Hi Beans, Perspective 1. The art of drawing solid objects on a two dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth and position in relation to each other. 2. A particular attitude toward or a way of regarding something. They say everyone is entitled to their own perspective. We all have the right to our own thoughts and ideas, and our perspective is often shaped by our experiences in life. But when does your perspective start invading my mind and altering the way I see the world? Why did my 14 year old self doubt her self worth when a group of bullies called her worthless? Why did I change the way I tackle difficulties in life based on the Harry Potter series? Perspective is so personal, it's something you alone can see, but is it really yours? Are we aware of whom we allow to influence us? I have so many unsettling questions about what my perspective really means and where it comes from. Knowing you, you probably do too. If you ever read books, Beans,I would recommend Noughts and Crosses by Malorie Blackman. It puts into perspective what the word really means. Or at least, that's my perspective. That was a pun, please appreciate it. Beanie.