Bear de Lune

Just a gal who wants to share her journey and random info online. My favourite animal are bears, hence the name. I am a pianist, vocalist, self-taught guitarist, University graduate (continuing student), casual teacher, Aussie, learning to manage anxiety, bi.

[bear-de-lune]

If I tell you I am in some form of pain, and your response is to tell me how your pain is worse: congratulations, i now hate you.

[bear-de-lune]

I love being my friend’s musical encyclopaedia, it truly makes me happy.

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I can’t help but selfishly fear, did you change everything about yourself for me?

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As someone with anxiety, I don’t say this lightly, but I would rather stand on a table in a restaurant and scream at the top of my lungs until I pass out than order from a stupid QR code. Just give me a physical menu so I can see all the options in front of me and I’ll order at the till.

[bear-de-lune]

You know, as a casual teacher, everyone tells you how hard it is having to wake up early in hopes of being booked for that day. They tell you classroom management is hard as a casual when you don’t see these students all day every day. They tell you it’s hard being a substitute for any random subject that’s not your main area.

Yes, all of that is true and it’s hard.

But what they don’t tell you, is that it’s really fucking hard going to new schools, figuring out the parking, and figuring the layout of the school!!! I be out here having no idea where the fuck any of the classrooms are.

They also don’t tell you how hard it is understanding the bell times, when every school is different with the amount of periods, duration, and start/end times, which changes depending if it’s sport or assembly day, and any other random variables that change the period lengths.

[bear-de-lune]

Acts of love often go under-appreciated. Spend them on yourself.

[bear-de-lune]

Living

For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I am actually living my life to the fullest.

Late night shenanigans with some of my closest friends, jumping in trolleys, running in heels and a pretty dress.

Playing stick in the mud on the beach then stripping to underwear and jumping in the ocean, splashing each other under the moon.

Midnight cemetery and cathedral visits.

Learning to write my name in a friend’s native language.

Getting my first visible tattoo.

I feel alive and so incredibly free.

[bear-de-lune]

Life update!

So!

I am officially a gym girly now! It’s great, it’s difficult, but I get to bond with my sister and she keeps me accountable. I find it fun, and feel better afterwards… so now I’m less worried my heart will one day randomly stop!

Medication!!!

At this point I am also in a “bare minimum” mindset when it comes to uni work… I am only completing assessments (to a very high standard) instead of my usual “bare maximum” effort of completing all weekly tasks and lectures etc. I hope this is only a phase.

I am officially an owner of the Taylor Swift Lover vinyl in blue and pink

I also have some very beautiful and supportive friends, some new, some old, and I now know I am loved by them.

I’m getting a bedtime routine and reading before bed! Very nice.

Mornings are still the worst in the whole entire world and I cannot seem to wake up easily when I “don’t have to”. As in, if I have nowhere to be. Which is not helpful when I want to wake up early and create a morning routine to tackle the day! But my body is like nooooo.

I am very obsessed with Minute Cryptic, I feel like I’m finally getting it!

Oh yeah I’m working on my Master degree now… not long and I’ll be a teacher.

Yay! That’s all I can think of for now!

Bye!

[bear-de-lune]

Now that I have graduated with a Bachelor of Music AND a Bachelor of Arts (Performing Arts), @taylorswift @taylornation would you consider hiring me to work on the next tour? Pretty please?

🥺

[bear-de-lune]

You ever feel like they don’t give a fuck?

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Milestone

First day of my first official job was successful with minimal anxiety. There are so many buttons on a register, but at least I know how to roll a sleeve.

My anxiety settled down after I got into the routine which was really good! It’s just dealing with the boredom when it gets very very quiet.

I’m very thankful, I’m sure the stars aligned for a reason.

[bear-de-lune]

The time has come, the walrus said, to shut everyone the fuck out.

[bear-de-lune]

Summer

Summer is coming and you bitches better watch out cuz I’m bouta bring out the cutest summer outfits you ever did see.

[bear-de-lune]

Errands

I fucking love running errands with people. We gotta go wash your dog? Fuck yeah. You wanna make an appointment? Sure I’ll be there, while we’re at it let’s look at graduation dresses. It’s amazing. Simple form of love.

[bear-de-lune]

Sleep

I know I’ve been trying to fix my sleep. I am going to therapy to help with that.

But I’m bouta wreck my sleep so hardcore by waking up ridiculously early to watch grainy livestreams in hopes there’s an announcement for Reputation Taylor’s Version. It better be worth it. (It will be, I miss the excitement of actually watching the Eras Tour).

Got my clown nose on.

[bear-de-lune]

~piercings~

Getting a new piercing and taking care of it is exactly the same as what the snake guy would say in primary school. “The snake is more scared of you than you are of it” and also if you come across one “leave it alone and it will leave you alone.”

Anyway. A reminder for myself: leave piercings the fuck alone until they are healed. And for the love of god, don’t hug certain people.

[bear-de-lune]

It would be nice to not be afraid of everything to the point where it hinders the very core of my being from existing.

It would be nice to silence that loud voice in my head; constantly judging, nitpicking, overthinking, OVER problem solving.

It would be nice.