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DEAR READER
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@beardiet86
Day 8
First day of a brand new week, weed free!
Had a great weekend where instead of feeling like I was just killing time till I got to the next workweek, I actually went out and enjoyed things - hung out with friends, went to the gym, ate healthy!
It’s amazing how much a change in mindset and routine can do for everything - two weeks ago I was feeling the lowest I have, and on the verge of a total collapse - now I feel as if things have never been better!
Onwards and upwards!
Day 5
End of the first work week off weed and I feeling fucking fantastic!
Went to the gym 4 times this week, spent a grand total of $8.00, and I’m feeling like a whole new person! I have not been thinking this clearly in years, and even though I know that the side effects are likely going to hit hardest in the coming weeks, I am 100% sure I’m doing the right thing.
To help the days go by quicker and take my mind off of things, I’m laser focused on my next big goal - getting physically fit for the first time in my life.
Day 4
Wow Day 4 just flew by - to the point where I thought it was Wednesday the whole dang day!
Despite a few un-explainable bouts of rage, the side effects seem to be dimming, at least temporarily.
On the way to work, someone clipped my car, but I was super alert and was able to swerve so that I didn’t get t-boned. I wonder what might have happened if I was still getting stoned every night - would I have had the reaction time to get out of the way?
Either way, I know I’m doing the right thing, and I’m feeling healthy as a horse. Onwards & upwards!
Day 3
It’s the end of day 3, and I’m exhausted, feeling a bit moody & anxious, but all in all feeling great!
I read a great article today in GQ about musicians who had been in some pretty desperate and dire straits when it comes to addiction, and it just further affirmed to me that this is the absolute right choice.
Had some pretty damned lucid dreams last night - thinking tonight will be even more intense!
Day 2
It is actually amazing to me how much control smoking pot had over my life. It is the beginning of day 2 and I feel totally weird, discombobulated and way out of my element.... which is what I expected, but dang it’s unnerving!
I feel like these first few weeks will be very difficult at work - no one else around me is going to know that inside I feel totally off. I think this is probably why it’s so hard to stick with it.
Already noticed a bit of a difference in my dreams...i.e. I actually had some!
Super looking forward until it’s day 365 and these cravings and feelings start to go away!
Day 1
Day 1 of my journey. I can already feel some adverse effects, including anxiety, restlessness & very sudden & intense mood swings. Strange to think how much of an effect that this thing had on me. Feeling 100% that this is the right decision for me, and that my resolve will only get stronger as the days, weeks & months start to pass.
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Reinventing Myself
Today, January 27, 2019, will be the last day that I ever smoke marijuana. I’ve told myself this before - lots of times. But this time will be different. I am going to hold myself accountable. I will see the cravings and delusions that I’m better off with it in advance, and will instead steer clear of it - forever.
There are lots of other changes I want to make as well. I want to be more kind to others, I want to manage my time better, I want to lose weight, I want to eat better. All of these will come - in time.
For some, Marijuana is a miracle drug. For me, it is a curse - one which I cannot seem to shake. It clouds my judgment, hides & masks my emotions, and makes me a shell of myself. The fact that I function well in other areas of my life, including work, and until recently relationships simply serves to make things worse. I tell myself things can’t be that bad - everything else seems like it’s working.
But the reality is that I’m not who I want to be - the best version of myself - the Me I know I can be. I don’t want to blame something as simple as a flower that grows in the ground, but how I have used it and let it control my thoughts & drive my fears stops today.
Tomorrow, I am no longer a marijuana smoker.