My Life In Bits

Just giving you glimpses of my life in the form of pictures and words. I'm a college student in Huntsville,Texas studying at SHSU. Eat 'Em Up Kats! I love Jesus, my family, and my friends. I can pack a punch, and know how to take one.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

I'm catching a greyhound at 7am tomorrow. To get to an interview Wednesday. But the stop is an hour walk away, and this town doesn't believe in uber. And because it's my first greyhound bus, and I have my service dog, and I'm type A, I want to get there early. That means leaving my apartment at 5:30. That means getting up at 4:45 so I can potty said dog and make sure I have everything. Thank goodness there is a bakery that opens at 5am a 5 minute walk from the stop. I can hang out there in safety and track my bus until it gets into town. And get coffee. Because coffee.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

I can’t believe I’m posting this…. I got my black belt tonight. Well, it’s not mine, we are waiting for mine to come in the mail or something lol. But point being, I was awarded the rank of black belt tonight. It’s been a long journey, and i don’t know if I’ll have the chance to pick hapkido back up again. I hope so, but who knows right now.

[shaped-by-karate]

Congratulations =]

[bearkatonabike-blog]

Thanks! I really, really wish there was a way I could send this picture to all the doctors who said I would never walk, talk, or see when I was born. Because yes, I have some "quirks" (I'm avoiding the word disabilities for personal reasons), but the grading board didn't know that. Looking at me on the street you wouldn't know that (so my service dog gives it away, not the point lol). So I passed because I met the standard, not because I was "pretty good for a disabled girl" (yes, people have said that to me.) So this is almost like a big f*** you to all the naysayers I had growing up.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

I can't believe I'm posting this.... I got my black belt tonight. Well, it's not mine, we are waiting for mine to come in the mail or something lol. But point being, I was awarded the rank of black belt tonight. It's been a long journey, and i don't know if I'll have the chance to pick hapkido back up again. I hope so, but who knows right now.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

Helping profession problems (aka when helping isn't helping)

So I think this is poniant, the night before my graduation with a degree in a helping field. This week I had someone close to me go through something hard. Me, being the helper I am, tried to help by talking, and being there for them. They just wanted to be left alone. That's hard. That's hard for a helper to not help and let someone figure it out on their own. I wanted to talk them down, make them feel better, but they wanted nothing. They wanted to be ignored. I couldn't help but keep checking in on them, making sure they were coping. When a helper can't help, it's hard. It hurts. All you want is to be there, and all they want is for you to not be there. It's hard on you as a helper, and them as a "helpee".

[bearkatonabike-blog]

Knock knock.... anyone home?

Hey Tumblr people, long time no see. There's been a few reasons for that, and I'm ready to share. 1) spring semester. Senior year. Aka omg the real world is coming I better get my shit together. I graduate in 8 days y'all. 8 freaking days. 2) I ended up pushing my black belt test back another rotation, not by choice, because I wasn't ready. I was pissed off, but Tumblr was not the place to vent that. Nowhere really was. I cried, I got over it, and..... I'M TESTING TONIGHT. 3) There's a been a distraction of the human type as well... (no, no bun in the oven lol) I'll let you take a guess as to what that is. 😉 Honestly though, this person has been amazing, and so critical to my happiness lately. 4) This has been the big one. TRIGGER WARNING! PTSD LIKE SYMPTOMS, SUICIDE ATTEMPT OF A FAMILY MEMBER, FLASHBACKS I don't share this often, but when I was in high school, my mom attempted to end her own life. And I heard everything go on that night. The screaming, the ambulance sirens, banging on the door..... it scared me. And left scars on my heart and in my mind. But I thought I had processed it, I thought I was ok. Turns out, I wasn't. I was really good at putting on a mask in front of everyone around me. In reality, I was having flashbacks to that night. Imagining what would have happened if we didn't find her. I finally went and saw someone about what I was going through. And it helped. But I also started to pull away from people, because working on mental health isn't easy. And I was scared to let anyone know how broken I felt. I got more reserved than I normally am. And when people asked me about it, I blamed it on school work, when in reality my brain wouldn't shut up. I don't think he knows this, but my Boyfriend has been instrumental in keeping me sane. Talking to me about stupid stuff, so I can not think about real life for a few hours. Constantly checking in on me, making sure I'm ok. Reminding me there's a world beyond the confines of my brain and it's scary thoughts. I'm not sharing this to get a shock reaction, or get sympathy. I'm writing it for me. It feels good to have it out there. I'm a work in progress, and I am trying to make sure I move forward at least a little bit everyday. But if you're reading this and have encouragement on any front (testing, school, mental health, whatever), I'd definitely appreciate it. I'm also writing this for people who are going through the same thing. You are not alone, and it does get better. It gets easier. Never easy, it's always a fight. But it gets easier, you learn to cope. You learn to fight.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

SD fundraising

Hey service dog people! Due to medical situations, I'm having to retire my dog early. Any hints/help/ideas for fundraising the money?

[bearkatonabike-blog]

I was tagged by @ryn13 Rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to know better Relationship Status: in a relationship Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick- Less maintenance and I hate makeup Last Song I listened to: The entire Hamilton soundtrack Last Movie I watched: Fantastic beasts Top 3 Shows: Switched at birth, dance moms, series of unfortunate events Top 3 Characters: Rye (Star Wars), Blaine (Glee), sue sylvester (glee) bonus-Harry Potter (AVPM and series) Top 3 Ships: Kurt and Blaine (glee), Harry and Ginny (Harry Potter), Percy and Anna Beth (PJO series) I tag: @she-kicks-she-throws, all of budoblur, and any one reading this. That means you, yes you!

[bearkatonabike-blog]

I don't know what to call this.....

I just got a call from my instructor. I failed my black belt test. Trying not to cry in public is going as well as it can. I can retest in march, but that doesn’t make it sting any less.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

Board break attempts from my test last night. That hollow sound on the foot break about killed me. 😖Frustrating that I know how to do this, but I get all flustered and freak out. That hand break was smooth as butter, if I do say so myself! 😆It is what it is though, and I'll know in a month or so the results of the test.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

Well...

I BROKE (one of) MY BOARD(s)!!!!!!!! And it was the hand break I've struggled with. Things went well, now I wait. And wait. And wait. But really, other than a mix up on order of techniques, things went really well. Sparing was good, and kicks were good and fluid. Video coming soon of the break attempts.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

It's happening!

Tomorrow. Is. my. Black. Belt. Test. Feelings: nervous, excited, anxious, all of the things Prepared? Yes Ready? I'll never be "ready", but it's coming

[kickgrrl]

Accidentally said upper crust instead of upper cut tonight. Anyone else said anything wrong in class?

[bearkatonabike-blog]

Trying to say "axe kick" in Korean (sounds like a-pocket-a-chill-a-chogi) and said something about a chimichanga!

[micdotcom]

NBC aired 6,755 hours of Olympics coverage this year — and just 66 hours of the Paralympics. Look at all the awesome sh*t we’re missing! They’re breaking world records and making headlines. Why it makes no sense that there isn’t more coverage:

[snazsy-deactivated20180822]

Because despite being just as impressive, if not more so impressive and admirable that they go through such lengths and overcome such hardships, it’s just not as interesting. That’s the reality of it. As a species, we want to see the best of the best, to see people faster than ever, stronger than ever, etc. That’s the reality of it.

[micdotcom]

https://mic.com/articles/153971/these-4-paralympic-runners-would-have-beaten-every-olympic-runner-in-the-1500m-final

[pinkcheesegreenghost-deactivate]

Let’s celebrate these professional world class athletes!

[bearkatonabike-blog]

Disability doesn't sell well. That's why there's not more coverage. It sucks, and I hate it, but it's all about the money. These para-Olympic athletes are amazing, and deserve to have their story told. Until business can make as much money off of them as they do phelps and bolt, it's not going to happen.

[bearkatonabike-blog]

This makes it feel more real...

Guys, I have tentative date for my black belt test. Either December 1st, or more likely, December 3rd. The 3rd would be easier for my grandmaster to come and judge, since he's traveling out of state. That's 11 weeks, just under 3 months. And I know "it's just another test" but at the same time, it's not. It's a major milestone in this journey, and it's about proving to myself that I can overcome any challenges life throws at me and play with the big boys. I honestly never thought I would get to this point, but here it is. Coming at me like the hogwarts express on September 1st. To those of you that have been here, any tips I can store away for the day of? Or for now, when I'm (prematurely) freaking out?

[bearkatonabike-blog]

My highly trained service dog, everyone! Being the dorky butt he is when he's not working. Also, I'm going to start showing people this when they ask if he bites!

[thebiggerpicture23]

It's September 1st

you know what that means…

[bearkatonabike-blog]

So.... This is a thing now, I guess? Haha. Being serious, I got my red belt tonight. It's been an insane ride to get here, and there was a time when I never thought I would. Today reminded me it's progress, not perfection, that's the goal. Someone has video of my white -> yellow belt test somewhere, and it would be interesting to see that vs this last test. Hopefully in a few months I'll be posting about my black belt.... That's the next step in this journey. 4 months and counting. Is it bad I'm already thinking about it?