the monster is me

head of werewolf support services. thirty-one. beast.

[beastlyremus-blog]

tmtonks:

No matter how much has changed in Ted’s life, their ability to read people isn’t part of it, and it’s clear as day that Remus has no desire to actually have a chat with them. He’s staying because he feels like he has to. And maybe if this run in had happened ten years ago, they would’ve graciously bowed out, left Remus to his own devices, letting that obvious discomfort fall away before it got any worse.

But it isn’t ten years ago, and Ted isn’t as concerned with anyone else’s comfort or discomfort due to their presence anymore. They’re too curious to let a little thing like annoyance get in the way of the potential for some insight.

“Neither was I, honestly. All I cared about was divination, weed, and Andromeda, and we know how that went,” they say with a slight laugh, although there is a clear bitterness behind it. When they go on, the bitterness is gone, though, unable to stay when talking about Dora, even in an offhand manner. “They’re very trendy, you know. Into all the grunge, and all the muggle shite that’s popular with young wix right now. So honestly I’m probably looking in the wrong place…”

They glance around, as if only now realizing that they aren’t exactly likely to find anything like that here, in a magical junk shop. Not that it really matters, anyway. It’s not that hard for them to find something that Dora would like, given their similarities. But that’s not really what this is about anymore, is it?

“How have things been going, by the way? I feel like I haven’t heard much coming from your department, but I guess that could be because of the Crouch situation.”

The mention of Andromeda causes a shift in the conversation Remus didn’t quite see coming, and pushes him even further outside his comfort zone. Even after so many years he’d yet to really form an opinion on the matter surrounding Tonks and the Black sisters. At the time he was too wrapped up in his troubles surrounding Sirius’s imprisonment to care much for someone else’s. Andromeda and him had been close once, back when he was so caught up in Sirius, that any one even remotely connected to the wix became someone he wanted to be connected with too. All of that seemed like a lifetime ago now. 

Unsure of what exactly to say, he remains quiet, simply nodding along to whatever the wix had to say, hoping it would lead to the quickest route out of the conversation. Unfortunately his luck wouldn’t quite run that way, when instead of deciding to cut their losses and head out, the wix instead brought up Crouch Jr. Remus can’t help but feel like there may be some kind of test hidden in their words. So far he’d done his best to stay clear of anything having to do with the Crouch case- or pretty much any of the other numerous cases that had been coming through the Ministry as of late. It wasn’t because he thought what Lily and Ted were doing was wrong exactly, he just found himself caring so little about it in the first place. 

“Which is probably a good thing,” he responds, and musters up a light chuckle. “Usually when you hear something coming from my department, it’s never anything good. I have run into some interesting old case files I might hit Alice up with later, but it’s nothing that you or the minister should worry about.” 

“...And how is the Crouch case going?”, he quickly adds, figuring if he didn’t take the bait he’d look even more suspicious than he needed to be, “I usually miss a lot of what’s going on upstairs down where I’m at.” 

[beastlyremus-blog]

regulusblac-k:

location: Knockturn Alley time: eleven years ago, a sunday evening a few days before the full moon      ( @beastlyremus ) 

It was harder to find information about horcruxes than he’d thought it would be.  Once upon a time, it might have been as easy as sneaking into the restricted section at Hogwarts and pouring over books all night until he found what he was looking for, but apparently even the shadiest booksellers, dark artifact dealers, and authorities on dark magic weren’t going to be as forthcoming as he’d hoped.

Every time he brought up the word, no matter how whispered, how secretive, whoever he was speaking to shut up like they’d been leg locked, immediately changed the subject or denied any knowledge at all. And his options were limited – he couldn’t let any of the other Death Eaters know what he was looking for, and risk that word get back to the Dark Lord that he knew what was happening, that he intended to stop it. 

He was starting to get frustrated. His patience was wearing thin.

He was just making his way out of Borgin & Burkes, where he’d had zero fucking luck finding any information he needed, when he bumped into another wizard on the street. He had already put his hands on the other man’s shoulders to steady them both and then started to move past him, when he suddenly recognized the face he’d just seen and stopped in his tracks, stiff and furious.

What was Remus fucking Lupin, his brother’s pathetic friend, doing in Knockturn Alley?

The days leading up to the change were always the worst. Each one that passed his symptoms would get progressively worse, until finally the rush of adrenaline that hit his system just before a change would wash it all away. Unfortunately for Remus that bit of natural pain relief was still a few nights off, which is what takes him into the more seedier reaches of Knockturn Alley that evening. The infamous street was not unfamiliar to him, there were not many apothecaries who carried the ingredients needed for his specific version of pain remedy, and far fewer who would sell him such strange herbs with complete discretion. 

But Knockturn Alley was no longer the place it once was. 

Although it’d always served the more sketchier of crowds, the ongoing war had brought a whole other brand of dark wix to the grimy streets. There was an eeriness that hung in the air that wasn’t there before, and a strange quiet that felt deafening when he let his paranoia take the better of him. It was in this headspace, the crumpled brown bag that contained his remedy for that night gripped tightly in his hand, when he walked head on into another wizard brave enough to travel the street alone that evening. 

“Oh, I’m so-,” Remus begins, cutting himself off when his eyes lock on to none other than Regulus Black. He stays like that for a moment, completely frozen, unsure exactly what to do or say- that was if he even should say something. 

“Regulus,” is all he manages to come up with, and quickly pockets the parcel he still had clutched in his hands. 

[beastlyremus-blog]

tmtonks:

In all honesty, they aren’t exactly sure how they feel about Remus. Once upon a time, before everything had gone to shit, Andromeda had liked to have Sirius around every so often for dinner or a nice catch up, and through those times, they had heard a lot about Remus, particularly early on, before everything started changing with them all. But that they didn’t exactly know him well then, and the same can still be said now. 

All they know, is that it feels a lot like Lily did to him what she did to them, that she somehow managed to rope them into positions they didn’t ask for or even particularly want, because they were both the only person she could think of for the jobs. So even if there’s no closeness, even if they’re fairly certain that he has no interest in anything they might say or do, they feel at least slightly like they’ve been put in a very similar position, whether they want to admit that out loud or not.

They also know that a lot of people fear Remus, or at least are too curious for their own good, which is something that they are very familiar with, although on a completely different level. 

The real question, though, is what Remus is going to use that position to do, which still remains to be seen, as far as Ted can tell. So maybe they are a part of those who are curious about him, although in a different way. Enough so that when they notice him in the book section of the little junk shop they’ve come to in the hopes of starting early Christmas shopping for Dora, they stop in their tracks. The sound of him closing his book snaps them back to reality, realizing just how long they’d been stopped there, and they try to look at least a little like they were looking at the books.

“No, no it’s fine. Just looking around, really. Seeing if there’s anything a seventeen year old with a bad attitude but a good heart might like,” they respond, falling into that mock approachability they have mastered.

The agitation that was clearly visible on Remus’s face, soon softens to something more akin to mild displeasure when he realizes just who had walked up behind him- and spoke to him no less, something he can’t recall the two having ever done if memory served him right. But none of that mattered really. Human interaction wasn’t something he’d exactly perfected in the years with his pack, but hierarchy was something he’d grown all too familiar with. Which meant, that no matter how little he did know about the wix in front of him (besides their own reputation), or how honest they really were about their intentions, they were his superior. 

Unfortunate as that may be. 

“Well, I was never good at knowing what seventeen year olds thought was cool- even when I was seventeen, so I doubt I could be much use to you,” he shrugs, unsure what to say. Normally this would have been the part of the conversation where he would have hightailed it out of there, throwing out a quick ‘good luck with that’ before crawling back into his hole for the evening. But once again the wix’s seniority plays at his better judgement, forcing him to trudge further ahead into unknown waters. 

“Erm, what kind of stuff are they into?”, he asks, although part of him feels the reasoning behind the other’s sudden appearance had little to do with their child. Regardless, he’d never find out if he didn’t at least try to play along and see where this went. “By the amount of crap in here, I’m sure there’s something they’d like.” 

[littlebowtie-deactivated2018061]

We will be monsters, alone in the world, but we will have each other.

Mary Shelley, Frankenstein. (via vitanteacta)

[beastlyremus-blog]

sybtrelawney:

There was one piece of wisdom which none of the many divination textbooks Sybill had read bothered to mention: it wasn’t the vague visions that would give a seer a headache, it was the very, very specific ones that could drive the best of seers mad. Symbols Sybill could work with—they were flexible, provided a lot of material for interpretation and more often than not they eventually revealed its intended meaning. A vision of a book cover and a half of a title, on the other hand? That could truly mean anything at all and the only way to make anything of it was to find the book. Which was why Sybill had spent the last two days calling or owling all second-hand shops they found in the directory. Fortunately, this time they were lucky and succeeded in their search in record time when just this morning a little shop in the Diagon Alley confirmed they had such a book in stock. Usually, it took at least a week to locate such an item—Sybill was still on the lookout for a white T-shirt with five young women and the phrase spice behind them that they’d seen last year.

Since receiving the message from the shop, Sybill had been waiting impatiently for the end of their shift and when that time came, they almost ran out on the street. As with everything, there must have been a reason why the universe wanted Sybill to find the book and why it allowed them to find it so quickly. Perhaps it contained some message that might aid them with their mission, or it could be used for a reading and reveal another clue. It was unclear what Gryffindor had to do with the universe’s plans, but Sybill was ready to dig deeper here, too. Nothing was too silly or too banal when it came to foreseeing.

They opened the door to the junk shop a bit too forcefully, startling the shop keeper, who took their time to explain to Sybill where they might find the book. Apparently, while the shop keeper knew exactly what was in the shop, they had difficulty remembering where it was placed. After listening to an elaborate story about the ever-changing layout of the shop, Sybill was free to go upstairs and collect their price. They were mentally preparing themself for another dozen minutes of rifling through the shelves, when they spotted a lone figure. As they walked closer, they recognised the familiar face of Remus Lupin, or rather as familiar as seeing him in the paper made it. It felt odd to see him now in person; for one thing he seemed even sterner than in the photos.

“Actually, I was looking for this,” Sybill said, pointing at the book in Remus’ hands. “Saw it in a vision two days ago and I have been searching for it since then,” they explained, dragging their gaze away from the book and up to Remus’ face. “But now I’m starting to wonder,” Sybill paused, gazing thoughtfully, “if it was really the book I was supposed to find.”

In school, Remus had found divination to be an amusing subject to say the least. He had never exactly believed that reading the various shapes of tea leaf clumps to be an insight to one’s future, or that staring into a glass orb for long enough could give you any useful information besides what it felt like to watch paint dry. But he got his occasional kick out of it, just as he did when cracking open a fortune cookie, or reading his horoscope. It was a fun little game, seeing what your “future” will hold, and getting a kick out of the utter nonsense of it. 

That was until the world decided to go to crap anyway. 

After seeing everything you’d once held dear crumble apart, it was a bit hard to look at a fortune teller in the eye anymore. Especially one’s whose fortunes only seemed to do more damage than actual good. 

“I’m sure it was definitely the book,” he replies gruffly, not quite meeting their gaze as he thrusts the book in their direction. Although he’d never had the pleasure of meeting the wix beside him, the mixture of incense that was radiating off of them, and the simple mention of “visions” gave him a pretty clear clue just who had happened upon him. “Unless you can think of some cosmic reason as to why I can’t seem to go anywhere undisturbed as of late.” 

[vgosts]

Visit Original Link

Numbers – Daughter Life Is Strange: Before the Storm

[flawlessgentlemen]

[poirot]

little christmas presents for people I adore ★ remus lupin edit (for @meraudurs)

“Did you like question ten, Moony?“  ”Loved it, name five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question.“

[thistletongue]

Do not cry wolf; become it.

(via thistletongue)

[dream-house-inspiration]

Request by hereisthepointyend, thatsroughkid, headfullofrain & anonymous

[bangs-freckles]

Visit Original Link

Ruelle — Until We Go Down

[beastlyremus-blog]

location: junk shop in diagon alley  date/time: november 10th, 6pm  availability: open

It had been over a year since Lily Evans had stepped into office, a year since he’d taken on the impossible task of rebuilding the new Werewolf Support Services, and in turn revealing his dark secret to all the world. No more did he need to fabricate stories of his suspicious monthly  disappearances, or the array of thin faded scars that littered his body, the last remnants of a time when hiding meant surviving. There were many things he enjoyed about finally having that bit of freedom, although there were just as many things he’d come to detest about it. The main one being the newfound attention it had garnered him. 

Being one of the few publicly known werewolves, meant there were few places he could go where he didn’t attract stares of curiosity and fear. And while it had been some time since he’d found himself caring what humans had thought of him, the utter nuisance of his celebrity had become quite annoying as time wore on. Eventually he’d come to find ways around it, often going out at odd hours, avoiding popular hot-spots, and the muggle world almost entirely. For instance, that evening, when he felt the sudden desire to dive back into his old reading habits, it was not the doors of the ever lively Flourish and Blotts he graced, but instead the quiet dwellings of the junk shop that lay further down the street. Tucked away from the busier parts of the shopping district, the shop was thankfully almost completely empty when Remus first enters it, the only dwellers being the elderly shop keeper and a young couple debating over how much they wanted an old curio cabinet. 

Climbing the rickety steps to the shop’s second floor, Remus finds himself smiling faintly as he looks on at the welcoming scene of a room filled to the brim with a vast assortment of leather-bound books, each title more peculiar and odd than the last. It was some time later, as he was skimming through the autobiography of a witch who claimed to be Godric Gryffindor’s chambermaid and third cousin, when Remus’s heightened senses pick up the presence of another. When he can hear their footsteps stop short he holds still, hoping they’ll move on, but finds no such luck. Letting out a sigh, he snaps the book shut before turning towards the intruder.  

“Did you want through here?”

[beastlyremus-blog]

mssrxsblack:

It wasn’t supposed to bother them.  From the minute they’d seen the newspaper Alex had left out on the front desk, they’d forced a sense of sheer indifference into their mind.  But then they’d seen Ted, seen Alice and Marlene.  They’d been confronted by feelings they hadn’t really had to deal with in years.  Peter and Bellatrix, they’d been dealt with before Sirius had gone to Azkaban.  Rodolphus and Rabastan had been imprisoned while they were in Azkaban.  Crouch Was the last piece of the puzzle that was in any way personal to them.  And they could have probably shut that out if not for all the other things they’d run into that day.  

They’d gone home but they’d been restless.  They couldn’t shake it, no matter what they tried.  They’d chained smoked a pack of cigarettes already since the sun had gone down.  For a while they tried to push it out, to get dinner and grab a drink, to work on some sketches or play a game of solitaire.  They’d even tried to go to bed early and sleep it away but they’d just stared at the ceiling until they couldn’t lie still any longer.  

They didn’t have a destination in mind, they just walked in the dark streets and let the smoke from their cigarette fill and empty their lungs.  Their hands, when they weren’t on their cigarette, were stuffed in their pockets and they kept their head down against prying eyes.  They didn’t really have it in them for any more chance encounters today and at least this way they could pretend they didn’t see anyone.  

It wasn’t until they looked up that they noticed where they’d ended up.  Remus’ flat.  Like clockwork, their stressed mind had brought them back to the one person who’d ever really been able to calm it.  He stood outside, looking up, for at least two cigarettes before he talked himself into going in - or our out leaving.  They weren’t really sure.  All they were sure of was that they were inside, knocking on the flat door.  

“Hi.”  It was lame and once they would have scolded themself for it but now he didn’t care.  They walked in when Remus stepped aside but didn’t stop moving.  Their steps were almost frenetic.  “Did you see it?”

“Hi”, Remus hears himself echo back, the greeting sounding even more feeble from his own lips than it did Sirius’s. Which he supposes was a given really, they had always been the charmer between the two of them, even when it came down to something so simple as “hi”. They were once the perfect opposite to his reserved and quiet nature, the boisterous laughter to his shy grins. They’d always balanced each other out like that. Now, it seemed like the two of them shared more in common than he really cared to think about. 

“Uh, yeah,” he replies, then pauses to clear his throat, "I did coming home tonight.” He feels like he should say more, maybe something akin to relief that the wizard had been caught- or even anger that it’d taken the ministry so long to find him in the first place. No matter how hard he tries to, he comes up completely empty though, having long stopped caring about the trials and tribulations of man. 

At least for most of them anyway. 

No matter how hard he tried to think otherwise, Sirius still remained the exception to the rule. Even now, when time and loss had altered so many of the relationships he had once held so dear, Sirius was still there. Things were different of course, much different. One had to look no further than the physical distance currently between them to see that, as Remus still stood frozen at the door while Sirius was already well within his flat. But they were still there, which was a hell of a lot more he could say for some of his other old friends. 

"Um, did you want some tea or anything?”, he asks, finally shutting the door behind him as he steps back into the small one room flat and towards the kitchenette. Tea, that’s what he’d normally have done in this situation, right? This was not the first time Sirius had come over in the middle of the night, true it had been ten years give or take, and back then it was certainly not to drink tea. but that was besides the point. Tea was definitely something he would have once offered in a situation like this. 

[beastlyremus-blog]

location: remus’s flat above trackleshanks locksmith in knockturn alley  date/time: november 5th, 1 a.m.  availability: closed to @mssrxsblack​

Unlike so many in the Ministry, the news of Barty Crouch Jr’s capture had little to no effect on Remus’s day. While everyone else was bombarded with calls or chased down by rogue journalists, eager for any meat left on the story, Remus spent his day doing what he usually did. Which in this case meant pouring over the decades worth of neglected werewolf registry records, combing out who was even still alive, and who had seemed to have disappeared without a trace. The latter was his main reason for even bothering to keep the tattered books in the first place, rather than toss them with most of the other junk he’d come across in the office. What he’d come to slowly learn in his time at the office, was that the number of reported human deaths by werewolves each year, had so far not even come close to matching the number of missing werewolves. So far in his search he’d concluded there were at least 562 registered werewolves reported in the U.K, and out of them, 138 had vanished without a trace or a single missing person’s investigation. 

So caught up in the goings on of his own world, Remus hadn’t even heard news of the Crouch capture until his walk home that evening, catching a glimpse of that morning’s Prophet from a nearly picked clean newsstand. As he looks at its headline there are many feelings Remus realizes he should have felt in that moment, thinking how much Alice still seemed to care for him despite it all, and how kind Frank was to him when so many weren’t. But no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he tells himself he should feel something- anything about the capture of Barty Crouch, Remus feels nothing at all. He’s completely numb to it. And as soon as he comes across the article he leaves it, readjusting the strap to his leather satchel as his thoughts drift back to his work that day and the rest of his walk home. 

Barty Crouch wouldn’t even cross his mind again until later that night, when suddenly a knock comes to his door. He’s in bed when he first hears it, not asleep but instead hoping for it as he stares up at the rattling ceiling fan above him. Thinking the noise a trick of his mind, Remus ignores it at first. When it comes around again though, this time more frantic in nature, he finally gives in, throwing on a cotton shirt as he walks the few paces it takes to get from his bed to the front door. 

When he finally opens the door, he’s not sure who exactly he was expecting, but it definitely was not them. 

“S-Sirius?”, he hears himself call out, his voice cracking groggily. Instead of ask them why they were there, and in the middle of the night no less, Remus instead finds himself silently moving to the side, giving Sirius enough space to enter the room behind him. To be honest he found he didn’t care why they were there, he just hoped they couldn’t hear his heart currently beating out of his chest. 

[dailytwdcast]

Steven Yeun by Robyn Von Swank (2014)

[beastlyremus-blog]

F E N R I R   G R E Y B A C K 

For the majority of his childhood, Fenrir Greyback served as Remus’s own personal boogeyman. He was the monster that hid in the shadows of the alley across from his bedroom window, the creak from his closet in the middle of the night. Of course unlike any other childhood terror, this one was all too real. For sixteen years Fenrir Greyback would remain this larger than life enigma, someone Remus had known all too well of, but had never actually encountered besides that one fateful night. 

That would change one year during Remus’s summer break from Hogwarts, when out of the blue the wolf sought him out, suddenly eager to meet the boy he’d sired so many years before. Remus would want nothing to do with him of course, but Fenrir was not one for letting things go, often popping up out of nowhere when Remus found himself completely alone. When he finally gave in and agreed to hear the wolf out he would learn he had an offer for him. An offer involving Remus becoming part of the pack he’d come to fear the majority of his life. “It’d be crazy not to, kid. You honestly think these humans have your best interest at heart? Trust me, they’re just counting down the days until you slip up, and they can finally lock you away for good.” Remus hates that he did consider it for one moment, thinking back on all the times a loved one looked at him in fear when he became more wolf than boy. But then he thinks of his friends, the same kids that became part animal themselves, all to make him feel less alone. And so he refuses- 

but it would only be a few years later when he would be the one to seek out the wolf.  

Despite it all, he can’t say Fenrir treated him badly during his years amongst the wolf’s pack. In fact, a strange bond would slowly form between the two, despite Remus’s better judgement. The man who once served as the monster that lay under his bed, soon turned into a mentor of sorts, teaching him how to control and use the animal that lay inside him. And he hated how much he came to enjoy it, to finally feel connected with someone who knew exactly what he was enduring, and had been through it all himself. The nature of their bond would eventually change however. What began as a mentor/mentee relationship changed to competing rivals as Remus began to surpass his sire’s own strength and capability. When finally the older alpha was defeated, dying in a pool of his own blood, while his wolf- his first wolf, stare panting down at him, Fenrir couldn’t help but smile. 

He’d always had a knack for ruining perfectly good things. 

[beastlyremus-blog]

M O N S T E R / a remus lupin playlist

[ i. monster: milck // ii. shadow preachers: zella day (male pitched) // iii. dark side: bishop briggs // iv. beautiful crime: tamer // v. lately: lera lynn // vi. become the beast: karliene // vii. heroes fall: hidden citizen }