lil' bit of nothing lil' bit of everything

[beauprern]

https://zarathustra-would-be-proud.tumblr.com/post/148852720664

All lives end, all hearts are broken

All lives end, all hearts are broken

[beauprern]

Lately, I feel as if I’m really nothing on anyone’s mind, like I really don’t mean anything to their life. I’m simply existing, in what is to me, a very empty world.

[deadbyinsidee]

[beauprern]

Plenty of pills, here’s to not waking up in the morning!!

[beauprern]

The last decade was pretty much a disaster. I did 2 things, that were positive actions for myself, the rest was negative and harmful, or out of my control. My goal for this year is to stop self harming.

[beauprern]

Have you ever felt like the person looking at you, is actually looking thru you?

[beauprern]

Everyone says nobody should spend Christmas alone, yet here I sit, just like every year. Alone. Everybody thinks about the loved ones they are with, or miss a loved one that should be there, but who thinks about the one who is always alone, with no one to care.

[beauprern]

Hole in my heart

I gave big part of my heart to a girl named Silvia. She lives in a different country than I do, yet we were the best of friends. I loved her like my own sister, she was my family. She has taken that piece of my heart, and thrown it away many times. Always finds a way to hurt me not love me. I keep looking for that piece missing from my heart. When she comes back, I’m too weak to say no. But it starts all over again. Sometimes, I wish I could just ask for that piece back, but I’m afraid my heart will never be whole, will always be broken, right where she used to sit.

[beauprern]

I don’t know how to love myself

I don’t know how to love myself Depression, pain, and fear Are the only way I know I’m alive

I don’t know how to love myself I understand how much it can offend someone If I try to force my thoughts, feelings, and desires On them, but I do it anyway Even though I knew the time wasn’t right Or they were not ready for it, or even know How to help me

I don’t know how to love myself I crave a different life, or to lose this one I see everything around me None of it able to grow

I don’t know how to love myself I know that any circumstance Any place, or time, I know that something Is still wrong with me

I don’t know how to love myself I don’t give myself time I don’t plan projects or plan For the future I don’t have one

I don’t know how to love myself I can’t create happiness, or feel joy Things I used to do, that used to bring me cheer I’ve thrown so far away, I can’t get them back.

I don’t know how to love myself I hide from stuff that is good for my health People, activities, movement And run to the stuff that is not, Toxic relationships, isolation, over sleeping

I don’t know how to love myself I can’t do much right, Too often I find myself in the wrong, I don’t know what positive means I only know negative Everything in my life is black or white, No one could ever mistake me for having an ego

I don’t know how to love myself I have no future, Only a past A past that haunts me every day

I don’t know how to love myself, I fear too much, People, change, hurting, overwhelmingness, I fear life

[beauprern]

I’m trying really hard to hang on, but it’s all going to tumble down on top of me soon.

[beauprern]

Why is it the stuff you can’t forgive your self for, you can’t forget, but then you forget the good things you’d like to remember.?

[beauprern]

Why is there such a fine line between

Discourse and the need to end your life?

[beauprern]

#trsppedinside. # Depression #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #suicidal. #suicidesurvivor

[beauprern]

Suicide isn’t just about dying.....

It’s relieving years of pain, fear, exhaustion, and self harm. It’s doing something to make you feel better

[beauprern]

Is it bad that I find it beautiful, when I hear of someone that committed suicide? And at the same time, wish I could have been there with them to let them know, and feel their pain and understand that they feel no other way out. #RIP Linda, #suicide jealousy #what is heaven really like?

[beauprern]

I guess it’s a good thing people don’t get tear stains like dogs do. Something to be grateful for. #uglyenough #alliknowisnegative #ihaveahardtimefindingthingstobegratefulfor

[beauprern]

There are only two places that I really feel comfortable, and they are contradictory to each other:

My bed cutting or doing self harm or with a bottle of pills, the other is sitting in my psychologist’s office.