shesplitagain

Basically a journal for my deepest, darkest thoughts 🌒 TW ⚠️ Some content may contain references to domestic and sexual abuse. I live with C-PTSD & BPD and all writing is a reflection of my own lived experience. Thank you for reading 🌙

[beautiful-chaotic-mine]

I could lie, say I like it like that

Don’t you know too much already?

I’ll only hurt you if you’ll let me

Call me friend but keep me closer

And I’ll call you when the party’s over

Quiet when I’m coming home and I’m on my own

[beautiful-chaotic-mine]

wanna come over and have an existential crisis

[a-mind-in-ruins]

l've always wished for someone who'd be afraid to lose me. That's all i've ever wanted. But how could anyone fear losing me when all l ever did was prove to them that I'd stay no matter how I was treated.

[a-mind-in-ruins]

It was what it was to me.

And that doesn't change

no matter what it was

(or wasn't)

to you.

[perfectfeelings]

“It’s kinda pointless to fight for what you want when what you want continues to break your heart.”

— Molly McAdams

[seaphine]

funny how you can lose everything and still be expected to show up like nothing’s missing.

[talking-to-the-sun]

i knew better than to trust you with my heart again, yet i still did it.

[callherwylder]

I was chosen

in moments,

not in permanence.

Held when it was easy,

set down when it required

staying.

They loved the version of me

that didn’t ask,

didn’t ache,

didn’t need.

I learned how to be

almost enough,

warm, available,

but never essential.

Even now,

when someone says my name,

it sounds temporary.

[dumblr]

i know being single is best for my mental health but it's this idea of being loved that i want so badly.

[talking-to-the-sun]

i’m still trying to accept that we will never go back to the way we were before.

[beautiful-chaotic-mine]

:(

[daddystinygirll]

[beautiful-chaotic-mine]

I know emotions pass, but this emptiness feeling is one I haven’t been able been able to manage, I always feel the need to feel something and since I’m numb I do stupid shit to get a feeling…

[talking-to-the-sun]

all i want is for someone to really and truly know me.

[wordx]

🕊️ I need to let my soul rest for a while.

[beautiful-chaotic-mine]

Why am I addicted to the ghosts of my past why can’t I let them go

[beautiful-chaotic-mine]

All the lives I’ve lived and I’m only 23

Looking back at the last 7 years feels like looking at a line up of strangers

How can you be so many different people in one lifetime?

I don’t recognise myself at all when I see pictures of younger me I don’t remember being her

Trauma is a very funny thing

I often wonder if I will ever get those memories back

I often wonder if I even should

[beautiful-chaotic-mine]

I made a promise, if in four months this feeling ain’t gone

Well fuck this city

I’m moving to Saskatchewan