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i always knew me being born caused my parents divorce but TODAY i learned my dad was admitted for suicidal ideation because of stress after i was born. ive been ruining people’s lives from day 1!

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i don’t know if it’s in a week or month or year or decade but i just know this ends with me killing myself. it’s out of my control. one day im going to lose the fight and thst’ll be it. whenever the ideation goes away for awhile it feels so hopeless because i know it’ll be back. i feel horrible having freinds because i know that im just dragging them down with me. i know how it ends man i’ve come to terms with it

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im on my dream ship, am respected by my coworkers, making good money. im exercising and reading a lot and satisfied with my job. in a month im going on a road trip with my best friend. everything is going well in my life. and i still wish i did it in june. april and may i was so happy, waking up everyday and watching the trees bloom and birds sing knowing that it would be over soon. i was at peace. normally when im happy its these intense bought of euphoria thst never seem to last, but for once i was happy for weeks and weeks. i’ve been carrying this for so long and i finally had an end in sight it was such an incredible weight off my shoulder. snd then i couldn’t even go through with it. im so tired. im just so tired and im never going to feel thst happy again.

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i hate getting caught up in the moment and feeling happy hanging out with ppl it’s embarssing to admit that i actually do want companionship when i don’t deserve it!!! i have done nothing but ruin peoples lives and i still have the audacity to want to be around others. i even feel bad texting frineds on here cuz i know i just know everyone is sick to death of me. ppl don’t want to be reminds with someone they have to talk down from the ledge every 2 weeks because im fucking psycho and get upset over anyhting. was sobbing in the bathroom after graduation ebcause i wish i could just be a good daughter sister friend and be fucking nromal and not be a drag on everyone’s lives. geniuenly shoudlve killed myself when i was planning to 3 weeks ago.

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having a subpar birthday is fine cuz its like well at least that wasnt as bad as the birthday my friend tried to rape me!

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i hate myself so much that now im made uncomfortable by my birthday!

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i don’t want to be alive

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you have to have a positive growth mindset and be open to change for example: im going to kill myself age 21 -> im going to kill myself age 22

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can someone pleae come just shoot me between the eyes run me over with your car i don’t care i reallt don’t im just done !!!

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if people knew how terrible i really was they wouldnt even talk to me anymore i just wish i wish i could be the type of person that everyone deserves but i just can’t seem to get it right. i’ve ruined every single friendship i’ve had a good person doesn’t do that a person who deserves to live doesnt do thsts how many people dead and yet the terminal fuckup gets to live im over it

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im really on the edge here except i hate being annoying about it people have to go out of their way to give pity and it makes me feel awful i cant even GROW UP and handle this myself what no one understands is that it WILL be better without me around i hate how people treat me with kid gloves and keep staring at my fucking scars no one gets it im doing this for all of you

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ofc everyone tries to kill themselves at 17 over stupid teenage bullshit and it’s embarssing but like i listened to everyone who told me that it gets better and that i desreves love and freindship and i tried i did everything and i was bad at it none of it worked and now im throwing in the towel! i gsve it a shot man i reallt did

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still wish i was dead!😂🙂

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besutiful dream where i killed myself and everyone was happier… take me back! take me back!

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i didn’t kill my self last week and now the universe is sending big unambiguous flashing signs that say YOU SHOUDLVE DONE IT

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it was supposed to be june 1st that was the plan. and obviously that didn’t work which now marks the second fime that i’ve picked a date and failed to go through on it but whatver. having it planned and making arrangements i was so geniuenly happy i was so relieved that there was an end in sight. and now im just stuck and tired and its never going to end i could even do this 1 thing correctly… but whatver!

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when it happens don’t feel bad because this is the only thing that could make me happy and you’ll see that it’s better for eveyrone in the end