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can someone pleae come just shoot me between the eyes run me over with your car i don’t care i reallt don’t im just done !!!

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if people knew how terrible i really was they wouldnt even talk to me anymore i just wish i wish i could be the type of person that everyone deserves but i just can’t seem to get it right. i’ve ruined every single friendship i’ve had a good person doesn’t do that a person who deserves to live doesnt do thsts how many people dead and yet the terminal fuckup gets to live im over it

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im really on the edge here except i hate being annoying about it people have to go out of their way to give pity and it makes me feel awful i cant even GROW UP and handle this myself what no one understands is that it WILL be better without me around i hate how people treat me with kid gloves and keep staring at my fucking scars no one gets it im doing this for all of you

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ofc everyone tries to kill themselves at 17 over stupid teenage bullshit and it’s embarssing but like i listened to everyone who told me that it gets better and that i desreves love and freindship and i tried i did everything and i was bad at it none of it worked and now im throwing in the towel! i gsve it a shot man i reallt did

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still wish i was dead!😂🙂

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besutiful dream where i killed myself and everyone was happier… take me back! take me back!

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i didn’t kill my self last week and now the universe is sending big unambiguous flashing signs that say YOU SHOUDLVE DONE IT

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it was supposed to be june 1st that was the plan. and obviously that didn’t work which now marks the second fime that i’ve picked a date and failed to go through on it but whatver. having it planned and making arrangements i was so geniuenly happy i was so relieved that there was an end in sight. and now im just stuck and tired and its never going to end i could even do this 1 thing correctly… but whatver!

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when it happens don’t feel bad because this is the only thing that could make me happy and you’ll see that it’s better for eveyrone in the end

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i hate when people say that i need help or need therapy because i don’t fucking deserve that! i don’t deserve to be happy. after every horrible thing i’ve done i desrve to be curb stomped on the fucking street. anyone who reaches out and tries to help is only doing thst cuz i’ve fucking manipulated people into thinking im a good person when if i really WAS a good person i’d stop whining and just fucking end it so ready and stop being a burden to every good person who’s had to deal with my everything. then everyone will finally be happy without me around

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the funniest thing is everytime i was going through the worst moment of my life no one here ever once noticed or cared. 4 years. in class trying not to cry or with huge dark circles or fully dissociating and no one gives a shit cuz im a worthless faggot who deserves it. same people who are going to act performatively sad when i do it. don’t even bother buying flowers you should be out celebrating !!! this is what everyone wanted!

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the only people who ever once cared about my ‘mental health’ is when my freinds told me i was acting a bitch and needed to cut or they’d stop hanging out with me the week after my friend died in the crash. the only people here who’ve ever liked me enough to tolerate hanging out with me and i ruined it with them too. god.

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the funniest thing is everytime i was going through the worst moment of my life no one here ever once noticed or cared. 4 years. in class trying not to cry or with huge dark circles or fully dissociating and no one gives a shit cuz im a worthless faggot who deserves it. same people who are going to act performatively sad when i do it. don’t even bother buying flowers you should be out celebrating !!! this is what everyone wanted!

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i hate myself so fucking much i dont care what people say everyone will see how much better things are without me around. no one wants to deal with a whiny annoying brat who always makes everyone else deal with their issues im fucking selfish and annoying as hell and worthless. i shouldve just gone through with it when i was 17 everything would be better if i did

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if i had never come here and stayed at my old job i would’ve been there on that day i wouldve told them the weather was too shitty to fly. and they’d all still be alive. 3 people. what the fuck can i do with my life to make up for the fact that 3 people are dead and i could’ve stopped it. if you knew her if you knew how amazing she was she was brilliant and im a fucking waste of everything i should be dead and she should still be here i shouldn t have ever been born everything i’ve ever done has been a fucking waste of peoples time and energy 3 people dead

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if i could’ve just BEEN NORMAL and not ruined everything for my family just like i’ve ruined every family event since i was 10 years old! and this isn’t me being narcissistic or dramatic it’s geniunely true every holiday vacation reunion i can never be normal or be happy i make everything worse and ruin everyone else’s life there’s something so wrong with me. and i feel even worse now becuse if i was a good person i’d deal with this on my own but now since i had to throw a little pity party people are worried about me im sucking good people down with me like i always do because im fcuking evil i don’t deserve any of it. when have i ever given bsck to a freind when have i ever done anything good. it would be different if i was a good person who was just going through a rough patch but im not i’ve been going fucking psycho my entire life and everyone is sick of having to deal with it. im never going to be better and if you knew what i was actually like you’d be cheering me on when i jumped i don’t deserve to be here bumbling around ruining every good person i meet it’s not fucking fair to them it needs to fucking end

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ive ruined the lives of everyone whos ever known me everyone would be better off if i was never here at all i make things worse just by existing so like tell me again why killing myself is a bad idea

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