Why? Because it's Max

[becauseitsmax]

What happened to u man?

what do you mean?

[becauseitsmax]

I refuse to Ever be that vulnerable again. Romance is dead, and I am finally able to see reality. Today is a beautiful day to die.

[becauseitsmax]

I wish someone would shoot me in the head so I could be spared the embarassment of doing it myself.

[becauseitsmax]

Figures. Its 4am, I cant fucking sleep, and suddenly Im thinking about Her again. Its times like these that I honestly want to die. Im so sick of this. I wish she would come back.

[becauseitsmax]

Well, time for yet another chapter. Hinc Honos right? Let's make some goddamn Money.

[becauseitsmax]

Hows Austria? Hope you're well..

Was alright. Im back in Canada now.

[becauseitsmax]

Last year was shit. And I don't mean "trump got elected black lives matter why can't I identify as a tractor waaah" bullshit I mean it was shit for Me. I had a terrible fucking year and I know the cause of it. I am not going to waste myself taking care of everyone else. I am not putting my all into Anybody else. I shouldn't have tried to kill myself less than a week ago and I sure as Fuck am not going to try again this year. This year is going to be Money, Cocaine, Tattoos, and taking care of Me. Fuck all of you. Where the fuck were you when I needed You.

[becauseitsmax]

The change.

I can't live like this anymore. So many have called me a monster, spread that I should be feared. I'm not going to fight them anymore. I can play along, I can be good. The Monster is Real. Now is the time to run.

[becauseitsmax]

Are you okay?

Getting there. I endure.

[becauseitsmax]

Why does it hurt that she's leaving? Why do I feel this way after all that happened? I need to make this stop

[becauseitsmax]

Well. Im glad good has finally come your way.

Better than pouring everything into someone who's stuck in the past.

[becauseitsmax]

Who you engaged to?

Her name is Ellie, and she saved my life. I was stuck in quite a few pointless cycles, and I was driving myself to my death putting so much effort into them. She got me out, she showed me what it feels like to be loved, and out of everyone else she's the only person to show me that I am a priority.

[becauseitsmax]

I'm engaged.

To everyone who ever said I'd always be alone: Fuck you. I'm getting married.

[becauseitsmax]

No. You're wrong. Things have changed. I have changed. I am just tired.

If things have changed then you are obviously making progress. Like I said: Choice. If you are choosing to give up even though things have changed, you are Deciding to be weak, and thus I have no pity for you.

[becauseitsmax]

im sorry.... im not strong enough....

It isn't about strength it's about Choice. You Choose to give up. You Choose to not be good enough to continue. You Choose to focus on the negative and Force the positive out of your life. You're plenty strong enough. You're just still making the wrong choice.

[thehomoschedule-deactivated2019]

you are not obligated to

be someone’s counselor and help them with all their problems if its bad for your mental health

be there for someone 24/7

remain friends with someone who emotionally drains you

maintain negative relationships because you’ve been close for so long, because you’re related, or anything else

do anything that makes you unhappy or puts your health at risk

[traitspourtraits]

[becauseitsmax]

This hits me pretty hard. I am paranoid as Fuck. Not like "Oh no they're looking at me" or thinking every noise is a cop because drugs, I am convinced I am going to be attacked. I am Certain every person is going to try to kill me and I will have to defend myself every day or else they'll get me. But this doesn't stop me from being who I am or doing what I do.