[becomingone]

2017 | What worked + What didn't

THINGS THAT WORKED WELL //

1. Significantly less scrolling = less time wasted; stuck (pretty well) to my conviction of ONCE weekly social media logins 

2. More focus + structure (built in to some extent via facilitating a small group + leading a home group + planning meetings for Revive + homeschooling)

3. Reading with the kiddos (at mealtimes + just earlier in the day in general)

4. Asking myself “Will this increase or decrease connection?” on the regular

5. Painting + creating for small, simple, and unexpected things

6. Fostering connection among women (via Truth Talks + Creatives Night In)

7. Bound with God vs. bound up by anxiety (my definition of my 2017 word “Wait”)

8. Good eating (as a whole)

9. Found (+ are continuing to find) our homeschool groove

10. Very little TV (for me)

11. Strengthened my back 

12. Our family grew!

13. Said “Yes” to the opportunity of premarital mentoring with two couples

THINGS THAT DIDN’T WORK //

1. Struggled at times to practice discernment as I listened for God’s voice

2. Too much Netflix for my babes

3. Acted out of emotion (instead of turning FIRST to Jesus) more often than I would like to admit (but here I am, admitting it!)

4. Neglected to regularly check budget limits + categorize receipts on MINT

5. Didn't find a good exercise groove

6. Didn’t schedule enough FaceTime sessions with far-away family

7. Read the news without purpose 

8. Didn’t get outside enough

[becomingone]

2018

My name is Tali. I dream of being fully satisfied in Him. I am deciding that I can. I want to make what matters happen because I’ve only got one shot to live this earthly life well. The parts of my life that need to be cultivated most are health, finances, and work (Abide Academy). In order to do this, I’m letting go of competition, the scarcity mentality, purpose-less social media consumption, and a defeated attitude. My word for this year is Abide because if I’m not remaining in + with God, my work is just a clanging cymbal. I will live this by saying yes to front-loading my heart with Truth (keeping the #wordbeforeworld), engaging in daily disciplines + rhythms (i.e. morning chores, “Gather Near”, meal planning, reading-aloud, and #declutterlikeamother) and saying no to the undertow. I will surround myself with less stuff and fill my life with more delight. I will do this little by little, and with leaps of faith along the way. My definition of success is abiding; living loved + loving others. I’ll start living my vision for this year by focusing on what matters which is moving my body often (family runs on M + F, Work-Ins on W + TH), being diligent (LET’S PLAN THOSE MEALS! LET’S READ THAT BOOK! ), and walking in obedience (because He is ever-faithful to provide all that I need when I choose endurance over indulgence). When I’m 80, I want to: Be active in the Kingdom! 

[becomingone]

You're already all I need; You've already set me free.

Christy Nockels

[becomingone]

Bored?

[becomingone]

capsule wardrobe, family style

I recently spent an afternoon culling our clothes. My purpose in creating a capsule wardrobe for each family member is simple: I want each of us to be able to get dressed for the day and move forward into the important things.

Almost every item goes with any other item. Some might call this boring, but it’s working well for us.

I’m well aware that our wardrobes are pretty far from covet-worthy, and I’m okay with that. 

I used to thrift a lot more of our clothes and shoes. I am sure there is a way I could make it work to regularly thrift during this season, but my priorities have shifted as our family has grown. I often have to ask myself “What are the non-negotiables?” And just let go of the rest. 

Currently, we shop at places like Target, Gap, Old Navy, Primary, H&M, and (sometimes) Zara, and I do most of it online.

So, without further ado, I present to you… Capsule wardrobes for our family of six!

For our foster baby, E (10 months old):

Clockwise: 5 pants, 1 shorts, 5 shirts, 4 one-piece outfits, 3 onesies (not a big onesie girl), 4 sweaters, 3 jammies

For our son, C (3 years old):

Clockwise: 3 jammies, 4 sweaters/hoodies, 10 shirts (he’s our dirtiest kid), 2 pants, 7 shorts, 2 button-downs

And his shoes:

For our daughter, E (4 years old):

Clockwise: 3 jammies (1 not pictured), 4 leggings, 1 jeans, 1 hoodie, 1 jacket (not pictured), 7 shirts, 2 shorts, 2 under-shorts, 1 romper, 3 dresses

And her shoes: 

For our son, L (5 years old):

Clockwise: 2 jammies, 1 gymnastics outfit, 2 hoodies, 2 comfy shorts, 7 shirts, 2 button downs, 1 sweater, 3 “fancy” shorts, 3 pants

And his shoes: 

For myself (27 year old wife + mama):

From L to R: 2 jeans, 1 black skinny pant, 3 shorts, 1 skirt, 2 long sleeve shirts, 9 short sleeve shirts, 1 dress, 1 jumpsuit, 1 kimono, 2 cardigans, 1 hoodie, 1 cargo vest

And my shoes:

For J (the handsome 32 year old leader of our tribe):

From L to R: 5 long sleeve shirts, 5 short sleeve shirts, 4 shorts, 4 jeans

From L to R, continued: 3 comfy pants, 5 comfy shorts, 6 regular T’s, 3 tanks, 3 black T’s (because #soundguy), 4 hoodies (not pictured)

And his shoes:

And there you have it! Other than some odds and ends (underwear + socks, swimsuits, formal wear, and a small bin of snow gear), this is what we have and use. Bonus: No need for seasonal swap-outs. 

[becomingone]

[becomingone]

With a deep inhale + a slow exhale, I’m beginning again. To write; to process + share here at Abide. Grateful, shaky, expectant... Join me?

[becomingone]

name them one by one | v3

The funny (sometimes frustrating) thing about being a work in progress is that it’s sometimes difficult to see any actual progress. Unless we look for it. Name it. Mark it. Celebrate it. So, once a month, I am going to name our victories. Look for the progress. Praise the One who’s ordaining it and making it all possible. Thank Him for His grace. I’ll probably still miss a few things, here and there, but that’s not the point. The point is that we are making progress. We are moving forward. Struggles are being overcome. And maybe making a list every once in awhile will be one more little way I can stand in awe of my Abba.

We sit down together and read at (almost) every meal. Jesus Calling, The Biggest Story, and Little Visits With God are our favorites.

Emme is (mostly) potty train-ed (as she says).

Coen is in a toddler bed (but winds up in our bed by morning, along with Levi. Lol.)

This one takes the cake. Levi welcomed Jesus into His heart in April! Witnessing his transformation process is such a gift (and totally exhausting, too)!

I trained for and completed a 10K this summer.

Josh’s side business is BOOMIN’.

We’ve been able to preserve a good bit of margin in our schedule and a corner or two in our budget. Hallelujah.

We have a whole month of Preschool 2016-2017 under our belts. This is Emme’s first year and Levi’s second. They crushed every single one of their learning goals for September. All the praise hands!

I am figuring out a daily routine that works well for our family (during free weeks AND full weeks). This is exciting! I’ll probably share more about this in a future post.

We are looking forward to welcoming a new foster babe into our family. God knows (and has always known) when we should say yes again. Anticipating His faithful leadership in this area. (The fact that we are looking forward to this is where I see the real progress. The Lord has been so patient with me as I have resisted, and now surrendered to, His good, good plan.)

We are finding our footing in a new endeavor: Serving (as a family) at the weekly feed our church hosts. I hope to share more about this in the future, too.

As a follow up from my last progress post:

1. Screen time is a treat. A fairly regular one, but a treat just the same. Sometimes we keep the TV off except for the weekend and some weeks we don’t.

2. We don’t have a full Sabbath day every week, but we do prioritize rest. We are open to changing the way we do this. We are listening for His voice.

[becomingone]

steady my heart, pt. 2

Just eight weeks after he or she came to be, our sweet, itty-bitty baby #4 went to be with Jesus. 

Four days after conception, I KNEW. I just knew that the test I took a few weeks later would have two pink lines. Sure enough, it did. I drew four hearts on my belly to reveal it to my sweet husband (who had warmed up to the idea as the days ticked by and pregnancy symptoms continued to pop up). 

We started telling people. Of course everyone wanted to know... Was this planned? Josh’s answer: “She just can’t keep her hands off of me.” Which is totally true. He’s my best match and downright dreamy. Although we had thought perhaps our next kiddo would join our family through foster care or adoption, we embraced the gift of this baby wholeheartedly.

We celebrated that precious little life. I smiled as my belly did the shape-shift (once again and earlier than ever!) and Josh kissed the skin that had stretched and stretched and was about to stretch all over again. 

I planned out the big reveal. A video made up of several little clips; Coen saying “big... brother!”, Emme smiling all big and bubbly, Levi saying “there’s a baby in my mommy’s tummy!” and my sweet Josh giving me a big smooch.

I even went out and purchased a few new maternity clothes. (I couldn’t comfortably button my jeans by week seven.) 

My first prenatal appointment was a bit alarming. The emotions from that visit are still too raw, so I think I’ll refrain from saying much more right now. Bad-mouthing isn’t my style and I don’t have very many nice things to say about the doctor we saw that day. We left feeling uneasy. The pregnancy was deemed “abnormal”, and we were told to come back in one week. I made sure to make that follow up appointment with one of the amazing midwives our practice provides. 

I cried the whole way home. 

That week was SO HARD. I felt like I didn't even know how to do normal things like feeding my kiddos or throwing in a load of laundry. (The kids got fed but the laundry sat.) Josh held onto hope. I didn’t. I was an emotional wreck and totally on edge. If this was a test in steadiness, I felt I was totally failing it.

Because we had let people in on the news of this sweet, surprise gift, we also had a wonderful support system during that difficult week. People prayed and brought us food and texted scripture and spoke life to us. My friend Bryana reminded me that steadiness doesn't mean a flat line of emotions, it means feeling all the feels and then taking them to Jesus’ feet and allowing him to meet me right there.

My friend, Casey, sent these to me and as I read them I begged the Lord to help my unbelief.

They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. // Psalm 112:7

I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. // Ephesians 3:16-17

Jesus carried us through that week that felt so impossible. Josh and I walked into the office the next week knowing that, no matter the outcome, God had a good plan for us. I had asked our family and friends to pray that we would experience God’s glory. We knew that might look like the miracle of a beating heart, or the gift of His nearness when the ultrasound revealed a sac what was empty. He chose to show us His glory through His nearness that day. 

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works. // Psalm 73:28

By God’s great providence, my dear friend, Sherri, and I had booked a lunch date (several weeks back) for that very day. Sherri is a gem of all gems and totally knows how to speak truth to a weary heart. I told her how I felt I’d failed this test of steadiness; that I’d hardly remained faithful at all. She said “No, you did not fail. Jesus carried you. You made it through.” Hallelujah.

Now, I’m not usually a Google gal. I pretty much swore off Googling anything and everything after I became a mama. But I felt a little nudge to do a bit of reading during that week of waiting. I learned about missed miscarriages and blighted ova and bottom line, learned these things shouldn’t be diagnosed before nine weeks. The thought of terminating life, although the chance that our baby was still alive at this point, just about made me want to double over. 

My midwife (and her obstetrician teammate) graciously gave me a full week to see if my body would miscarry without induction (or a D&C), and even offered to do another scan at my next appointment, when I would have been almost 9.5 weeks along. 

This put me at ease. 

It felt a little strange at first to pray for miscarriage to happen, but we prayed anyway. When I started bleeding, there was a sense of relief. Through this, we learned of God’s mercy on a deeper level. “He cares”, I found myself saying. “He cares so deeply, even about THIS.” 

I bled for several days before the actual miscarriage unfolded (this past Sunday night). And as it unfolded I found myself being able to grieve more fully. My sweet Josh held me close. He read scripture and prayed. He reminded me that God was and IS a good, good Father, and that EVEN THIS is part of His good plan for our family. 

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. // Psalm 34:8

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. // Psalm 91:4

I was challenged these last weeks to ask myself “Is loss really all bad?” And because of who Jesus is and the work He has done (and will continue to do in my heart), I can confidently say “Good can come from loss”.

Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

1. 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, and to take him at his word; just to rest upon his promise, and to know, "Thus saith the Lord." 

Refrain: Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him! How I've proved him o'er and o'er! Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! O for grace to trust him more!

2. O how sweet to trust in Jesus, just to trust his cleansing blood; and in simple faith to plunge me neath the healing, cleansing flood! (Refrain)

3. Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus, just from sin and self to cease; just from Jesus simply taking life and rest, and joy and peace. (Refrain)

4. I'm so glad I learned to trust thee, precious Jesus, Savior, friend; and I know that thou art with me, wilt be with me to the end. (Refrain)

[becomingone]

Coen at 20 months.

[becomingone]

2016

I think goals are good. 

When setting goals, first I take time to notice the progress. I take stock. I name these gifts one by one.

Next, I examine the areas where progress needs to be made. Places in my heart or schedule where things just aren’t working well.

Usually, at this point, a few ideas have eased their way to the surface. I pray over these ideas, and then break them down. Turn them into something doable.

I’d love to share my goals for this year with you. Yes, in March. Because I’m not into rushing things these days.

1. Delight - This takes many forms. Sometimes it looks like lighting a candle. Sometimes it’s buying donuts on a Wednesday. Sometimes it’s listening to a hymn, or going for a jog, or drinking decaf and reading a book after dinner. 

2. Get outside - No strict parameters here, either. Just a simple concept. Simple works well for us - I think we have been outside everyday this year so far! Sometimes, for hours. Sometimes, just a few moments. Regardless, it is totally our restart button for bad moods. 

3. Dinner deliveries - Each month I ask God to show me who to bring a meal to. He’s faithful to guide and to provide extra little pockets of time to double a meal and drive it on over.

4. Read more; scroll less - I like social media, but it doesn’t feed my soul. I have self-placed parameters of no social media while my kiddos are awake, but I don’t want to binge on it in the evenings, either. The whole goal is that it doesn’t have a hold on me, and to spend time doing things that do feed my soul instead. Reading is one way to accomplish this. Here’s a list of books I’d like to read this year:  

Simply Tuesday

The Life Giving Home

Essentialism

The Practice Of The Presence Of God

The Way They Learn

Birth Order Book

We Really Do Need Each Other

Gospel-Powered Parenting

Did you set goals this year? I’d love to hear them.

[sterlinggraves]

[coffeeforthemoon]

[becomingone]

#ifoundbeauty #surprisedbymotherhood #lovewhereyoulive

[becomingone]

the five minute mama makeover

I have seven things that keep me movin’ & groovin’. Things that keep me from slipping into a pattern of defeat and discouragement. Things that have surfaced as being pretty dang important as I dig deeper into adulthood. 

Sleep (7 hours is my sweet spot)

Quality time with Jesus 

Water 

Low glycemic foods + limiting caffeine 

Creating (painting, etc) 

Exercise 

Freshening up 

Do I do all of these perfectly every day? No. But having these on my radar has helped keep me on track for well over a year now. Whenever I'm having a rough day, I'll usually ask myself if I've been slacking on any of the seven. (Even my husband notices and will gently nudge me to paint if it's been awhile or take a nap if the baby was up all night). Really, this little list is just a way to remind me that there is PURPOSE in the life I’ve been given and when I seek the Lord and surrender to Him each day, He is glorified.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. // 1 Corinthians 10:31

Today, I just want to say a little word about the power of freshening up. Hopping in the shower for a quick rinse, brushing my teeth, and combing my hair takes 5 minutes but the impact lasts all day. (Note: I usually wash + style my hair 1-2 times each week and simply brush it or throw it up in a bun the other days. At night I sometimes shake a bit of cornstarch at my roots if they're starting to look greasy. This system saves me time and cuts down on damage.) Taking another 5 minutes to swirl some color on my face is like telling myself "Today matters. Today is a gift; living it well is worth it." 

Here's my five minute mama makeover:

Don’t mind my uneven eyebrows. They’re having a moment.

I start with Orange Silk Cream from the Trim Health Mama skincare line.

Next up? Pearl powder foundation from Root Pretty (my shade is number 3). 

Then comes bronzer (in Medium, also from Root Pretty) around the edges of my face and along my cheekbones to add some dimension. 

For blush, I use the shade “Sadie” (from guess where? Yep, Root again) on just the apples of my cheeks to breathe a little life into my tired mama face. 

I’m hoping to snag a new liquid eyeliner next month (life on a budget, yo!) so for now I just use a little smudge of Espresso from the Lorac palette, then I add a swipe of mascara (on the top lashes only) in Black from Root Pretty. 

I finish everything off with a quick lining of the lips using Burts Bees lip crayon in Sedona Sands and then a swipe of Root’s Pretty Balm in Ballet. 

Oh! I almost forgot about the eyebrows (probably because they're bugging me right now)! I do sometimes add a little definition to them using a tiny flat brush and a little compact (I think it’s shade 01? Think taupe) from The Body Shop. I purchased it like 4 years ago and it’s still going strong.

Boom! Ready to take on the day.

[becomingone]

steady my heart

Oh, motherhood.

The last several months, the Lord has nudged me toward steadiness, and provided ample opportunities to practice this grossly-untrained skill of mine.

Steadiness, as defined by Merriam-Webster, means this: Not easily disturbed or upset.

Yowza.

I think the most prominent way God has taught me about steadiness (and my need to grow in that area) is through sickness. Whether it’s the kiddos, my husband, or myself that has fallen ill, I can get pretty ruffled pretty fast. And it’s not pretty at all.

What is it about sickness that can shake a mama up so quick? I think there are a whole lot of reasons. For me, it’s because it’s always unexpected and it can quickly trigger panic (spinning me headfirst into the “what if’s?”). It’s just really discouraging.

But God? He’s so faithful and tender. A few months back, He lead me to this verse:

“The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

And He told me flat out “Tali, this applies to sickness, too. Whether in you, or anyone you care about. So, relax, okay? Rest in me. I have a good plan. I know what I am doing.”

And just like that, He showed me what it means to surrender. To lay down my plans for that day (or week or month) and take up His. 

And just like that, my soul found rest.

The real kind of rest that keeps my soul steady while our broken bodies cause all sorts of chaos.

And I remember once again that there truly is no better place to be than bowed low at the feet of Jesus.

[becomingone]

rest vs. striving

I think the biggest lesson God taught me in 2015 was this. To ask myself, regarding decisions both big and small

“Is this coming out of a place of rest or a place of striving?”

The deep soul-rest that stemmed from getting real with my limits brought big gulps of both relief and contentment. 

When my answer was “Striving”, I was forced to take an honest look at my deepest parts. I needed to check my motives. Was I considering doing X, Y or Z because it was a smart choice for the season I found myself in, or was I feeling pressure from outside sources - sources I probably shouldn’t be counting on to lead my life decisions, anyway?

When my answer was “Rest”, I knew I could proceed. That I could lean into the voice of the Holy Spirit and move forward with joy and confidence. 

Here are a few examples of how this played out in 2015:

Should I bring a meal to So & So? For the early part of the year, my answer was almost always “No”. I was in a hard spot mentally, and I knew I couldn’t serve in this way without shortchanging my family. By God’s grace, my answer turned into “Yes”, more times than not, as the year unfolded and I got a whole lot healthier. 

Should I serve in the kid’s ministry at church? “Yes.” This was and is coming from a place of rest. (I feel like I should note that my answer had been “Definitely not!” for the year prior.)

Should I make fancy, photo-worthy dinners every night? “No.” We keep it simple around here and I find joy in preparing no-fuss, wholesome meals for my family.

Should we connect with other foster and adoptive families by facilitating a support group? “Yes!” This is a worthwhile endeavor that stems out of a very passionate part of my heart. I do want to note, though, that when we were in the thick of it, navigating birth-family visits and court hearings and other emotionally-taxing details that come with foster care, we weren’t quite as energetic in our “Yes”. We still said “Yes”, sometimes, but it was with the understanding that that “Yes” would mean a lot of other “No’s”.

Should I send out Christmas cards this year? We opted not to, because fun as it can be, it would have come out of a place of striving. I rested in that decision because I knew a) this hasn’t been my answer every year in the past and it probably won’t be my answer for every year that is to come and b) let’s be honest, whether we send out Christmas cards doesn’t really matter in the eternal realm. Boom.

Ultimately, this lesson taught me in a fresh and practical way to know, really know, who I am and, more importantly, Who I am for.

“We don’t have to win accolades or make our lives count - Christ has already won the Father’s approval for us; our lives already count because we are beloved of the Father and kept for Jesus Christ. We’re not missing God’s will for our lives by accepting our identity in Christ over the identity we make for ourselves. On the contrary, we assume the easy burden and light yoke of our Savior and cast off the chains that shackle us to society’s approbation and acclaim.” Brooke Ventura + Amy Alexander in their article Through The Looking Glass, found in the Faith and Mental Illness edition of Modern Reformation.