What the heck is ‘therapy’ anyways?
Tumblr has an ‘Ask Me Anything’ feature that people can send you a question instead of just commenting on a post. I had no idea it was even there, or that I apparently turned it on. So, to the anonymous person who sent me this question last week, I apologize.
The question was, in essence, what ‘therapy’ was really all about. It got me thinking back to 2013 when I first started, and some of the questions and concerns I had back then. So, anonymous, this is for you.
For me, I was in a fortunate position. I had already been seeing a psychiatrist going on 3 years or so for ADHD treatment, so I was going to a practice monthly. One mistake I made then was not just asking my psychiatrist about it during one of our appointment. He would have been able to help me set something up right then and there. Instead, I kind of bumbled through an awkward conversation with the receptionist where I said WAY too much.
For you, if you have medical insurance, take a look at your card. There’s probably a number on there that you can call and have an initial conversation explaining, as best you can, that you’re looking to find a therapist to talk to. There might even been a separate number there strictly for mental health questions, my previous insurance did. You don’t have to get into all the particulars of why to whomever you talk to, but they may have some questions to ask to direct you the best they can.
Give them a call! You don’t HAVE to make an appointment right away. You can ask to schedule a phone conversation with the doctor to get a feel for what they specialize in, background, and if you feel comfortable talking to them. That’s really the most important thing. If you do, you can schedule your first appointment. If you don’t, say something. They won’t be offended. They might be able to refer you to someone else, they may not. It’s ok either way.
Well, you’re on your way to your first meeting. You’ll probably be nervous, I know I was. For me, I was uncomfortable in talking about things with those close to me, so the thought of talking to a complete stranger almost had me canceling that first appointment a few times. But, I knew I needed help, so I forced through it. I know it’s hard. You can do it! Try to minimize other things that could add additional stress. Make sure you have your insurance card, get there on time, etc. Sounds like small things, but you likely don’t want anything else to worry about at the moment.
Now, from here, I can really only speak to my personal experiences. Yours may be different, yours probably WILL be different. That’s ok, we’re all different.
There’s one important point I want to make here though.
You must be 100% open and honest. No exceptions. No qualifications. No sortas. You have to go all in.
You may not get there right away, trust often takes time to build. But that should be your goal. As I said above, if you’re not, say you’re not. It may be something that can be worked out, it may not be. But complete openness is key to this process. I stress this because it’s a mistake I made the first time through. I got some help from the process, but it was only short term. I was only able to get some deep, meaningful, permanent understanding when I accepted that I couldn’t hold anything back. Sounds cliche, but it fits the idea of ‘the more you give, the more you get’.
The first thing we talked about in my first session was why I was there. Try to explain it as best you can. Don’t worry about being ‘right’, just do what you can with it. I was COMPLETELY wrong the first time I went, although the second time I was closer. It’s simply a starting point to work from. If you let the process work, you’ll likely get to the real reasons eventually.
The rest of that first session, and the next few, were a lot of back and forth. My therapist asked a lot of questions, and took a lot of notes. Some of those questions made absolutely NO sense to me at the time. They didn’t seem relevant to anything, although in time they ended up being very much so.
Over time, sessions became more of me talking. Thoughts, feelings, questions, worries. Things that had happened recently. Nothing off limits. Sometimes I will get a question about something I said, or just a comment. Sometimes I can talk for 15 minutes and she’ll just listen. Towards the end, sometimes she’ll give me something specific to think about, point out something, or nothing at all. It’s not always the same.
For me, I had two big realizations to make about the process. The first I made a couple years ago. Just the act of talking about how you’re feeling can, by itself, be a huge help. Obviously this doesn’t require a professional, you could do the same with a good friend. Biggest difference I see there is that a friend will probably WANT to give you advice every time, whereas a professional might not.
The second, for me, was the big one that really started getting me somewhere. I had an expectation that therapy was a binary interaction, similar to your primary physician. You go in with a problem, they do some tests, and then tell you what to do next. In therapy, that flips around a bit.
My therapist never TELLS me what to do. She doesn’t ever say ‘Do X to fix Y’.
Instead, she points things out that I might not be seeing on my own, or not even aware of Patterns of distorted thoughts and perceptions are a major thing, something that I’ve been able to greatly reduce, but still happen. (With depression, that’s normal. They’ll never truly go away, it’s more about recognizing them for what they are and handling them differently than I used to.) Another big thing she points out is connections between past events and current thoughts and feelings. Connections that I have gone for years without making, but some well placed questions or comments exposes those, and helps me see how they contribute to things today.
It’s very much helping me to understand how to help myself, not doing it for me. Until I understood that, I was only able to go so far. Since that clicked, I’ve really been able to get in deep to the roots of a lot of things I had been carrying around for years, see those things for what they are, and move forward in a better place between the ears because of it.
So, that’s my experience with the process. Like I said above, yours might be different. For me, it’s been a massive help. It hasn’t changed who I am in the slightest, something I was worried about years ago before I started. It helps me identify things that try to interfere with me being me, and handle them in a way that’s healthy. I hope if you decide to take this step that you can get the same benefits.
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