Burdens of the past
Oh my god! You wont believe this! It's another Keith Shadis fic that no one asked for! tw: thoughts of Se!f Harm/ $u!c!de
Keith stared at his reflection, it seemed as though every morning his hairline went further and further back. The military stress weighed on his shoulders every morning, every night, throughout his miserable days.
His reflection stared back at him, he was less than who he was two years ago, his eyes weighed down by dark bags, wrinkles apparent on his face, crows feet pulled at his eyes, he was only 35. He was visibly disappointed in himself. He’d let himself go. After his astonishing failure as the commander of the survey corps he took some time away from the military, wondering what to do with the rest of his miserable life.
Every night he was haunted by the comrades whom he led to their demise, their families, the monsters that plagued the outside walls. Maybe he should atone for the things he’d done? Take his fate into his own hands, drink himself into an early grave, or just lock himself in his house and rot away.
His reflection was pitiful, he was no longer the young man with “Amazing ideas” he was now a washed up soldier with nothing under his belt aside from the lives he had ended and ruined. He couldn't run away from his mess. How could he? After everything he’d done?
After everything he’d done he couldn't give up. At least not fully. He owed it to his fallen comrades to at least work til his last breath. Do what he should’ve when he saw a fresh bright eyed soldier show up to the survey corps, turn them away. Tell them to leave, tell them to return to their farming village, return to their families with shame, with their head hung low, sobbing that they couldn't make it in the military.
He’d tell them to do anything, but waste their lives for nothing.
Keith grabbed a flint razor and some oil, and removed the rest of his hair.
He’d become an instructor
