Beer Mutt

I like beer, and I like my dog, so I combined them...not in the literal sense.

[beermutt]

The Worst Beer Ever. Yeah, you didn't expect this. Me the man of the iron stomach and dead tastebuds disrecommending a beer, but I'm here to disrecommend this. It's a Rotator something IPA that I purchased at the Fox theatre in Oakland. I have now idea where it's from or who brews it. I would make some joke about hell, but it's not worth it. I'd say this beer has more in common with sunscreen than an IPA; and while it aims for that pine flavor that you'll find in some IPAs, they hit sap...and turds.. Now you may recognize that the beer is empty, and to that I say congratulations. But I'm at a concert now and this trash cost me $7 plus tip, so it's down the gullet with it. You can also take it as a comment on the opening act too. Like the beer P.U.

[beermutt]

Black Diamond Brewing Company - Rampage Imperial IPA

So this one now:

So there's like an elephant about to charge out of that bottle!!!! Everyone run!!!!  Groan.  So, I've run out of ideas.  I have to say that I'm a little low energy tonight, but I went to city beer so I figure I better squirt one post out.  For you, yes you, the one reading this right now.  You 10 years in the future, wondering what beer used to taste like before the social conservatives zombies took over.  So, without further ado. blah.

Pretty good stuff, potent for sure.  Heavy on the citrus notes on the middle of the  taste, some lighter hop character at the initial tasting.  You know I'm not getting a lot of malt character here. sigh, I think I'll just drink it now.  If you see this one at $5.99 it's probably worth it, there, a fucking review.

Shit I wish I was more motivated to write something.  Gordon, show me some ambivalence. 

Clever, you didn't even show up. 

[beermutt]

Russian River - Pliny the Elder

Dear Nighttime Self:

I am writing about what happened last night.  You knew we had a plan.  We were going to sit this Pliny the Elder side by side with the Blind Pig IPA that you bought from the source and you were going to write a post praising both beers and insulting the hippies that make them, BUT NO.  Somewhere along the lines you felt it prudent to drink the Blind Pig IPA while watching Japanese cartoons and mumbling to yourself that you could find another one tomorrow (today). Well, guess what past self? you didn't and you won't, er I didn't and I couldn't. Regardless, we're now only stuck with this one delicious beer to write about, and you're going to bed drunk to the point where you probably couldn't even have appreciated the smooth lighter flavors of the Blind Pig vs. this bolder hoppier cousin (I'd say brother, but this has a brother.)  This truly well balanced IPA deserved, neigh! needed to be juxtaposed side by side with the standard IPA.  It should have been special, it would have been journalistic beer tasting excellence, it should have at least illuminated the minor differences between a regular and double IPA, and now that dream is smashed into a thousand pieces, much like that cookie you dropped on the floor last night.  Moving forward, please stick to the plan and get late-night drunk on the four year old amaretto behind the wine bottles in the cupboard should you feel the urge to keep drinking at midnight. 

UPDATE: 

Dear Past Self: 

Go fuck yourself.  That beer was watered down and lacked character.  You should be thrilled that I saved that nonsense from you and you got to discretely savor your Pliny the Elder without adulterating it with some stupid porker beer.   Moving forward, buy more beer while you're out in the afternoon, this Amaretto is terrible. 

[beermutt]

Black Diamond Brewing Company - Grand Cru

Man these 70 hour work weeks really cut into a man's blogging time, which is a shame because it really revs up my desire to kill myself drink beer.  To accomplish these this goals simultaneously I purchased this:

A brandy barrel aged dark beer that--wait for it--is made with real fruit and vanilla beans.  Hooray! I've been meaning to expand my palette beyond IPAs and NyQuil and this seemed like a good opportunity.  I really should have read the label though (famous not last words) as the first sip made me think that this beer was something perpetrated by the good people at Capri Sun, "look, it's in bottles now!"

The label says that this is aged, well, at least 25% of it was aged, in brandy barrels.  Let me tell you, they probably got some fruity ass barrels, I mean these barrels must think Richard Simmons needs more color in his outfits! (I just hi-fived myself) This beer is sweet in the literal sense.  Which begs the question, should I have aged the other 75% of it? (ba dum tsssshit, he's heating up)  It should come with instructions. Like, was I supposed to age it, or was the aging by the brewer enough.  Given what little I know about the breweries home in Concord, CA--that it is home to the UFC gym--I can only assume that it's my fault for not aging it under penalty of leg lock (he's on fire!)  Yeah...that has to be the case because the flavor is quite overpowering and could use mellowing by age.

It's like a strawberry and a vanilla bean started a brewery making Belgian ales, and they stumbled upon a decent recipe for a dark ale and, in their celebration of such a discovery, they both fell into the mash tun, drowned and then their fruity bodies decomposed into the wort. That wort would have been discovered by some sweetness-blind Englishman who thought it would be a swell idea to bottle it, and here we are.

...drinking pause...

I looked up Cru (yes, two paragraphs too late) and it "is often used to indicate a specifically named and legally defined vineyard or ensemble of vineyards and the vines 'which grow on [such] a reputed terroir; by extention of good quality.'"  Apparently it can also denote a "limited production of a special or higher quality beer."  I think that these guys may have not bothered to look that last one up and stuck with the fruity definition. 

Stay away Gordon, stay away. 

Update: I'm going to have to really brush my teeth after this one the vanilla is sticking to my brain. 

[beermutt]

Blue Frog Grog and Grill - The Big DIPA No. 3

Another "gem" from the archives!

Outside of sounding like a track listing to a jam band's re-released six disc compilation, this is a good beer.  First off, they dip the tip in wax, meaning it's fancy:

That's the LSU v. 'Bama game in the background.  I decided to celebrate a potentially great football game between a tiger and a force of nature (?) by drinking a beer logoed with a bloated frog, I'll assume the frog is poisonous to make it cooler.  Here's what is looks like without the wax top:

UPDATE: this game is bullfrog shit, thank god there's a beer in front of my beer drinking hole.

And what a beer!  Lots of citrus notes, heavy on the grapefruit without being overly bitter.  The label claims there's "way too much malt," but that's a lie, like all labels (no way that delicious paint had lead in it.)  The malt is finely balanced with the rest of what's going on. This beer is light too, deceptively so considering its 105 IBUs and 8.4% alcohol content.  Fuck this posting, I'm going to go enjoy it, so you should.

Gordon? 

I wish you cared more sometimes, I really do.

[beermutt]

Heratic Brewing - Evil Cousin IPA

Ugh, I'm sorry one follower (Andy), I've been working a ton lately and I haven't been able to post much. Yes, I've been able to drink a lot, but it's usually pounding a bottle or two of generic beer while crying and taking my pre-shower shit.

I put in my 8 hours today (mostly staring at porn on my cell phone and wondering why I couldn't get anything done), and I wanted some beer on the way home; well, to drink when I got home.  I drove by my favorite smelly punk beer bar so I could pick up something brewed by a man with questionably ironic tattoos and no business sense, but a love of hops.  Lo and behold, people in Oakland really like to party by Jack London Square on Saturdays, and I couldn't find a parking spot to soil the bar with my yuppie-come-farty vibes. 

So in a fit of rage I drove home and stopped by the the hole in the wall mom-and-pop video store that sells beer.  Most of the labels on the beers in the case had fallen off and disintegrated from old age, and I was ready to resign myself to purchasing a mystery drink and, in all likelihood, sickness.  When I saw this:

(not Coors Light)

Imagine my surprise!  So I paid the overweight bearded lady at the counter and thanked her for the foresight that a snob like me would one day come into her store and want something that her and her ilk probably didn't drink.  I hope to enjoy this beer, because I'm not welcome back at mom-and-pop's. 

And I do!

The Evil Cousin is loaded with what I perceive as earthy hops (lots of them according to the label), and some citrus flavors.  The malt character is light even after I took Beermutt for a walk and let the bottom half of the glass warm up. Interestingly enough I also caught a bit of savoriness once I got back...wtf?  Eh, I'm not going to hold that against 'em, it could be that at 8%, I'm drunk and everything tastes like bacon.  Speaking of people who like bacon, Gordon?

Yes Gordon, I'm interested in it too. 

[beermutt]

Lagunitas - Holiday Ale Update

So, I've been hiding in my friend's chimney to see what his reaction was to the Lagunitas Holiday ale. It's been a long three weeks, and I'm tired of eating rats and sneaking out the flue for water, but it was worth it! Actually, no it wasn't. They didn't react or anything! Shit. He even said he liked it...I wish I had a better reason for not posting these last three weeks. On a lighter note, I learned how to sleep upside down.

[beermutt]

Lagunitas-Holiday Ale; Brown Shugga Substitute.

[beermutt]

Ass Kisser - Double IPA

[beermutt]

Ass Kisser-Double IPA

[beermutt]

Update!

I have a hangover. Which is odd because last night I only had two Sierra Nevada Torpedo IPAs and that 22oz. of Speakeasy Black Ale I wrote about. All in a period of four hours none the less. Now, to be fair to these beers, I went to bed at 1am and I only had a lentil salad with hotdogs for dinner (don't judge!). However, imagine my surprise when I found out what made the ale black wasn't flavoring or roasting of ingredients, so much as a pinch of the essence of hell. Granted, I've had worse--much worse-- the kind of hangover where a priest would perform last rites on me if he wasn't already dead from going out with me the night before. And my 40 pounding days (and nights) are over, I'm not the iron liver I once was, but I can still handle my business, except this morning, and that was surprising. As I currently sit on my toilet flushing my insides (both meaning intended), take this experience to heart: eat more than lentil salad, rest up and for god sake watch this beer...watch it closely...

[beermutt]

Speakeasy - Butchertown Black Ale

[beermutt]

Heritage Brewing - Single Hop Series: Admiral

[beermutt]

Ballast Point - Sculpin IPA

  Ballast Point - Sculpin IPA.

I just got back from Santa Barbara, like 10 minutes ago.  Funny how sitting in a car with a minor saki-and-beer hangover with a poodle on your lap for 6 hours will drain the life out of you.  I had to stay awake the whole time too cause you know, women drivers can't be trusted...I mean, the dog had to be coddled. 

I just wanted to come home, drink this beer and relax for 15 minutes before going to bed and starting the 5am routine again; maybe read an uplifting story about Herman Cain's wacky ideas on planned parenthood, chuckle a bit then pass out. It's how most of my nights end.  But this was too good, I had to share.

This beer is fucking legit.  It's no wonder they won a gold medal at the World Beer Cup.  Then again it can't be that special because there are lots of beer festivals that seem to give out awards to some real shit (Sam Adams, really?) I digress--as always.  This beer is light, yet hopped out and well balanced between the many flavors it contains and it's flavor would suggest a brewer was trying to hide the 10% alcohol content, but no, this is only 7% feel free to drink a dozen.  This beer is a definite go getter, like me during the work week. Gordon?

You're happy, I'm happy, everyone's happy! 

[beermutt]

Victory - Hop Wallop

Tarn-Ashin' if 'dis ain't the most golly geez bee's knees oat soda from Victory Brewing Company.  Well my word if it don't come with some crazy back story about an old penniless prospector (me) who fell asleep right before eating his supper tin full of water hops and barley. When I woke, I had brewed beer! And all without boiling a thing or adding yeast! Well if dat ain't a miracle!

(Here's where I run out of the things prospector's say...best yo make it up.)

Jumpin' galute willikers this is jaw chompin' good times.  Reminds me of the time I sexed that funny lookin' tree knot while high on moonshine and hunger!  The hops be bold and the malt makes my toothless gums tingle with delight!  If I wasn't going to die of scurvey from only eating hops and malt, I would buy this again.  

P.S. Oh, and it's almost 8.5%,  which makes it as close to moonshine as beer gets.

[beermutt]

Drake's - Aroma Coma

Another Drakes! woo!!!.....um....well...Yeah, I go back to my statements about these things having that brand-wide certain used sock flavor (european yeast...I think).  I was a little wary when my wife surprised me with this, but who the fuck am I to belittle free beer?  This one is supposed to be aromatic, hopefully not like me after that suspect chili cook-off in middle of the Del Mar Race Track (true story, we literally ran around for the 30 minutes before close to eat as much chili as possible. NOT GOOD.)

Fast forward: I opened it and it was pleasantly aromatic, which was nice.  Although, it would have been more interesting had it smelt like a three-bean ass explosion.

This beer tasted better as it got warmer and loosened up, much like any anus.  I'm getting some conflicting signals from my tastebuds, it could be the meal I just ate or maybe this beer has some good balance that bounces around the flavor country in my mouth.  Don't expect anything too bitter-probably more on the upper end of the regular IPA rubric, as opposed to double etc...  Strong malts here, but nothing too chocolaty or garish.  I might actually try this one again.

[beermutt]

Dogfish Head - 90 Minute Imperial IPA

First off, a picture, so I don't have to pretend like cameras don't exist and write about the coloring.

Well now that you can see out of my window you can probably deduce where I live.  All I ask is that you please not kill me--I'm doing a pretty good job of that on my own.

SO! It's 10am on a Friday and I'm celebrating being employed.  Huh, something about that doesn't sound right.  Yes, I got a job...not that unemployment stopped me from drinking and hoping to write more about it. 

Anyhow, I'm celebrating by enjoying one of my all time favorite beers (that you can readily buy at any supermarket) Dogfish Head's Imperial India Pale Ale.  You can hear a douchebag world renowned brewer talk about this delicious beer here.

Like the video suggests this beer has a lot of hops flavor, but isn't overpowering in its bitterness.  I enjoyed it despite the early morning hour, and it blended well with the toothpaste taste that was still in my mouth on the count I had just eaten a bunch of toothpaste.  One real nice thing about this beer is that it still maintains its solid balance even after it warms up. 

I purchased this last night for my epic self-party which involved me watching Japanese animation and deciding what beer to drink first.  Did I go with the Imperial Porter, or the Imperial India Pale Ale first?   On a side note I just realized that I'm a fan of empires.  

Of course I did the sensible thing and drank an IPA, then the IP, then another IPA, then some champagne, then another IPA, followed by a shot of regret cause I felt like shit this morning.  Which pretty much makes this 10am beer a delicious dog-haired celebration.

Gordon?

Gordon, this is a big deal for me, I wish you'd be a little more supportive.