summary: forced into an arranged marriage, you thought your soon to be husband was sharing the same sentiment. little did you know, he has waited for the moment when he gets to take you.
The night was warm, the people around you mingled and drank to their heart's desire, you were caught up in the midst of it all as bride, sitting by the table, the feast in front of you, the lingering scent of meat and spices reaching your nose. You've never had the big appetite, but even the most picky of eaters could find something for themselves in the abundance of food that was prepared, you enjoyed the sweet aroma of a ripe fig, its sugary taste a heaven on your tongue.
With an idle mind you resorted to watching the guests, slowly becoming aware of the mirth in their eyes now that the night was nearing its end, the consummation of your marriage awaited. You knew that well yet you chose to place trust in your now husband, for sure he would find a way to stain the sheets crimson other than with your blood. You were lucky to be married to a man your age, because an older one wouldn't show such restraint, you thought and what violence should such an innocent looking creature even possess? Jungwon's presence showed nothing but gentleness, his eyes deep wells of kindness, sparkling with youthfulness and sympathy.
Only if you knew of the monstrous desire lurking beneath his saintlike demeanour. Even though you thought this union was a coincidence, it was actually perfectly orchestrated by him, he imagined it the moment he has seen you at church the first time he saw you, a divine vision meant for him only. From that day onward, he battled with impatience, with hunger for just a little taste, but the societal norms granted him no mercy. He was barely constraining himself during the whole ceremony, the brief meeting of your lips left him trembling with passion, it evident on the sweat collecting at his brow, but it was summer so none suspected it.
He was an image of propriety but inside of him a war raged on, he was unnerved by the length of the whole ordeal, the congratulations and the smiles all irking him further. He just couldn't wait for the darkness of the room to swallow you both.
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ✮ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
The silence of the room was being interrupted by the sound of crickets outside, the window was slightly ajar letting in the mild wind into the room which carried a scent of the stars. The only light cast a warm glow over the furniture, the mirror was dim and full of shadows, you were reluctant to look at your reflection, the image painted there was one of innocence waiting to be touched. Your hair was let down, the locks flowing freely, in your eyes you could make out sparks from the flame of the candles, but the longer you looked, the more a sense of foreboding enveloped you.
In the crevices of your heart doubt crept in, an unsettling feeling in your bones, what if? That damned question crawled its way to you and you felt nauseous all of a sudden and as if it was an omen, footsteps resounded in front of the door. They were determined and powerful, no doubt belonging to a man, an it wasn't any man, it was your husband.
That title although it should, under different circumstances, didn't bring you any comfort, you cast your eyes outside the window, glancing at the stars, only to find out that a dark cloud covered them.
Caught up in your thoughts you hadn't even noticed the door opening and closing, you just sensed a presence in the room, the sound of breathing and a creak in the floorboards, there in front of you Jungwon stood. Outside, wind picked up its speed, rustling the leaves, the curtains danced for a moment and the candle by the bed went out, startling you. Finally, you looked up to the figure shrouded in the black that was towering over you, you couldn't recognize it, as if the man from the dinner was replaced by a phantom.
With a trembling hand you reached out, searching for the matches, striking one, the light exploded for a second, illuminating the space around you, revealing two eyes that were now staring at you from a very close proximity. While you were fumbling in the dark, Jungwon crossed the separating distance between the two of you. You stared at him back, no words coming out, the match in between of you, slowly burning, carefully he took it from your fingers and lightened a candle, restoring the atmosphere in the room.
Uncomfortable with barely there gap between you, you tried moving further away, only to be stopped by the hand weaving itself around your wrist, the hold he had on you was strong like a vice, you dared to look up at his eyes again. The flame reflected in them, otherwise they were completely black, like looking down into a deep well, the one that they warned you about in your childhood, one that carried a danger with it.
With a small voice you uttered his name, trying to break the grip around your hand, but to no avail, there was no doubt a bruise forming, but your strength was no match for his.
He came even closer, inhaling deeply, letting his nose trail the column of your neck, your body reacted at the tingling contact, erupting in a powerful shiver that reached the tips of your toes.
"Don't you know.", his voice was quiet, but deep and rough, his hold on you was still unrelenting and seemed to increase in its intensity when he uttered the next words.
"You are mine now.", then as if to seal the meaning, he left a scorching kiss on your collarbone, the warmth and wetness of his mouth paired with the softness of his lips made a quiet flame start to lick at the base of your spine despite the fact that you were still struggling with his strength.
Finally, he freed your hand, redness blooming along your skin, a tell tale mark of his possession of you, then his hand moved to your shoulder, pushing you down onto the mattress. Your shock filled eyes stared up at him, while he gazed at you with the eyes of a vulture, thirst and hunger reflecting in them. Afraid, you cast your gaze away.
That seemed to anger him, for he pulled his hand up, cupping your face with barely contained roughness, preventing any movement, forcing your eyes on his again, he leaned down to your ear, whispering, "Be good for me, will you?".
His breath tickled you and some hidden part of you keened in delight, the depth of his voice was enticing and the weight of his body pressing on yours was making your hands twitch against your sides, as if on instinct you wanted to wrap your arms around his shoulders. Instead, you chose to grip onto the sheets, bunching them tightly in your grip.
Sensing your pliancy, Jungwon hummed in approval, his thumb coming to rub gently against your cheek, it trailed small circles on your flesh until it traveled to your lower lip, pulling it back and playing with it. His finger demanded entrance and you granted him that, opening your mouth in obedience.
His eyes focused on the way his thumb disappeared into your cavern of warmth, satisfied with the sight and the sensation he moved his index finger too, putting it in as well, pressing down onto your tongue. You were perplexed as to why it felt so good, him exploring your mouth like that, you were not taught about it at all, you were informed only of the basics, but little did you know the night was full of suprises ahead.
He pulled out his fingers, them glistening in the dark, and trailed them along the expanse of your chest, leaving a wet trail, you shuddered at the striking sensation against your skin. Your nightdress was basically useless, see through and slipping down your shoulders, he pulled it down even more, exposing you to the damp air and his hungry eyes.
Jungwon visibly swallowed, greeted by your bare chest, his touch was feather light, mapping out your skin, and then his mouth followed, nibbling all over your breasts, awakening a warm feeling in between your thighs which only intensified when he licked one of your perk nipples, your hands were still rumpling the sheets, even harder then before. Inside you weren't sure if you wanted this but the pleasure he coaxed out of you, the strength which he emitted while treating you, was slowly erasing the reluctance from your mind.
When his hands came to grip at your hips, bunching up the fabric and pressing down with possessive hold, you finally let go and moved your fingers, tangling them in the hair at the nape of his neck, it was slick with sweat, the summer air no doubt taking a toll on him, but in the back of your mind you knew it was something else too. He was breathing hard, barely containing himself from completely ruining you all at once, he was getting tired with all the teasing touches and caresses, impatience growing inside of him but he had to seduce you somehow into obedience. He wanted urgently but he was no beast.
That thought seemed to morph into an affirmative sentence the moment he pulled the hem of your nightdress further up, exposing your damp thighs and the place of which he dreamed of, abundant with warmth and wetness. He couldn't help the groan he let out in the night when his hand greeted the heat of you, dipping into your entrance, his resolve was gone by then.
With clumsy fingers he undid the front of his pants, freeing himself of the shackles that forbid him from having you completely. He was stiff with desire and need, burning up from inside out. With no room for pleasantries or sweetness, he pushed into you, filling you all at once, you let out a gasp, fingers digging into his neck, deep enough to draw blood. Nothing could prepare you for this, nor for what is to come.
He basked in your warmth for a moment, but he couldn't wait anymore, with you gripping him so tightly, he could tell you've only been his and no one else's before. He was pleased to no end, pulling out and then slamming back in without any gentleness. His pace was animalistic and consuming, he was pouring in all of the frustration he had to face ever since he saw you for the first time.
For poor you, it was too intense, small hiccups leaving your mouth in tandem with his thrusts, you didn't know anymore what you were feeling, was it discomfort or pure pleasure, it was all mixed together in the haze of your joining. Your insides began to clench, something was clawing its way up your whole body, a feeling so violent, a consequence of his rough ministrations. You tried to warn him somehow, tried to utter his name but it crashed over you in intense waves, a pleasure so blinding, at that moment you could feel all the love he wanted to fuck into you.
All his passion and obsession, all his restless nights spent thinking about you, he wanted you to taste it too, to be as consumed as he was. He was watching every twitch of your body, satisfied that it was all his doing, no force could stop him now, he was on the top of the world, he met eyes directly with God while taking in the sight of you.
Soon he followed after you, an abrupt stop in his pace while he spilled hotly into you, indulging in every spurt, in every tremor that seized his body, because it was all for you and by you.
all credits to these beautiful writers, can you tell i love @dollhoonki ?
I. OT7-OT6 / POLY
╰┈➤ SEX ON THE LINE @cicadarequiem smut, gangbang when you’re scouted to work for hotline 1OO9–a sex phone line—you don’t have much of a choice, rent is due and you’re jobless. But without any background or skills, you’re slowly loosing control. Surely your nice colleagues can teach you their ways, right?
╰┈➤ CHERUB ROCK @dollhoonki heejake guys come and go, but heeseung's always been the centre of your universe. with his aloof, brooding air, you stop at nothing to make him yours - unknowingly jeopardising the one thing you always had.
╰┈➤ ONLY EVER YOU @loljaeyunz jakehoon You're mad at your boyfriends over something dumb, and they make it their mission to make you forget why you were even mad.
╰┈➤ DOUBLE TROUBLE @honeymoonave777 heejake the sweetest fruits are always forbidden, and in this case, it's your two new stepbrothers WARNING: stepcest!
╰┈➤ OUR HARDWORKING GIRL @cicadarequiem heeki Heeseung and Riki are the campus’ most talked about professors. but little does everyone know, you’re the one they bring home after classes. or even in between classes…
╰┈➤ SUNSUN X READER @yunstruck
╰┈➤ SHARED SECRET @hoonkitti Jake jay hoon best friends who share everything… including their side chick.
II. JAKE
╰┈➤ WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE LIKED? @dollhoonki a trip to the mountains with your boyfriend entails a lot more than bargained for as a pit-stop for petrol chances you upon a fortune reader. a lady who reads you tales of great prosperity and a satifying weekend ahead.
╰┈➤ THOSE EYES @webiicam jake had a tough day at work — everyone has their ways of winding down, but jake’s preferred way of relaxing is… interesting.
╰┈➤ RUIN WHAT? @heekiglitterz after crossing the line with your best friend, you finally reunite for a simple date to clarify things only for him to completely snap the second you're alone. (2parts)
╰┈➤ BROTHERS BEST FRIEND JAKE HEADCANONS @bambi-hee
╰┈➤ I WANNA SHOW YOU OFF @soltyshshs on this dark hotel balcony, jake is showing off exactly where you belong..
╰┈➤ CLOSER TO YOU @cutehoons02 spiderman jake! Jake Sim isn't just the sexy next-door neighbor, the captain of the varsity soccer team, and the older brother of your best friend. He’s also the guy who broke your heart at fifteen… and has enjoyed teasing you whenever he can ever since. Too bad that now you live in the same building, you attend the same course, you share the same project at the university and that every cheeky joke, every golden look to hold back every damn random touch makes your knees tremble.
╰┈➤ LOVE INTERRUPTED @nisc0 After a car accident that costed you 3 years worth of memory, you find yourself trying to start a new beginning in a new city with "new" people. Only God knows why would the universe make you cross paths with the cute guy nextdoor.
III. JUNGWON
╰┈➤ NERD WON HEADCANONS @heebunnii
╰┈➤ BIG GIRLS DO CRY @nisc0 a simple joke can trigger Jungwon, resulting in you being bent over the kitchen counter, crying of pleasure, while his cock is deeply stirring inside you, maybe too deep.
╰┈➤ TIL U LOVE ME @beevitae forced into an arranged marriage, you thought your soon to be husband was sharing the same sentiment. little did you know, he has waited for the moment when he gets to take you.
╰┈➤ LESSONS IN ANATOMY @heetaki with your grade on the line, you swallow your pride and ask Jungwon, the one man you can’t stand, for help. but his teaching methods seem to be a bit…unethical.
IV. HEESEUNG - EVAN
╰┈➤ RECONVENE @heesroses twelve hours of wanting you but not being able to have you leaves heeseung with no choice but to fuck you in a restaurant bathroom while the enhypen members can hear everything.
╰┈➤ BOYFRIEND HEE HEADCANONS @liliwolfstar
╰┈➤ WON THE BET, LOST THE LOVE @hotlibido The basketball team follows a tradition of assigning challenges for fun and Heeseung gets a bet to make you fall head over heels in love with him and take your virginity and he succeeds in it. He thought it'd be easy, you'd date him, cry, and break up once the secret comes out, maybe even give him a slap or two.. but what he doesn't know is humans tend to only realise someone's worth when they're gone.
╰┈➤ BREAKING NEWS @vanishdesires spiderman hee The clumsy Spider-Man and a stubborn journalist navigate the woes of a blooming relationship amidst crime investigations.
V. NI-KI
╰┈➤ ABNORMAL @wonsade spiderman ki all of humanity was supposed to forget who nishimura riki was, yet you somehow came out unaffected. too bad you weren't human, he really should've worded that spell better, because you remembered everything.
╰┈➤ KISS A KITTY @matzism in which your boyfriend can’t get enough of what’s between your legs.
╰┈➤ NSFW ALPHABET @seungsoftly
╰┈➤ CARDIO @kikidoul After months of denying him, you ended up going to the gym with your boyfriend: Nishimura Riki, to work out together. Turns out he has a different kind of workout in mind.
╰┈➤ OPEN WIDE @kikidoul After actively dodging years of avoiding going to the dentist, you were dragged to an appointment by your mother, only to be treated by a handsome and attractive Dr. Nishimura Riki. Falling for him was bad enough, but discovering the man wearing a wedding ring was even worse. But hey, what people doesn't know won't hurt them, right?
VI. SUNGHOON
╰┈➤ TO HAVE AND TO HOLD @drkbl00d how you spend the months leading up to your wedding with your soon to be husband.
╰┈➤ UNDER PRESSURE @kissued your (seemingly) vanilla boyfriend discovers ropes after your accidental retweet
VII. SUNOO
╰┈➤SWITCH @kitysugar. in which people, unnecessarily so, enjoy creating false narratives about your relationship, always playing it out to be one of innocence and softness, but kim sunoo is exactly the opposite
╰┈➤ SWEETER THAN REVENGE @hoonstrology the plan: get back at your scum-of-the-earth cheating ex-boyfriend.⠀ the solution: get sunoo to help you make a steaming hot instagram story so your ex realizes what he lost.⠀ the goal was so simple — so how the hell did you end up fucking your best friend instead? 10/10 dom sunoo UGH
╰┈➤ TOUCH @jongst4r your bf doesn’t like physical touch, right?
VIII. JAY
╰┈➤ DUMB N BEAUTIFUL @matzism your boyfriend adores how smart you are, always buried in your studies—he loves it so much he can’t get the thought of fucking you dumb out of his mind
╰┈➤ LOST AND FOUND @dollhoonki some things are harder to hide under one roof. after moving in with your long-time boyfriend, everything seems to be on the come up...except for the fact that you can't find one box, a box full of the toys specifically meant for jay not to find.
╰┈➤ BARK LIKE YOU WANT IT @sa1co Jay doesn't bother with the usual sugar daddy theatrics you're used to. You both know what you signed up for.
╰┈➤ SUGARCOATED @ikeuzito you're moving into your college apartment when a handsome guy helps you with your heavy boxes on the stairs. He turns out to be Jay, your older neighbor — a lawyer who quickly becomes part of your new life. He listens to you ramble for hours but never offers much about himself, and you tell yourself it's fine, that everyone has boundaries. Being with him feels too right to question, so you let yourself fall anyway, completely lost in him and blind to what's right in front of you until it's too late.
How sweet you've tasted on his tongue, not even the liquor that was sliding down his throat could replace the aroma, the scent of your skin that has made him dizzy each time, the desire that pooled at the depth of his stomach, the undying need to consume, to fill.
Nothing in this world could make him forget the sensation of being with you and now when his hands are around another girl's waist, her body leaning into his, craving more of his touch, his eyes, those treacherous eyes were on you.
You in the corner, seeing right through him, some kind of dark veil covered your eyes, the mystery of it drawing him in, as always. Were you jealous, was he doing this right?
Ever since you've broken up, this has been going on, him practically begging for you attention, you losing it and stumbling with him into the empty room, at this point you've said you will stop attending parties altogether, because every time it ended with him leaving his mark on you, deep inside of you.
Sunghoon. The name you've cursed many times, damned the day you met him, but also called it a blessing, because nothing brought you a high like him, no other drug could compare to the heat of his touch, to the sheer strength of him slamming you down into the bed. It was pure lust, you knew, love was buried somewhere deep, between the soiled sheets and empty bottles, only after you've drank to the last drop did the affection wait for you and it was all a blur after it, not knowing if the warmth that crawled it's way into his gaze was a mirage or not.
All reason aside, you've found yourself in the same position, your back to the bed, your front pressed against him, in some dimly lit room, on someone else's bed, as he left feverish kisses down the line of your throat. He was letting out grunts of his own, satisfied with having you where he wanted, he nipped at the skin there with his fangs, the same ones that would generously peek out when he was smiling at you. Nothing mattered when the heat of his body enveloped yours, his knee pressing in between your legs, while his hands gripped possessively on your waist.
His attention drifted to your chest that was peeking out of your tank top, while his fingers curved under the hem of the shirt and started to pull it up. You let him, you always did, arching your back further when he licked one of your nipples. Something about Sunghoon, something you couldn't name made you fall into submission much deeper than with any other man, maybe it was his godlike strength with which he handled you while still maintaining a dose of gentleness, or it was those eyes, those pits of black that were currently staring at you, somewhere in between you being stuck in your thoughts he stopped. He took notice of your absentmindedness, saying, "Focus."
Focus on him, that's what he meant, usually you would've listened but this time something awakened in you, something wicked.
"Why should I? You're going to leave anyways.", you uttered, still a little breathless from the foreplay.
Sunghoon drew his eyebrows together, a dark look overtaking his features, he seemed speechless for a moment then he drawled,"I won't, don't ruin the mood now.", his fingers once again splaying over your ribs. The promise in his words swayed you, even though you knew better in the back of your mind, your head relaxing against the pillow.
The relief was short lived, suddenly he turned you around so your head was buried in the sheets, hand caressing the trail of your spine, coming to grip at your ass over your jeans, then he reached to your front easily unbuttoning them and sliding them off. You were like a doll to him, he was playing with you how he wanted, completely at his mercy, you couldn't see him, only hearing the sound of the zipper being undone. Anticipation rose high in your blood, making your heart beat aggressively, your fingers gripped at the sheets, the hold turning clammy.
Without any preparation he entered you, luckily you were you were already soaked, he must have been mad at you for saying that earlier, some kind of cruelty has possessed him, his movements punishing.You had to adjust while bearing the strength of his thrusts, but somehow the pleasure it has caused you was immense, you were no stranger to this happening with him, his temper sometimes taking a hold. This time it was even more intense, he leveraged against the bed post, angling his hips in the way that would make your breath stop. He knew your body better than anyone else, you couldn't contain the sounds coming out of your mouth, them getting muffled by the fabric, you bit down on the pillow out of pure ecstasy.
He wasn't making love, he never did, even when he pretended to, but now he was absolutely ruining, he was taking your sanity with him, reducing you to a mess of sensations and whimpers.
You were approaching your high, almost thrashing against him, you would've slid of the bed if it wasn't for his arms holding you, he noticed the way you are squeezing around him and chose to remind you, slowing down his movements, "Tell me.", he whispered, his voice hoarse, you were so confused, your orgasm took from you, "Who do you belong to?". He was still deep in you, stretching you out, your wetness pooling in between your legs, and on the brink of release, you cried out his name desperately.
Satisfied he resumed his pace, letting you have your moment of divinity, granting it to you, in return he left a claim on you, staining the skin of your back. Then he got up, not bothering to clean up the mess the made and went looking for his things, you raised your head from the pillow, his silhouette barely visible from how little light came into the room, only his eyes twinkled with pride.
"See you around.", he said, opening the door and leaving.
His previous words resonated in your head once again, reminding you of what you were at the end of it all, a fool, but you were so addicted to the role of it, already imagining the next encounter.
summary: forced into an arranged marriage, you thought your soon to be husband was sharing the same sentiment. little did you know, he has waited for the moment when he gets to take you.
The night was warm, the people around you mingled and drank to their heart's desire, you were caught up in the midst of it all as bride, sitting by the table, the feast in front of you, the lingering scent of meat and spices reaching your nose. You've never had the big appetite, but even the most picky of eaters could find something for themselves in the abundance of food that was prepared, you enjoyed the sweet aroma of a ripe fig, its sugary taste a heaven on your tongue.
With an idle mind you resorted to watching the guests, slowly becoming aware of the mirth in their eyes now that the night was nearing its end, the consummation of your marriage awaited. You knew that well yet you chose to place trust in your now husband, for sure he would find a way to stain the sheets crimson other than with your blood. You were lucky to be married to a man your age, because an older one wouldn't show such restraint, you thought and what violence should such an innocent looking creature even possess? Jungwon's presence showed nothing but gentleness, his eyes deep wells of kindness, sparkling with youthfulness and sympathy.
Only if you knew of the monstrous desire lurking beneath his saintlike demeanour. Even though you thought this union was a coincidence, it was actually perfectly orchestrated by him, he imagined it the moment he has seen you at church the first time he saw you, a divine vision meant for him only. From that day onward, he battled with impatience, with hunger for just a little taste, but the societal norms granted him no mercy. He was barely constraining himself during the whole ceremony, the brief meeting of your lips left him trembling with passion, it evident on the sweat collecting at his brow, but it was summer so none suspected it.
He was an image of propriety but inside of him a war raged on, he was unnerved by the length of the whole ordeal, the congratulations and the smiles all irking him further. He just couldn't wait for the darkness of the room to swallow you both.
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ✮ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
The silence of the room was being interrupted by the sound of crickets outside, the window was slightly ajar letting in the mild wind into the room which carried a scent of the stars. The only light cast a warm glow over the furniture, the mirror was dim and full of shadows, you were reluctant to look at your reflection, the image painted there was one of innocence waiting to be touched. Your hair was let down, the locks flowing freely, in your eyes you could make out sparks from the flame of the candles, but the longer you looked, the more a sense of foreboding enveloped you.
In the crevices of your heart doubt crept in, an unsettling feeling in your bones, what if? That damned question crawled its way to you and you felt nauseous all of a sudden and as if it was an omen, footsteps resounded in front of the door. They were determined and powerful, no doubt belonging to a man, an it wasn't any man, it was your husband.
That title although it should, under different circumstances, didn't bring you any comfort, you cast your eyes outside the window, glancing at the stars, only to find out that a dark cloud covered them.
Caught up in your thoughts you hadn't even noticed the door opening and closing, you just sensed a presence in the room, the sound of breathing and a creak in the floorboards, there in front of you Jungwon stood. Outside, wind picked up its speed, rustling the leaves, the curtains danced for a moment and the candle by the bed went out, startling you. Finally, you looked up to the figure shrouded in the black that was towering over you, you couldn't recognize it, as if the man from the dinner was replaced by a phantom.
With a trembling hand you reached out, searching for the matches, striking one, the light exploded for a second, illuminating the space around you, revealing two eyes that were now staring at you from a very close proximity. While you were fumbling in the dark, Jungwon crossed the separating distance between the two of you. You stared at him back, no words coming out, the match in between of you, slowly burning, carefully he took it from your fingers and lightened a candle, restoring the atmosphere in the room.
Uncomfortable with barely there gap between you, you tried moving further away, only to be stopped by the hand weaving itself around your wrist, the hold he had on you was strong like a vice, you dared to look up at his eyes again. The flame reflected in them, otherwise they were completely black, like looking down into a deep well, the one that they warned you about in your childhood, one that carried a danger with it.
With a small voice you uttered his name, trying to break the grip around your hand, but to no avail, there was no doubt a bruise forming, but your strength was no match for his.
He came even closer, inhaling deeply, letting his nose trail the column of your neck, your body reacted at the tingling contact, erupting in a powerful shiver that reached the tips of your toes.
"Don't you know.", his voice was quiet, but deep and rough, his hold on you was still unrelenting and seemed to increase in its intensity when he uttered the next words.
"You are mine now.", then as if to seal the meaning, he left a scorching kiss on your collarbone, the warmth and wetness of his mouth paired with the softness of his lips made a quiet flame start to lick at the base of your spine despite the fact that you were still struggling with his strength.
Finally, he freed your hand, redness blooming along your skin, a tell tale mark of his possession of you, then his hand moved to your shoulder, pushing you down onto the mattress. Your shock filled eyes stared up at him, while he gazed at you with the eyes of a vulture, thirst and hunger reflecting in them. Afraid, you cast your gaze away.
That seemed to anger him, for he pulled his hand up, cupping your face with barely contained roughness, preventing any movement, forcing your eyes on his again, he leaned down to your ear, whispering, "Be good for me, will you?".
His breath tickled you and some hidden part of you keened in delight, the depth of his voice was enticing and the weight of his body pressing on yours was making your hands twitch against your sides, as if on instinct you wanted to wrap your arms around his shoulders. Instead, you chose to grip onto the sheets, bunching them tightly in your grip.
Sensing your pliancy, Jungwon hummed in approval, his thumb coming to rub gently against your cheek, it trailed small circles on your flesh until it traveled to your lower lip, pulling it back and playing with it. His finger demanded entrance and you granted him that, opening your mouth in obedience.
His eyes focused on the way his thumb disappeared into your cavern of warmth, satisfied with the sight and the sensation he moved his index finger too, putting it in as well, pressing down onto your tongue. You were perplexed as to why it felt so good, him exploring your mouth like that, you were not taught about it at all, you were informed only of the basics, but little did you know the night was full of suprises ahead.
He pulled out his fingers, them glistening in the dark, and trailed them along the expanse of your chest, leaving a wet trail, you shuddered at the striking sensation against your skin. Your nightdress was basically useless, see through and slipping down your shoulders, he pulled it down even more, exposing you to the damp air and his hungry eyes.
Jungwon visibly swallowed, greeted by your bare chest, his touch was feather light, mapping out your skin, and then his mouth followed, nibbling all over your breasts, awakening a warm feeling in between your thighs which only intensified when he licked one of your perk nipples, your hands were still rumpling the sheets, even harder then before. Inside you weren't sure if you wanted this but the pleasure he coaxed out of you, the strength which he emitted while treating you, was slowly erasing the reluctance from your mind.
When his hands came to grip at your hips, bunching up the fabric and pressing down with possessive hold, you finally let go and moved your fingers, tangling them in the hair at the nape of his neck, it was slick with sweat, the summer air no doubt taking a toll on him, but in the back of your mind you knew it was something else too. He was breathing hard, barely containing himself from completely ruining you all at once, he was getting tired with all the teasing touches and caresses, impatience growing inside of him but he had to seduce you somehow into obedience. He wanted urgently but he was no beast.
That thought seemed to morph into an affirmative sentence the moment he pulled the hem of your nightdress further up, exposing your damp thighs and the place of which he dreamed of, abundant with warmth and wetness. He couldn't help the groan he let out in the night when his hand greeted the heat of you, dipping into your entrance, his resolve was gone by then.
With clumsy fingers he undid the front of his pants, freeing himself of the shackles that forbid him from having you completely. He was stiff with desire and need, burning up from inside out. With no room for pleasantries or sweetness, he pushed into you, filling you all at once, you let out a gasp, fingers digging into his neck, deep enough to draw blood. Nothing could prepare you for this, nor for what is to come.
He basked in your warmth for a moment, but he couldn't wait anymore, with you gripping him so tightly, he could tell you've only been his and no one else's before. He was pleased to no end, pulling out and then slamming back in without any gentleness. His pace was animalistic and consuming, he was pouring in all of the frustration he had to face ever since he saw you for the first time.
For poor you, it was too intense, small hiccups leaving your mouth in tandem with his thrusts, you didn't know anymore what you were feeling, was it discomfort or pure pleasure, it was all mixed together in the haze of your joining. Your insides began to clench, something was clawing its way up your whole body, a feeling so violent, a consequence of his rough ministrations. You tried to warn him somehow, tried to utter his name but it crashed over you in intense waves, a pleasure so blinding, at that moment you could feel all the love he wanted to fuck into you.
All his passion and obsession, all his restless nights spent thinking about you, he wanted you to taste it too, to be as consumed as he was. He was watching every twitch of your body, satisfied that it was all his doing, no force could stop him now, he was on the top of the world, he met eyes directly with God while taking in the sight of you.
Soon he followed after you, an abrupt stop in his pace while he spilled hotly into you, indulging in every spurt, in every tremor that seized his body, because it was all for you and by you.
I read 'instinct of a sinner' back in April or may, and
oh my goodness, I can't express in words how absolutely beautifully it was written. the plot, everything. I just reread it, and it is put in my notes app as one of the best pieces ive ever read. I just love how everything is worded. I was speechless at the first read.
oh my god, i have no words really! i'm honored that you liked it that much!
that fic was something special for me, it came straight from the depths of my soul, if you get me. never in my life have i ever seen an idea so clearly in my head!
sometimes i wish i could get obsessed with writing again as i was that time
summary: forced into an arranged marriage, you thought your soon to be husband was sharing the same sentiment. little did you know, he has waited for the moment when he gets to take you.
The night was warm, the people around you mingled and drank to their heart's desire, you were caught up in the midst of it all as bride, sitting by the table, the feast in front of you, the lingering scent of meat and spices reaching your nose. You've never had the big appetite, but even the most picky of eaters could find something for themselves in the abundance of food that was prepared, you enjoyed the sweet aroma of a ripe fig, its sugary taste a heaven on your tongue.
With an idle mind you resorted to watching the guests, slowly becoming aware of the mirth in their eyes now that the night was nearing its end, the consummation of your marriage awaited. You knew that well yet you chose to place trust in your now husband, for sure he would find a way to stain the sheets crimson other than with your blood. You were lucky to be married to a man your age, because an older one wouldn't show such restraint, you thought and what violence should such an innocent looking creature even possess? Jungwon's presence showed nothing but gentleness, his eyes deep wells of kindness, sparkling with youthfulness and sympathy.
Only if you knew of the monstrous desire lurking beneath his saintlike demeanour. Even though you thought this union was a coincidence, it was actually perfectly orchestrated by him, he imagined it the moment he has seen you at church the first time he saw you, a divine vision meant for him only. From that day onward, he battled with impatience, with hunger for just a little taste, but the societal norms granted him no mercy. He was barely constraining himself during the whole ceremony, the brief meeting of your lips left him trembling with passion, it evident on the sweat collecting at his brow, but it was summer so none suspected it.
He was an image of propriety but inside of him a war raged on, he was unnerved by the length of the whole ordeal, the congratulations and the smiles all irking him further. He just couldn't wait for the darkness of the room to swallow you both.
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The silence of the room was being interrupted by the sound of crickets outside, the window was slightly ajar letting in the mild wind into the room which carried a scent of the stars. The only light cast a warm glow over the furniture, the mirror was dim and full of shadows, you were reluctant to look at your reflection, the image painted there was one of innocence waiting to be touched. Your hair was let down, the locks flowing freely, in your eyes you could make out sparks from the flame of the candles, but the longer you looked, the more a sense of foreboding enveloped you.
In the crevices of your heart doubt crept in, an unsettling feeling in your bones, what if? That damned question crawled its way to you and you felt nauseous all of a sudden and as if it was an omen, footsteps resounded in front of the door. They were determined and powerful, no doubt belonging to a man, an it wasn't any man, it was your husband.
That title although it should, under different circumstances, didn't bring you any comfort, you cast your eyes outside the window, glancing at the stars, only to find out that a dark cloud covered them.
Caught up in your thoughts you hadn't even noticed the door opening and closing, you just sensed a presence in the room, the sound of breathing and a creak in the floorboards, there in front of you Jungwon stood. Outside, wind picked up its speed, rustling the leaves, the curtains danced for a moment and the candle by the bed went out, startling you. Finally, you looked up to the figure shrouded in the black that was towering over you, you couldn't recognize it, as if the man from the dinner was replaced by a phantom.
With a trembling hand you reached out, searching for the matches, striking one, the light exploded for a second, illuminating the space around you, revealing two eyes that were now staring at you from a very close proximity. While you were fumbling in the dark, Jungwon crossed the separating distance between the two of you. You stared at him back, no words coming out, the match in between of you, slowly burning, carefully he took it from your fingers and lightened a candle, restoring the atmosphere in the room.
Uncomfortable with barely there gap between you, you tried moving further away, only to be stopped by the hand weaving itself around your wrist, the hold he had on you was strong like a vice, you dared to look up at his eyes again. The flame reflected in them, otherwise they were completely black, like looking down into a deep well, the one that they warned you about in your childhood, one that carried a danger with it.
With a small voice you uttered his name, trying to break the grip around your hand, but to no avail, there was no doubt a bruise forming, but your strength was no match for his.
He came even closer, inhaling deeply, letting his nose trail the column of your neck, your body reacted at the tingling contact, erupting in a powerful shiver that reached the tips of your toes.
"Don't you know.", his voice was quiet, but deep and rough, his hold on you was still unrelenting and seemed to increase in its intensity when he uttered the next words.
"You are mine now.", then as if to seal the meaning, he left a scorching kiss on your collarbone, the warmth and wetness of his mouth paired with the softness of his lips made a quiet flame start to lick at the base of your spine despite the fact that you were still struggling with his strength.
Finally, he freed your hand, redness blooming along your skin, a tell tale mark of his possession of you, then his hand moved to your shoulder, pushing you down onto the mattress. Your shock filled eyes stared up at him, while he gazed at you with the eyes of a vulture, thirst and hunger reflecting in them. Afraid, you cast your gaze away.
That seemed to anger him, for he pulled his hand up, cupping your face with barely contained roughness, preventing any movement, forcing your eyes on his again, he leaned down to your ear, whispering, "Be good for me, will you?".
His breath tickled you and some hidden part of you keened in delight, the depth of his voice was enticing and the weight of his body pressing on yours was making your hands twitch against your sides, as if on instinct you wanted to wrap your arms around his shoulders. Instead, you chose to grip onto the sheets, bunching them tightly in your grip.
Sensing your pliancy, Jungwon hummed in approval, his thumb coming to rub gently against your cheek, it trailed small circles on your flesh until it traveled to your lower lip, pulling it back and playing with it. His finger demanded entrance and you granted him that, opening your mouth in obedience.
His eyes focused on the way his thumb disappeared into your cavern of warmth, satisfied with the sight and the sensation he moved his index finger too, putting it in as well, pressing down onto your tongue. You were perplexed as to why it felt so good, him exploring your mouth like that, you were not taught about it at all, you were informed only of the basics, but little did you know the night was full of suprises ahead.
He pulled out his fingers, them glistening in the dark, and trailed them along the expanse of your chest, leaving a wet trail, you shuddered at the striking sensation against your skin. Your nightdress was basically useless, see through and slipping down your shoulders, he pulled it down even more, exposing you to the damp air and his hungry eyes.
Jungwon visibly swallowed, greeted by your bare chest, his touch was feather light, mapping out your skin, and then his mouth followed, nibbling all over your breasts, awakening a warm feeling in between your thighs which only intensified when he licked one of your perk nipples, your hands were still rumpling the sheets, even harder then before. Inside you weren't sure if you wanted this but the pleasure he coaxed out of you, the strength which he emitted while treating you, was slowly erasing the reluctance from your mind.
When his hands came to grip at your hips, bunching up the fabric and pressing down with possessive hold, you finally let go and moved your fingers, tangling them in the hair at the nape of his neck, it was slick with sweat, the summer air no doubt taking a toll on him, but in the back of your mind you knew it was something else too. He was breathing hard, barely containing himself from completely ruining you all at once, he was getting tired with all the teasing touches and caresses, impatience growing inside of him but he had to seduce you somehow into obedience. He wanted urgently but he was no beast.
That thought seemed to morph into an affirmative sentence the moment he pulled the hem of your nightdress further up, exposing your damp thighs and the place of which he dreamed of, abundant with warmth and wetness. He couldn't help the groan he let out in the night when his hand greeted the heat of you, dipping into your entrance, his resolve was gone by then.
With clumsy fingers he undid the front of his pants, freeing himself of the shackles that forbid him from having you completely. He was stiff with desire and need, burning up from inside out. With no room for pleasantries or sweetness, he pushed into you, filling you all at once, you let out a gasp, fingers digging into his neck, deep enough to draw blood. Nothing could prepare you for this, nor for what is to come.
He basked in your warmth for a moment, but he couldn't wait anymore, with you gripping him so tightly, he could tell you've only been his and no one else's before. He was pleased to no end, pulling out and then slamming back in without any gentleness. His pace was animalistic and consuming, he was pouring in all of the frustration he had to face ever since he saw you for the first time.
For poor you, it was too intense, small hiccups leaving your mouth in tandem with his thrusts, you didn't know anymore what you were feeling, was it discomfort or pure pleasure, it was all mixed together in the haze of your joining. Your insides began to clench, something was clawing its way up your whole body, a feeling so violent, a consequence of his rough ministrations. You tried to warn him somehow, tried to utter his name but it crashed over you in intense waves, a pleasure so blinding, at that moment you could feel all the love he wanted to fuck into you.
All his passion and obsession, all his restless nights spent thinking about you, he wanted you to taste it too, to be as consumed as he was. He was watching every twitch of your body, satisfied that it was all his doing, no force could stop him now, he was on the top of the world, he met eyes directly with God while taking in the sight of you.
Soon he followed after you, an abrupt stop in his pace while he spilled hotly into you, indulging in every spurt, in every tremor that seized his body, because it was all for you and by you.
An epic,passionate, and tragic story the forbidden love between a free-spirited woman and a devout novice priest. A young model becomes the city's most famous harlot,y/n,jake sim, a young novice said to be a saint, for whom she falls in love. However, the boy is kept under the strict, severe doctrine of Father kim, a conservative priest intolerant even to every minor sin.୨ৎ
Warning ೀ
Forbidden Romance, Religious Guilt, Mutual Yearning, Sex Work,smut,Period Piece, 1960s, Catholic Guilt, Internal Monologue, Class Differences, Enemies to Lovers , Slow Burn, Idiots in Love, Sexual Tension, Moral Dilemmas, Political Intrigue, family problem ,Communism & Socialism, Satire, High Society, Small Town Mentality, Ex-Socialite , Saint vs Sinner Tropes, Character Study, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, Heavy Drama, Social, Hypocrisy, Redemption Arcs,Bi Panic , Melodrama, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Torture, Tears, Religious Imagery
note: i'm a little bit sad and missing jay so here it is
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You hurt him, you knew, the cruel words that slipped out of your mouth in the moment of weakness, you didn't mean any of them, the anger possessed you and you've said the first thing on your mind.
"I don't even need you." Oh,what a lie that was, when you knew all of the nights that would've suffocated you if it weren't for him, when he held you as you choked on your tears, trying to hold them back. Why did it hurt so much? It was better to let go rather than to hold on, but you didn't know any better. That's when his warm touch came in and soothed you, you hid in his chest, his scent calming you, it was of laundry detergent and something that felt like home, but not the childhood one, that was faded in your memory, a nostalgia that can't be reached, but rather a future home, one that you would make.
Now the tears were streaming down your face, relentlessly, with the slamming of doors, Jay left you all alone with your regrets. You were worried to death, outside it was pouring, reflecting the turmoil you felt inside of yourself, the lightning illuminated the living room. It was dark, but when you started the argument, it was still daytime.
You should look for him, that was the only thought that occupied your mind, when you got up from your position on the floor, you've collapsed there a little later after he left, your knees feeling weaker than ever. How could you be such a fool and utter those words, you grabbed the umbrella that was resting by the door, not for you but for him.
You hurried outside, the harsh wind greeting you, inside yourself you were scared, where could have he gone in this weather? You didn't bother opening the umbrella, steps taking you further away from your home, you've searched everywhere nearby, but no sign of him. You even called his name several times, in the rush he didn't take his phone with him, but to no avail, he was nowhere to be seen. Defeated,drenched, the rain has many times washed away your tears, you returned slowly, trying to check the places you've missed.
Only to hear the call of your name, a tap on your shoulder, and then being slammed against a chest. Familiar scent filled your nostrils immediately, all of your atoms sighed in relief. All of after it was a blur, coming home together, the apologies on your end that wouldn't stop, the warmth of the room that has enveloped you, before you knew it you were being seated on the couch.
"Why did you go looking for me?", he said, finally looking into your eyes, his were glassy, shining with the unshed tears, "you scared the hell out of me.", he continued, stroking your hair. The heat of your argument was long forgotten, when faced with the fear of losing each other, all of the petty feelings dissipated, leaving only silent devotion.
"I don't deserve you.", you choked out, a little dazed from the way he was looking at you, with soft intensity, with gentleness but still with a hint of strength. His eyes have always intrigued you, they were your anchor, your safe harbor, when all of the waves of life start hitting you, he was there. Even now, after a fight, somewhere in the deepest part of yourself you knew, he wasn't really mad at you, on the surface maybe but his love ran deep.
"Hey, don't say that, you know you do.", he whispered into your hair, his words soothing in the darkness of the night. The tiredness slowly crept in, into your bones a steady ache was settling, you let yourself be overtaken by it, relaxing into his hold.
He was always there to remind you, that you were good enough, but you knew you weren't, you'll never be, he was just another kind soul that took you under his wing, that promised to take care of you. Like all other times, this time too you will believe those words,even if just for a moment, you will feel worthy of his love.
summary: desperation led you to church where you gained affection from a good willed priest.
wc: 11.3k
warnings: heavy mentions of religion, blasphemous themes, smut mdni: unprotected intercourse, oral(m receiving), masturbation (m), alcohol, throwing up, testing of faith, probably some inaccuracies
note: this is fiction! this is a repost from my blog, stellargolden.
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
Why did you give in? You knew it was forbidden from the start, yet you gave in. Nobody knew, it was a secret between you and him.
And the God from above, his ever-seeing eye on you, following your movements, reading your thoughts. He was everywhere, you couldn't hide from Him. His presence was the most evident in His creation, for some it was nature, the mountains, the sea or the desert, but for you it was one specific piece, one that came last in His genesis, one that was by Greeks made from clay and water and given life.
It was a man. There wasn't a better example of his genius from that one and it wasn't any man you were talking about, it was somebody special. Somebody whose beauty rivals that of angel's.
He was the most perfect, an incarnation of all your flesh's desires but he was the most prohibited of them all.
You cursed the day you met him, what kind of providence leads you to him only for him to never be yours. You could have anyone you wanted, no stranger to gazes of other men, of their interest, but no, your body and soul belonged to none other than him. The priest.
Now, you weren't the most of religious of people, but you prayed, you prayed till your brain started to bleed, your cry to Heaven, strong and desperate. Somehow, the Heavens never answered, so you decided to change the place of your prayer, from your bed to a cathedral. The tall, gothic walls, only induced you anxiety, the grandness of the place suffocating you, but still you went.
There you saw him, illuminated by the sun rays which were creeping through the stained windows, he was just exiting the confessional, dressed in all black, as a priest would be, his white clerical collar stark contrast to the rest of his clothing. Two sharp, eagle like eyes greeted you, they were the darkest shade of brown, almost black, you swore he saw right through your soul with that gaze alone. Penetrating and all consuming, he saw through your desperation, your call for help. He thought who was this girl that had such sorrow and defiance in her eyes? He could see, it was a gift if you could say, he knew your pain.
The eye contact was a lot of shorter than you thought it was, ending quickly but the impact it left on you was immense. You wanted to fall on your knees right there and then, weep like a child.
You thought you weren't a sinner by any means, but in his gaze you felt like the worst of them all, because deep down in your core you felt a strike of desire. It was brief but strong, an instinct of a sinner awakening.
"Do you need any help?", when Jay looked back and thought, he swore that the devil himself made him utter those words. Now, he was a holy man, but the devil preyed like a tiger on anyone, waiting to attack.
You needed a minute to realize that he was indeed referring, to you.
"I just, I came for a visit, to see the architecture, I mean.", you scrambled for an answer,cheeks turning pink.
A liar. He thought, a beautiful one at that. Where did that adjective come from? He set his face with a neutral expression.
"So you are not one of the followers?", he inquired, raising his eyebrows.
"No, I'm a just a visitor.", you concluded, serious about not telling him the real reason you were there.
"Well, then feel free to look around.", he said, faint smile on his lips, "If you change your mind I'll be in the back.", then he left, leaving you alone. A feeling of emptiness remaining.
That was your first meeting.
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"Why are my prayers not working, father?", you questioned into the silence, lips slightly trembling while uttering those words.
Jay sighed in response, that was a heavy question, even for him, no matter how often he heard it.
What made you come and ask him this? You yourself were unsure, but few weeks passed and your feet have only been leading you to one place. You found yourself visiting, once, twice and then everyday, sitting at the pew, staring at the cross above you. Sometimes you bowed your head, resting it on the cold wood, not thinking, not praying just resting. Jay saw all of that, the way you gazed at the floor, absent. He saw you resilience in coming here, but why weren't you reaching out to him? He could help you, at least he thought he could. A talk never hurt no one, especially with someone as educated as him.
You simply couldn't, this place became familiar to you, and man residing in it, but you were not ready for conversation. Something changed all that, nothing grand or special. Something moved you, unknown, one second you were at home the next you were talking with him. You felt as if you were going to die, if you didn't do that. Maybe just maybe, that force was him, him in his prayers, him at night that thought of you.
He knew that someone like him shouldn't think of a woman that much, especially before sleep, but you have woven your place into his thoughts, your sad eyes, your presence daily in the church. He just wanted to help you, that's what he told himself, even when you sneaked your way into his evening prayers.
"It is often that what we pray for is not aligned with God's will.", he answered gently, as if he was afraid that if he raised his voice a little more you would run away. You looked so scared asking him that, it tickled something inside of him.
"But how do I know what is God's will?", you said, solemn expression on your face.
You were both sat at table in the room where he usually did paperwork for the church, prepared for his sermon and so on. The air smelled like something stale, ancient was there, it was probably the old paint on the walls and the paintings which were there for generations.
"You just need to get close to Him and let yourself be led.", Jay said, serious, he continued:" But... leave all the pride behind and be humble.", now he thought that was going to hurt, that was your problem, he saw it in your eyes, but he had to be honest with you.
Something changed in your eyes, he recognized it as arrogance.
"Why are only my prayers not humble, when people around me get all that they want and more!", your tone was emotional, ready to argue. You were sick of all that talk, it seems like you always wanted what you couldn't get , hopeless. You were the only who God didn't like, it was like that.
"It's..., he started but you didn't let him finish, fed up. "You know what, all of this is stupid, I shouldn't have come here.", you started to get up, taking your coat from the chair.
"Wait!", he almost yelled, getting up as well, he added hurriedly:" I'll do the research for you, I'll help you, just promise me you'll come here again."
Jay was a gifted priest, yes, but he was also still young, oblivious to some things in his profession, he might have missed something, something that could help you, he was going to consult with someone older, he was going to study more.
You looked at his eyes, there was a speck of desperation in them, you knew it too well. It disappeared in a second, like the light was playing tricks on you but you knew what you saw. His words didn't soothe you, didn't even come close to helping you, but then you looked at him again. At the black of his clothes, the shadow he cast over the wall, at his brown hair, golden in the sunlight. Suddenly, a sense of calm washed over you, you couldn't name it, but it was there, present in the silence. If you strained you ears more you could hear his breathing.
He was there in front of you, in flesh, alive, blood the same as yours running through his veins. He was human.
That realization felt like a salvation finally coming to you. You were not alone anymore, there was someone else with you.
You couldn't be in that room anymore, you had to leave. Now. You grabbed your coat that was resting on your hands, put it on and stormed out of the room. No goodbye, no promise.
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
Jay was taking a walk, admiring the nature, how perfect his Creator made it and the way it rested his soul, like the most beautiful song. He felt the most inspired when he was outside, the fresh air clearing his thoughts and his focus returning. He was content with his life's calling, he loved what he was doing.
Then he saw a figure he got to know well, your hair flowing in the wind as you walked towards him. He noticed you first, you were too caught up in your thoughts, absent from the world around you.
It was the third day he hasn't seen you, ever since that talk in his office, you hadn't come.
You approached silently, his footsteps came to a stop, wanting to greet you.
"Hello.", he said, you lifted your head up, surprise in your eyes, then it turned to disappointment. You were not happy to see him.
"Hi.", you were ever the kind, choosing to greet back, but you continued to walk.
Jay moved his hand in front of you, stopping you. When he realized what he's done, he hastily removed his hand, as if he was burned.
"Wait, you still haven't come to talk.", he started.
"I didn't promise you, did I?", you fired back, annoyed.
"Then where are you going, as I know this is the path to church."
You looked up at him, surprise again gracing your gaze, you didn't even know you were headed in that direction, letting your feet guide your way. Somehow you ended up in the same place, with the same person again.
"I don't know.", you mumbled, defeated, luckily he caught the vulnerability in your voice before it drifted away in the wind.
He only smiled without showing his teeth, trying to comfort you.
The smile on his face was enticing and mysterious, you wanted to see more of it.
His cheeks were slightly red from the cold creating a pretty blush and his eyes turned warm brown. You weren't a painter by any means but then you wanted to immortalize that sight. It filled your heart with warmth.
"So are you going to visit or no?", he repeated the term you used on your first meeting.
"I guess I could but I don't want to talk."
"A deal.", he answered, letting you pass him by, watching your disappearing form for a long time.
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You continued your visits to the church, just sitting there, relaxing, those tall walls became your home. It was as if only there your thoughts could run free.
Though not once did you attend the mass, you didn't like meeting people there, didn't want to hear them praise and sing. The silence was enough for you, the closest you felt to divine.
Jay's presence became like a steady hum in the background, like white noise. Even when you didn't see him, you knew he was near, somewhere in his room.
Sometimes, when you didn't know, when you were too caught up in your stupor, he observed you from afar. He was only taking a break from work that was it, even though that was part of it as well. He wanted to break your walls, to get to you.
Where did that desire come from? It must have been God. It was innocent after all, right?
He has been reading feverishly, all kind of religious books, writings from saints, anything he got his hands on. He wasn't aware of it but he has become obsessed with helping you.
Little did he know, there was another motive for the continuation of your visiting. Ever since you saw him in the street, surrounded by all the earthly things, like dirty benches and pavements with cracks in them. You saw him as part of that world too, in a different light, you saw him as a man.
A woman should never under any circumstances see a priest as a man. It was a sin.
Who are you to care about such a trivial sin, when you were forsaken already? No prayer of yours reached to God anyway.
Slowly, your gaze has changed, he didn't notice that because all of your interaction were brief after that happening in his office. But your eyes now lingered on his hands for example, on the veins that adorned them, on his slender fingers, his neatly trimmed nails.
You didn't just behold them, no, you imagined how they would feel inside of you.
Your gaze straying away from his face many times, focusing on his shoulders instead, how they filled the shirt he wore, strong and manly or how his Adam's apple protruded from his neck, bobbing as he swallowed, while he talked to you.
Yes, you two talked now. It wasn't about religious matters like before, he left that be, thinking someday he would reach to you but slowly. It was about your day, about something small, about how you liked dogs but didn't own one. About how you thought you were never going to have children, never going to marry. He only laughed at that, saying how you never know.
It was the first time you saw him full on laughing, his perfect pearly whites showing, a breath escaping him, so childlike, creases appearing at his cheek. Again, warmth spread all over your chest at the striking sight.
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One day you came to God's home at an unfamiliar time, it was later in the evening, the lights were on. The closer you got you could hear a faint melody coming from inside, you halted your steps, thought running through your mind that you shouldn't enter.
Curiosity got the best of you for you cracked the door open with clammy hands, taking a peek inside. Empty pews greeted you, but still a song could be heard. You then looked up to the small corner where usually piano was.
There they were, maybe a dozen young people were gathered around someone playing an acoustic guitar.You knew well who that someone was, you could recognize those clothes anywhere. His fingers were strumming the strings with care, his gaze was lowered on the instrument producing the beautiful sound.
You didn't know he could play, so well at that. You were starstruck, something about the whole atmosphere brought tears to your eyes, you quickly blinked them away. Closing the door, taking a deep breath in and leaving to your home. You couldn't come close, you didn't have the courage. Your awakening feelings were burdening you, now they even surpassed the simple crush turning into something deeper. You were afraid to death.
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It was your greed that made you move then. It wasn't God for he wouldn't approve of it.
You completely changed your wardrobe, before as it was winter it consisted of a long coat and jeans, nothing special. Now when it was approaching spring, you opted to wear dresses. Not any kind of dresses, those with lace that accentuated your figure. You wanted him to look, but he never did.
Jay thought nothing of the change, thinking you were only growing more accepting if your femininity. He saw that as a good sign, after all a woman should express herself as one. Also those dresses weren't inappropriate by any means, they were still fit for church, just different from your usual wear and Jay wasn't any kind of priest. He was a devoted one, God fearing, he wouldn't look at a woman with a lustful gaze.
Until he did.
One day, you came to him, saying how you were finally ready to talk but had one condition. It was to be at your home.
Jay might be kind hearted and seeing only the good in people but he wasn't stupid. He knew you could talk in his office just as well, he knew you had an ulterior motive, he just wasn't aware what.
He pondered for a long time whether he should go or not. On one hand it could have been innocent, you were kind of friends now, maybe you wanted a different atmosphere and so on, but then it could be a trap as well. His guardian angel whispered not to go as well as his intuition, but the devil tempted.
He has not forgotten about him, no matter how much he strayed away from sin, how much he devoted time for prayer he was still on Earth and so susceptible to his influence.
So he went.
He mentally got ready for all the questions you could ask, all the doubts you could have.
What he didn't get ready for was your motives because they were crafted by the evil one.
You wanted to seduce him, to make him break his promise to God, you wanted him, as a woman would want a man, carnally.
You didn't prepare much, just a small meal, wanting to offer it to him and some wine. You didn't want to make him drunk, just to loosen him up a bit also you weren't going to touch him first. You wanted him to come to you on his own will.
You were in the depths of yourself unsure, as you always were, is this going to work?
A knock resounded at the door. It was him.
You took a deep breath in, walking to the entrance, with a tremble in your hand you opened the door. Jay's face came into view, a welcoming glint in his eyes. You relaxed immediately, shoulders slumping.
"Come in.", you said, showing him in.
"Thank you.", replied, he carried a bag with him, it seemed thick.
His eyes fell on the table, surprised evident on his face.
"I didn't come here to eat though.", he said, slight question in his tone, he was confused.
Your heart beat was drumming in your ears, the tips of them turning red.
" I just, I thought you might be hungry.", you fumbled with your hands in front of you.
He noticed, he always did, his features softening.
" I came here to talk with you.", his voice was gentle bordering a whisper.
Why was he acting that way? It felt like he was crossing a line he shouldn't cross, being careful with you, being aware if every little change in your attitude.
Jay cleared his throat, composing himself.
"I won't eat, but I guess I could have some water, if you're offering."
You nodded your head, suddenly all your resolve crumbling. Things never went your way. Your dress which you changed into, he didn't even glance one time at it.
You didn't know, but when you turned around, he could see the back if your neck, your hair was gathered up. It looked so delicate and soft, he wondered what it was like to trail fingers down it.
There it was. Temptation has come.
Jay shook his head, willing the thoughts to go away, but they didn't want to, they already took root at the pit of his stomach.
He lowered his eyes, focusing on the floor instead.
"I have some wine.", you offered
"No, thank you.", he responded, still staring at floor, unsure of what to do with himself.
"You drink it at the mass though.", you insisted, some kind of courage coursing through you.
"That's not wine, that's the blood of Christ.", he said, turning serious, the lightness of the situation suddenly gone.
He finally sat, down, water in front of him, he opened his bag taking some kind of documents out.
You were not interested, your focus was on his fingers as they worked, shuffling the papers, gripping at them. Those same fingers that played the guitar last night, you wondered what kind of other miraculous things they were able to do.
He caught you in the act, his eyes falling for moment at his hands as well, then he lifted them up as if he hasn't noticed anything.
Slight tension was becoming palpable in the air.
"Okay, so you asked me about your prayers right?", he started.
"Yes.", you finally had the chance to stare at his eyes.
Honestly, you didn't even care anymore, given up on the whole God thing. You were just entertaining this friendship ,if you could call it that, just because you liked him.
"One of the problems could be unconfessed sin.", he continued, "You should come at confess, Y/N.", your name came out of his mouth without any honorifics, you liked the sound of it.
You only scoffed in response.
"I haven't killed anyone.", to you all of this conversation was humourous.
"I know.", how was he so sure, you thought.
"But, sin is not just murder, it's different for everyone.", he wanted to say something but he wasn't sure if it was appropriate, especially in your presence, but then again he's heard it from people many times. So he left all the hesitation behind. It was professional, after all.
He started to speak slowly, :"Lust of the flesh is a sin too, I'm not implying anything, just letting you know."
No, he was implying, if only he knew the thoughts which ran through your head when he wet his lower lip, tongue swiping over it. Okay, you might be a sinner in his eyes. Maybe he already knew, it didn't matter.
You weren't a kid, you knew he was talking about touching yourself, knew the stance which priests would have on it.
What you didn't expect is to talk about it with him, when you've already stained your sheets numerous times to the thought of him.
"What am I supposed to do when the need comes?", you questioned seemingly innocent. You waited for his answer with bated breath, something flashed in his eyes as always, then dissipated.
"You should pray to God for strength.", he said, serious as ever.
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He departed from your home after that, saying he hoped that he helped you, inviting you to mass and that's it. Wine not drank, food not eaten. You were feeling sad and frustrated. Maybe he just didn't see you like that, maybe he was a too holy of man to actually act on it.
You drank all the wine after by yourself.
The need to do something was overwhelming, you just didn't know what.
You fell asleep that night, alone and full of desire.
Jay, on the other hand, couldn't for the love of God get a wink of sleep.
He has gotten up many times to get on his knees and pray, then returning to bed, tossing and turning. He couldn't get the sin away from his mind, it clawed at him, lingered around him breathing into his ear.
He knew the lust well, from his teenage days, when like any boy's, his body was enveloped in some kind of fever. Recurring dreams taking place, waking up in sweat. It was nature he knew, but God's proximity was always there not letting him fall into temptation.
Then he got his calling, all of it stopping, he grew up somewhere between all of that.
The need didn't return ever since.
Until now, his head was plagued with images of you. Your pretty eyes graced with desperation, maybe a little teary from all the pleasure, mouth open, tongue peeking out.
No! The devil himself has weaved those thoughts in his mind, he was only being tempted. He could go through this, he had to.
In response his body burned even hotter.
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The next day he walked through the church with dark circles and a heavy body. He even stumbled across some words at the morning mass, he was completely out of it, that has never happened to him.
You didn't come that day, not the day after it either. All the while he was tortured each night, he was so frustrated, anger almost consuming him. He was never mad at God, but he was starting to ask himself why was he tempted? Just now, when everything came into place.
He couldn't forget your form, the smooth skin of your neck and now you weren't coming anymore, he wondered why.
He lay on his bed, the giant cross residing above it, watching everything from above.
He was wide awake once again, rosary clutched at his hand, his fingers feeling numb from how hard the held onto it. When the car passed the shadows danced along the walls, their light briefly illuminating his room.
The burning sensation spread all over his body and settling deep into the pit of his stomach. He forgot where he was in prayer, he didn't even realize he stopped, his thoughts consumed by you again.
You, on your back, facing the ceiling and him above you, resting on his arms. Your breasts were visible from your thin sleep wear, nipples hard.
He swallowed the saliva that pooled in his mouth at the mental image, beginning to strain against his pants. Fingers of his one hand inched closer to his crotch, the other gripped the beads even more tightly.
He has never been so terrified before, hand trembling, sweat dripping down his neck.
He grazed his hand against his hard on, just a little brush and groaned out at the contact. Pleasure overtaking him just from one touch. He did it again, palming himself over the pants.
He gritted his teeth, trying to keep the sounds in, but continuing his movements, now fully touching himself.
It felt so good, he hasn't experienced such ecstasy ever.
He imagined what you would sound like, what you would look like while overcome with pleasure, he wished you were with him, your hand on him instead of his own.
He was approaching his high steadily, he sensed it before it happened and wanted to cry out to Lord, to help him one last time before he sinned completely.
But he couldn't stop it, pleasure exploding inside of him, reaching the tips of his toes. Dark spot appearing at his pants, staining the fabric with milky liquid.
The beads of rosary snapped under his fingers, rolling all over the bed.
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Where were your beautiful eyes now to comfort him? Why weren't you coming? Jay thought as he witnessed the first sun rays of a new day. The events of last night replaying in his mind. He has sinned, he has lusted after a woman. He was no longer pure, no longer the holy man everyone held him as.
He got up from his bed, remnants of his transgression still clinging to him. He changed into new fresh clothes. He fastened his collar, the whiteness of it reminding him even more of his betrayal.
He stared at his reflection in the mirror, there was a glint in his eyes that wasn't there before. Something has shifted. Jay only sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair, ruffling it.
Another day to get through, now all of it felt like a chore, the things in which he found enjoyment in, all of them seemed like a burden now.
Jay decided, it was a vile thing to do, but he is going to repent and then never stray into sin again, he was sure of it.
By the time sun set, his will turned to stone, he wasn't going to relapse again.
Enveloped in the evening you came.
You never appear this late, what happened, he was getting kind of worried. Again, that instinct inside of him.
You smiled when your eyes met his, as if you knew, as if you were then with him then, tempting him in flesh. Now, you didn't know, but you had an inkling, you knew that with your words, with your implications you planted a seed of something inside of him.
You just waited for it to bloom, leaving him on his own, you might have delved into the forbidden territory now but you weren't going to seduce him directly. You were too afraid to do that. You already gave in, entertaining the idea of being with him, of knowing him as a man, but only in your thoughts.
"Long time no see.", you started the conversation lightly.
"Is everything okay?", he asked, it was three days and three nights that he hasn't seen you.
"Just got caught up with work.", you lied, again.
"I see.", Jay mumbled, glancing at the prayer book held in his hand.
"I have a meeting in about 10 minutes, you can listen, if you want.", he offered.
You thought of leaving, but some kind of force moved you to say,: "I could.", part of you wanted to hear him play again, to witness it once more.
You didn't even notice but people were slowly trailing in the church, most of them were young, teenagers, it was a youth's meeting. You felt out place amongst them, not looking once at him and choosing to go to the farthest pew, where you could still hear the music.
Jay brought the guitar with him, starting to play, his fingers worked slowly, he began to sing as well. Sudden melancholy passed over you at hearing his voice, some feeling you've never experienced before, at that moment, you felt remorse for every lustful thing you've thought about him. You felt dirty and sinful for having touched into something so divine, so pure.
You hated on your nature, on your inclination to sin, but unbeknownst to you it wasn't only your nature at play.
He had that inside of him as well, no one was free from that. He might have gotten a call and he thought it was definite, but God above knows that something hidden in the depths of him, called out for you too.
"Your goodness will lead me home.", he finished the song, the one he wasn't singing for God anymore,no,he sang it for you only. His fingers didn't glorify Him anymore, his devotion was beginning to point towards you.
You wiped at the tears that emerged from your eyes, turned around and left, you couldn't bear it anymore.
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That's how it went for the few weeks, you weren't coming anymore to just stare at he floor and be in silence,you came to hear him. Both of you having almost no contact, aside from small nod here and there. You thought that was it, you have given up on God, given up on the priest. Part of you was satisfied to just watch from afar, but another one was angry. Jealous even. Even the small ounce of salvation you have gotten, it dissipated into thin air.
So you did what you thought was the best, you numbed yourself.
You partied, hard, you drank everything that came under you hands, the stronger burn the better. The haze in your mind comforting, warmth that spread through you blood addicting. Alcohol was your escape, men's touch as well, their stupid sweet words that only wanted to lure you in. You fell for it all, without care in the world, you gave in completely to any kind of cheap high that you could get. Even if it meant coming undone on the stranger's fingers, hiding in the shadowed corner of the street in front of the club.
There was one thing you didn't admit to yourself ever, but you felt it when you sobered up, the clearness in your mind letting you see it for a moment. You wanted to scream then but the feeling went away just as it came, you getting drunk again and forgetting about it.
It lingered though, always at the back of your mind, not once did you keep your eyes open, they were always closed, imagining someone else's fingers, someone else's eyes following your each movement. Sometimes when you dreamed, you dreamed of black clothes and the light filtering through the stained windows. Of the cross and the scent of old wood.
That's how you found yourself in the taxi, which you don't even know how you called, liquor running through your veins. He asked where to drive you and you slurred the address, already half asleep. The man asked you to repeat and you did, he only raised his eyebrows and drove off.
Jay has just been waking up, getting ready for his morning prayer. He couldn't deny that he missed you, you were not showing up anymore, but he thought that was the will of God, coming up once again and saving him from the temptation. He was sad for loosing a potential believer though.
As he was thinking, a sound of thumping reached him, it was dulled, as if it was at the front door of the cathedral. No one was coming in this hour, that must have been stray cat or something else. He brushed it off, but the sound continued and something else too, like a voice. Now, he had to go and check, he got up, still in his sleepwear.
Coming closer , he could recognize he words "stupid", "priest" and "open", the voice was oddly familiar.
Finally he cracked the door open, taking a peek outside, warm air hitting face. It was still spring, but it was close to its end. Your form came into view, you in a short black dress, slumped against door, sitting on the ground. One of your hands was on the door, it looked like an uncomfortable position to be in. Surprise filled his eyes, his breathing coming to a stop. He whispered your name, like he was in a trance.
When you noticed him, you slowly got up stumbling, his hand reached out, settling on your waist, smell of alcohol invading his senses. You were drunk, very.
"Hey, slowly", he said, steadying you. You looked up at him, your eyes were a little teary, out of focus. A smile crept up on your face, greeting him with a mumble. You planted your forehead on his shoulder, finger coming to grip at his shirt. Now, somebody could see you there, he had to get you inside. He quickly removed your head, slinging on of your arms over his shoulder, guiding you inside and closing the door.
You were barely walking, dragging your feet. "Dear God, help me.", Jay said to himself, making you sit on a chair.
"Can you see me?", he asked, what a stupid question. You only stared at him, repeating his name, moving your hands towards him, he avoided them. A sad expression came onto you face.
"You...", you mumbled, "Don't want me...", he chose not answer, he had to get you home somehow.
"I think...", you continued, he watched you with bated breath. You put your hand on your mouth, realization dawning on him, he moved quickly. Jay practically carried you to the back and into the bathroom, praying on the way that you make it.
Thankfully you did, emptying your stomach into the toilet bowl, all the while he held your hair, saying "It's okay", then proceeded to pass out on the cold tiles of his bathroom.
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You woke up, head throbbing, staring at the unknown ceiling. Your fingers came to press against our temple,sheets rustling, they were kind of rough and their scent was that of a detergent and something else. You got up, pressing your feet to the floor and looked around. A cross, directly above the bed. Oh no.
The memories of last night came flooding in, all tangled together but one thing you were certain, you made a fool out of yourself. How did you even come here, out of all places? Oh, yeah the confused taxi driver, that you did remember.
The sound of door clicking open startled you out of your thoughts. There stood Jay, in his daily clothes. What time was it?
"So you woke up.", you couldn't look him in the eyes, staring at your fingers playing with the edge of the sheet.
"I'm so sorry.", you said with a small voice, getting up, the banging in your head getting worse.
He came further into room, pointing at he night counter,:"First, drink that.", there was a glass of water,light dancing in it. You obeyed, downing it in one go, you were thirsty.
"Sit.", he commanded, again you listened, you would do anything he told you.
Finally, with fear reflecting on your eyes, you looked up at him. He seemed angry with you, stern look on his face.
"What was last night about? Why did you drink so much?",your name followed the question, the sound of it cut right through you.
"I don't know.", you cast your gaze down.
"You do.", he said searching for your eyes, "You do.", he repeated, quietly
What were you supposed to say? That it's because of him? Because you can't forget him?
You weren't sober enough for this and your head was killing you. Your clothes were uncomfortably sticking to your skin, now you felt self conscious under his gaze, putting your hands on your knees.
His eyes followed your movement, then quickly retreated from your naked knees.
"God give me strength." , he thought, he didn't know if he was to push you further. You looked so small, sitting on the edge of his bed, your hair a mess.
Jay sighed deeply, he was going to let you leave, like you always do, but he was also confused, his heart and mind having opposing ideas. Just when he was starting to forget, you showed up again. There was no escape, no peace.
In you, however, various emotions waged a war like no other, why did you have to end up in front of him again? Sharing the same air, breathing in his scent, that was him, you thought, that something that clinged to the sheets.
You thought maybe just one time you were going to do it, even if you were to be damned forever. Just once, you were going to be a sinner you were born to be.
You got up, determination in your step and walked towards Jay. He just stood there, not reacting quickly enough.
You grabbed his hand, it was warm against yours and put it on your chest. He tried to break free from your hold then eventually gave up, his hand going limp.
"I want you.", you said, trying to sound as honest as you could. He could feel how clammy your fingers were but as much as it was against his inhibitions, he enjoyed the contact. His heart couldn't help but beat louder in his chest.
Jay looked at you with pain gracing his eyes, he was an image of a man tortured. He shook his head, pulling his hand back, your touch lingered.
"It's better you leave.", he said, defeat in his voice, stepping aside from you.
So you left. It was different this time, you weren't running away, you were leaving with something precious, with the ghost of his touch. You finally got to feel what his skin against yours is like, what you dreamed about for months, you were closer than ever. His hesitation was like a promise to you.
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Next evening come, you were out with a friend. She noticed you were kind of out of it, not prone to having fun anymore, drink resting in your hand, untouched.
"You're no fun tonight.", she said, glancing your way.
"Yeah, sorry.", you answered, absentmindedly staring at the lights on the dance floor. Why did you even come here? When your mind was elsewhere, in certain tall building. You wondered if he was praying or sleeping right now.
Most of all you wondered if he thought about you.
None of this distractions really helped, considering the fact that you still ended at his doorstep, drunk out of your mind. No other men mattered, their touch might have lightened a fire inside of you, but that was only temporary relief. You were imaging him the whole time anyway.
"I'm going to leave.", you announced to her, she only waved you off. You never liked her much anyways, she was just someone that would tag along with you.
You decided to walk, it wasn't that late. The streets were illuminated with artificial lights, the air was warm, breathing it in you calmed down. Under the stars you felt safe, as if you were hugged from all above.
Your building came quicker than expected, you being entertained by your thoughts the whole way back.
You imagined then, that he was waiting for you, head leaned on the door, eyes staring at the ceiling, shoe tapping nervously.
Except he wasn't, empty hallway greeted you.
You thought till when is this going to last, was it just a dream what happened yesterday? You outwardly said you wanted him, you didn't confess but the meaning was still there. Maybe you should've voiced those words differently, to convey your true feelings for it was now becoming much deeper than just want. He now occupied the part of your heart, having reserved himself a place, not anyone could fill anymore.
That night, you fell asleep the most sober you have ever been.
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Inside Jay there was a growing void, one that not even God could fill. Ever since that night, his thoughts have been consumed by you. You said you wanted him, did you know he wanted you too?
Every night he has been burdened by the same dream, your lips on his, your body under him. Needs were awakening in him, those he didn't have before. He was content, now he was empty. Something under his skin itched, tickling and always present.
He couldn't escape from it, prayer stopped working. He was absent during mass, in the confessional, in his office, everywhere where he was there was a thought of you.
Those intrusive thoughts were killing him, he felt as if he was underwater and the air his lungs needed was you.
He would lay awake at night, watching the ceiling like hawk, again, in one hand he clenched a rosary so hard that it left imprints on his skin, while the other was clawing at the sheets. He was in pure torture, wondering why did his God abandon him.
Then one night, after the evening service, as he was just getting changed in the back, a soft knocking resounded at the door of the room.
He ceased his movements, turning around and there you stood, like a vision coming from above.
He voiced out your name, softly.
"I came for a confession.", you said, serious as ever.
He repeated your name, this time louder.
You fell on your knees in front of him, begining to say:" Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been...", he stopped by you grabbing you by the arms, forcefully pulling you up.
"For the love of God, stop.", he never repeated the Lord's name vain, yet he did it in front of you.
"What? I am confessing.", you said, frustrated.
"I know what you are going to say, please don't.", he finally let go of you, moving a step back. You took one forward.
"How do you know?", you asked, continuing,:" How do you know it is about me having a lustful thoughts.", you paused, "about a priest."
Jay winced when that came out of your mouth. You came even closer, bringing your face to his. His breathing started to get laboured, eyes darting from yours to your lips. The tension was thicker than ever.
It culminated when you crashed your lips onto his own, tasting him, finally, the forbidden fruit sweet on your tongue. His lips were a little chapped but soft none the less, euphoric feeling was coursing through you and then you felt it. The pressure, he kissed back, enveloping your mouth in his own.
Like a man starved, he didn't kiss he devoured, holding onto restraint for so long, it snapping all at once. You opened your mouth, coaxing his tongue in, it running over yours, exploring your mouth. You couldn't help but moan, grabbing at his hair, pulling him closer.
Both of you came up for air, panting, his lips swollen, your lipstick smudged at the corners. There was a wild glint in his eyes, his pupils blown, darkness swimming in them. Then he seemed to come to his senses, hands grabbed your shoulders creating a distance between the two of you.
He looked once at the floor, then at you again. He just betrayed himself and his God, all of it crashing down on him at once. He felt disgusted by himself but his lips still tingled, aching for more of your touch.
You stared at him, waiting for him to lash out at you, to scream, because you just crossed the line, but again, he did it too. He kissed you back and with fervor.
It seemed like the devil took control of him completely because he couldn't talk, only think how he wants that to happen again.
He heard a lot about heaven, but he didn't know that he would find it in the taste of you.
Jay turned around and braced one hand against the wall, willing his breathing to calm down.
You didn't know what to do, fiddling with your fingers, his silence keeping you on the edge.
"You know how wrong this is.", he said, facing you now.
"Jay.", you said, just his name alone, intimate and raw.
At the sound of it, pain flickered in his eyes, he brought his gaze up, glancing at the heavens. This was one of hardest moments in his life, he was on the precipice of something, be it salvation or damnation.
The temptation was there, more present than ever, if only he gave in a little, he could have what his body has been burning for. All those nights he spent in sweat, resisting, now it was almost at the palm of his hand, if only he reached out a little.
He cursed in his mind, actually cursed, so unlike for a priest and grabbed your hand, dragging you through the hall and into his room.
He locked the door, twice, begging the God to forgive him but no divine force could stop him.
You just stood in the middle of the room, surprised, watching his every move.
Jay took slow steps towards you until the back of your legs hit the bed. He lifted his hand up, putting it onto your chest and pushed you until you sat down. He came to stand in between your legs.
You watched his movements with a breath caught in your throat, there was a strange look in his eyes. You have never seen such a darkness invading them, they were focused on you, following every nervous twitch of your lips. His nostrils were slightly flaring from how aggressively he was breathing, he trailed his index finger down the line of your neck.
"Always so tempting.", he said, no warmth left in his voice.
He hummed as if he was deep in thought, other hand coming to cup your face, pulling it up so you faced him directly.
You looked up at him, him hovering over you, his eyes were focused on you, devouring you with their gaze alone.
Air was charged with so much electricity, just one match was needed to light up everything in flames. Then you did it, licking your lips subconsciously and swallowing, lump stuck in your throat.
That was all he needed, leaning down and crashing his mouth onto yours.
This time it was only heat, no gentleness, no uncertainty as it had been when you kissed him. He shoved his tongue in your mouth, rubbing it against yours, teeth crashing, some saliva dripping down. He lapped it all up, hungry for your taste.
Your hands were gripping at the front of his shirt, wrinkling the black fabric, engulfed in the intensity of the moment.
He pushes you further up the bed, putting his knee on top of it, caging you in.
He separated from you for a moment to kick off his shoes, then came back to leave warm pecks just under your jaw, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin there. His fingers tangled in your hair, tugging for you to move your head so he has more access.
You moaned at the pressure on your scalp, arms enveloping his shoulders, moulding your body with his.
Your thin dress did nothing to soothe the heat coming from your skin, the collar of his shirt tickling you. You glided your palms down his back, coming to rest at his front, working the buttons. He pulled his head up, coming to rest his forehead on yours, breathing heavily, watching your fingers fumble.
He helped you, ripping his white collar off in the process. The damnation was waiting for him surely but he was far to gone to care.
His bare chest came into view, your fingers splaying over it, looking deep into his eyes.
Then your turn came, the zipper of your dress being undone, it slipping from your body in one smooth movement.
There you were, only in your underwear, your breasts on display, nipples perked up,skin slicked with sweat. He stared, you were finally here, in his bed, under him, wooden cross above you both. His fingers danced around the lace of your panties, his eyes ogling, desire seeping through them, his other hand came to grope at your chest, pulling a whimper from you.
He was straining so hard against his pants, that it was beginning to hurt. He was dying to be inside of you already, cock twitching from the sole image of you and the way you were looking at him. With wanting and with submission, completely undone.
"Show me.", he whispered, still playing with your underwear.
Your fingers, in response, slipped under the waistband of you panties and pulled them off, sliding them down your legs. He swallowed at the sight, holding onto your thighs. You spread them apart and guided his fingers to your clit. You were so wet that they just glided against it, pleasure making you throw your head back.
Jay needed no time to learn. Rubbing at your nub of nerves with nimbleness, adjusting the pace while listening to the hitches in your breath. Then they wandered lower and lower, until his index and middle finger reached your entrance, slipping them inside.
"Yes, just like that.", you said, out of breath, focusing only on the motions of his hand.
He pumped his fingers in and out, enjoying the way you squirmed. He wanted to taste you, to see how would your wetness feel on his tongue, he licked his lips, resisting the urge just barely, that would have to wait for another time. Another time? He was already thinking of doing this with you again, no semblance of stopping the sin growing inside of him.
His mind was filled with various ideas, how he would like to take you, to have you. All of it couldn't be done by one time.
With his free hand he started to undo his belt, the clinking sound filling the room, mixing with your harsh breathing. It was hard to do it with one hand so he had to stop his ministrations, pulling out his finger with a wet pop, your wetness glistening on them.
He let out a faint moan at feeling, coming to take off his pants, smearing them with you in the process. Those clothes that signified his devotion to God, his restriction, his vow.
Now all of it was about to be broken.
He released himself from his underwear, bare before you, his cock hard against his stomach. Tip red and wet with drops of precum, some of it spilling down his shaft. Your hand reached out, grabbing a hold of him, tending to him with slow pumps of your hand, spreading the wetness even more.
A hiss escaped his mouth, he was so sensitive and ready, barely holding himself back. Then he moved, coming closer, his hands replacing yours and aligning himself with your entrance.
He sank in slowly, your walls fluttering around him, he welcomed the sensation. He has never felt that before, but the feeling was addicting, he pushed in more, bottoming out, groaning at the way you squeezed him.
He put his hands on the side of head, bracing himself and started moving, chasing the sweet feeling you were giving him. He let the pure, primal nature take over him, thrusting his hips in a quick movements, but still reaching deep.
He saw the way your eyes rolled back in your head, your mouth falling open, trying to suppress the moans from the back of your throat. You were aware that you two were still in the back of the church, of the God's house, but he felt so good inside of you.
With every glide of his cock, he brushed the most sensitive spot inside of you, even more wetness gushing out to coat him, aiding in his movements and the sound of his breathing, loud in your ears, fanning your face each time he exhaled.
"Where do you want it?", he asked through gritted teeth, voice rough from pleasure.
He was so close, his cock twitching, not being able to withhold it any longer, it was his first time after all.
"Inside.", you managed to say, almost ending in a moan.
Your fingers tangled on his nape, his hair slicked with sweat, you needed just a little more to come too. Arching your back for him to reach in even deeper, breasts brushing his chest.
He didn't answer, only burying his head in your shoulder, biting there to not let out any sound, his saliva warm on your skin. His orgasm crashing over him, spurts of his release filling you. You held onto his hair tighter with one hand,soothing him while other came to rub at your clit.
That did it for you, pleasure exploding behind your eyelids, painting your whole world in white, your pussy squeezing around him in intense waves.
Your head slumped against the pillow after, hand coming to rest limp on the sheets, aftershocks still running from you. He lifted up his head, forehead wet from sweat, pupils still blown wide, his mouth was slightly open, coming down from his high.
He removed himself from you slowly, as if he didn't want to part, your mixed releases spilling onto the sheets under. Feeling of emptiness enveloping you, you curling into yourself on the bed, overwhelmed.
Jay came to lay beside you, putting one hand over his eyes, breathing in deeply.
God, what has he done?
The thoughts didn't last for too long, he turned to you asking:" Are you okay?".
"I'm fine.", you sighed, looking around the bed for your clothes. You wanted him to hold you close, but he seemed so distant after it all.
After you just gave your body to him. Now, he yearned to be close to you as well, but the anxiety took over him. He was scared, to death. The realization dawning on him, he just willingly broke his vow.
He watched with trepidation in his eyes as you pulled your dress over your head, clumsily zipping it up. You didn't bother with underwear.
"Y/N.", he said your name like in a prayer, dazed.
You finally lifted up your teary eyes to his, Jay felt his heart breaking at the sight. It was because of him.
"This..", he began.
"Doesn't meant anything right?", you finished for him with a lump stuck deep in your throat.
"That's not.", he tried to, but you've already decided, he wasn't going to leave everything for you, no way. He might have broken his promise, but it must have been only the moment. His hesitancy was speaking volumes to you, he was too devoted.
You'll have to satisfy yourself with this brief, passionate encounter you had and forget.
He was a priest, you were just a tortured soul in his path, nothing else.
─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──
Jay continued his well known routine. Get up early, pray, prepare for the sermon, morning mass, confessional if needed and then evening mass, praying before bed and sleep.
Repeat.
One thing however wasn't right, he never confessed and repented for his wrongdoing.
He just like a hypocrite he became, smiled in front of people and talked about straying away from sin, about protecting your soul and virtue. All while his own was rotting away, playing with the devil.
He spent his nights with hand in his pants, fucking his fist to the thought of you.
He chose to keep it as a secret, what happened between the two of you. His own dirty secret, a certain ticket for hell.
He still thought about you, about your whereabouts, about your sweet voice and beautiful eyes. You came to him in dream each night.
He missed you until he couldn't take it anymore.
One night, he got dressed in normal clothes, locked the doors of the church and left in the direction of your home.
Night air was warm and fragrant, his body casting a shadow on the pavement, sharp and dark. He looked at it, it was a shadow of a man, nothing more.
That night, he became just a man, no adjectives could be added anymore, not holy, not devoted.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, he feels as if he lost something, closeness of God or His grace, His favour. Then he is brought close to tears, but all of a sudden a whiff of your scent invades his memory.
The way you felt under him, he was ready to give up place in heaven for it.
His legs brought you in front of your building, his mind filled with the thoughts of you.
Jay knocked on your door, once, twice, only silence greeting him. He was growing worried already, where were you this late at night?
Little did he know, you were staring at his form through the peephole, wondering whether to open or not.
His appearance surprised you, all those days you were tortured, replaying that night all the time. You got into temptation to go drinking again, but decided not to, too tired from not sleeping and just thinking.
You wanted it to mean something more, more than just desire, more than just lust.
The attraction you two had was out of this world already, but your heart ached too when you would see him, not just your core.
Another knock echoed.
You opened the door, face to face you both stood. Relief washed immediately over his features, his eyebrows relaxing from their scrunched position.
"Hi.", he said, his familiar eyes boring into yours.
You opened your mouth and closed it, unable to get out even a greeting.
"Can I come in?", he inquired, moving forward.
"What do you need?", you answered back with a question, it came out harsher than you wanted it to.
"You.", he fired back, in a blink of an eye.
That was so unlike him, you wondered what has gotten inside of him to talk that way to you, in public, on your doorstep.
"Look, let's talk inside?", he tried, gesturing with his hand.
You noticed the absence of his usual clothes, jeans so unfamiliar on him. You didn't complain, the way they fit him was so easy on the eye. You quickly darted your eyes up to his. He didn't fail to notice.
You sighed out, moving sideways so he could come in, his body brushed against yours. You jolted, reminded of how he felt that night, so impossibly close to you.
You closed the door with a click, leaning your back on it.
He darted his eyes around your apartment, taking notice of any changes that happened since the last time he was there. It seemed such a long time ago. The night of agony that followed.
Now it was all behind him, he was standing in front of you, beholding your form, finally.
Jay's hands itched by his sides, he wanted to touch you, he didn't think he would ever get enough. The greed was growing inside of him, relentless.
He came here to talk, really, but seeing you, your tired eyes, the dark circles under them and something unreadable in them too.
The need to hug you was overwhelming. So he did just that. Took few steps towards you and wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you in his embrace.
You couldn't move, couldn't think, only feel his warmth, it made your muscles relax just a little, your mind quietened.
The effect he had on you, calming even the most of violent storms inside of you. Except he was the cause of it and the cure.
You pushed him off with trembling hands and stared at the floor, not meeting his gaze.
"I'm so sorry.", he whispered, cupping your face, coming close once again.
He rubbed his thumb in soothing circles over your cheek, cherishing the feel of your skin on his. You moved your eyes to his, a pleading look crept up on your face, as if you were ready to get on your knees at any moment and beg. His eyes stared at you with such gentleness and softness that you couldn't resist them, forgetting about all the pain you went through.
His lips were slowly approaching your own, carefully, so you could pull back if you wanted to. When he saw no hesitancy,he slotted his mouth over yours, softly as if he was kissing a rose, so that your petals wouldn't fall off.
You sighed deeply into the kiss, tangling your fingers in his hair, it felt like something has awakened behind your rib cage, crawled its way up and out of your mouth and into his.
He welcomed each press of your lips on his, you opened your mouth, his tongue slipping inside, sensually exploring. He pushed you against the door, hands coming to grope at your hips, gliding over the small of your back.
It was so easy to get lost in the moment with him, to forget where he ends and you begin.
You would have never pulled away if it wasn't for your treacherous lungs that craved oxygen so much. Coming up for air, you took notice of the lust in his eyes, ache settling between your thighs.
You couldn't find your voice anymore, your blood rushing violently in your ears, instead you opted for gliding your hands over his shoulders.
Jay said your name once, trying to get your attention, searching for your eyes desperately. When your eyes finally met, he smiled that breathtaking smile of his, tucking a hair behind your ear.
He was ready, now. In the deepest, most hidden part of himself he knew. He would die without you.
That realization shook his whole being, slight tremors coming up to the tips of his fingers.
He loved you, no it wasn't just empty lust, you dug your way into his soul, engraving it with your name. He belonged to God only, now he belongs to you instead.
He has known it then, when the gave his body to you, it's just that feeling hasn't crystallized completely, the fog of anxiety covering it.
"I'll do it.", he said, serious as ever.
"Do what?", you questioned quietly as not to break the fragility of the moment.
"I'll leave everything behind and come to you.", he promised, sincerity dripping from his voice.
"You would do that?", you cast your eyes down,you didn't deserve that.
He repeated "yes" three times, once loudly with so much certainty and then whispered it against the skin of you neck, leaving soft kisses there.
Somehow that was more potent than any confession could be, surging through your veins and bringing new life to you.
You dropped down in front of him, unbuckling his belt in an instant. You needed to worship his body like it's holy, you needed to spell all your gratitude into his skin.
When he realized what you were about to do, his eyes bulged out, a shiver running through him. He was already hard and tenting in his underwear. You took him out, a hiss escaping his mouth at the air that hit him.
You licked his tip, tentatively, gulping down at his taste, letting saliva gather on your tongue and then spitting on him, watching it coat his shaft. He moaned out at the warm feeling, then you spread the wetness out with your hand, pumping him a little.
When he was properly lubricated, you slowly took him in your mouth, his cock sinking down you throat until your nose reached his stomach. He felt his knees buckle, one hand coming to brace against the door.
You bobbed your head up and down, flattening your tongue out, being careful of your teeth. Every movement was graced with devotion, bleeding from it. He thought all of his nerve endings were on fire, pleasure so intense consuming him, he threw his head back, breathing hard through his nose.
Your eyes were becoming teary from how deep you were taking him, spit dripping from the corners of your mouth, luckily your hair was in a ponytail already.
You took him out, licking a stripe along the underside of his shaft and then sucked on his tip gently, pumping him with your hand.
You felt he was close, twitching, his whole body tense, his hand was balled into a fist by his side.
You sank down once again, feeling him hit the back of your throat, you swallowed around him and he exploded inside of your mouth. You welcomed all of it greedily, the warm liquid trailing down your throat, you felt as if you've reached heaven, having him pour out his love to you.
He barely stood, gripping at the door for dear life, aftershocks running through his body, his heart beating out of its limits. While you were still down, wiping at your mouth, licking the remains, a faint moan coming out from you. You given head before but never like this, it was almost an out of body experience.
It was all because of him, he brought you a high you've never felt before, a feeling that could come only from above, as if he was a saint and led you to see His grace alone.
Except saints didn't fall apart on someone's tongue like that.
How sweet you've tasted on his tongue, not even the liquor that was sliding down his throat could replace the aroma, the scent of your skin that has made him dizzy each time, the desire that pooled at the depth of his stomach, the undying need to consume, to fill.
Nothing in this world could make him forget the sensation of being with you and now when his hands are around another girl's waist, her body leaning into his, craving more of his touch, his eyes, those treacherous eyes were on you.
You in the corner, seeing right through him, some kind of dark veil covered your eyes, the mystery of it drawing him in, as always. Were you jealous, was he doing this right?
Ever since you've broken up, this has been going on, him practically begging for you attention, you losing it and stumbling with him into the empty room, at this point you've said you will stop attending parties altogether, because every time it ended with him leaving his mark on you, deep inside of you.
Sunghoon. The name you've cursed many times, damned the day you met him, but also called it a blessing, because nothing brought you a high like him, no other drug could compare to the heat of his touch, to the sheer strength of him slamming you down into the bed. It was pure lust, you knew, love was buried somewhere deep, between the soiled sheets and empty bottles, only after you've drank to the last drop did the affection wait for you and it was all a blur after it, not knowing if the warmth that crawled it's way into his gaze was a mirage or not.
All reason aside, you've found yourself in the same position, your back to the bed, your front pressed against him, in some dimly lit room, on someone else's bed, as he left feverish kisses down the line of your throat. He was letting out grunts of his own, satisfied with having you where he wanted, he nipped at the skin there with his fangs, the same ones that would generously peek out when he was smiling at you. Nothing mattered when the heat of his body enveloped yours, his knee pressing in between your legs, while his hands gripped possessively on your waist.
His attention drifted to your chest that was peeking out of your tank top, while his fingers curved under the hem of the shirt and started to pull it up. You let him, you always did, arching your back further when he licked one of your nipples. Something about Sunghoon, something you couldn't name made you fall into submission much deeper than with any other man, maybe it was his godlike strength with which he handled you while still maintaining a dose of gentleness, or it was those eyes, those pits of black that were currently staring at you, somewhere in between you being stuck in your thoughts he stopped. He took notice of your absentmindedness, saying, "Focus."
Focus on him, that's what he meant, usually you would've listened but this time something awakened in you, something wicked.
"Why should I? You're going to leave anyways.", you uttered, still a little breathless from the foreplay.
Sunghoon drew his eyebrows together, a dark look overtaking his features, he seemed speechless for a moment then he drawled,"I won't, don't ruin the mood now.", his fingers once again splaying over your ribs. The promise in his words swayed you, even though you knew better in the back of your mind, your head relaxing against the pillow.
The relief was short lived, suddenly he turned you around so your head was buried in the sheets, hand caressing the trail of your spine, coming to grip at your ass over your jeans, then he reached to your front easily unbuttoning them and sliding them off. You were like a doll to him, he was playing with you how he wanted, completely at his mercy, you couldn't see him, only hearing the sound of the zipper being undone. Anticipation rose high in your blood, making your heart beat aggressively, your fingers gripped at the sheets, the hold turning clammy.
Without any preparation he entered you, luckily you were you were already soaked, he must have been mad at you for saying that earlier, some kind of cruelty has possessed him, his movements punishing.You had to adjust while bearing the strength of his thrusts, but somehow the pleasure it has caused you was immense, you were no stranger to this happening with him, his temper sometimes taking a hold. This time it was even more intense, he leveraged against the bed post, angling his hips in the way that would make your breath stop. He knew your body better than anyone else, you couldn't contain the sounds coming out of your mouth, them getting muffled by the fabric, you bit down on the pillow out of pure ecstasy.
He wasn't making love, he never did, even when he pretended to, but now he was absolutely ruining, he was taking your sanity with him, reducing you to a mess of sensations and whimpers.
You were approaching your high, almost thrashing against him, you would've slid of the bed if it wasn't for his arms holding you, he noticed the way you are squeezing around him and chose to remind you, slowing down his movements, "Tell me.", he whispered, his voice hoarse, you were so confused, your orgasm took from you, "Who do you belong to?". He was still deep in you, stretching you out, your wetness pooling in between your legs, and on the brink of release, you cried out his name desperately.
Satisfied he resumed his pace, letting you have your moment of divinity, granting it to you, in return he left a claim on you, staining the skin of your back. Then he got up, not bothering to clean up the mess the made and went looking for his things, you raised your head from the pillow, his silhouette barely visible from how little light came into the room, only his eyes twinkled with pride.
"See you around.", he said, opening the door and leaving.
His previous words resonated in your head once again, reminding you of what you were at the end of it all, a fool, but you were so addicted to the role of it, already imagining the next encounter.
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