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The heat was on

Looking back over the past couple of days, I am shocked at what I have achieved, but not sure the cost. Yesterday I completed my 130th consecutive day of Bikram Yoga. My goal was to go as many days in a row before I had a good reason to stop- imagining it would be a great job doing work that I loved, paying me what I deserved, with the unfortunate side affect of some long days. Unfortunately things are not always as good as my imagination. The reason came yesterday in class with case of heat cramps and heat exhaustion. How did this come about? Funny story really. On Sunday after class I attended a training session which mostly involved watching others perform five postures. When it was my turn, I was self-conscience and really pushed myself. I engaged my leg muscles like I never have before to make my postures better then I have ever performed them. The next few days my quads were sore; but, that is the sign of progress. I did not let up, continued to do additional exercise beyond class, including but not limited to walking a few miles to the beach, running barefoot on the beach, walking home, and additional posture practice. On top of all the physical activity, it mentally hit me rather hard that my wife officially filed for a divorce on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I got up at 5AM to make it to the 6:30 yoga class because I had other appointments that would not allow me to practice later in the day. Upon waking up, I received a text from a friend asking if we could push back dinner and do an evening yoga class. I was excited and immediately tried to go back to bed for some additional sleep. With this new found room in my day, I decided to treat myself to a massage, completely forgetting what happened the last time I got a massage. Last time I was so tired and could not move. So with this lack of hindsight and foresight, I got to the spa early and took nearly a half hour steam in 120 degrees of humid bliss. I then had a great massage, followed by a decadently hot shower. I walked out of there feeling loose and like I was walking on air. I stopped at home for a quick nap and smoothie before going to yoga. Upon getting up from my nap, I felt a little light headed when I stood up. I start off strong in class, trying to not fall out and just push to the point before I would fall, not past; and, if I did push to hard, I would catch myself and adjust. Further into the standing series, I started to have less energy and mental clarity. Then I started to feel dizzy and was having trouble breathing, so I sat out and focused on breathing. I wanted to do the floor series, but still lacked breath and energy. I laid in savasana and sensed my arms going numb, then my abdominal muscles started to spasm, not sever like the bends, rather a constant twitching took over my stomach. I made it through class, but upon trying to crawl to the door, I just laid down. A friend came to see if I was fine, I sent her to get the teacher. Then I realized this might be worse then I expected. My hands were frozen, I was unable to move them. It was similar for my mouth, it felt like I could barely talk, and my hearing was affected also. I was covered in a cold wet towel to bring my temperature down and administered some coconut water to get my electro lights back to normal. I was then walked to the locker room to cool down further, and by walked I mean I had my arms over two peoples shoulders and with their kind assistance I slowly made my way to the locker room to try and get back to normal. I finally started to regain the ability to move my hands and mustered up the energy to rinse off quickly. Luckily my roommate took the same class with me and was able to drive me home. I slowly climbed up the stairs to my third floor apartment and crashed on the couch. It took to much energy to sit up and drink for awhile. Finally some food, water, and Gatorade was consumed. After additional water was sucked down, I went to bed by about 11PM, only for me to awake parched and with an extreme urge to pee at 2PM. I relieved my bladder and drank some water and ate some cashews for additional energy before going back to bed. I woke up with a headache from continued dehydration. Most of today was spend eating and drinking while not moving much. Finally getting back to normal. I have not taken class today, and missed my opportunities; but, tomorrow is another day.

#heat cramps #heat exhaustion

Staying present and compassionate

I should have been writing on this blog the past few weeks, so much has been happening; yet, not much has really happened. First I need to correct myself, that it would be better for me if I was not judging myself and writing that I should be doing something or not something else; but, that might be the theme of this entry, cause I have been trying to do lots of things. So here is a partial update of what I have been doing.

My yoga practice remains strong. Not necessarily in the sense that I am seeing massive improvements, rather in that I continue to go every day. Yesterday's class was 120 days in a row. The past week or so I have struggled with attempting every posture. Physically I am the same as previous weeks, more or less, but mentally things have been getting to me. I have been pondering the changes going on in my life, rather then being in the present moment.

The other week a friend's friend was killed in an avalanche. I never met this man; but, hearing of his death saddened me. I felt for my friend and all the other people that was in the departed's life. It was not one of those deaths where you can make your self feel better by some post-rationalization. He was not old, reckless, or disease ridden. While feeling that loss to the world I was also seeing my impending divorce moving forward and sensing that loss to come. On top of all that, I still do not have a job. Come August my lease is up and I will need a new place to live, a tough proposition when I have limited income that runs out at the end of the year.

Then along comes clarity after all this distraction and feeling. I get an interview, the owner of the firm wants to hire me; but, he needs work first. It was a great meeting, barely an interview, just a great conversation - perfect this is where I excel. A brief yoga interlude to keep my luck going then I catch up with a former co-worker, no job leads, but more great conversation. Then back to the yoga studio to work. I get a lot done at work and then walk home. At the end of this long day I decide to check the job boards. There is a job posted that day that I qualify for, the firm does good work, and I have another co-worker that use to work there. I act quickly to work my network and draft up a cover letter. I sent out my package of qualifications before noon the next day and get an email on Saturday that turns into an interview on Sunday. Now wait.

Ethical dilemma

Maybe Mahatma Gandhi was right and we should all weave our own cloth to make our own simple clothes? But I think that is harder if you live in the arctic or at least Minnesota. I don't know the answer to the following probes.

What is the lesser of two evils?

Animal cruelty or the petrol-chemical industry?

What should people wear to stay warm and dry in cold climates?

Local fur, goose down, wool? Or globally sourced recycled plastic bottles that were turned into fleece or a fiber?

Is there a third way? Compassionate animal husbandry that utilizes the gift of wool or fur, without hurting or harming the animals. Well yes, I guess animals have to die for people to utilize the fur; but, from a historical perspective, fur was an abundant locally available resource that does a good job of keeping people warm and dry; however, with the growing human population, dwindling animal populations, and ethical awareness, it is no longer a ethically appropriate choice. Although death is not required for wool shearing or down plucking, great pain is inflicted on the animals; yet, I am having a hard time rectifying that petroleum based plastics are the answer, as the sporting industry advertises.

There is a growing awareness of and demand for local, seasonal, organic, fair trade agricultural products, and local, low-VOC, recycled content, name your buzz word building products; but, I have yet to come across a similar movement with clothes. Sure there is second hand clothing- reduced embodied energy, organic cotton- less toxic chemicals used to make it, and recycled plastic- waste stream reduction; but what makes the most sense? I think there will always be a market for second hand clothes, as well as new, so what should be produced now so that when future owners possess it, it will still provide value. Also, with the finite resources on the planet, what is the best utilization of them? By finite resources I am referring to material and money, and by money I mean the ability for all people to earn a living wage to support themselves and family without going into debt.

Ethically based, resource efficient, economically viable.

I guess it is time to move to a tropical climate and get weaving.

Still drifting

I still have no idea what I want to do for a living. I really like having all this time to prepare food, walk, and yoga. But that does not pay the bills, and contrary to what everyone as of late has advised me to do, this does not mean I need to be a yoga teacher.

The funding I was suppose to receive for additional training has been delayed due the Federal government arguing over ethics during an attempt to create a budget. I keep looking for signs of what I am suppose to do, be open to opportunities that are presented to me; but, it feels like I am going nowhere quick.

I need to get out and meet more people; yet, the bar scene is not my thing. My mind keeps coming back to needing a job. I think it is time to ramp up my job search again. There is a job posted in Seattle that sounds good. I will apply for that tomorrow.

Maybe I need a career change. I'm not sure what. So many jobs and so much stuff is superfluous. It is getting harder and harder to live in the present with so much reflection on the past and thought for the future. I wish the was an easy answer. I feel myself judging more people and situations, like I use to. I do not like that these thoughts are returning. When I can stay focused, live in the now, it is great. I need to keep returning to my present breath.

Juan O'Gorman, Double House-and-Studio for Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo, San Ángel, Mexico City (1931-32). Note the landscape as fence.

Existential angst

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. That is not true, I have lots of ideas of what I want to do; but, I'm not sure what I should do next. What avenues should I pursue to make money, in what location, while enjoying my limited time on earth?

I love design, but the thought of working for another designer right now, turns my stomach; however, I am not yet a licensed architect, not to mention the economy is is such a sad state right now that even well established architects are not sure where their next job will come from. Who would take a chance on me right now?

Then there is the question of location. I love Chicago with public transit, great people, amazing institutions, and all four seasons, sometimes in one day. The architecture and climate of the desert have captured my heart for years, with the ability to use strong modern forms made from local materials that stand proud in the blazing desert light; but I'm not sure it makes sense for people to live in such middle densities in a place so resource scarce. Part of my heart is in San Francisco's Bay area with progressive culture and a mild, all be it damp climate. I would love to spend some time in India to drink in the old world culture mixed with a blossoming modern economy. Japan has always fascinated me, but after the current disaster(s) there, it does not seem to be a wise part of the world to explore. The Netherlands is a lovely country, but the sky is to low.

As I designer, I love to set up strict logical design constraints and then try and follow them through to a simple and beautiful creation. Rather than focus on one scale, I try and conceive of a totality that references historical precedents, while working in a contemporary context to seek systematic improvements. A second approach I utilize is to employ a paradoxical question to see common objects and systems in a new way.

Being a Gemini I can be both artistic and logical. Maybe my wires are crossed? I often use logic to solve artistic endeavorer and leverage creativity on strictly utilitarian ventures. My constant reflection on my thoughts and designs maybe prevents me from moving forward. I want to help the poor and working classes to bring design to all, yet I also want to design places with a high level of craft that only the moneyed class can afford. How can I strike the right balance? How can I avoid the common architecture pit falls of only having a hammer, so everything I see is a nail; or even worse thinking that "out of the box" thinking will change basic economic rules.

Narcissism, my anti-drug

I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror, feeling my muscles, and asking others to look. It is getting annoying for people. I realize this, and I'm not a shallow person; but, I am sort of numb to the fact that I lost 1/3 of my body weight in a little over the past two years. This is a new body for me. I am not use to being cruised while walking down the street, called skinny, or having people worry that I might be anorexic.

On the inside I am still the same caring person who treats others with respect, cares about the environment, and now is living a healthy lifestyle. The media influences the American culture to values youth and health; however, the products the media helps to sell, create people who look old beyond their years with snow-balling ill health. I realize I am painting with a broad brush here; but, my point is fruit, vegetables, and leafy greens are good for people, while highly processed, "convenient" food and alcohol is not good for you. So if I am taking lots of time to admire my hard work that continues, sorry. I hope it lessens in time, but if I continue to transform, I will probably be interested in my results.

Does this outward physical body, really matter? What is the importance of looks? In a truly deep way, they only matter to the point that there can be a union between mind, body, and spirit. I feel much closer to that union now, then I have in the past. I use to dwell in the house of my intellect. I still visit it from time to time; but, I am no longer a couch potato in residence. It is hard to describe, but my physical lightness has coincided with a spiritual lightness. Sure, might I be spending a lot more time in my physical realm? Yes. It is a safe harbor right now. People seem to think I should be a total wreck right now-- groundless-- no job, loosing my wife, not sure where I will live; but, I continue to have tremendous compassion for others and not get stuck in my own situation, which is temporary. Yea, I feel sad and lost sometimes; but, staying there is not going to help me move forward.

I always thought that achieving this body was beyond my grasp, while feeling like that is how I really want to look. Complicated, confused- totally. But, I am living proof. It is possible for one to transform. It is not easy, I recommend a support network of friends and family to help, along with exercise you enjoy, and eating real food. Most importantly, listen to yourself, your inner dialog. Do you want the bad food, in large quantities for an emotional reason or a physical need. Sometimes they are hard to decipher, and you will trip along the way; but, do not get attached to that, keep on trying, and one day you can be a narcissistic as I am.

#Narcissism #anti-drug #new body #skinny #respect #healthy #fruit #vegetables #leafy greens #transform #listen to yourself

91 in 90

I continue to push myself hard in yoga; yet, I have been wondering why?

Why not?

Test my limits, see what is possible. When you are in pain, your muscles are weak, and these thoughts run through your mind, it throws one off balance. I am still going everyday, trying to be open to what my body can do that day, and not judge it; but, that is not always so easy. My mind tries to fool me, grasp to old patterns of thinking, convincing me to give up; but, what then? Over eat, watch television. No thank you.

I have started to drink vegan, raw, hemp based protein shakes in the hopes of raising my metabolism to building more muscle to burn more fat. I think it is starting to work. I have been very hungry the past few days, so I think I need to start eating more, or drinking more shakes. I have also started to drink amino acids pre and post yoga, to help my muscles recover quicker. I think they are helping also, but more use is required to determine the success. On top of all that, I continue to walk a few miles each day; some days I walk more then others, but something is better then nothing.

The other day, I went out to dinner with a friend who is in town. I was not planning on going, so when I showed up, the Chicago style deep dish pizza was ordered with sausage and pepperoni on it. I decided to let my hunger trump my ideas and enjoyed the dinner I use to love so much. Then there was the aftermath. I felt stuffed, bloated, yet I wanted to still eat more! WTF? I could here myself think desert would be good. Need more food. To watch that though was creepy. I was overloaded on cheese, fat, meat, and crust; yet, my body was not nourished after yoga and a day of walking many miles. This was an important experiment to truly understand the type of fuel that will keep me running optimally.

Have to run to class, not literally, today is my 91st class in 90 days. What will today bring me?

Architects are pretty much high-class whores. We can turn down projects the way they can turn down some clients, but we've both got to say yes to someone if we want to stay in business.

Philip Johnson

#whores #architects

Great expectations, BAM! Reality.

So I had my interview today, which went as well as could be expected, I will probably be offered a position; but, it will only be a temporary position for three months, with hopefully more work after that. I should take it if offered to me; however, that is not the job security I was looking for right now. I am not looking for a position to last a lifetime; but, it would be nice to have something secure enough that I could sign a lease and move on with my life; rather than make some money, while being left in limbo as to what the future holds for me.

I am a highly educated and qualified individual and should be compensated for it. I am not saying this because I feel entitled. I want to be valued for the work I perform, not burned through quickly and placed on the curb as ash with the rest of the trash to be forgotten. Is a contract employee with no benefits for fifty to sixty hours a week worth it? Will the monetary compensation reflect the opportunity cost lost from such long hours? If so, is it really worth it?

We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act.

Swami Vivekananda

One word: Protein

Everyone has been saying that I need more protein, or I have overheard other yogi's talking about how they feel protein is so important so they don't burn muscle; but, I was shying away from seeking out too much due to the results from the China Study which shows excess protein leads to cancer. But it feels like I hit a plateau recently, my muscles are sore, and even with the six miles of walking, weight is not melting off like it was before.

So yesterday after yoga I talked to a fellow yogi who is a quad threat. Yogi, bodybuilder, model, actor. I asked him about what I should eat to burn more fat. Right away he answered: protein. I mentioned being vegetarian and wanting to be vegan. He prefers a whey, milk based protein, but also mentioned a hemp protein. I did some research last night on hemp protein and at least a few people prefer it for some interesting reasons. Long term high usage of dead protein, such as whey can cause intensional blockage; this is not exactly something I want to experiment with after my struggle to achieve a healthy digestion system over the years. Allegedly hemp protein, especially form some manufactures is certified organic, raw, and vegan. So after I get back to Chicago, this is the protein source I am going to try and incorporate into my diet with the added benefits of EFAs Omega-3 and Omega-6 among many other nutrients.

The other change I plan on making at his recommendation, is to add in a Amino Acid drink post workout to help rebuild my muscles. I hope this will take away the soreness and work better then the Gatorade I have been using to stay hydrated.

So the logic that was explained to me and convinced me to try this is as follows. I need protein to build muscles, more muscles, burns more fat and eating often with the fuel for the muscles keeps the metabolism going to also burn more fat. And well if the gentleman who recommended this to me has a body similar to what I want, then it is worth a shot. With any luck and continued hard work, I can burn through my remaining spare tire to get that chiseled torso.

It is funny, when walking to yoga today, I noticed what looked like a black olive on the sidewalk. Then about one hundred feet up the road I noticed another tree that looked like the one that had the olive under it; but, this one wall full of olives. After yoga, I checked my Facebook and the add on the side was for an olive tree nursery. Was Facebook reading my mind? Or my blog?

Home

I readily adapted to my new home in Arizona-- did not judge the furniture, the dishes, or other accoutrement of life that was presented to me; but, I have started an apartment search online for a place to live in Chicago, for when I get the job I am interviewing for soon. It is getting harder to not be attached to where I live, what it looks like, and most importantly, how much it costs.

Of course my next residence will not be permanent; but, I want it close to my yoga studio and public transportation to get me to my job quickly. This seems like reasonable requirements, not luxury wants. Then I want to pay as little as possible; yet, the cheaper places are not as convenient, or they lack the other amenities I would like. Sure, I understand that in unit laundry is a luxury, one that has been nice the past few weeks, but I have lived without it for the past thirteen years; however, there must be laundry in the building.

Heat included is a must. There are few low-energy buildings in Chicago, and none that I know are rentals, yet, that I am willing to gamble paying the heat for, again. What rental agents tout as amenities, such as exposed brick, I see see my money quickly going out it to heat that drafty uninsulated surface.

The key ingredient to a livable place is great natural light. East and south facing are preferred. Great closet space is another attribute that can make a small place livable. Quiet neighbors and safe building are the last two must haves.

Is this to much to ask? A safe place in a great location with some cheerful light and enough closets to hide away my belongings that lets me live car free. I will find a great place.

Perfect to treat rain and grey water. Please note, they will not certify water that goes through their system as potable, due to insurance reasons; but their engineering staff will help you size a system to help a building project save money and water. The solution will be tailored to the project needs.

Maybe not Mr. Coffee...

But there are ways to clean grey and black water locally.

The following links showcase a few technologies I am aware of to treat water on a large building or block scale economically. Besides back packer filters and chemicals, I know of no micro-scale, economically viable treatment option that can turn grey or black water to potable treatment to my knowledge is not economically feasible.

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