Getting older is weird.

This is a flaming garbage dump of my personal fandom shit, political memes, aesthetic bs, & stuff that makes me laugh.

[sophieturnernews]

[tlmfe23-deactivated20190603]

She is everything

[theneolistickid]

Bats illuminated by lightning

[later0varies-deactivated2022022]

That’s about as Halloween as it gets….

[fruitshow]

Oooo bitch ain’t this THE MOOD!

[leftboob-enthusiast]

Like no offense to my friends and family but if I had the chance to abandon this timeline for a medieval fantasy land I would absolutely do it, goodbye student loans and depression hello cool magic shit and most likely an early death by the sword (as it should be)

[theyellowbrickroad]

i had the best human interaction of all time last night. i was sitting at a bar eating an appetizer and this guy comes up to order a drink and stares at my food and comments how good it looks. when i am drunk i use the word bitch like it is a comma, i plug it into any space in a sentence possible. so naturally the first thing i say to this stranger is, “go ahead and take one, bitch.”

he looks SO shocked and taken aback and goes “what did you just say? how do you know my name?” so i sit there for a moment trying to figure out what the fuck he is talking about, and then go, “…. bitch?” and he looks so relieved and tells me his name is mitch.

i cannot stop thinking about this. oh my god. imagine going into a bar and someone you know for a fact youve never met approaches you and says “go ahead and take one, mitch.” im cracking the fuck up. he looked like he thought this was the fucking truman show

[stimman3000]

.

[w0wls]

When the effects dont load right

[drakatha]

[0ctostim]

[glocc-blocc]

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

Male positivity? In my branding? It’s more likely than you think

[slumberinggirl-deactivated20210]

I love this

[lil-bitchnugget-blog]

Y E S. FINALLY

[citizen-zero]

AXE realized their target demographic are the preteen and teen boys who over-apply their product and decided to do something good for these impressionable youths

[jasper-rolls]

today we will eat at deodorant

[humansofnewyork]

“I’m on the way to buy soft drinks for my mother.  I also fetch water, and sweep, and help her wash clothes.  She calls me ‘boss’ because I work so hard, but I love to help her because she cares for me so much.  She buys me clothes.  She reads me storybooks.  She sings me gospel songs.  She helps me with my homework.  She gives me medicine when I’m sick.  One time she baked my friend a cake because his parents couldn’t afford any presents.  I’m going to buy her a house one day. She’s very dark and beautiful.  I really have a wonderful mother.”   (Accra, Ghana)

[tastefullyoffensive]

[lizclimo]

spooky diced carrots. 

[amidst-rain]

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and

get julius caesar addicted to hentai

seduce cleopatra

“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times. 

so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body 

then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come. 

[theirisianprincess]

My favorite part of this is that OP didn’t feel the need to explain how he’d get Julius Caesar addicted to hentai.

[goodassdog]

[bellygangstaboo]

[markruffalo]

Hi everyone. What better way to jump back in than with a message from the Parkland youth? Remember your first time? www.marchforourlives.com

[thorthedorkworld]

I’m screaming why does Mamma Mia fit every fight scene so perfectly ajkaslajjddhhajadkjfh

[dmofstormandsea]

this video is what dnd feels like

[breelandwalker]

ROLL INTIATIVE

[just-shower-thoughts]

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

[blogtitletaken]

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

[castiel--for--king]

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

[sonneillonv-deactivated20220218]

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

[nonlinear-nonsubjective]

consider the coconut

[bemusedlybespectacled]

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

[kascaban]

i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.

[heartgemsona]

listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them

[baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

This post is a journey

[virtuous-thing]

1 Reblog = 1 Respect

[dovewithscales]

I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.

[eldbitch-horror]

Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!

Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous

[dovewithscales]

Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits. Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses. Poseidon: It should be aquatic.

[hyratel]

I MEAN where’s the lie

[dovewithscales]

Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia.

[giada-luna]

Reblogging for that last exchange.

[brainwad]

Dionysus slips in at the last minute and makes it sweat milk.

[tigerbun]

@theatomicpsychotic

[its-queencosgrove]

[hayley566]

Bi-derman

[lovethyenemy1994]

Un-stan.

Goodbye, Spider-Man

[gorps]

I love it when homophobes refuse to enjoy things because gay people make jokes