sonny was cracking up as he went on about being a super sleuth. his reaction could be blamed on the alcohol, but it was also because he found the comment about him being squeamish over blood kind of funny, considering what he did for work. he was used to seeing blood whenever he tattooed anyone, and while some people definitely bled more than others, it was something he saw on the daily. even the occasional piercing he did drew blood, so the knowledge that landon seems to be so iffy over something he sees on the daily and is, quite literally, wiping away from skin with a sanitized wipe or a plain paper towel, is a bit comical to him. obviously landon doesnβt know this. it actually occurred to him that landon doesnβt know what he does for a living, and while heβs tempted to talk about it with him, he doesnβt want to ruin the moment. sonny likes hearing him ramble, even if he isnβt fully aware of what heβs rambling about. itβs cute, and a nice change of pace compared to the conversations he usually partakes in.
he really wouldnβt mind listening to him go on and on about things heβs passionate about, even random fixations, things sonny has no familiarity with, if it meant seeing him smile. knowing what a romantic he is at his core, heβd probably take the time to google whatever it is heβs talking about to have knowledge on the topic the next time landon brings it up. however, knowing how things have gone down the first time, something tells sonny there wonβt be a next time with them, like this is a one and done kind of deal, and as much as sonny doesnβt like it, heβs too clouded with want and desire to make any kind of protest. in fact, he canβt even believe landon is giving him the time of day right now. on one side, he wants to think itβs because he was just playing hard to get and has wanted to talk to him all along, but on the other side, the much more logical, realistic side of him, he knows itβs probably because heβs bored, drunk, and horny. in another universe, sonny would have the courage to get up and go anywhere else. in this universe, heβs too mesmerized to get up.
if anything, sonny more than entertains his antics. he smiles too much, stares for too long, and gets lost in his eyes. his big, idiotically beautiful ocean eyes that have had him in a chokehold since the first time they spoke. he doesnβt know what it is about this guy, why he canβt seem to find the courage to look away or stand his ground, but sonny swears, itβs like heβs putty in his hands. maybe his friends back in jeju island were right when they would jokingly tell him heβs pathetic and the textbook definition of a lover boy, despite not looking the role at all. there isnβt any other logical explanation on why heβs folding so quickly. he could blame it on the drinking, or he could be honest with himself and own up to the fact that he tends to fall too quickly, and either gets ghosted in the process, isnβt taken seriously or is seen as just a fuck buddy. odds are, after this, landon will proceed to ghost and discard him, pretend he doesnβt exist, and heβll be back to feeling useless and unlovable. heβll also be back to pretending like he doesnβt care about these things, when deep down, it kind of kills him. the idea that heβll probably never really find anyone.
this thought is only enforced further when landon keeps talking. sonny laughs, because the idea of him being the most beautiful guy landon has ever seen feels more like a slap to the face rather than a compliment. he knows he doesnβt mean it, but is just trying to soften the blow that his following words bring, similar sentences heβs heard plenty of times in his life. i donβt want to lead you on. it has nothing to do with you, itβs me. it was just a one time thing. i donβt think weβre compatible like that. i donβt want anything serious right now. itβs just sex, donβt make it deeper than that. i like you, just not like that. weβre just friends who have sex sometimes. surely you didnβt think this was more than just hooking up, right? sonny could go on and on with the amount of lines heβs heard over the years. landonβs words were no different, and despite what he said earlier about them just hanging out and not making it deeper, he canβt help but feel a littleβ¦ dejected? unvaluable? undeserving and unworthy? there were many words he could use to describe the feeling festering in the pit of his stomach.
not even because of landon alone, but because sonny didnβt understand what was so wrong about him, what was so deeply flawed and unwantable, up to the point where no guy in his life has ever wanted something deeper than either just friendship or plain hooking up. they never took him seriously, never wanted to actually be with him aside from just getting him naked or getting stoned with him, and they certainly never saw him as anything more than just a fuck buddy. was he too weird? too easy to get with? unable to be taken seriously because of the way he dressed or acted? did he come on too strong and scare people off? was he just not attractive enough to date, but attractive enough to mess around with? putting his complicated feelings for landon aside, being put in this situation every damn time kind of made him feelβ¦ empty, stupid even. maybe there was something very ugly within that everyone else saw and didnβt dare to speak on, something that drove people away sooner or later. for a moment, he looks away and pretends to pick at his nails, though the design is builder gel, so thereβs really nothing to pick at. eventually, he turns back to him and forces a smile, not wanting to ruin the moment with his stupid emotional traumas, and not wanting to get too in his feelings, especially since he was drunk.
of course he was a writer. it really felt right on the nose, and of course, it intrigued sonny, because he couldnβt write to save his life. he was artistically inclined, but blanked when it came to words. it made him so much more interesting because he always felt like lots of writers tended to carry some kind of emotional baggage, hurt of some kind, and he was curious to know if landon fell into that box. βmaybe one day you can show me.β that was him being delusional enough to believe that landon wouldnβt disappear after this, something not even a drunk sonny fully bought. he couldnβt help but burst out laughing at his last words, nodding his head in mock agreement. βthe effect i have on someone β right.β if that effect was being used for sex, for a good time, and then discarded, like he was fucking nothing, then landon was definitely spot on about that. otherwise, sonny had no clue what he was on about, especially since he was about to do the same with him. the most pathetic part of all was that sonny knew this, and was still allowing it.
unfortunately for him, when they kissed for the first time, he knew exactly why. of course landon would kiss as perfect as he looked, taste as good too and leave him more hypnotized than before, if that was even possible. itβs as if his thoughts from just a few moments ago completely dissipated, and now heβs drunk on not just the alcohol, but the feeling of the otherβs lips against his. he didnβt want to stop, but he knew that if he didnβt, the amount of pda these poor people were bound to witness would be quite embarrassing. heβs giggling softly at landonβs response, not wanting to break away from him, and truthfully, heβs going to reply cheekily to what he had to say, but anything he wanted to say completely slips his mind the moment landon bites onto his bottom lip, eliciting the softest, most barely audible groan from him. immediately, heβs at a loss for words, landonβs question not fully clicking because heβs pathetically leaning in closer, wanting more. it probably takes him a full minute to even grasp what he had said, and another few seconds for him to get a damn grip, open his eyes and stop being the most embarrassing simp humanity has ever seen, over a guy he barely even knows. even when he does manage to open his eyes and talk, itβs mumbled and stupid. βummβ¦β really? thatβs the best he could do? heβs so stupidly entranced with the other, it actually takes every bit of self control he has left to break away and form a coherent sentence.
βyes, uber. maybe, umβ¦ maybe my place. since youβre a super sleuth and all, iβm not sure what iβll find at yours. could be a bit scary.β itβs meant to be teasing and flirty, but the delivery is shaky and weak, and heβs once again turning fifty shades of red because kissing is one thing, but landon teasing him like that is another. the only thing that would make this more humiliating for sonny is if he starts kissing his neck, which he doubts he would, but with what he just did, he canβt be too sure. finally, sonny reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone with an unsteady hand, going to the uber app and calling one from here to his place, that was about three minutes away. βitβs three minutes away. maybe we can start walking to the entrance, it will meet us there.β he tells him, putting his phone back into his pocket and offering him a drunken grin. without much thought, he gets up from the bar stool and gives him another kiss, pulling away and raising a brow at the other mischievously. βiβll race you there, bet you canβt beat me!β with that, he giggles like a drunken fool and starts running towards the entrance, his competitive streak, of course, taking over, along with his much more playful side.