而我是一隻魚

in life, the lengths of earth between us; in death, all of heaven

[beihaibeii]

想起我不喜歡的 也如今它們四散無尋 看來多麼陌生 我去注視變得再也不疏離 今如舊的。 i think of the things i do not like but now, they have already been scattered every which way, never to be found how strange they seem to be! when i gaze at them, they no longer seem to be far away today seems like it used to be

昨天比較新 新, 讓我感覺好奇 懷疑 恐懼 有心 but yesterday seems newer in comparison so new, that i feel curious, doubtful, fearful, determined

藍天白雲 當你離去 藍天白雲 當你離去 藍天 the blue skies and white clouds when you leave the blue skies and white clouds when you leave the blue skies….

我曾經眼裡只有你 我曾經眼裡只有你 我曾經眼裡只有你 once, all i ever saw was you once, all i ever saw was you once, all i ever saw was you

[beihaibeii]

在沒風的地方找太陽 在你冷的地方做暖陽 人事紛紛 你總是太天真 往後的餘生 我只要你  I look for the sun in windless places so that I can be the warm sunshine where you are cold amidst the chaos of everything, you are always so naive for the rest of this life, all I want is you

往後餘生 風雪是你 平淡是你 清貧也是你 榮華是你 心底溫柔是你 目光所致 也是你  for the rest of my life, you are the wind and the snows you are the peacefulness of the ordinary, the frugality of life you are honor and glory, the depths of gentle kindness in the heart you are all that I see

想帶你去看晴空萬里 想大聲告訴你我為你著迷 往事匆匆 你總是會感動 往後的餘生 我只要你  I want you to see the expanse of the clear skies with me I want to unabashedly tell you that I am infatuated with you as the past leaves us behind without pause, you are always overcome with emotion for the rest of this life, all I want is you

往後餘生 風雪是你 春華是你 夏雨也是你 秋黃是你 四季冷暖是你 目光所致 也是你  for the rest of my life, you are the wind and snows you are the flowers in the spring, the rain in the summer you are the reddening leaves of autumn, the coldness and warmth of the four seasons you are all that I see

目光所致 也是你 you are all that I see

[beihaibeii]

親愛的自己 Dear Myself – Hello Nico

想到要說什麼了嗎 太陽和星星 圍繞在你身邊的模樣 陽光下你獨自醒來 一切都好嗎 昨天的夢是什麼顏色

Have you thought of what you want to say? The image of the sun and the stars shining around you you wake up alone beneath the sunlight – is everything well? what colors were the dreams you had yesterday?

還在擔心什麼嗎 不想承認的事啊 有些人像回來過 又若無其事地走 是否總有一些話 是否該有一個人 不只路過你的夢 就無影無蹤

What are you still worried about? what of the things that you don’t want to admit? it seems like someone came back and left as if nothing had ever happened aren’t there always some things left unsaid? isn’t there always a person who did so much more than pass through your dreams but then disappeared without so much as a trace?

是否換一件好看的衣裳 就能換一個信仰 或者依然跌跌撞撞（繼續跌撞） 是否找一個陌生的地方 就可以想像著流浪 又或者（在流浪時） 偶爾想起家

If I put on a nice new shirt could I put on a new set of beliefs, too? or will I still stumble around? if I find a foreign place could I imagine myself wandering? or will I still think of home sometimes as I wander?

聰明的你告訴我 昨天是什麼顏色

O you, bright of mind, tell me - what color was yesterday?

聰明的你告訴我 老去是什麼顏色

O you, bright of mind, tell me - what color is it to grow old?

[beihaibeii]

有美人兮，見之不忘。一日不見兮，思之如狂。 A woman there is, of great beauty–having seen her, never shall I forget. Though a mere day has passed without seeing her, I think of her unceasingly, as if I have gone mad. 鳳飛翱翔兮，四海求凰。無奈佳人兮，不在東牆。 High does the phoenix soar on its wings, flying the lengths of the four seas in search of its mate. Truly a shame–this beautiful woman does not live near. 將琴代語兮，聊寫衷腸。何日見許兮，慰我徬徨。 In place of words, I shall use my zither to express the emotion in my heart. When may we promise ourselves to the other, so that my heart, full of uncertainty, will be comforted? 願言配德兮，攜手相將。不得於飛兮，使我淪亡。 Would that I be a suitable match for you, so that we may take each others' hands and be together. Unable to fly with you, into the depths of this inconsolable sadness I fall.

鳳求凰, 司馬相如

the phoenix seeks its mate, Sima Xiangru

[beihaibeii]

我想和你虛度時光，比如低頭看魚 比如把茶杯留在桌子上，離開 浪費它們好看的陰影 I want to waste away the days with you–looking down to gaze at the fish, leaving teacups on the table and going somewhere else, wasting their shadows which are so pleasing to the eye

我還想連落日一起浪費，比如散步 一直消磨到星光滿天 我還要浪費風起的時候 坐在走廊發呆，直到你眼中烏雲 全部被吹到窗外 i want to waste away the setting sun as well–going for walks and letting time pass us by until the stars fill the sky i want to waste away the times when the breeze is blowing sitting in the hall and staring off into the distance until the clouds floating in your eyes have all been blown away

我已經虛度了世界，它經過我 疲倦，又像從未被愛過 但是明天我還要這樣，虛度，我還要這樣 滿目的花草，生活應該像它們一樣美好 一樣無意義，像被虛度的電影 比如靠在欄杆上，低頭看水的鏡子 直到所有被虛度的事物 在我們身後，長出薄薄的翅膀 i have passed through this world in vain, and so it has passed through me so weary, yet it does not seem to have been loved before but tomorrow i want to continue this–to waste away, i want this to continue flowers and grass as far as the eye can see–life should be just as beautiful and just as meaningless, like a movie that is played for no one to do things like lean on the railing and gaze at the mirror-like surface of the water until everything that we have passed by sprouts fragile wings behind us

我已經虛度了世界，它經過我 疲倦，又像從未被愛過 但是明天我還要這樣，虛度，我還要這樣 我想和你互相浪費 一起虛度短的沉默，長的無意義 一起消磨精緻而蒼老的宇宙 i have passed through this world in vain, and so it has passed through me so weary, yet it does not seem to have been loved before but tomorrow i want to continue this–to waste away, i want to continue i want to let time pass us by with you to waste short silence, long meaninglessness together to let this exquisite yet ancient universe pass us by

[beihaibeii]

清晨捨不得醒的美夢是你 那柔和清甜的棉花糖是你 傳遞祝福的梔子花是你 那慵懶飄飄蕩蕩的雲朵是你 you are the dream that i can’t bring myself to wake from in the early hours of the morning you are cotton candy, soft and gently sweet you are the gardenia blossom that conveys wellwishes  you are the clouds that drift lazily across the sky

如果生命可以用顏色比喻 只有你的存在能和我融為一體 if life could be compared to a color, only your existence could become one with mine

baby I have loved you from the start 現在過去未來都一樣 對你除了愛沒有其他 都一樣 多希望始終都一樣 baby i have loved you from the start it has been the same from now to the past, to the future for you, i have nothing else but love the same, how i wish it will be the same from the beginning till the end

白色 的你 白色 的我們 在哪裡 you, who are pure white we, who are pure white-- where can they be found?

每日暗自拂去的塵埃是我 那神秘封印的黑盒子 是我 一觸即發的卡特拉是我 那無故流下眼淚的怎麼是我 i am the one who brushes away the dust every day by myself i am that secret black box that has been sealed away i am katla, exploding at a single touch i am the cause of those tears that flow without reason

如果我們可以 用顏色比喻 那是愛過你才能成為的灰色自己 if we could be compared to a color it would be the grayness of myself that came into being only because i have loved you

baby I have loved you from the start 現在過去未來都一樣 對你除了愛沒有其他 都一樣 過去未來都一樣 baby i have loved you from the start it has been the same from now to the past, to the future for you, i have nothing else but love the same, it is the same from the past to the future  

你緩緩走來 一切都不言而喻 任憑現實 在我們佈滿傷痕的心底遊戲 就連我頭上那些歲月的痕跡 都是光 喔照亮我們 還想要牽手走過 的困境 slowly you walk towards me, saying everything without speaking a single word in spite of reality and the games it plays in our scar-laden hearts, even the traces of the years on my head have turned into light, shining on us as we take each others’ hands and brave every hardship

現在過去未來都一樣 對你除了愛沒有其他 都一樣 過去未來都一樣 it has been the same from now to the past, to the future for you, i have nothing else but love the same, it is the same from the past to the future

白色 的你 白色的我們 you, who are pure white we, who are pure white

白色 的你 you, who are pure white

白色 跟暗黑 相依 the white and the dark--depending on each other

[beihaibeii]

董小姐，你從沒忘記你的微笑 就算你和我一樣 渴望著衰老 董小姐，你嘴角向下的時候很美 就像安和橋下 清澈的水 miss dong, you’ve never forgotten your smile though, like me, you await old age with eagerness miss dong, when you are not smiling, you are as beautiful as the clear waters that flow beneath the Anhe bridge

董小姐，我也是個複雜的動物 嘴上一句帶過 心里卻一直重复 董小姐，鼓樓的夜晚時間匆匆 陌生的人，請給我一支蘭州 miss dong, i, too, am a complicated animal i might say only a few words out loud, but in my mind i repeat them again and again miss dong, time passes by so quickly in the nights of Gulou stranger, won’t you hand me a cigarette?

所以那些可能都不是真的 董小姐 你才不是一個沒有故事的女同學 愛上一匹野馬 可我的家里沒有草原 這讓我感到絕望 董小姐 so maybe all of it wasn’t real, miss dong you’re not simply a female classmate who has no stories to tell i’ve fallen in love with a wild horse, but my home has not grassy fields this makes me feel so hopeless, miss dong

董小姐，你熄滅了煙，說起從前 你說前半生就這樣吧 還有明天 董小姐，你可知道我說夠了再見 在五月的早晨，終於丟失了睡眠 miss dong, you put out your cigarette and you speak of the past, saying: ‘so let it be, all those past years of my life–there is still tomorrow" miss dong, don’t you know? i’ve had enough of saying goodbyes in the early hours of a day in May, i’ve finally lost all capacity for sleep

所以那些可能都不是真的 董小姐 你才不是一個沒有故事的女同學 愛上一匹野馬 可我的家里沒有草原 這讓我感到絕望 董小姐 so maybe all of it wasn’t real, miss dong you’re not simply a female classmate who has no stories to tell i’ve fallen in love with a wild horse, but my home has not grassy fields this makes me feel so hopeless, miss dong

所以那些可能都會是真的 董小姐 誰會不厭其煩的安慰那無知的少年 我想和你一樣 不顧那些所以 跟我走吧 董小姐 so maybe all of it was real, miss dong who will tirelessly comfort this foolish youth? i want to be like you, and not care about all these things, so come with me, miss dong

躁起來吧 董小姐 let us make some noise, miss dong

[changtingwai]

現在幾點了 你在做什麼呢 我們有多久 沒有說話了呢 好像聽見你在笑 今天有沒有吃飽 剛洗完澡 玩玩貓 還是已經睡著 好像聞到你味道 看看以前拍的照 不知道你現在好不好 有沒有少了點煩惱 what time is it now? what are you doing? how long has it been since we last spoke? i though i heard your laughter, did you eat today? did you just finish showering and are you playing with the cat, or did you fall asleep already? i thought i smelled the scent of you, as i look at the pictures we took before i wonder if you’re doing well now, if you have less worries?

mon chéri tu me manques bonne nuit bisou bisou 晚安 晚安 晚安 你聽不聽得到 晚安 晚安 好想听你說聲晚安 晚安 晚安 還是一樣想念你 晚安 你會不會出現在我的夢裡 my love, how i miss you good night, kiss kiss good night, good night, good night, can you hear me? good night, good night, i just want to hear you say good night good night, good night, i still miss you as much as i ever did good night, will you appear in my dreams?

現在幾點了 你在做什麼呢 我們有多久 沒有說話了呢 好像聞到你味道 今天有沒有吃飽 不知道你現在好不好 有沒有少了點煩惱 what time is it now? what are you doing? how long has it been since we last spoke? i thought i smelled the scent of you, did you eat today? i wonder if you’re doing well now, if you have less worries?

mon chéri tu me manques bonne nuit bisou bisou  晚安 晚安 晚安 你聽不聽得到 晚安 晚安 好想听你說聲晚安 晚安 晚安 還是一樣想念你 晚安 你會不會出現在我的夢裡 my love, how i miss you good night, kiss kiss good night, good night, good night, can you hear me? good night, good night, i just want to hear you say good night good night, good night, i still miss you as much as i ever did good night, will you appear in my dreams?

晚安 晚安 晚安 你聽不聽得到 晚安 晚安 好久沒有和你晚安 晚安 晚安 希望你都好好的 晚安 我要跑去你的夢裡找你說 晚安 good night, good night, good night, can you hear me? good night, good night, how long has it been since i’ve said it to you? good night, good night, i hope you are doing well good night, i will appear in your dreams to find you and say, good night

[beihaibeii]

風兒輕輕吹 送我到這裡 仰望月光 灑落在我的衣 看那雲兒追 追過無邊天際 淚似斷弦 落入心中泛起漣漪 Gently, gently, the wind has sent me to this place Gazing up at the moonlight that scatters softly across my clothes, Watching the clouds chase each other across the endless sky, My tears are like broken lute-strings, stirring up ripples as they fall into my heart

昨日見不到的你 如今依偎懷裡 可心中不停泣 也許這就是注定的天意 長相廝守談何易 如今不要再提 就由著它 慢慢隨風遠離 You, who i could not see in the past--now you lie in my embrace But my heart cannot stop its weeping Perhaps this is the undeniable will of heaven How simple it is to speak of growing old together! Let us never speak it again And let it slowly disappear by itself with the wind

風兒不回頭 捲走我回憶 只留下了 一個人的嫁衣 握緊你雙手 溫暖著我心底 可你臉上 只留下落淚的痕跡 Never looking back, the wind blows and takes my memories with it Leaving behind only a single person’s betrothal clothes Grasping tight your hands, they warm the depths of my heart But on your face only tears remain

昨日見不到的你 如今依偎懷裡 可心中不停泣 也許這就是注定的天意 長相廝守談何易 如今不要再提 就由著它 慢慢隨風遠離 You, who i could not see in the past--now you lie in my embrace But my heart cannot stop its weeping Perhaps this is the undeniable will of heaven How simple it is to speak of growing old together! Let us never speak it again And let it slowly disappear by itself with the wind

願此心永不移 曾流過的淚水 不過是些水滴 全當作追憶 May my heart never change Those tears that flowed in the past  Are merely drops of water, Nothing more than remembrance

昨日見不到的你 如今依偎懷裡 可心中不停泣 也許這就是注定的天意 長相廝守談何易 如今不要再提 就由著它 慢慢隨風遠離 You, who i could not see in the past--now you lie in my embrace But my heart cannot stop its weeping Perhaps this is the undeniable will of heaven How simple it is to speak of growing old together! Let us never speak it again And let it slowly disappear by itself with the wind

[beihaibeii]

偷偷的下雨的時候月亮偷偷的 慢慢的街上的人群慢慢安靜了 我在想你可以不必掩飾了 那雨會停的就隨你去了 secretly, when the rain is falling, the moon secretly shows itself slowly, the people on the street slowly quiet down i am thinking that you can stop your facade when the rain stops, you can go wherever you wish 雨還在下像在說話 他敲我的窗叮叮噹當 戀愛的季節勉強不如放下 the rain continues to fall, as if it is speaking tapping and tinkling, it sounds against my window rather than forcing this season of love, it would be better to let go 雨還在下你聽得見嗎 是我的思念滴滴答答 滴入你的心就會想起我 the rain continues to fall, can you hear it? the pitter-patter of my longing as it falls into your heart, perhaps you will think of me 雨還在下像在尋你 它敲我的窗說找不到你 這樣的季節就會特別想你 the rain continues to fall, as if it is searching for you it taps against my window, saying that it could not find you on days like this, i am especially filled with longing 雨還在下你仔細聽啊 是我的思念滴滴答答 滴入你的心告訴你我在想你 the rain continues to fall, won't you listen to it? the pitter-patter of my longing as it falls into your heart and tells you that i am thinking of you 遠遠的無關的人不經意逃避著 輕輕的像不像話題被誰提起了 怎麼會沒人記得是不是我瘋了 那雨別停了能否算愛著 far, far away, a now unrelated person carelessly runs away gently, gently, it seems that someone brought up a subject from long ago why doesn't anyone remember? have i gone mad? if the rain doesn't stop, does it mean that this love has not disappeared? 雨還在下像在說話 他敲我的窗叮叮噹當 戀愛的季節勉強不如放下 the rain continues to fall, as if it is speaking tapping and tinkling, it sounds against my window rather than forcing this season of love, it would be better to let go 雨還在下你聽得見嗎 是我的思念滴滴答答 滴入你的心就會想起我 the rain continues to fall, can you hear it? the pitter-patter of my longing as it falls into your heart, perhaps you will think of me 雨還在下像在尋你 它敲我的窗說找不到你 這樣的季節就會特別想你 the rain continues to fall, as if it is searching for you it taps against my window, saying that it could not find you on days like this, i am especially filled with longing 雨還在下你仔細聽啊 是我的思念滴滴答答 還能去屋簷下等你嗎 the rain continues to fall, won't you listen to it? the pitter-patter of my longing can i still wait for you under the rafters?

[beihaibeii]

就算一無所獲 (今夜輕笑一別) 就算白費了心 (笛聲乾凅枯竭) 我依然希望著 (殘言化為句點) 有一天或許.... (燈火黯然泯滅)

讓高牆倒下吧 (參"瞬"--謝春花) 

[beihaibeii]

轉瞬之間 忽見恍若隔世你的臉 忽見歲月如煙染落櫻萬千 窗外誰人吟憶少年   in the blink of an eye, suddenly i see your face as if it was from another life suddenly i see time, passing like smoke amidst the flurries of falling cherry blossoms who is that standing outside the window, singing in memory of youth?

心中熱浪騰青空 面若冰霜笑無蹤 in your heart, waves of passion leap to the blue sky on your face, only frost remains, not even the trace of a smile

不聞悲或喜 不問去與從 揮手作別如從前 knowing not sadness or joy, asking not of your coming or going, i wave to you in farewell, as if nothing had ever changed

不見往日共度雨連綿 不見月下玉碎剩幾片 不負血與恨不負光陰 不負沉默不言的抱歉 i can no longer see the days when we braved the unending rain together i can no longer see how many pieces of broken jade lie in the moonlight yet undefeated i remain in the face of blood and resentment, of time, of silent unspoken apologies

啊 今夜輕笑一別 啊 笛聲乾涸枯竭 啊 殘言化為句點 啊 燈火黯然泯滅 ah, tonight, i bid you farewell with a gentle smile ah, crisp and dry the sound of the flute ah, cruel words turn into endings ah, the light of the lamp goes out all alone

[beihaibeii]

眼看他起朱樓, 眼看他宴賓客, 眼看他樓塌了. A crimson tower I watched them build, A banquet within I saw them hold, An end I beheld as the tower came crashing down.

桃花扇 -- 孔尚任

Peach Blossom Fan -- Kong Shangren

[beihaibeii]

一朵玫瑰 – 詹森淮 A Rose – Riva Jan

關著很久的門開了

風吹進來了 逆光飛舞的灰塵

A long-closed door has opened

The breeze finds its way inside amongst the dust dancing in the light

這裡荒涼很久了

不太習慣來拜訪的客人

很久不開的燈

跛了腳的椅子斜了

This place has been deserted for so very long

And I’m not used to having visitors

The lamp that has not been used in a long time

And the chair with uneven legs are both laying askew

一對眼睛在門外窺著

似乎很好奇的

卻不動一點聲色 

A pair of eyes peeks in from the outside

Seemingly curious

But revealing nothing

我在裡頭待著想著

到底是什麼人呢

打擾了我的安安穩穩

Sitting on the inside, I wonder

Who is it that has disturbed

My peace and quiet?

請走開 我說

這裡什麼都沒有的

你想來 你說

想看看這裡有個人

Please go away, I say,

There is nothing here at all

You want to come in, you say,

To see this person here

請走開 我說

沒有什麼好看的

你走來 你說

這朵玫瑰 想送給你

Please go away, I say,

There is nothing at all to see here

You come in, and you say—

This rose is a gift for you.

[beihaibeii]

Unending -- Xie Chunhua

往事成空 皆散於晨霧中 迷失在竹林中 鐵橋邊的女子 不動 The past disappears, Scattering amidst the morning mist A girl lost in the bamboo groves Stands by the iron bridge Unmoving 吹肆意的冷風 攜凜冽的刺痛 帶假意的溫柔 不懂 The frigid wind, blowing without regard Brings with it a freezing sting Along with ingenuine warmth Not understanding 看街邊的梧桐 枝幹的裂縫 樹根的空洞 無蹤 Looking at the wutong trees by the road The cracks between the branches, The spaces between the roots— Untraceable 潮落潮漲惹惆悵 念別妄想解捆綁 哀往笑藏心還滾燙 不速之客已來訪 The rise and fall of the tides bring wistful sadness Bid farewell to your deluded dreams and untie your fetters Hide your despair in laughter while your heart continues to blaze passionately An uninvited guest has already arrived 對風叫嚷也無妨 對水歌唱人自賞 勝握在掌神魂搖盪 故事幾章夢一場 So what if you cry and scream to the wind? As you sing at the water, you enjoy the sight of your own reflection Grasping victory in your palm as your spirit swings to and fro, to and fro How many chapters are there in this mere dream of a story? 看街邊的梧桐 枝幹的裂縫 樹根的空洞 無蹤 Looking at the wutong trees by the road The cracks between the branches, The spaces between the roots— Untraceable 潮落潮漲惹惆悵 念別妄想解捆綁 哀往笑藏心還滾燙 不速之客已來訪 The rise and fall of the tides bring wistful sadness Bid farewell to your deluded dreams and untie your fetters Hide your despair in laughter while your heart continues to blaze passionately An uninvited guest has already arrived 對風叫嚷也無妨 對水歌唱人自賞 勝握在掌神魂搖盪 故事幾章夢一場 So what if you cry and scream to the wind? As you sing at the water, you enjoy the sight of your own reflection Grasping victory in your palm as your spirit swings to and fro, to and fro How many chapters are there in this mere dream of a story?

往事成空 皆散於晨霧中 The past disappears, Scattering amidst the morning mist

[beihaibeii]

you hand me the work of fiction from this past week’s issue of the new yorker and you say, “i didn’t really like this one. i like narratives with a little more plot.” i take it and i read a story about a man who flings himself off a four-story building, and another who yells himself hoarse a moment too late. i give it back to you and i say, “it made me really sad.” i don’t say, “in five columns of words, a man’s life ended in a misshapen heap on the concrete. an unknowing child mourned being unable to witness the flight of a yet undiscovered superhero. a man on the ground relived his own life, screamed his heart out to unhearing ears, and charged up too-long flights of stairs onto a newly empty rooftop. how much plot did you want?” i don’t say, “do you know what it is like to shout down a person who is determined to stop living? do you know what it is like when that person is yourself?” i don’t say, “do you remember when you joked that the rooftop of the freshman dorm ought to be high enough? on days when i see gray, that’s the only thing i can think about.” i don’t say, “when the person standing on the rooftop in my heart finally succeeds, then would that be enough plot for you?”

plot // l.h.y

[beihaibeii]

月燦燦 水澹澹 不如星辰映他眼 煙嵐嵐 霧漫漫 拂曉送他去戍邊 Bright, bright is the moon; tranquil, tranquil are the waters Yet they pale in comparison to the stars reflected in his eyes Hazy, hazy is the smoke; flowing, flowing is the mist Brushing off the dawn haze, I send him off to the edges of the land 他仗劍 我掩面 此別絕塵餘幾年 地兩邊 天兩邊 生隔兩地死隔天 He grasps his sword; I cover my face How many years shall pass after this farewell? Two sides of the earth, two sides of heaven In life, the lengths of the earth between us; in death, all of heaven 葉蘭山 葉蘭山 他曾名我葉蘭山 大道同 天下安 教我兩言自老聃 Yelan Mountain, O Yelan Mountain He once called me Yelan Mountain When the Great Way is equal, all under heaven shall be at peace-- He taught me these words of Laozi 問老聃 問老聃 如今兒郎可身安 日也盼 夜也盼 九州幾時風雲散 輕騎歸山 再入我臂彎 Laozi, O Laozi, I ask of you That beloved of mine--is he well? By day do I yearn, by night do i yearn When shall the clouds disperse from the Nine States? Riding swiftly, he returns to the mountain, into the curve of my embrace once more