Here Goes Nothing

Here Goes Nothing

[bekram-blog]

I think I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. What an amazing feeling. 

[starlightsymphonies]

[death-by-lulz]

This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

[bekram-blog]

havent written in a while, mostly because there hasn't been anything to write about. I used to write to process what I was feeling and what I was going through, but lately, for the past few months, everything has been good and nothing's needed to be processed. I love it. I want it to stay. For the first time in a long time I'm confidant and secure in what I have. He cares about me. A lot. And I care about him too. My friends are great, I'm moving into a great house. I have good grades. Honestly, this is everything I could ever hope to ask for. 

[dailydot]

[death-by-lulz]

sassy-vegetarian:

Best part of the Super Bowl that actually had something to do with a football player.

My lovely followers, please follow this blog immediately!

[loves-war]

[unknownoneeeeeeeeeeeeee]

Twenty Dollars 

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked. “Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you - but first, let me do this.” 

He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. “Who still wants it?” Still the hands were up in the air.

“Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” He dropped it on the

ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?”

Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No

matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. 

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still

priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by …WHO WE ARE.

You are special - don’t ever forget it.”

This post always shows up in my life when I need to hear it most.

[bekram-blog]

Did better on my tests than I thought I would. Actually did pretty darn well as a matter of fact. I'm running consistently. I've never been much of a runner before but I'm actually beginning to enjoy it. I definitely like seeing how much progress I've made in a relatively short time. I ran my first 5k today. On a treadmill mind you, but it's still more than I've ever run at once. My back isn't hurting so maybe that's actually getting better too. 

I feel healthy. I'm eating pretty well and exercising 5 days a week. I'm back down to a weight I'm happy about. Granted, I've never been "fat" but I was "fat for me" for a while and it sucked. I'm so glad to feel genuinely good about my body again. Another 5ish pounds and I'll be ecstatic. Yeah, it's just a number and there are better ways to measure progress but still. It'd be nice to weigh onesomethingteen again. I think as long as I stay as motivated as I have been lately and don't let the break change my habits I'll be okay. 

I'll be home in 10 days. Home, at the beach, on a boat, getting a real tan instead of one from a bed. I'll be with my family who I miss more than anything. I'll be with my friends. I'll be able to sleep in my own bed for almost 3 weeks. I can't wait. 

[black-moony]

[iloveimgs]

[bekram-blog]

can't wait to see that in person... 

[bekram-blog]

I think I get involved with unavailable guys because it gives me an automatic reason not to  trust them; not to have to open myself up to the possibility of disappointment. If they're not available then that's it, I have reason to expect very little from the relationship (arrangement?) or whatever. When it's good I can just enjoy it without getting in over my head, without having to admit that I may be feeling real feelings. When it's bad I can just chalk it up to "it was never supposed to be anything anyway" and save myself the grief. 

I want a functional relationship. I want to meet someone who I actually want a functional relationship with and who is capable of providing one. 

[bekram-blog]

I'm grateful

for my family, who have always loved and supported me unconditionally and without question. For my friends: the ones who have always been there and the ones who never were. For the people who have changed my life, either by being a constant throughout these past two decades or by only making an appearance in a chapter. I'm grateful for all of the good choices I've ever made because they made my family proud of me and that's really all I could ever hope for. I'm grateful for all of my mistakes, and there have been plenty, because each one taught me something different and allowed me to grow as a person into who I am now: someone who I can finally say I'm proud of. I'm grateful for the ability to go to a school that I love and take classes with professors who genuinely care and who will fight tooth and nail for me under the condition that I do the same for myself. I'm grateful for the normalcies of life, the smell of Thanksgiving dinner one day and of Christmas trees the next because it means that I am lucky enough to be able to enjoy the little things without the burden of worrying about bigger problems. I'm grateful to be spending my birthday at a concert in NYC with my sister, one of the most important people in my life. I'm grateful to have people who I miss because it means that I've loved and lost; because it means that I've lived. 

More than anything, I'm I'm grateful for my life. For the ability to wake up happy and healthy more days than I don't and to be surrounded by some of the most wonderful people anyone could ever hope to know. 

[bekram-blog]

reality,

it's a powerful thing. 

[circlemaze-blog]

[deluxeds-deactivated20120904]

[toeiie]

[audrawr]

[melaniescorner]

[bekram-blog]

today is hard. it started out great but music, concerts, make me miss you. I feel lonely. Not in general, but right now. I want to be on a concert high with you. I miss my best friend. I miss knowing, without a doubt, that you're there for me. This is the most I've missed you in a really long time and I hate it. I miss you but I don't miss this feeling.