Dragon’s Nest: draft v final version
As promised, I have dug up an old issue of K-Zone from January 2004. K-Zone is a kids’magazine here in Australia, and in this particular issue they published a preview of the still unreleased Dragon’s Nest. The entire first chapter was published.
I have compared the chapter which was published in this magazine with the final one printed (I am reading my first edition copy of Dragon’s Nest, the single volume version). There are lots of interesting changes- at the beginning, mainly just edits, but by the end, whole scenes are cut.
IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THE EDITS (I just find them interesting, idk if anyone else will) there is an ENTIRE DELETED SCENE to enjoy. It is towards the end of this post. If you want to skim the rest, I’m not offended- I’ve even put in a heading so you can find it more easily in this wall of text.
Just so you know I’m not trolling you, have a picture too.
I have written out the words as written in the draft version. Strike out means that the words were deleted in the final version. Bolded means those words were added in the final version. Please ask if this is confusing, I tried my best.
Y’all aren’t even ready for this.
The changes start right from the beginning.
Unwillingly, Lief joined the crowd climbing flocking up the sweeping stairs that led into the palace in Del. His legs felt heavier with every step. The sweet morning air was cool, but his hands were slippery with sweat.
People All whispered and pointed at the glittering jewelled Belt he wore- the magic Belt of Deltora.
Lief forced smiles and waves in return, but his heart sank as he saw how thin the people were, how shadowed were their smiling eyes.
It goes on with a few more minor edits:
He had been prepared for it, but still he froze, gasping. Are you greeting your miserable people little king? the jeering, hated voice whispered.
Lief gritted his teeth and kept climbing,telling himself that h He could not let the voice drive him away, back to the blacksmith’s forge that was now again his home. Tonight it would be the full moon, and that meant that today was the day of the monthly public meeting. People had come to the palace in Del from far and wide to speak to their king.
A black bird was swooping down towards him from the pale blue sky. It was holding something in its claws….. And as the bird plunged downward he realised that it was not Kree at all, but another, smaller, bird, which was holding something in its claws.
The bird wheeled above him. He could see its yellow eye marking his position.
The people around him on the stairs eyed the package nervously.
And now, my least favourite change:
You have stopped again, little coward. Very wise. Now turn and run, like the snivelling street urchin blacksmith’s son you really are.
Oh man, that’s so much more powerful….knowing later on that Lief still feels like a child, just calling him ‘little’, and a ‘street urchin’….like why is being a blacksmith’s son supposed to be an insult? Anyway.
Clutching the arrow head, Lief moved quickly through the palace doors…
Then the Shadow Lord gets way more graphic again:
Ah, you are closer to me now. You have entered the palace. Do you see your people before you, swarming like starving rats, like maggots on dead flesh?
Lief looked down at the jewelled Belt around his waist….The emerald was dull, greenish grey.
And then Barda <3 shows up:
But Barda’s brown, rough-bearded face was still the same.
Wordlessly, Lief showed him the wrapped arrow head.
Then we have quite a big cut:
Josef had not wanted to move the library down to the ground floor. He had argued passionately against the plan, and no wonder. The work of moving thousands of books was immense. And t The old library on the third floor of the palace had been Josef’s pride and joy.
Then some of Barda’s Quest-Dadding gets cut, as does a hint to his suffering because only Lief can suffer
Lief felt Barda’s hand grip his shoulder. “Do not listen to him, Lief!” Barda muttered.
Lief looked at his friend. Barda’s face was beaded with sweat. grim.
“Far worse for you than for me,” Barda said. “You should have stayed at the forge You should not have come.”… “Even there at the forge the whispering enters my dreams.” Lief muttered. “And I could not stay away from the palace today, Barda. It is the And, in any case, the palace is the only place big enough to hold all who come to for the monthly meetings.”
I’m not a fan of Barda’s face only being grim…. it being beaded with sweat really suggests he is personally suffering, not just that he is worried about Lief. But anyway.
And then we get the biggest change- a whole scene that got cut completely. I’m not going to strike it out because that’s pointless, but it’s all gone in the final version. In the draft it starts when Lief says “..that-that thing upstairs!”.
I will leave you now, Lief of Deltora. But I will be back with you, very soon. Remember….
Lief clenched his fists, trying vainly to block out the hated sound.
…there is nothing for you now but despair!
“We have to find a way of destroying the crystal, Barda,” he muttered. “We have to!”
“You have tried everything Lief. Nothing can harm it. The sorcery that made it is too strong. You must-” Barda looked down and his eyes widened. “Lief, your hand!” he shouted.
Lief became aware of a stinging pain and looked, bewildered, at the blood welling from a wound on his palm. He had clenched his fists so tightly that the arrow head had pierced the skin.
“Those fools of gnomes!” roared Barda.
Lief thrust the little package at him. “Will you open it?” he mumbled, feeling for his handkerchief to bind the wound.
Barda tore at the twine around the arrow head and freed the note. As he smoothed the paper out, he gave a snort of disgust.
Barda slammed Fa-Glin’s message down on a tall pile of books. “Why does the old fool write in code?” he snarled. “We are supposed to be living in a time of piece!”
Lief knew his friend’s anger had little to do with Fa-Glin, and a lot to do with a whispering, sneering voice and a blood-soaked handkerchief.
Fun fact: I still forget all the time that Lief doesn’t slice his hand open in the final version. I love this scene- it show how mentally not-present Lief is, as well as how anxious Barda is about his Quest Son.
You can check your version of Dragon’s Nest, but obviously the only bit that remains is Barda getting mad at Fa-Glin (kinda out of nowhere without that context…). Though it has changed from “he snarled” to “Barda exploded”. A few more changes were made to completely delete this scene:
Lief’s next line of dialogue- explaining Fa-Glin’s code- is said “said soothingly” in the draft, to try and calm Barda down. In the final, it is just “said”
When Barda goes to read the code it says “Barda snatched the note” in the final version. In the draft, he already has the note- he’s the one who opened it, not Lief. So in the draft it says “Barda looked at the note again”.
And that’s it! The rest of the chapter is exactly the same as far as I can see.
I hope you all found that interesting :)
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