sweet cherry pie

Ben Mckenna. 19. I used to be famous.

[bencherrypie]

Maybe it all happened for a reason. Maybe it was better that he and Jesse had a falling out because Ben had never felt better now that the weight of paranoia was off of his back. Everything seemed to fall into place as the world sorted itself out like Tetris blocks, making room for an unyielding certainty about his life that wasn’t there a few weeks ago. He was going to make something of himself now that he had no one, his mind a never-ending chain of thoughts about what he was going to do to achieve success. He was going to buy a car. No, two. And a bigger house and ten dogs. And personalized collars and maybe a van because there was no way he could drive all those dogs in just two cars.

He scoffed at the people who thought he’d otherwise fall on his face just because he didn’t know how to cope with things in a healthy and productive manner when he was at work that morning, diligently purging alien microchips from the inside of every blueberry muffin.

The kitchen looked like a pastry massacre, baked casualties scattered all over the counters and smeared over glass as Ben rapidly cycled through the racks of baked goods, scouring the day’s supply for mind-altering devices and maybe rat poison. Ben thought he was doing pretty good for a heart-broken fool. He wasn’t crying, at least.

When the door chimed, Ben glanced up from his current endeavor of dissecting the banana bread like an unscrupulous surgeon, ready to rob it of its moisture and goodness. He sucked the icing off of the butter knife he was using as he stared at the person who arrived for a moment with strawberry jam smeared down the front of his shirt like a blood-stain. “Hey. Welcome to Sweet Cheeks.”

[archibaldandrewsgifs]

[bencherrypie]

deputyxjones:

Honestly, sometimes Clara wished that she could be as earnest as people like Ben. She wished that she could muster up the nerve to be as honest and upfront about her own emotions as she was about her opinions on others—that she could show the same level of fearlessness when it came to declaring her love, that she could when it came to standing up for her beliefs. But when it came to the things that she did… Maybe he had a point. Maybe helping out with Laney and moving half of her possessions into Lincoln’s house was enough to show him how she felt about him.

Or maybe she was drunk, and just didn’t want to risk or even think about the potential ramifications of saying that small, big, four-letter word to him.

Lost in her own thoughts, the deputy’s head snapped up when Ben mentioned the news that had driven them into the cornfields in the first place; her brain struggling to connect the levity in his voice to the severity of his words as she ran through them over and over again in her head, trying to think of a good or even appropriate response. By the time that she realised that there really was no good or appropriate response to that, they’d already moved on to talking about something completely different, seemingly out of context and yet somehow easier for Clara to comprehend.

“Who, Jesse?” she asked, having one last drag of her cigarette before flicking what remained into the same patch of snow. “Why would he be pissed at you?”

“Yeah,” Ben chirped before his face scrunched in thought as he scrubbed the back of his neck. “Well, like, I’m not really supposed to be drinking for one and like, I dunno, he still thinks I’m really into chicks or something so like, alcohol and girls kinda looks real bad.”

Flopping onto his back, Ben batted drunkenly at the tendrils of Clara’s hair like a cat or a particularly large baby. “But like, you’re not even really a girl,” he said. “I mean, you are but you’re a cop which like, I mean, no offense or anything but the only cop I’d ever kiss is Bax and like, it’s not even all it’s hopped up to be.”

He flicked at her hair for another moment before decidedly slipping off of the roof of the car while unbuckling his belt with exceptional skill for someone who couldn’t seem to find his way past the stalks of corn for a whole minute. “I gotta take a leak, I’ll be right back.”

@jesse-childs​

[sharing-of-words]

Once someone’s hurt you, it’s harder to relax around them. Harder to think of them as safe to love. But it doesn’t stop you from wanting them. Sometimes I think it actually makes the wanting worse.

Holly Black, White Cat

@jesse-childs

[vuoleballare]

Visit Original Link

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

It was difficult for Jesse to understand. His head and his heart and his brain and his body had never seen eye to eye, and he’d certainly never expected that Ben would be the old-fashioned prude between the two of them. 

“I’m not like you, Ben. I know that.” He admitted, deflated by the other’s words. “I don’t trust like you do. I don’t love like you do. It… takes me a long time. And I was obviously self-sabotage every step of the way.” He deserved Ben’s anger and he knew it, grateful that at least they were still talking though. 

He cringed when Ben turned to him, Jesse nodding in morbid resignation. “She kissed me. I kissed her back. It was just- I needed someone, I guess. I needed someone who would listen.” He murmured, unable to maintain eye contact with Ben for very long. “This is my fault. I know it’s my fault. And you have every right to hate me. But can you just- I didn’t do this to hurt you. Sasha made me feel heard, and after everything that happened with Dean, I just… I needed to be heard.” His gut twisted as he looked up at Ben finally, every moment dragging on as he waited for Ben to make a run for it. “I’ll do whatever you want, Ben. I’ll see a therapist. I’ll volunteer or go to church. I’ll get better. Just don’t bail on us. I’m not asking you to trust me- or even like me, but you promised you wouldn’t give up on me.”

“You don’t trust like I do? Of course you fucking don’t because I try. You don’t see me moving twenty minutes outside of civilization because every other person in my life used me like a cheap towel.” Ben knew deeply that it was a low blow to hold himself next to anyone when he had enough trauma to capsize a good portion of the arguments that came his way but he was hurt and pissed and desperate for someone to feel the same way. But he realized that Jesse was a bad target. He didn’t truly believe that Jesse could feel what he was feeling when he’d been so contented lying to him about it. “You’ve always said that you were no good for me and if this is what your love is then I don’t want it-- no, I don’t deserve it.”

He snatched a ball cap from the dresser and put it on, pulling the bill low over his eyes because he was certain that his fury left no capacity for water behind them any longer. More than at Jesse, Ben was pissed at himself for finding himself in the exact situation everyone warned that he’d be in: vulnerable and heartbroken. It hurt the most that it was Jesse. All he could think about were the promises he’d made, each locked pinky driving another nail in the coffin when he realized they were as good as the gifts that lined his walls at home. He’d snap his little fingers off if he didn’t know that he needed them.

Hastily stuffing bag with some of his clothes, he slung it over a shoulder as he made a beeline for the door but not before turning halfway out of it to jut an accusatory finger at his friend(?).

“Not only did you promise me no more secrets, but you lied and betrayed my trust so I’d say we’re more than one for one. Get bent, Jesse. Tell it to Sasha because I don’t-- I don’t care.”

[bencherrypie]

 garbdeputyxjones:

It wasn’t until after the words left her lips that Clara realised the significance of them— and more importantly, it wasn’t until after she had said them that she realised the significance of the fact that she’d said them so easily, so devoid of hesitation. I’ve never been in love was a sentence that she had said multiple times, over numerous years, often followed by an equally crass addendum stating that she honestly never thought she would be. Yet here she was, a chuckle escaping her lips as Ben delivered his answer.

“That’s cute,” she commented, bringing the bottle to her lips again in order to demonstrate that he’d guessed correctly, albeit not for the reasons that he’d given. Clara was definitely a lot more than tipsy now, brain buzzing as she chased the liquor with a drag of her cigarette, before dropping her gaze to the ground. “Congratulations, Sherlock. You officially know something about me that even my boyfriend doesn’t.”

Ben wiggled his feet in triumph as he held his legs straight out in front of him, kicking them a little as if it might help him stay awake. Drinking by itself was pretty dull, but he could appreciate the concentration it took to look sober (which took his focus off of everything else). 

“You should just tell him. I tell my friends I love them all the time. Everybody needs to hear it, you know? But like, if you’re really in love with him, he probably already knows. You can tell when someone loves you for real. You can’t fake the things you do for them.” Ben flicked the cherry of the cigarette in his hands into the stalks of corn and watched it fizzle out in a patch of snow.

“My mom killed my rapist. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is,” he said, sounding inappropriately jolly, but he was thinking of something else. Taking out his phone in afterthought, he checked his messages in triple the time it normally would’ve and submerged them into silence for a moment as he tried to figure out which eggplant was Jesse. After shooting off a garbled message, he placed his phone faced down between his knees and laughed. 

“He’s gonna be so pissed at me,” he said without context. “But he loves me so he’ll come.”

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

Jesse hit the ground harder than he ever remembered falling before, the pain radiating through his skeleton feeling well-deserved. He leaned back against the bedframe behind him, his breathing irregular as he tried to keep up. “It wasn’t cheating. We weren’t- You were fucking Alice and Kelly while we were together.” He muttered desperately, looking up at Ben. “We hadn’t talked about not fucking other people.” 

He grabbed the edge of the frame, pulling himself painfully to his feet. “I- That was the truth, though. I mean, I liked your sister in the way that cats like rodents. I didn’t mean to fuck her. It just happened. It wasn’t something I’d planned or thought about, I swear.” He knew that Ben had him dead to rights about lying about it though, insisting that he’d concealed the truth to protect Ben’s fragile mental health making enough counter-arguments to render it pointless. 

“This hasn’t been a joke to me since we found Dallas. That’s the truth, Ben. You don’t have to believe me. Sasha and I never even- She keeps telling me to dump you before I hurt you. We weren’t laughing about anything.” He swallowed hard, afraid to approach Ben for fear of making things worse. Besides, he needed to save his energy for chasing Ben down when he went to make poor decisions as a way of coping. “You don’t have to believe me, Ben. I swear to god, you’re the one I want. You’re the one I’m in a relationship with.” He wished there was some way to separate Ben from his feelings, convinced he could make sense of it minus the upset. 

“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m twisted up. Maybe I’m not even gay- but who cares? We’re happy together, right? I don’t get why sex has to be this huge thing between us. I don’t care that you’re attracted to Kelly and Alice and whatever fucking blondes you’re ogling. Who cares?” He demanded, puffing up with the same arguments that he had when Ben had tried to shove being exclusive on him before. He tried to reign himself in before he could devolve into further justifications, worried that Ben didn’t believe him when he said that he was taking this seriously.

“I know what I did was wrong, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Ben. I fucked up, but I did a lot of that last year. I promise you it will get better. And we can improve on the past. I know we can. Just give us time. You can hate me while I figure out how to convince you otherwise, I deserve that. Just- Please don’t give up on this.”

Ben scoffed, whirling away in search of socks as Jesse began piping up again with more excuses that sounded like nothing more than flimsy justifications on why he just couldn’t help it.“Don’t bring Alice and Kelly into this, you know I haven’t been doing anything with them. Maybe it’s hard for you to understand but my head and my heart come as a package. I haven’t thought of anyone but you. When I said that I wanted to be with you, I meant it in every way.”

He fumed as he stormed about the apartment looking for things he’d forget on the way of searching, fighting back tears with the kind of anger everyone had been trying to coax out of him for ages. He could finally understand the appeal of it when it filled the hole in his chest where his heart had been.

Incensed by the topic of sex, Ben whipped around, chest puffed and ready to give a sermon on how he had expressed his feelings about it before when he decided to exhale his fury in one big breath. While it would’ve been nice to unleash every snide thought he ever had about his sister’s motives in one long go, he knew he’d regret it later so he took a moment to breathe. Even in the hurricane of feelings he had brewing inside of him, Ben knew better. As far as he knew, Jesse didn’t deserve any more of him than he’d already given. There was really only one thing he really needed to know anyway.

“So did you do it again?” he asked, voice strained with tenuous patience. ”After I told you I didn’t want you to. Did you kiss her?”

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

Jesse already regretted this, tempted to make up some bullshit bomb (like taking credit for murdering another wack job) that he could drop on Ben and let the other brush off. He knew he’d have to tell Ben eventually though, or someone else (Cam, probably) would inevitably save him the trouble. 

He could feel Ben’s heartbeat thumping faster under his hands, Jesse preparing his bruised body and feelings for being unceremoniously dumped once he told the truth. “I- You’re not crazy, Ben. I have- I’ve had a thing for your sister since forever and I- I hooked up with Sasha.” He felt an overwhelming sense of panic at admitting it, quick to try and change Ben’s mind before he even had a chance to react. He flattened his palms against the other’s chest, leaning his weight into them like maybe he could keep Ben there. “It’s not- It was just like a thing that I needed to get out of my system. She’s been driving me outta my head since way before I actually met you.” He knew this wasn’t gonna be easy for Ben to swallow but some part of him clung to the hope that Ben had been through the boot camp of swallowing gross shit and they might get a second (third… fourth?) chance. 

“It was before you asked me not to kiss anyone else. We weren’t exclusive or anything. And it just kinda happened. She kept kissing me and trying to convince everyone that- Ben, her big mean brain might tap leftover lizard cells in mine but your big dumb heart makes me want to come home to you. I want to build a home with you.” He insisted, pressing his weight into the heels of his hands. “It was a mistake, Ben. Like realistically I knew- Even if you and I weren’t official, I definitely knew that you wouldn’t be okay with it. I’m not trying to excuse myself, I’m trying to tell you how much more you mean to me. Sasha is just trying to ruin me and I’ve just had a crush on her since she shopped at Hot Topic and her thighs smooshed like dinner rolls in an oven. It doesn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t kill a man for her. I wouldn’t give her the panic button to my phone. I wouldn’t ask her to move in with me and I definitely wouldn’t move back to Muddy for her. I know it’s fucked up, but I love you Ben. And it’s scary. And I think we’ve both been trying to sabotage ourselves.” He was toeing the line between trying to explain and keep from sounding like he was making excuses. He’d seen first-hand what life with a dishonored-but-resigned spouse was like, understanding for the first time why his mom worked so tirelessly to make sure that his dad’s life shaped up the way that he wanted it to. 

“Please give me time to make this up to you. I swear, it meant nothing. It was just a moment. You’re- You get that, right?” He was banking on Ben having empathy for an unruly dick, Jesse convinced that Ben’s had gotten him into more trouble than his own ever would.

Ben never thought he’d ever wish for a murder more in his life. Somehow burying a body with Jesse would’ve been something he could manage better than finding out that all of his paranoia wasn’t unfounded. His lungs seized as his whole chest constricted upon itself, Jesse’s weight on top of him doing little to help the fact that his ribs were trying to keep his heart from escaping the confines of his body.

He stared up at Jesse as he began explaining, each strand of reason slicing up another piece of his heart like soft cheese and sunk it into the acid of his stomach. Ben had his fair share of heartbreak but this had to be the worst yet, the pain of it exacerbated by the acknowledgment of all his commitment to their relationship for someone who just didn’t sound ready.

Tears stung his eyes, but he was quick to thumb them away, for once unwilling to let Jesse see him cry after feeling like he’d robbed enough emotion from him already. Grabbing Jesse’s wrists, he pried away his support and sat up to dump Jesse unceremoniously onto the ground with little disregard for his bruised body.

“Don’t--” he said, pausing long enough to steady the tremble in it before continuing as he stepped over Jesse’s legs. “Don’t lump me in with you. I’ve never cheated on anyone.”

He paced away to a dresser, uncertain of where he was going but his mind was racing with every thought he’d pushed down about Sasha. Of every moment he’d allowed himself to get belittled by her claims on top of Jesse’s. He felt like an idiot for being swayed by the idea of romance and all of the little things Jesse had tried to placate his guilt with. “You know, I don’t--” Ben sucked in a breath after slamming a drawer shut after taking out a shirt. “--fucking get you, Jess. I was understanding when you told me you never felt that way towards anyone and now you’re telling me you went and fucked my sister. And then lied to me about it for how long now?”

Ben pulled on the shirt with purpose, for once feeling inappropriately undressed. “How am I supposed to believe anything you say? What, was this all a big joke to you? Were you and Sasha getting a good laugh about it behind my back? Haha, little Ben is just one big fucking idiot who wants to be loved so bad he’ll take it from anyone. Yeah, good one, man. You're hilarious.”

[bencherrypie]

deputyxjones:

Deep down, Clara knew that she was probably walking into a trap with that one. She tried her best not to pay attention to rumours and gossip, but it was difficult to miss the probability that Ben had slept with his English teacher, and the former Mrs. Baxter, and any number of people in an age demographic that made her acutely uncomfortable. Not because she judged him, but rather because her instinct was to protect people from being taken advantage of. Or perhaps because it hit a little too close to home.

“I try not to assume anything when it comes to Jesse,” she retorted with a somewhat wry smile, yanking the bottle from him and proceeding to practically pour liquid absolution down her throat at a much faster pace than before. Grimacing slightly, the deputy wiped her lips with the back of her hand while she considered what to tell him next, given that Ben had definitely upped the stakes.

“Uhm, I’ve had sex in my cruiser,” she started, cocking her head to the side. “I’ve had sex in a precinct bathroom, and… I’ve never been in love.”

Ben wanted to say that he thought Jesse was pretty predictable but he might’ve been literally the only person in Muddy Waters to think that due to the fact that they almost spent every waking moment together (which was probably why Jesse slept so much).

He kicked his feet idly as he waited for Clara to drink up and think of something to say. At that point, his vision was doing loops, making his brain beg for mercy in powder form but they were miles out of town and he didn’t think Phoenix would make a drop so far out of town. He sucked on the cigarette instead as if polluting his lungs might’ve made it easier to breathe. 

“I vote ‘never been in love’. Aren’t all cops in love with their jobs?” It was hard to tell whether he was joking or not, his expression flawlessly earnest despite the rosy glow on his cheeks.

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

Jesse’s face burst into a mirroring grin, unable to contain his excitement over the potential of them both having futures. “I’ve spent a lot of time challenging this town’s comfort zone, but there’s always more than one way to skin a- I mean, you get me.” He gladly relinquished to Ben’s pull, rolling halfway on top of the other. 

He only hesitated when Ben spoke again, his smile faltering. As much as he wanted to confirm that it was okay, he felt like he’d owed it to Ben and was long overdue to come clean. He grabbed Ben’s shoulder and pushed him back against the mattress, hauling himself on top to straddle the other’s waist. “I’m not mad. I was never really mad at you.” He insisted, folding his hands over the center of Ben’s chest and leaning gently against them. He bit his lip, feeling Ben’s heartbeat against his palm. “You will be, though. There’s something I should have told you. I fucked up, Ben.” He admitted reluctantly, staring down at Ben and wondering how long it would take Ben to dump him and sobriety both.

Strudel let out a long meow in protest before leaping off the bed, deciding that he no longer wanted to share a bed with two chatty and  rambunctious teeny boppers. Ben, however, was thrilled at the moment’s pause where Jesse didn’t deny him, ready to swoop in for a kiss before he found himself being pushed back onto the mattress with a bounce. Excitement filled him like carbonation in a soda can as he stared up at Jesse in both want and awe, but the look on his friend’s face wasn’t the impish one he was expecting. He searched Jesse’s expression in attempt to read it, his heart picking up pace the longer he stalled.

“What do you mean?” he asked quietly, brows wilting as his hands fell from Jesse’s waist to his ankles. They had just gone over the whole murder thing. Was there another?  “You didn’t shoot someone else, did you?”

[bencherrypie]

evaxreid:

Tearing her eyes away from him with an eye roll that could murder a family, Eva resumed her smoking, taking a deep huff as she averted her attention elsewhere. She really needed to cool down, lest she bring down her unearthly wrath upon the innocent people of Muddy Waters. 

The blonde, however, did catch sight from her periphery of how Ben was wise enough to leave the flask, and swiftly make his sad exit. Deep down, she knew he was only trying to help out, but it unfortunately rubbed her off the wrong way. 

As the young redhead walked away, Eva merely stayed put to finish her cigarette. Minutes later, and she was already stomping out the butt with the heel of her boot. Pausing right before the doorway, she grudgingly picked up the flask, remembering the words Ben had uttered. He was right, but she would never say it out loud. 

Sighing to herself, she threw the flask away, uncaring as to where it would land. Fucking Ben, she thought, as she stomped past the motel door, leaving the empty tin, forgotten in the cold. 

– end.

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

Jesse laughed as Ben gently tortured the cat, his nose scrunching in response to the ticklish paws of the animal on his face. He didn’t blame Strudel for bailing, applauding the cat for its patience up til now. “I can’t do food service forever.” He admitted, deciding they were at the point in their relationship where Ben deserved to know that he actually did harbor personal ambition. 

His chest inflated as Ben spoke, Jesse’s gaze lingering on Ben’s collarbones as guilt and hope mixed in his gut. “You’re right.” He decided, looking to Ben’s face finally. “I’m gonna be better than this. I’m just still figuring it out.” He promised, pushing himself up on his elbows. “I will, though. We’ll figure it out together.” He offered his pinky finger towards Ben, a smile playing around his lips. “No giving up on each other, okay?”

“What do you wanna do then, Jess? The world’s our oyster. I have stuff now. Like, too much stuff, probably. My mom’s been pocketing the residuals from my show and I’m still getting them so it’s like, a lot of money.” The idea of building something new on top of Ben Cherry’s corpse sounded better by he second. It was like planting a garden on top of a cemetery.

Ben grinned when Jesse smiled, happy that he could reel something hopeful out of his friend. He gladly locked pinkies with him when offered, using the lock on their hands to draw Jesse’s arm across over his chest and pull him into an embrace that felt long overdue. “I promise I won’t give up on you,” he said, gravitating towards Jesse’s smile like a sunflower reaching for the sun. “Can I kiss you now, or are you still mad at me?”

[bencherrypie]

evaxreid:

As much as Eva didn’t exactly like the cold, she was hell bent on willingly choosing to suffer rather than be in the same room as Ben was at the moment. Any longer with him and she might just sucker punch him.

Outside, she immediately stuck a cigarette between her lips, lighting one up as she stood by the sidelines, fuming still. And just when she thought she had made herself very clear, Ben proceeded to continuously shit on him by pouring the vodka out of the flask right in front of her. As soon as the first drop hit the pavement, she squeezed her eyes shut, unable to watch such good alcohol going to waste. 

Pinching the stick between her fingers, Eva’s eyes flashed and narrowed at him. “Keep that flask, and leave, or I might just chuck it at you, hard, McKenna.”

Ben wanted to say that nothing inanimate has hit his face ever since his dad insisted that he’d never be allowed to play baseball again if it had but he fact felt irrelevant and potentially harmful to his streak when Eva looked ready to rip his face off. He stared at her fury, continuously puzzled by it but ultimately accepting of the futility of trying to stem it. He placed the flask down by the door of the motel before stuffing his hands into his pockets. 

“Bye, Eva,” he said one last glance over his shoulder. “Have a good one.”

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

Jesse stretched his arms over his head, folding them there to form a makeshift pillow. He stared up at the ceiling overhead, acutely aware of Ben’s presence at his side. “I don’t expect you to want to live out there.” He admitted, turning his head to look at Ben. “Besides, I kinda… like the idea of starting over with something new. Something that’s mine.”

He smiled a little as Ben spoke again, not because he needed Ben to apologize for anything but because he wanted to believe that they could stick together through tough shit too. His smile faded a little as he rolled onto his side to face Ben, doubt flickering across his features. “You really think that?” He asked, wondering if it was fair to test Ben’s theory by admitting to boning the guy’s sister. “We’re both total screw-ups.” He pointed out instead, his gaze falling to the fluffy cat in Ben’s arms. 

“You wanna buy a bakery?” Ben suggested with a laugh, dropping his head to the mattress as Jesse rolled over to face him. He toyed with Strudel’s paws a little longer, patting Jesse on the lips with the tiny pads of them until Strudel got fed up and slipped out between them to find a warm, soft place that wouldn’t tease him.

His expression lit up at the thought of a future where he was alive and happy like it was something unfathomable for the stretch of time he was alive. A future with Kelly had been debatable on the alive part because he was almost certain she’d run him into the ground with demands and he’d be happy to comply. “Yeah, of course. I’m crazy about you, man. And it’s terrifying not knowing what’s gonna happen but I know if it’s me and you it’s gonna be fun and scary which is the only way we know how to do anything, apparently.”

The smile on his face fell a little when he was left with nothing but Jesse’s dimmed expression staring back at him. Ben figured that Jesse was still feeling pretty bad about losing a fight with his brother so he wiggled closer to put a placating hand on his side. “You’re not a screw up Jesse. I appreciate that you tried to look out for me and like, you’re really hot when you’e angry, but next time, you should focus on making him feel really bad about himself with that big ol’ brain of yours. Maybe even jail.” He touched a bruise on Jesse’s cheek tenderly. “I just think you’re better than this.”

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

Jesse stuck his hands in his pockets, breathing a sigh as he watched Ben go back towards the bathroom across the hall. He could see why Ben felt like that, the other’s belongings scattered through the room like he was a category 5 tornado.

“It probably is. Too soon, I mean.” He was pretty sure that anyone who knew how insecure they both were would agree that it was insane for them to want to move in together. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips when Ben talked about it being like a forever sleepover, no girls allowed.

“I don’t know if he can leave the farm.” He admitted, guilt kicking him in the gut at the thought of leaving Frank, Rusty, and Derek behind. “I don’t know, though. My parents might move Frank in with them. Or to an assisted living home.” He flushed at the thought, filled with second-hand embarrassment for his uncle. He had spent the last several years trying to allow Frank to die with dignity but it was starting to seem like he might never actually die. 

He reached to cover his face with his hands, flopping back onto the mattress. The more he thought about the logistics of trying to rearrange his life the more daunting it seemed, the farmhouse long having been a drafty beacon of safety from the town where he felt no peace of mind. “I don’t know. Frank might prefer to be snuffed than taken to a nursing home. He’s not gonna care if my parents pay out the ass for a nice one. He’s gonna hate living anywhere but home.”

Ben leaned back onto his elbows when Jesse laid back, (un)subtly worming into Jesse’s space with cat in tow. Strudel looked as unhappy being flipped onto his back, but sullenly accepted his fate as Ben rubbed his belly. He supposed that Jesse had a point but Ben had moved out on his own on a whim before. Granted, it was following a huge media debacle and he needed refuge away from his mother but he had more or less decided to do it and survived a year long binge of self-destructive behaviour all on his own. He didn’t think living with Jesse would involve just as many drugs and as hard as Jesse tried to cut him on his edges, Ben was impervious to his barbs on most days. 

“Would you rather if I moved to the farmhouse?” The suggestion came out of him faster than his brain could catch up with it. The thought of moving twenty minutes outside of town didn’t sound like him at all but Ben wouldn’t have been Ben if he didn’t try to think about the best of everything. Twenty minutes would be long enough to dissuade him from picking up anything or being picked up for that matter.

“Like I said, I can sell the house and like, I’ll have a car and stuff so it won’t be that bad. That way, we can keep Frank and Rusty and Derek.” Ben inched up the mattress and tapped the back of Jesse’s hands with Strudel’s paw, to which he responded by extending his claws. “I want this to work out, Jess. And like, I didn’t mean it when I said we were a hopeless idea. I just wanted to make you feel better which... I mean, didn’t work anyway so I guess I’ll just be honest next time. I have a lot of hope for us. We’re still young so... stuff’s gonna happen but I want that stuff to happen with you. I think, if we stick together, we can do anything.”

[bencherrypie]

jesse-childs:

Jesse only kept tabs on the time because he worried about Ben any time he was behind closed doors, especially any closed doors that might give him access to medicine cabinets. He made a mental note to check on Ben whenever it felt like too long, resulting in plenty of overbearing check-ins through the bathroom door.

He hated that Ben had caught him red-handed but it couldn’t come as that much of a surprise. Jesse was nosy. And Jesse had been interested in antagonizing Sasha for nearly as long as he could remember.

“Searching for hidden arsenals. Force of habit from living with Frank, or maybe I’m just worried she’s gonna come for me if we really do move in together.” He shrugged, stepping back from the closet. He gave Ben a wider berth, the other’s weirdly perfect body dripping with water from the shower doing nothing to put him at ease.  “You don’t have to decide about that today, by the way. I get if you need time.” He offered, moving to sit at the foot of the bed. “I mean, if you’re happy here you should stay here. I don’t wanna ruin a good thing, even if it is weird.”

Ben contemplated Jesse’s response for a beat as he brushed his teeth, scrutinizing the back of his friend’s head. He thought of making a comment that Sasha’s panties were in another drawer if he was looking for those, but he remembered the GSW from the last time he’d shot himself in the foot and decided not to.

Heading back to the bathroom to finish cleaning up, he returned in the boxers he’d picked up earlier out of consideration of Jesse’s delicate sensibilities and the panic necklace replaced around his neck. “Don’t get me wrong, I like it here but like, I dunno. I kinda feel like I’m taking up a lot of Sasha’s space and that’s the last thing I wanna do.” Ben didn’t think there was any way to make their experiences as children more relatable when their family took sibling rivalry to the next level. Despite his avid attempts to minimize his existence, Ben Cherry demanded space and eventually, Sasha was just a small gap in the corner. His eyes flit to the corner of their room where all his stuff had poured out over hers and felt like he was doing it again, even when he hadn’t meant to.

“I think it’ll be fine. I’m happy you suggested it ‘cause I’ve definitely thought about it but like, I didn’t know if that was like, too soon or... “ Ben plucked a pair of sweats from the end of the bed and pulled them up before dropping down beside Jesse. Strudel came immediately, seemingly out of nowhere, to rub his fur over their spines. Scooping the cat up under one arm, he held him to his chest as he looked to his friend with renewed optimism now that he was clean and feeling a little better about the whole affair. “It’ll be like a sleepover we don’t ever gotta leave. No parents, no girls, just us, Strudel and like, Bach now, I guess. Are you really gonna leave Rusty at the farmhouse?”