Benica

She/her Into words👐🏻

[benicasays]

Memories

Not present with me physically

Basically it isn’t the physical human touch that I can feel of yours

But I feel the emotional presence of yours around me

Yeah I am not shattered yet from your painful memories though you haven’t left another choice for me

The memories that are sometimes sweet or bitter inebriation

It’s the part of suffering and moving on

Maybe wouldn’t able to heal mine self completely ever

But your emotional presence still everytime takes me over

~ Benica

[benicasays]

[romanticupid]

Romantic Scenarios About Him

When you're about to cry and he does that "hey, hey" thing

2. When you're walking on the sidewalk together and he moves spots so that you're away from the road.

3. When he laughs so hard he throws his head back and pulls you in his arms

4. When he gets nervous from you staring at him so closely and keeps switching his focus between your eyes

5. When it's windy so he holds back your hair while you eat ice cream

6. When you see him looking for you over a crowd of people

7. When you give him a claw clip to hold on to and he's super intrigued by it and opens and closes it shut for an hour

8. When he guides you through a crowd with a hand on your back

9. When he bends down to hear what you're saying

10. When he places a hand on your forehead after you mention passively that you feel unwell

[benicasays]

just the idea of how woman falls in love with a man>>>

[benicasays]

Sometimes I believe as a hopeless romantic, you should totally ship yourself with a hopeless romantic too. You'll reciprocate with the same energy, similar ideologies of love, and both of you only be lost in each other with the capacity of holding those feelings. Otherwise, it would be underwhelming and one of the person will always feel less.

[benicasays]

Meet me where no one goes and talk to me with your eyes

-A hopeless lover

[benicasays]

Sometimes we are not aware that even the other person is suffering the same as we are

[forlornalbatross]

“Smitten in dualtone - One: Dear Present & Future lover, Do not be cliché & be like the transient past lovers who only wishes to swim on the surface — I am full of depth — find me / look for me in my most unreachable chasm for that’s thé enduring persistent of wanting to get to know me at my most cavernous core— because once you’re there — the veneer layer would be a walk in the park— . Two: You will know me by my vulnerability when without hesitation I would place my heart in your palm & simply tell you that I trust you; I know it’s safe because it’s in the right hand—”

— D C de Oliveira | From: Fiel, Profundity | January 15, 2023 | Sunday, 5.07am

[benicasays]

And to the future lover of Benica please don't make false promises and love mine every sides, I know its difficult with me but if I am giving my heart I would want you to keep it safe, take care of every word mine most vulnerable part is my sensitive part which would be embraced by you.

[benicasays]

Let it go

If I would have lived this life

walking barefoot on grass with you

hug you after a bad dream

looking forward with you

but I wish this year that

I never again think of you

-B

[benicasays]

Can I pass these stages of grief?

I don’t know how to cross them

I know I could have done things differently before, that guilt eats me nowadays

Their is voidnesss, anger, denial, sadness but zero acceptance

It’s funny how I am still choking on the marrow of each bone

being as vulnerable as winter,

slayed open as if to demonstrate yet still pretending

just as maybe you did

-B

[mavisylvania-deactivated2025022]

Yeh dukh alag hai ki usse main durr ho raha hoon, yeh gham juda hai woh khud mujhe durr kar raha hai

This pain is significant that I’m being separated from you, this hurt is insignificant that the one making me leave is you

Tere bichadne par likh raha hoon taza gazhle, yeh tera gham hai jo mujhe mashhoor kar raha hai

I’m writing new poetries on your absence, I’m being celebrated for this sorrowfulness

— Tehzeeb Hafi

[benicasays]

well, starting again to invalidate my feeling on my own bcoz tired from unhealthy bonds shared by people now so back here

[benicasays]

If someone can really do the moon gazing with me 🌚✨🖤🤍

[benicasays]

So the next morning again I have to act in a very good sophisticated sometimes hyperactive manner yeah,

Why is this night ending

I don’t want it

The moon is the only one never left and stayed and listened everytime when I needed

[benicasays]

It’s August already, soon the year is around to end and really I am damn proud of myself that in these 8 months of the year I did everything in the best way I could, learnt so many things, maybe embraced some changes about me too and last but not the least I started loving me, my body, my scars, my little habits, those mood swings and everything <3

[benicasays]

Ya but why not anymore😩

[benicasays]

Why the self-love thing is not staying in a consistent way ?¿

[benicasays]

Why are people doing this with me

Is something wrong with me or what

[benicasays]

The whole night spent in crying and scratching and internally screaming

Shh no one should hear or else they’ll start judging and again they’ll ignore ya like always

[benicasays]

I hate me, I hate myself for treating me like this, I hate that no one likes or neither a single person prioritises me, I hate my skin, my body,my habits, my way of talking,standing, sleeping, eating everything

And most probably I am becoming suicidal day by day, but nvm still everything everyone goes on

So Fuck it

(The 2 am feelings and thoughts)