no control

xix . education major ❝ sweet where you l a y, still a trace of innocence on pillow case ❞

[benjishaw-blog]

the proposition

[benjishaw-blog]

niallhcran:

benji’s sudden eye contact causes phoenix to flash him a crooked grin. phoenix is drawing him in like a moth to a light, he knows, and he can’t say he feels all that bad about it. his hand loosens its grip on ben’s shoulder, his fingers instead absentmindedly rubbing against the material that marks the end of his t-shirt sleeve. “they would,” he tells him with a slow, satisfied nod. “you know how much some dude who’s not getting any would pay just to see a hot guy jerk himself off online?” he questions rhetorically, eyebrow piqued with interest for and extra, dramatic effect. “two hundred. and what does that tell you? that he’d pay even more to see one of his fantasies come to life. and he does. i find it hard to believe you don’t have any, by the way,” he adds, “everyone’s got ‘em, benny, and i’m never gonna give up on trying to figure out what yours are. i’ll get you to tell me one day.”

as benji studied his roommate, he found himself wondering if the other knew just how charming he could be. and sweet, too, once you got down to it. benji fought the urge to sigh as he felt phoenix’s fingers, a part of him wondering what was bringing on this sudden closeness. sure, phoenix was never shy about getting a little touchy, but this just felt different, and benji didn’t know why. “i mean, maybe a lot? not that i would. pay, i mean. i mean i don’t think it’s bad that people do, but i don’t – i mean, never mind.” benji chuckled nervously, sucking in a breath as phoenix answered. “two hundred dollars?” benji echoed, his green eyes going wide. he could get whatever groceries he wanted with that kind of money. he could pay off some of his loans, too. “wow,” he whispered, still in a shocked sort of awe. “well, i...” benji started, not wanting phoenix to think he was a liar, “i do have fantasies, but they’re kind of...” he pressed his lips together, trying to find an appropriate way to phrase it. kinky? weird? “...odd.” he wasn’t sure he wanted phoenix to know he was a bit of a freak, and he’d always imagined how amazing it would be to engage in things like voyeurism or roleplaying kink. “besides, i’ve never even...you know,” he reluctantly met phoenix’s gaze as he spoke, a little ashamed of it, “had sex.”

[benjishaw-blog]

the proposition

[niallhcranarchive]

an amused chuckle can be heard in phoenix’s breath, smile pressing and eyes crinkling more as he watches the boy’s nerves unfurl beside him. “everyone has fantasies, benny,” he tells him with a casual shrug of his shoulder. “it doesn’t always have to mean something wild, it can just mean, like… as simple as something that turns you on. something you’ve never done, but you know would drive you wild if it happened.” he finishes off his explanation with a wink before sitting himself up straight, pulling himself closer to benji in the process, his arm tightening around benji’s shoulders. “fantasies are a funny thing,” he begins to explain once again, watching the other’s face with amusement and hopefully persuasion in his eyes. “it’s amazing what some people will do to see their fantasies played out, you know? i happen to know some people would even pay you to make them happen.”

[benjishaw-blog]

how they had gotten onto this topic was still completely beyond the boy clad in his pajamas, the bowl of cereal in his grasp all but forgotten about. “i don’t really think i have any...” he said, his words barely a whisper. it was a lie, and they both knew it, and benji wasn’t about to sit back and presume that phoenix was an idiot without a clue. he sucked in a breath as phoenix shifted closer, resisting the urge to just melt into his roommate’s embrace. “w-would they?” benji nearly squeaked, his eyebrows raising in fake surprise. all he could think about, sitting there with phoenix pressed against him, was the proximity to which he was relative to phoenix’s sweatpants-clad dick. sweatpants, benji noted, which had somehow managed to shift even further down phoenix’s hips with his shifting, revealing a nice, defined v-shape that led to the object of benji’s fantasies. “would they pay a lot?” benji asked, forcing himself to look up, meeting phoenix’s gaze with a guilty flush to his cheeks. he was being painfully obvious, he knew, but try as he might, benji couldn’t seem to stop himself.

[benjishaw-blog]

the proposition

[niallhcranarchive]

phoenix can only stare the entire time benji speaks– of course, he doesn’t stop fiddling with his curls between his fingertips even though he’s been swatted away. he remains silent, just watching the way benji sputters and becomes his typically flustered self right before phoenix’s very eyes. he has a fond look in his eyes, the slits of them narrowing just slight as he takes in every word and movement benji makes, the soft, pleasant smile on his lips never fading. he’s so fucking fond of the boy, every little thing he does is a marvel to him. his eyes gleam with amusement suddenly, hearing benji talk about him in his boxers and covered in oil; he can’t say he’d ever thought those words would come outof the curly-haired male’s mouth, but he can’t lie and say he’s mad about it. “you would love it, wouldn’t you?” he teases, a playful grin spreading on his face, the one that causes his eyes to crinkle up. “benny, why do i get the feeling that you’re a lowkey freak?” he asks the other, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

[benjishaw-blog]

benji knew the moment he’d said the words that had given phoenix a glimmer of his fantasies that he was going to regret them. “i — no i would not,” benji said, hating the way that he knew his face was about as red as a tomato. it was more than embarrassing, but what was even worse was the fact that he was almost always like this around phoenix. “i’m not a — why would you think i’m a freak?” benji asked, his eyebrows raising in what he hoped was an innocent gesture. he widened his eyes somewhat for good measure, his lips parted into a confused o shape. “i mean, i know they say it’s the quiet ones, but i really don’t have any f—fantasies or anything strange like that.” he dropped his gaze, wishing that the bowl of cereal wasn’t in his hands so he could pick at the edge of his shirt instead. “i wouldn’t know a fantasy if it hit me in the face,” he added, chancing a glance at phoenix to gauge how he’d reacted. but benji couldn’t tell — he’d never been very good with reading people. he always did his best to guess and see if he’d hit the nail on his head, and more often than not he was wrong in his presumptions, but this time he was hoping he’d done enough to throw phoenix off the trail. the less he knew about benji jerking off in bed to the thought of him the better.

[benjishaw-blog]

the proposition

[niallhcranarchive]

“don’t worry, buddy, i’m sure she made it just fine,” he chuckles, smiling fondly at benji beside him. leave it to benji to be concerned for some wasted bride he didn’t even know—what a fucking cutie. “hm,” he hums with a slow nod, “when are you gonna come out and see me one of these days, benny?” he asks the boy as he rifles his fingertips through benji’s hair playfully, just feeling around his soft curls, the fondness in his smile and expression never fading. “you could bring a friend, or as many as you want. or, come alone. i’ll be happy to give you one of those private shows.”

[benjishaw-blog]

“hopefully,” benji muttered, crinkling his nose as he considered it. her husband-to-be likely wouldn’t be pleased to know that she had missed the wedding because of an insane bachelorette party, benji was sure. words began to register in his brain and benji blinked, zoning back into the conversation, flushing as he realized that he hadn’t heard a thing that phoenix had said before he’d gone and ruffled his hair. “h — hey,” he whined, trying to shove phoenix’s hand away, a faint smile tugging at his lips, “you’re ruining my carefully styled locks.” that was a lie, and they both knew it. benji didn’t know the first thing about keeping up his appearance, save for the fact that a general hygiene regiment was required. “a priv — no, i don’t think i should...uhm, do that.” benji cleared his throat, cautiously meeting phoenix’s gaze. “that might make things a little awkward, don’t you think?” he prompted, a small smile appearing on his face, “between us, i mean.” benji paused, wondering if that sounded rude, and then he started speaking quickly, “i mean, not that i don’t think it would be nice to watch you dance around in tiny boxers with oil all over you, but i just — ” why he’d said those words, he wasn’t sure, because they sounded like something straight out of his fantasy. benji realized immediately that he’d overcompensated again, said far too much, and his face went beet red. “uh, i — i mean...” he sputtered.

[benjishaw-blog]

the proposition

[niallhcranarchive]

a smile instantly takes over phoenix’s features when a spot of milk splatters onto benji’s shirt. phoenix is so damn fond of the boy beside him, and watching how flustered he gets just from his presence, which he’s positive is the reason by now, is so fucking endearing. “sounds nice, honestly. i was tired as shit when i got home,” he replies with a small chuckle through his words while he brings his arm back behind his head to stretch once again. “mm, yeah,” he hums in contemplation before he finally nods, rubbing his chin between his thumb and pointer finger. “it was a good night, i guess. danced for a bachelorette party and the bride-to-be was a little too happy about it.” he smirks a little, and suddenly, starts laughing out loud as the memory flashes through his mind. “she was crazy. like, completely out-of-her-mind, i-might-not-make-it-to-the-wedding-in-one-piece drunk. so, it was a long night, but they liked the hell out of me so it was good for the bank.” he sits up from his slouched position in the corner and instead shuffles over to be right next to benji, letting his arm wrap around the top of the couch, right behind where his roommate is sitting. “how was your night, handsome?” he asks with a playful grin, ruffling some curls on the side of ben’s head with his fingertips playfully.

[benjishaw-blog]

“oh yeah?” benji asked, putting another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. he glanced up, looking over at phoenix with a light smile playing at his lips as he chewed. “maybe she just wanted a private show,” benji joked once he swallowed. he listened to phoenix talk about the woman, his eyebrows raising in disbelief. “do you think she made it to her wedding?” benji asked, somewhat concerned for this woman that he’d never met. he had a problem with that, expressing concerns over things that most people wouldn’t even begin to worry about. benji spooned out some more cereal, bringing it to his lips and glancing up again, flushing even harder when he realized that phoenix was practically sitting on top of him. “uh — my — it was fine, you know. i didn’t do much,” he said offhandedly, and his thoughts started wandering to exactly what he had gotten up to. not that he was about to tell felix, of course, that he’d laid out on his bed and fucked himself on his fingers thinking of his roommate. that would go over well, he was sure. “i just watched some television and did a little of my homework. i promise your night was more exciting.” benji knew that he needed to start branching out more. he’d never make any good friends at this rate, but he much preferred to spend time in the comfort of their apartment rather than go try to sneak into some sort of frat party. 

[benjishaw-blog]

the proposition

[niallhcranarchive]

why the fuck phoenix is awake before noon is beyond him. perhaps it has to do with the light clanking of dishes and silverware he’d heard from the kitchen in his half-conscious state, and those noises made him excited because that could only mean that benji is awake. and benji being awake is what he’s been waiting for since his head hit the pillow last night. he has a matter to discuss with his sweet, innocent roommate. perhaps it’s ludicrous for phoenix to think benji would be even remotely interested in an offer such as his, but the two are close enough that even if ben is completely freaked out by the idea, all phoenix has to do is not bring it up again, and it will be like the conversation never happened, much like the way phoenix loves to tease and flirt with benji all day, and even though the younger male gets flustered, he allows phoenix to continue doing it on a daily basis. after a quick shower, phoenix emerges from his bedroom wearing nothing but his favorite pair of grey sweatpants, the ones that are thin, yet baggy, and that hang low and loosely on his hips, exposing perhaps maybe a tiny bit too much, but nothing incredibly dramatic—besides, benji has to be used to it by now. his hair is still wet but drying into small curls that dangle over his forehead, his face unshaven but that’s normal, he’s been growing his facial hair out for quite some time now. he stretches his arm behind his head as he sounds a loud yawn, stepping groggily down the hallway and into the living room where, lo and behold, his beloved roommate is curled up, cute as a button on the couch with some cereal. “hey buddy,” he greets him at the end of his yawn, offering a smile in that charming, puppy dog way that seems to just come naturally to phoenix. “didn’t wake you up when i came in last night, did i?” he asks as he plops down lazily into the opposite corner of the couch.

[benjishaw-blog]

the only sound coming from the living room was the gentle clink of benji’s spoon against his bowl of cereal, and the occasional crunch from his lucky charms. there weren’t enough marshmallows in this helping, he decided, but he wasn’t about to go pour himself some more. he needed to ration out his food, after all. benji was about halfway through his bowl when he heard the shower running and, out of habit, he glanced up and looked in the direction of the hallway, biting his lower lip. so phoenix was awake. benji tried not to acknowledge the way his heart skipped, but the more he sat there ruminating in his silence, the more it plagued him. it only got worse when benji emerged, hair tousled and wet, sweats slung low on his hips. benji knew that his cheeks had instantly gone from pale to beet red, so he ducked his head and looked back down at his bowl, shoveling another spoonful in his mouth. still, he kept picturing it, the sight of those sweats. he’d never get used to them, no matter how many times phoenix walked around in them. they were just so hard to ignore, benji convinced himself, especially because half the time he could see the outline of phoenix’s cock, and all it made him want to do was get on his knees and beg phoenix to put it in his mouth. benji nearly groaned aloud at the thought, so preoccupied he was, but then he heard phoenix speak and he started, some milk splashing out of his bowl. “o — oh, hey,” he squeaked, then cleared his throat and tried wiping off the milk, which only served to create a small, wet stain on his shirt. “no, you didn’t,” benji reassured him, finally gathering his bearings, “i was out like a light by the time you got back.” benji tended to go to bed a bit earlier than phoenix most of the time. “so how was uhm — the club and everything? good show?” frankly, benji couldn’t imagine it being bad, not when a guy like phoenix was putting it on. his gaze absently drifted down over phoenix’s chest, and then when he realized what he was doing, the tips of his ears started burning and benji adjusted his grasp on his cereal bowl, trying to make it look like he hadn’t been so obviously staring. 

[benjishaw-blog]

the proposition

benji looked in the cabinets, staring somewhat pathetically at his breakfast options; cereal or a protein bar. he needed to go to the store, but at the same time rent was coming due soon, and he didn’t have enough to cover a big splurge on groceries and his rent. he sighed, reaching for the box of cereal (lucky charms — a staple from his childhood that benji just couldn’t seem to part himself from) and setting it on the counter. he went about collecting his bowl and his spoon, then pulling a somewhat questionably dated carton of milk out of the refrigerator. benji poured himself a small bowl, put everything away, then wandered over to the other room to sit on the couch while he ate, feet carefully tucked under his body. his elbow rested on the armrest of the couch, and he ate his cereal with the other hand, debating about whether or not he should turn on the television. he had no clue if phoenix was awake, though he doubted it. it was only about eleven in the morning, and sometimes phoenix seemed to struggle getting himself out of bed at a reasonable hour. benji knew what phoenix did as his job, and he supposed it probably required a lot of energy and late night hours at work. nevertheless, benji hoped his roommate would wake soon; he was always concerned about turning the television up too loud and disturbing him for some reason. plus, benji had to say he enjoyed the company. phoenix was a little eccentric sometimes, but benji was more than fond of him — not to mention he was cute as hell, too. benji would never mention that, though. he wasn’t confident enough in his flirting capabilities, and he was apprehensive about what would happen when (if, he reminded himself, he needed to be more positive about these things) phoenix turned him down. sighing to himself, benji looked back down at his bowl and spooned himself another helping.