Andy chuckles nervously as Ben looks around his and Jackâs apartment. Here was the tricky subject he still had no idea how to bring up - the fact that Marcus was loaded and insisted on him ânot living in filth, for Christâs sakeâ. (There was also the fact that his sort-of-boyfriend was a cyberkinetic and his best friend/roommate was sometimes a dog. But that conversation would not be happening for quite a long time, if at all.)
"All of this stuff was bought legally, thank you very much. And you should be grateful for all of this nice stuff, because this couch is insanely comfortable, and youâll be the one sleeping on it." He points to a bedroom door. "Thereâs my room - you can stash your stuff in there if you donât want it lying out in the open. Even though my roommate is not "a klepto or something", and will not bother your things."
All of the discussion revolving close to Marcus and Jack was driving Andy crazy - he wanted Ben to meet his friends, and vice versa, even if he knew that might not be exactly a smooth process. But Ben⌠well, Ben hated new people on principle, so they would cross that bridge when they came to it. For now, he just wanted to spend as much time with Ben as possible before she inevitably drifted away again. âSo, anything you wanna do? We can go for a run around campus - Iâve finally found the ideal path. Not much human interaction, youâd like that.â
Ben makes her way over to the room Andy pointed out, opening the door and glancing around. She notices a pile of comics stacked in a corner and feels a sense of comfort - that was the Andy she knew. She tosses her bag on the bed and turns back to face her brother.
"Actually, I was hoping to take a shower. And maybe eat something after. Cool?" Ben wanders over to what she suspects is the bathroom - because this place was too nice to not have its own bathroom. Her guess was correct.
What she really wanted to do was sleep, but Ben knew that wouldn't happen for awhile. She had put off seeing Andy for long enough. "We can run tomorrow morning. I bet you've slowed down ever since you came to this fancy ass place."
Andy forces himself to breath deeply as he impatiently paces his apartment. Ben was coming. Ben was coming here. To Andyâs apartment. Ben was coming to Andyâs apartment and he knows if something doesnât happen soon he might burst from anticipation. He had already shooed Marcus out hours ago, and Jack was⌠well, wherever Jacks go, but now a part of him is regretting that decision. It would be nice to have someone to banter with, someone to help him relax. Which was ironic, since that was usually his job. But he hadnât seen his little sister in over a year. Ben would punch him if he told her, but Andy missed her.
The sudden loud pounding on the door could only be Ben, and Andy practically trips over himself as he rushes to the door. He takes only a brief moment to compose himself before opening it and embracing Ben in for a hug, taking advantage of the only opportunity she would give him to do so.
"Hey, kiddo!" After Benâs fourth or fifth grumbled curse, he puts her back down, grinning. She was taller than when he saw her last, and less scrappy. He hoped it meant she was eating more. At least he couldnât see any visible bruises or scars. "Come on in. I hope youâre doing less shitty than you look."
She knew the hug was coming, but Ben was still caught off guard as Andy's hug lifts her a few feet off the ground. Ben wants to bite off a sarcastic retort once he puts her back down, but the stupid grin plastered across his face makes her hold back despite herself.Â
"Hey." Andy was always easy to talk to - he never expected much and never pushed any boundaries. But Ben felt a sense of dread fill her - she had no idea what to say. The past year hadn't been her best, and she couldn't bear the thought of her big brother being disappointed in her. It doesn't help when she notices Andy's eyes checking for any signs of recent fights. Technically, she hadn't fought anyone for what felt like a year, but that didn't mean she was staying out of trouble. Thankfully, Andy didn't bring it up.
Andy's apartment is nicer than she expected. Despite his scholarships, their family never had the funds for university, and Ben was expecting his place to be a cramped dorm room, not an on-campus apartment. The interior of the apartment itself looked peculiar, a mix of expensive-looking furniture and scrappy second hand trash. She eyes a ratty blanket draped over a couch that looked like it cost more than a year's worth of meals. "So what, you major in stealing shit, or is your roommate a klepto or something?"
Okay, so she had sort of lied. Ben had been on Hailgrove's campus for the better part of three days, sleeping in the library and spending her free time canvassing the place. But as far as Andy was concerned, Ben had just arrived today, after several missed trains and mishaps. At this point, she isn't entirely sure why she's lying anymore - but avoidance is an inherent reflex to her, something she slips into as easily as she does breathing. Andy might suspect the truth. He might not. Only one way to find out.
After taking a deep breath, Ben pounds on the dorm door in front of her. She hopes Andy won't want to play catch up for too long - frankly, she needs a shower. And eating something other than stolen candy bars would be great. She shifts awkwardly as Andy's "Coming!" rings muffled through the door. The siblings hadn't seen each other for more than a year at this point, and Ben is... nervous? Anxious? Whatever the feeling was, it made her cringe.
[Aoife has been sitting at her little cubicle for the past four hours, trying to catch up on her readings. The library is almost empty now, and Aoife sits up straight to stretch a little, her head poking out of the top of the cubicle walls. Her eyes wander a little, observing her fellow overtired students. Suddenly, one of the students sitting at a table gets up & takes a hoodie from another table. Aoife is expecting her to hand it over to the front desk for the lost and found, but the girl puts it on and goes back to where she was sitting.
Itâs been four hours and Aoife is tired. She furrows her brow a little and the thought accidentally slips.]
Are you actually stealing a hoodie from a college student whoâs probably eyeballs-deep in tuition debt? What are you doing?
[Ben has just started to open a new book when the accusation startles her into almost dropping it. She catches herself just in time, placing the book down on the table before glaring around the room. Finally, her eyes land on half of a face looking over at her from a cubicle wall. Ben narrows her eyes, quickly looks away to make sure no one else heard the call out, and then looks back at the girl.]
You. Get over here.
[She mouths the words, but has every intention of letting the girl get a harshly whispered earful once she was within range. Ben is so angry with being caught that she almost doesn't realize it, but she's almost certain that she didn't physically hear the girl speak to her. Judging by the look in the student's eyes, she didn't intend to be heard, either. In fact, the girl's eyes looked far from what the average person's eyes looked like. What kind of shit...]
the bell - first aid kit // cruel - the head and the heart // i followed fires - matthew and the atlas // 27 - passenger // your bones - of monsters and men // woman king - iron & wine // this is why we fight - the decemberists // the fear - ben howard // of space and time - city and colour // one of these things first - nick drake // to be alone - ben howard // hang me, oh hang me - oscar isaac //Â shake it out (alternate version) - manchester orchestra // youâve got to hide your love away - eddie vedder // your fake name is good enough for me - iron & wine // minnesota, wi - bon iver // fire - noah gunderson // red right ankle - the decemberists // six weeks - of monsters and men // go to sleep - the avett brothers
[Ben had a certain appreciation for college students and how their constant overworked state made them negligent to the world outside of their lecture halls. In what other place but a university campus would Ben be able to live inside a public building for three days straight without anyone catching on? The library is the ideal place to camp out - when the time comes for her to sleep, she'll just lay her head on one of the several books open in front of her (she has decided to play a political science major - the books were thick and if there was one thing people never brought up casually, it was politics). To any passerby, she looks like just another stressed out student with looming deadlines and no one pays her a second glance.]
[It's a good plan, but it's not ideal. Ben has a way to make it even more believable. The student two tables down from her had left half an hour ago, accidentally leaving behind a generic HGU hoodie, and Ben has already mentally claimed it for herself. Once she has determined that enough time has passed, Ben quietly gets up and retrieves the hoodie, slipping it on as she slips back into her chair. A quick, casual glance around the library leaves her satisfied that no one has seen her act of theft, and Ben smirks to herself.]
Ben knows by now to expect the hug as soon as the door opens, but she still has to fight back the instinct to push back as Leah's arms wrap around her.
"Hi," she mumbles into strawberry-scented hair, awkwardly shifting her arms as she debates whether or not she should return the hug.
"Hey!" Leah beams, pulling back from the hug before Ben makes her decision. "How are you? It feels like months."
Ben shrugs. "Two months, maybe. Cool if I crash here?"
"Oh yeah, totally. Just, ah," Leah looks around her small apartment, "put your stuff anywhere, I guess. I can clear out space later."
"Don't bother," Ben drops her bag next to the couch. "I'll only be here a few days. Then I have to be back on base."
Leah tries to hide her disappointment. "Oh, okay. That's fine. They're pretty lenient with you over there, huh?"
"Not really. My CO isn't gonna be happy when he sees me. What do you have to drink?" Not alcohol, that's for damn sure.
"I just bought some juice pouches the other day; they're on the side door."
Ben turns away from the fridge. "Nah, that's cool." She walks the few feet over to the bed, tossing off her standard-issue jacket and crashing on the bed. Damn, it felt good to be on a proper bed.
She looks over at Leah, who is still standing awkwardly near the door.
Ben suddenly remembers herself. "Sorry for appearing out of nowhere."
"Oh, it's cool. That's fine. It's fine..."
It wasn't. Ben sighs. "What's up?"
âItâs silly,â Leah shrugs, shoving her hands deep into her pockets. âI've just been feeling off lately... Itâs just that, well, this is the longest I've been without my sister. I feel a bit lost, I guess.â
Oh. Ben shifts awkwardly on the bed. This was the longest Ben has been without her siblings as well, but she didn't mind. Should she mind? "D'you wanna talk about it?"
"Not really," Leah looks embarrassed. "Can we just... you know, relax for a bit? Not talk about anything?"
Ben knows what Leah is really asking - for permission to lie down next to her. Ben still doesn't fully understand why Leah is the one acting hesitant, after all, Ben wasn't the one who had a near-meltdown when they almost had sex, but she doesn't say anything. She just moves over on the bed, and Leah meekly climbs in next to her.
After a near hour, Leah is curled into Ben with her head on Ben's chest. It feels unnatural to Ben - ever since the Almost Sex incident, any physical contact with Leah felt like a potential landmine. Ben never initiated anything anymore, letting Leah make all the moves. That should be the unnatural bit; Ben being physically passive, but she knows its because something within Leah changed.
Leah seemed much more innocent when they first met - a bit nervous (which Ben learned was due to Leah's anxiety from being away from her sister) - but innocent. Happier.Â
Was Ben ruining her?
She speaks before she can stop herself. "You okay?"
"Yeah."
"Bullshit." It's not accusatory. It's a statement. They both know the truth.
Leah doesn't respond.
"Just say it."
âItâs been forever since we've last seen each other," Leah says suddenly, "And the time before that wasn't exactly a short while either.â
Ben stiffens. âI just get busy, thatâs all. Nothing personal. Things just happen.â
Leah quiets for several long moments, the silence tearing at Ben in a way that makes her want to throw up. The only sound comes from the rustling of sheets as Leah slowly sits up. Ben finds herself pulling her arm to her side, uncomfortable with the sudden coldness she feels in the absence of Leahâs body heat.
âI donât think I can do this anymore.â Leah isn't looking at Ben, bowing her head as Ben stares emptily at the nothing in front of her.
âI need the people who are important to me to be an active part of my life,â Leah continues. âAnd I get it, you need to go off and do things on your own, and thatâs fine, but when youâre gone, youâre gone completely. You just disappear for the longest time and I find myself wondering if Iâll ever see you again.â
âJust ask me to stay and Iâll stay. You never ask.â
âYou wonât stay. You might mean well, but you wonât stay. We both know that.â
Ben can hear Leahâs voice breaking and she canât tell if she wants to try and comfort Leah, or bolt.
The urge to run is winning.
âWe were never a real thing anyway,â Ben pushes herself off the bed. âThis was just a way to pass the time. Kinda stupid of us for letting us find ourselves here anyway.â
She doesn't look at Leah or else she knows that sheâll break down like the other is in the process of doing.
Ben hastily shoves her few possessions into her backpack and throws on her coat, all while fervently ignoring Leah. But a part of her wishes Leah would say something, anything to indicate that she was still functioning. The silence between them was thick and sharp and nauseating all at once.
By now she's at the door, her hand lingering on the doorknob. Leah is still silent. Ben is still silent. The door hinge creaks as it opens.
"Bye," is all Ben manages to get out before shutting the door behind her. As she hears Leah let out a sob she bites down on her own lip, trying to will herself not to do the same.
Leahâs mind is still trying to wrap itself around the sudden revelation - that sweet, goofy Andy was related to misanthropic, bitter Ben - that she barely focuses on the fact that Ben was leaving once again.
"Ben," she says roughly, unsure of what to say but convinced that Ben wasnât leaving without Leah having one more word. Again, Ben doesnât turn around, but she does stop, so Leah presses ahead.Â
"Take care of yourself," she says finally, unable to say anything harsher. Ben doesnât respond and continues walking. Leah lets out the shaking breath she didnât know she was holding. What just happened?
Ben was trying to antagonize her, that much was clear. And Leah is angry, because Ben is doing it just to get a rise out of her. Her and Benâs outlooks on life might not see eye-to-eye, but whereas Leah was content to live in harmony despite their differences, Ben was always stubbornly refusing to comply with anything positive.
And Leah was pissed.
A part of her wishes that someone else was there with her - Corinne, or Sage, or heck, even Marcus - someone to ground her. But Leah was alone with Ben, and another part of her is glad. She knows that afterward sheâll be embarrassed by her sudden show of harshness.
"Sayer?" Sheâs so focused on the unfamiliarity of her anger (at Benâs cynicism, at Benâs antagonism, at Benâs lies) that she almost misses the name. "Wait, is your brother Andy Sayer?"Â
"Yeah, that's him," Ben grimly smiles even though she feels sick. She doesn't know if she should be happy because she finally got a rise out of Leah, or ashamed because of the lies she told, or bitter because none of this was new.
"Figures you know him." She readjusts her backpack (full of the few possessions she has left that survived with her from Wales to the army to Hailgrove and everywhere in between) and once again moves to walk past Leah.Â
"Don't worry, I'll leave this shithole soon and you'll never see me again." It was eerily similar to the words Ben spoke last time they saw each other, and just like the last time, Ben feverently hoped that it would be true.
"Oh!" Leah perks up at Benâs explanation. "Thatâs so cool! What a coincidence!" She racks her brain, going through all of her classmates trying to find another Yates, all while ignoring Benâs glare. Leah can practically hear Benâs voice in her head: You know I know youâre not that naive, right? Stop pulling shit.
"Hm, I donât think I know another Yates. But maybe Iâll keep an eye out. From what youâve said about him, he seems like a real cool guy."
Aaaand there it was, that irritating positiveness that Leah always turned to whenever things were anything but positive. So Ben takes another stab at this whole "truth" concept, partially hoping Leah might snap for once in her life.
"His last name isn't Yates. Neither is mine. Didn't exactly join the army under my legal name." As she speaks, Ben glares into Leah's eyes, searching for some anger behind them. "I'm Ben Sayer," she jumbles her last sentence, suddenly regretting ever deciding to speak to Leah again. But Ben crosses her arms across her chest, daring Leah to call her out on her past lies.
Leah canât help the grin that comes over her face as Ben greets her back, but Leah was sure it looked pretty pathetic. She can tell Ben doesnât want to be talking to her, but Leah would really appreciate it if the bad blood between them was cleaned up a bit. In fact, Leah would more than appreciate it, she wants it. So she doesnât let Ben leave so easily.
"Wait." Leah reaches out to grab Benâs arm, but catches herself just in time. The last time she saw someone catch Ben unaware, she pinned them against a wall. So sheâs thankful when Ben stops on her own, her back still turned to Leah.
"Um, so, what brings you to Hailgrove?" Leah had the fleeting thought that Ben had come for her, but that thought left as soon as it arrived. "I mean, this is the last place I expected to see you."
Ben sighs, because of course Leah wasn't going to let her off the hook so easily. But Leah's inquiry had some validation behind it, and Ben guessed that she could even indulge Leah in the truth. Or part of the truth.
"My brother goes here." She turns around to face Leah, though her eyes are still downcast. "Was just gonna visit him for a few days." She almost adds on a comment about forgetting that Leah went here, but that would probably be mean and Ben for once had some sense.
Corrine was always reminding Leah to pay attention when she was walking, because as even Leah was willing to admit, she did not have the best track record with keeping her eyes on the path in front of her. (It was also the reason why her parents never let her take her driverâs test, and Leah doesnât blame them.) In actuality, Leah pays attention more often than not; she loves taking in all the sights and sounds around her. Even on the most well-worn path thereâs something new to discover. But whenever Leahâs mind grabbed a hold of a distracting enough topic, wellâŚ
Sheâs still focused on the sounds around her, carefully taking in each melody and vibration and matching it with the notes Sage had taught her. It would help her powers, if she was able to have a better grasp of the noises she was manipulating. Well, it would help in theory. Leah has always had her own methods of understanding the vibrations she felt, and after twenty years, adding another vastly different element was throwing her off her game. For now. She would get it. She just had to practice. And practice. And practiceâŚ
The next sound she hears is unmistakably and intersection and Leah pulls herself out of her head to try and not get run over. As she hums to herself, Leah casually looks around her, smiling at the few she makes eye contact with as they all wait for the light to change. And then she glances across the streetâŚ
The chorus of âBillie Jeanâ is suddenly interrupted as Leahâs surprise shocks her into stopping humming. And, sheâs⌠afraid? No, that canât be it. Why would she be afraid? She has no reason to beâŚ
But she is, and Leah canât help but reach for the hand that isnât there next to her before she stops herself. She had to handle this by herself. She couldnât ignore it. And so once the light changes, she walks over to Benn Sayer, the one person she thought (and maybe, possibly hoped) that she would never see again.
Benn grimaces and tries to force it into a smile. Play nice. Don't be a dick. "Hey." Okay, that'll work.
And that decides it; coming to Hailgrove was the stupidest mistake she could possibly make, and Benn has what could possibly be the most-spectacularly-fucked-up record of stupid mistakes.
"So. I'm going to go now. Have a good life, or whatever." That counts as playing nice. I wished her a good life. Benn forces another grimace-smile and steps around Leah. There has to be one pub around here that'll serve me. There has to be.
Benn was relieved when Andy didn't press her too hard, but then again, he never really did. The news of Iain didn't help, she was sure. If she knew her brother - and she did - she would bet that he was already throwing himself into a project in order to avoid the grief. Benn didn't have that luxury, unless she chose to interact with someone else, which she wouldn't. She contemplates heading toward a nearby bar, but she's still underage in the States and her fake ID was out of date. She could call Andy again, admit she lied about not being on campus yet and spend the night in his dorm, but he's likely still sore from the bad news and Benn really, really does not want to deal with any of that.
And so she walks around campus as if she has somewhere to go and contemplates her next move. How typical of her to charge into territory far over her head without any sort of plan. How typical of her to forget the fact that Andy is not the only person she knows at Hailgrove.
Benn almost doesn't see her, because it's not like Benn ever bothers to really look at the people she passes, and she wishes she didn't. Because once she makes eye contact with Leah Bishop, her blood runs hot with anger. How stupid of her to forget. Benn wants to bolt, but Leah has also noticed her and is moving toward her. Of-fucking-course. Benn sharply inhales and prepares for the worst.
