my teacher in zoom: you need to pay attention today, it’s very important for your exam
my brain: i was born in 1981 fuck was my cock huge when i came out the doctor was like whoa, is that another baby? sebastian, baby! anyway i had a pretty good life uh i think about it lately and you know you know one time i jumped off mount everest and landed on my feet anyway two people are getting married boopity bop bippity bam sebastian in the house i drop the mic into champagne i pick it up i drink the champagne out of the mic i throw the mic into the audience shit is that a yo-yo? back to my hand i go oooooh! i do five minutes of really cool stand-up i sing three of the most popular songs you’ve ever heard of in your goddamn life




















