Listening to an audiobook collection of the original Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time, and I have some thoughts:
-Holmes you work at a chemistry lab. You do NOT need to perform spontaneous euthanasia on a conveniently placed decrepit old dog just to verify that the poison pills are, in fact, poison pills. THIS IS THE VERY FIRST STORY.
-FAR too much irresponsible use of the word "ejaculated" as a synonym for "exclaimed". Methinks Conan-Doyle was NOT thinking about the natural evolution of language when he wrote this book...
-Watson. Buddy. Listen. Murder is bad. I know you didn't like the guy because he wasn't super enthused about giving away the massive fortune he just found to your soon-to-be rich heiress girlfriend who it technically belongs to, but my guy. You're allowed to be sad that he died. It's fine.
-I know it's the 1800s but come on. The fact that the murder weapon was a poison-tipped blowdart means the culprit was aborigine???? Really???? And his "Savage Nature" is why the guy was murdered rather than bound and gagged??? This FUCKEN guy...
-"I may have served as a war doctor in Afghanistan, but I tell you now this [insert situation of mildly heightened tension] is by far the most stimulating thing I've ever experienced!" Yeah, SURE it is Watson. Sure it is.
-Watson is a redhead???? I have not seen a single adaptation that makes note of that
-Holmes' power of disguise has transcended what is possible with human hands. He literally has to be a shapeshifter, there's zero explanation otherwise. He actually describes one of his disguises as being "in the shape of" a certain type of person.
-I love how to Watson, Holmes is this awe-inspiring mind of tremendous vigor and intellectualism and he's always like "You want me to help with the case? Gee Golly Mr Holmes, if this poor old doctor can be of any service then I'd be nothing less than honored!" Meanwhile, Holmes is like "Ah look, here's my scrungly little friend and publicist. I'm gonna make him go through The Horrors with me, that'll keep me from needing more cocaine for a while."
-Basically as soon as the Police know EXACTLY who the culprit is, they are GUARANTEED to be innocent. It's like clockwork.
-You can't just drop the phrase "the ultimate destiny of a goose" on me out of the blue like that. That's unfair.
-Oh come on. You can't be serious. Having a physically large head doesn't make someone smart. That's not a legitimate piece of evidence and you know it, Holmes.
-Watson this is the sixth story in a row which "to the best of [your] recollection presented the most singular features of any inquiry which [you] embarked upon". You need a new catchphrase, Watson. They can't ALL be the most singular.
-The amount of about-to-be/already rich middle-aged women is giving me "author's thinly veiled desires" vibes
-"Some of my blows no doubt roused it's snakish temper"
-"Sorry to knock you up", "during our years of intimacy", "this is my dearest friend to whom you can say anything you'd say to me", "you have a very handsome stick", "I have felt another man..." bro is FARMING the yaoi aura
-At this point I'm convinced that "singular" is the 1890s equivalent of "you won't believe what happens next". Clickbait of the highest order.
-Watson has learned that you can fascinate a Dr. Mortimer by asking him about the shape of someone's skull
-Incredibly funny to me that, by Sherlock's own admittance, Mycroft is better than him at the whole deduction business, yet he would rather spend all his time reading in the club he founded where rule #1 is you don't talk to anyone else because he's lazy.
-He fucking died. He self-destructed to ensure Moriarty would also die. I am totally convinced by this, and am sure he's definitely dead. The fact that this is only the fourth book of nine and is very soon to be followed by one titled "The Return of Sherlock Holmes" certainly cannot mean anything.
-Goodness Gramcious He's Alive. Who could have seen this coming
-Holmes literally makes Watson sell his practice (which is his j*b, by the way. He has a wife, too.) and move back into Baker Street with him???? AND he gets a distant relative of his to actually buy it??? With money he got himself?????? I stfg the yaoi baiting is insane for the 1890s.
-"No, of course this bullet would isn't fatal. It only passed through the prefrontal cortex of the brain, not somewhere important or anything. I expect she'll recover gracefully from this." Oh how far our understanding of the brain has come.
-There is something to be said about the insanity of treating a marriage conducted between a man and a kidnapped woman as legitimate simply because a priest was in on it but "You're too late, she's my wife now" "No, she's your widow" immediately followed by shooting him with a revolver goes so hard I'm almost willing to give it a pass
-Quite a culture shock to come across casual racism against Italians, when by today's standards they are generally considered White
-This guy's fucken autistic as hell, I stfg
-He has said "the game is afoot" once in six books, and "elementary, my dear Watson" approximately zero times. Why did these become his catchphrases? Must be from some adaptation I'm unaware of
-There's a guy named Porlock???? That's some Waluigi-Tier naming bull shit right there
-The amount of times someone will be like "talk to this guy if you need help. I know he can't be the culprit because trust me bro" is kinda wild, and Sherlock just goes along with it. Lying really wasn't as OP back then huh
-"Hey, Watson, my dearest and most intimate friend, I've deduced that the culprit used a poison which must be burned. To test this, instead of any chemical method or testing upon an animal or insect, I'm going to sit us both down in this room and throw it into the fire so we can observe each other being poisoned, as a safety precaution. By the way, it's a hallucinogen, and its first effect is to make you see The Horrors. There is absolutely no way this can go wrong."
-"The adventure of the red circle"????? This guy really IS doing clickbait
-"I bluffed him by seeming to be absolutely certain, when in reality I was only extremely suspicious"
...Holmes, that's not a bluff. That's just a reflection of your actual beliefs. This fucken GUY.
-This motherfucker has encounters with some of the worst scum of society, not least of which are murderers after his own life, with a cool manner but all it takes is a married guy confessing to him that he harbored feelings for his servant for Holmes to outwardly be like "Ew. Gross. 😒"
-Holmes What Do You Mean He Was "A Man Of Virile Character"
-Mfers from the 1890s-1900s really thought Brandy was some sort of panacea. Some guy will be dying on the sofa from jellyfish venom and they'll be like "Quick! Give him alcohol poisoning on top of it! It's the only way to save his life!" and then it fucking WORKS??!?! Unreal.
I could not help but be struck by the misogyny and racism. Every woman that gets mentioned is either extremely beautiful, old, disfigured, or would be extremely beautiful if she wasn't so old/disfigured. Everyone with skin browner than mayonnaise gets described, at one point or another, as a "savage". Doyle also uses physical features as a shortcut to describe one's personality, to the extent that you can tell exactly if you're supposed to like a person based solely on how he describes their look. It was a bit of a slog to get through every time he introduced a female character because he insisted on letting you know how much you would be attracted to them if you saw them in real life.
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