lohen x sick!reader. except i dont tell you what type of sick you got. ansgt. childhood bestfriends. Inspiration Credit: This fic was heavily inspired by the incredible work of @chai-writes-stuff! some of the emotional motifs belong to them. Please go check out their amazing writing!
There was a specific routine to the way Lohen lived his life before he became the Vice Captain of the Ranged Squad. His parents taught him that a good life must be like a finely crafted bow—straight, consistent, and predictable. Every single action had to align perfectly.
But you were never a part of that predictable routine. You were the soft, erratic heartbeat of his childhood. You were the person who sat on the stone walls of Mondstadt with him, laughing at his terrible jokes, swinging your legs over the edge while the wind brushed past your ears. He was wild, chaotic, and hiding a deep, jagged bloodlust beneath a carefully crafted mask of cocky charm. You were the only one who could look past the manic gleam in his dull red eyes and see the boy who had been terrified of being controlled by monsters long ago.
And then, you got sick.
It wasn't a sudden, heroic wound from a Hilichurl blade. It was a slow, crushing decay. The doctors at the cathedral whispered words like terminal and incurable.
When Lohen first heard the news, his smile didn't falter. He simply chuckled, tapped his chin, and made a flippant comment about how the Favonius medics were getting lazier by the day.
But then, he disappeared.
One week turned into a month. A month turned into three. For nearly half a year, the person who used to look for you every single morning suddenly became a ghost. If you walked down the halls of the Knights of Favonius headquarters, he would turn a corner the moment he spotted your pale face. If you sat by the fountain in the plaza, he would suddenly find an urgent monster-hunting commission outside the city gates.
Lohen hated things he couldn't fight. He refused to spar with training dummies because objects that couldn't strike back were boring. But a terminal illness? It was an enemy he couldn't pierce with his polearm. He couldn't trap it, he couldn't poison it like he did with Varka’s drinks for fun, and he couldn't outrun it. The thought of watching your life slowly bleed away—watching the only person who truly anchored him dissolve into nothing—terrified him so deeply that his mind broke it down into pure, unfiltered avoidance.
If he didn't see you die, then maybe you weren't actually dying.
It was a stupid, childish lie. But it was the only way he could keep his sanity while he hacked away at monsters in the Whispering Woods, his Cryo vision flaring with an angry, freezing desperation.
By the time the autumn leaves began to drop, your strength had completely faded. You couldn't leave your bed at the cathedral anymore. The room smelled of antiseptic and bitter herbs. Your breathing was shallow, a faint, rhythmic scratching sound against the quiet of the room.
The door didn't creak when it opened. Lohen was too good at stealth for that.
You didn't turn your head. You already knew the heavy, cold presence that entered the room. The scent of frost and wind followed him.
"Well, look at you," Lohen’s voice broke the silence. It was loud. Too loud. He stepped into the light, his hands resting casually behind his head, that familiar, cocky smirk plastered across his face. The greenish rings in his eyes were blown wide, and his pale skin looked almost as ghostly as yours. "You really love dragging things out, don't cha, bun? I thought you’d be up and running by now. The monsters outside are getting boring without you watching me tear them apart."
You let out a soft, wet chuckle. "You're a terrible liar, oh mighty vice captain."
The smirk on his face twitched. He pulled up a wooden chair, turning it backward so he could lean his arms over the backrest, staring down at you. "Me? Lie? Never. I'm the most honest knight in Mondstadt. Just ask Varka."
"You've been avoiding me for five months," you whispered. Your voice was so thin it barely carried across the bedsheets. "Did you think I wouldn't notice?"
Lohen looked away, his jaw tightening. He reached into his coat, pulling out a piece of bubblegum, popping it into his mouth just to give his hands something to do. "I've been busy. Ranged Squad duties. Mika keeps messing up the maps, and someone has to keep the perimeter clear."
"Lohen."
He stopped chewing.
"Look at me."
Slowly, his dull red eyes dragged back to your face. For the first time in your life, you saw the absolute, terrifying cracks in his armor. Sitting in front of you was just a boy who was losing his entire world, frozen in place by a monster he couldn't kill.
"You're going to leave," Lohen said. His voice wasn't loud anymore. It dropped into a flat, raw tone. "Everyone keeps saying it. Barbara, Jean, the Grandmaster... they all look at me with those pitying eyes. I hate it. I hate that you're just sitting here letting it happen."
"I don't have a choice," you said softly, reaching out a trembling, weak hand.
Lohen stared at your fingers. For a second, he looked like he wanted to grab your hand and squeeze it, to anchor you to the physical world. But he didn't move. He feared that if he touched you, he would break whatever fragile magic was keeping you breathing.
"I wanted to see you one last time," you murmured, your vision starting to blur as the heavy weight of sleep pulled at your eyelids. "I'm not mad that you ran away. I know how you are. You only like battles you can win."
"This isn't a battle," Lohen retorted, his fists clenching so hard his knuckles turned white. A faint, freezing mist began to roll off his shoulders, the temperature in the room dropping instantly. "It's a joke. It's unfair."
"There is a letter," you managed to voice out playfully. Your eyes slowly closed, a peaceful, tired smile resting on your lips. "Under my pillow. Promise me you'll read it after I'm gone. Don't throw it away."
Lohen didn't answer. He couldn't. His throat felt like it was clogged with ice. He sat there in the dim room, listening as your breaths grew longer, further apart, until finally, the rhythmic scratching sound stopped completely.
The silence that followed was the loudest thing he had ever heard.
The funeral was small. Lohen didn't attend the service. He stood far away, hidden in the shadows of the whispering stone arches of the cathedral, watching the small crowd gather around the grave. His face was entirely blank. The mask was back on, completely unreadable, cold as the northern winds of Mondstadt.
When everyone left, he walked back to your empty room. The sheets had already been stripped from the bed. The scent of herbs was fading, replaced by the hollow smell of an abandoned space.
But on the bare mattress, right where your pillow used to be, sat a small, folded piece of paper.
Lohen walked over, his heavy boots clicking against the stone floor. He picked it up with calloused, trembling fingers. He slid his thumb under the fold and opened it. Your handwriting was shaky, written over the course of those lonely months when he refused to visit. __________
To Lohen,
If you are reading this, it means I finally lost my match. Don't be too angry at the archons, and please don't take it out on the monsters in the woods. They didn't do this, hahah.
I'm writing this because I have a secret. A very big one. And since I am a bit of a coward, I could only tell you when I was sure you couldn't run away from the conversation.
Do you remember when we were ten? The day you got rescued from those bad people, and everyone in the city looked at you like you were broken? You sat by the lake, throwing rocks, looking so angry at the world. You told me you wanted to become so strong that nobody could ever dictate your life again.
Everyone else was scared of you because you started carrying knives and talking about blood. But I wasn't. Because when you looked at me, your eyes were always gentle.
I have loved you for a very long time.
Not just as the kid I grew up with, and not just as a friend. I loved the way you laughed when you were genuinely happy, not just when you were being cocky. I loved the way you always made sure to walk on the outside of the path to protect me, even when you claimed you were just looking for a fight. I loved every single version of you.
I knew you didn't see me that way. I knew you were too busy chasing strength, chasing freedom, chasing Varka across the battlefields. So, I didn't want to ruin the one steady routine we had left.
My only regret is that I lied to you for so many years.
Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for the memories. Don't stay frozen in this winter, Lohen. Keep moving forward. Keep fighting.
With all my love,
Your biggest fan. __________
Lohen stood frozen in the center of the empty room. The paper crumpled slightly in his grip.
His mind raced backward, tearing through a decade of memories. Every shared glance, every time you reached out to touch his arm, every time you smiled through your tears when he came back covered in blood—it all flashed before his eyes with agonizing clarity.
You had loved him.
And he had spent the last five months of your life running away because he was a coward who couldn't face the reality of losing you. He had deprived you of the only thing you wanted—his presence, his warmth, his truth—all to protect his own selfish heart.
A choked, desperate sound tore from Lohen’s throat. He dropped to his knees against the cold stone floor, pulling the letter closely against his chest. Tears, hot and furious, finally spilled over his pale cheeks, burning against the skin beneath his right eye.
"Bun, you idiot," he sobbed into the empty room, his body shaking violently as his Cryo vision pulsed faintly. "You absolute idiot... how am I supposed to move forward after this?"
The wind howled outside the cathedral window, rattling the glass, but there was no voice left to answer him.
