curse the beauty ;

Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.

[burnyourhumanity]

get psychoanalyzed 

you're unbelievably lonely.

maybe the teacher always sat next to you on the bus because it was the only open seat on field trips. maybe you were the fourth kid in the group project who was only there because they needed one more person. maybe you spent all of 7th grade lunch in the library. i think it's important to remember that it won't always be like that. it might take longer than expected but nobody is alone forever. sometimes it's hard to remember that just because you've felt unloved before, it doesn't mean you're unloved now. 

tagged by: @fasciinating tagging: @raisealittleperdition & anyone that wants to do it, really.

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition·:

“Right.” He didn’t expect much less if he was being honest. When it came to her, part of Dean’s personality had to take a backseat for the greater good or so he told himself. He’d grown to trust her enough to lower his own expectations but there was always going to be a voice prodding at the back of his mind, they both knew it. “Odds are pretty low anyone is going to find that strange, unless they go digging for the real memory.” Unsettling considering he didn’t know if she took the book from a human or a monster. He’d table it for now.

It wasn’t until he was close to her that he felt an electricity - which he was sure existed in his mind - but the appeal to get a look at the book forced him out of his head just long enough act normal. He did note how familiar she smelled and how much he’d missed it. 

The book looked like nothing more than gibberish with children’s drawings scattered around. Always had to be something to decipher… He shook his head but reached around her, somehow not even touching her though he wanted to, his fingers grazing the page. He pulled away immediately, something about the texture of the page gave him a feeling of unease. “The whole book is unreadable? There’s no way we can gave a slight idea what page is missing so we can figure out who might have needed it?” 

   Avery watches his hand carefully, the way he moves around her,    careful not to touch her as if she might snap.  Truthfully, she didn’t    know what reaction her body would have, and it was smart of him    to pick up on that.  “The whole book.”  She confirmed, having spent    many sleepless nights trying everything she could think of to make    it readable.  “Tracking spells get no where either.  It’s the book     protecting itself, and finding the missing page won’t be easy. There    is no way of narrowing down who authored it - hunter, human, or    creature - let alone the long list of beings that want it.  It holds their    history, their creation.  The existential why.  It could also mean a    cure to afflictions.”  Not that she was hoping for such, just the knowledge    of it.  Truthfully, they should probably destroy it before they unlock    whatever it holds.

   “I can tell you that it’s not of Heaven’s make.”  She had suspected     it initially, and Castiel had confirmed it.  “Not unless it is something     that was kept so under wraps - which is plausible, but it feels evil.”     It was an understatement to say the least.  “And there’s something     else.”  There was always something else, but it was easier to show     him.  Avery turned around to face him, hands reaching for the standard    grade pocket knife he always kept, and flicked it open.  She dragged    the blade across her hand and balled it into a fist to force the blood to     well.  Holding it over the open pages, a few drops fell and were absorbed    by the vellum.  For a moment, nothing happened, then in a flutter of    movement the pages turned before resting again as unreadable text    fluttered quickly.    “I’m assuming this will be my section.”  She states it humorlessly.     “The book is written in blood, and I’d have to take it to a lab to confirm,       but the material for the pages...it’s not normal vellum...I think it’s      made from actual creatures.”

[burnyourhumanity]

fasciinating​:

                   SHE SMILES, AND WITH a sound so slight, near indistinguishable of an actual noise and the susurration of air between his lips, Spock straightens. Daring implies he has any desire to wager; he doesn’t. Nor does he believe he possesses anything he may be willing to give. Still, Spock’s curiosity burns, “Then elucidate quickly.”

     heightened senses pick up exactly the effect she’s had.      careful observation watches him straighten to his full       height, as if towering over her - not a hard feat by any      means - will assist in steering this away from the corner      she’s attempted to back him in.  “I’ve found an anomaly,”      Avery offers a folder, though this area may not be entirely      his expertise as much as someone else, it’s his thoughts      she’d sought out specifically.  “A patient - if you will - their      blood...their DNA...it’s off.” Dead, to be precise, but still      living.  “I wish to know what you make of it.”

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition​:

“Yeah, no doubt about that fact.” He only laughed because of how mysterious she could be when she really wanted to, it wasn’t a bad trait by any means - lifesaving at times, even. He nodded at her… confession, though he should have just assumed, Avery was charming and personable among other things so she knew just how to get what she needed. She’d had many many years to perfect her skills. Ironic too, at times she was basically the exact counterpart to Cas, both of them far older than he or Sam but with traits, powers, and highly mastered expertise that could hinder the brothers had they not ended up on the same team so to speak.

Eventually his grin fell away, interest in the true nature of the book pulling a serious expression to his face. “No, we only had rumors to go on.” It made sense now, to think of the power a person or monster could have if the wrong person got their hands on it. “The person…” or being, it truly didn’t matter at this point “that you got this from, did they know what they were giving you?”

     “They...might have forgotten...in the course of the conversation.”        She dragged the statement out somewhat deliberately.  This was       beginning to breach into the topic that always seemed taboo       between the two of them, be it because of the circumstances of       their meeting, or her own discomfort.  She’d used her ability to       mislead the poor soul who hadn’t wanted to give her the book       in question at all.  But it also sat thick between them, at least on       her shoulders, the implication that if she could make someone       forget this book, she could have erased herself from his mind       as well.  “He thought he was giving me a cook book...Which       I guess could be technically true?”

      Her voice wavered slightly, betraying that her mind had been       elsewhere momentarily.  She quickly cleared her throat and        moved on.  “There’s a few problems however.”  She beckoned       him closer, until she was consciously aware of the heat of him       radiating behind her.  It was almost habitual, her short stature        allowing him the best vantage point over the top of her head        rather than shoulder to shoulder.  “It’s missing a page, and        because of that, it can’t be read.”         As she explained it, she ran her finger down the remnant of       the missing page and her body shuddered.  She didn’t quite        like touching the book - the reasoning for that she had yet       to share with the other.  The text was almost worming it’s        way in and out of focus, causing discomfort for even her       mind.  “We won’t truly know what it holds unless we can       get it back.”

[burnyourhumanity]

fasciinating​:

                   THE PAUSE IS DELIBERATE, eyes assessing carefully, where Spock’s mind descends upon an entanglement of both his gratitude and rising caution. Directness, he can appreciate. Though, it is apparent knowledge in either of them is tipped in her favor. His human-half flares in defiance, “A logical conclusion, yes.”

         He’s uncomfortable, tense, it appears she’s struck          a nerve...Caught him off guard.  Good.  The thought          is there in the upward curve of her lips, an inviting          smirk.  “I have a proposition for you, if you dare.”

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition​:

Something just out of reach felt off. She never got too close to him, what would be a respectful distance if he were talking about Cas felt like avoidance with her. He tried to write it off as awkwardness but he wasn’t sure that explained the feeling in his gut. 

A slow breath followed her question, the muted rattle of keys brought him back to concentrating on her as he hung his jacket on the coat stand. 

“He left late last night for Colorado, probably just now getting there. Don’t worry I’ll let you know when he’s on his way back.”

He finally turned to face her again just then, wondering why she needed the secrecy in the first place- then again, she’d always been that way. No one needed to be in Avery’s business and she made it obvious that doing so would be a bad idea. His eyes fell to Avery’s hands, narrowing in interest when she produced the book seemingly out of no where. She certainly carried that bag as if it was light as a feather. His feet pulled him to the table but just before he went to touch the pages he felt what she meant and looked up at her. 

“Should I even ask how you found this? Or how you knew we needed it?” The second part would be more important, if she was hearing about their search it meant a lot of other beings would know too. That was trouble they didn’t need.

     “ I think you and I can both agree that I’ve a knack for        discretion. “  Whether it’s said more to convince him        or herself, she’s not sure.  Discrete or not, a book of        this nature has eyes everywhere.  Especially given what        she’s figured out about it.  “ I have a lot of contacts,        and built up a lot of favors over the years, finding it         was the easy part. “        Which left the actual retrieval.  That...That wasn’t as        easy and definitely not something she was as willing        to divulge at this time given the other party involved.        Her being scolded was one thing, him being scolded        was another thing entirely.  “ I don’t think you really        know what this is, not entirely. “  She searched his        features closely for any given tell.  “ It’s a book of        creation.  Not just normal creation - monster creation.”

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition·:

He could always rely on her not to be too picky, or at the very least show it outwardly. He’d always assumed it had to do with her being willing to settle for someone like him, but whenever he tried to figure her out there was always another twist to her methods. He hadn’t been so close to her in so long he half expected awkwardness in the car ride but instead a sort of calm washed over him. He was probably protecting himself as he braced for her to walk out again, he just didn’t want to think too hard on it.·

The silence that followed him cutting the engine after they parked was heavy between them, he was relieved when she was the one to break the eerie quiet. He unbuckled his seatbelt and looked over toward her.·“Another hunter needed help finishing up a case and the one we were working was a simple salt and burm so I made him go.” It was most of the truth, knowing her she’d read between the lines and know they’d needed a few days space. It wasn’t easy being cooped up with the same person day after day.·“Anyways, let’s get inside. I’m dying to know what brought you back around,” He hadn’t meant that to come out as a dig at her but when he realized how it sounded he gave her an apologetic look just before he opened his door and stood.

She cocks an eyebrow, her look of disbelief notmasked at his subtle excuse of Sam’s absence.More than that, It’s not like Dean to not·throw·himself into his work.· There’s more to this thanhe’s sharing, and she’s not entirely vain enough·to assume he’d been sticking around here with·the hope of her turning up.· Surely they weren’t·there yet, were they?· Worrying her bottom lipAvery followed him thankful that these placesgenerally had entrances on the outside where·they could simply make their way into the roomwithout the stares from staff or long term residents.Going inside, however, did not put her mind at·ease as both seemed to move awkwardly aroundeach other and the large piece of furniture thattook up the main portion of the room.

“How long do we have?”

It was asked, simply for the sake of doing so.· Asimple salt and burn - though it made her wince -could mean hours to two days max.· If the youngerWinchester was anything, he was efficient.· Unlesshe needed space, he could maybe stretch it for anextra day before his older brother started to worry.As she listened to his answer, she reached into herbag and removed a rather large, rather old tome.· Thepages themselves were unevenly cut, and the leatherworn and soft.· She placed it on the table carefully, andit creaked as it opened.· The pages were an odd color,the ink a deep reddish brown.· The power radiatedoff of it.

“I heard an old associate of yours was trying to get· her hands on this.· But there’s something...off.”

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition·:

His eyes, conflicted with concerned, stormy with thoughts under a furrowed brow study every inch of her face. Her expression never wavered to put that gut feeling of worry in the pit of his stomach but there was something about her being here now like this that he couldn’t push away. He pulled his wallet out and dropped a fifty dollar bill on the bar; more than enough to cover his tab and leave a generous tip.

“I’ve got a room at the motel down the road unless you’ve got somewhere better.” He was surprised at how easily the words flowed, any reserved feelings he had about her being here disappeared when he thought about the possibility of her being in danger - of course he could be overreacting but that’s what he was good at doing. 

Avery smells the change in him, the exact moment his anger flushes and is replaced by adrenaline, that need to protect, and she finds it deliciously invigorating, letting him slide by her to lead the way to the impala so she can subtly scent him and scout the bar for the reason he left such a large tip.  Finding only burly men, with their stomachs not fully covered, staring back at her with keen interest she shrugs it off, and follows Dean out. “Motel is fine, we’re a little far from anywhere else.” She wants to give him something to pick over just as she is now picking over his words that seemed to come out with ease yet didn’t hold the same emotion as the last time she’d been invited to his motel room.  New Orleans wasn’t too far that they couldn’t head back to her place, but she leaves it almost with a questioning air of how long they can remain in each other’s presence.  The ride is short and relatively  painless, though the motel is standardly seedy and perfectly up to standard with the. Winchester’s normal tastes.  There’s no sign of Sam, and she can only think of one reason he’d be here alone. “Where’s your brother?”

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition​:

Of course she had, she knew him better than anyone else - save for Sammy and Cas - why wouldn’t she pick one of the options that limited his ability to find her? Joke as he may about staring, he wasn’t one for dramatics so if she had something to say he was waiting to hear it. However, when no confession or revelation, or anything came, he waved his hand almost impatiently.

“Care to enlighten me?”

She inches forward, ever so slightly, as if approaching a scared animal.  Her steps are hesitant, heels clicking against the wooden floor the dive bar she found him in. In her hands, she’s clutching a bag, knuckles white and braced as if she’s ready for flight, and for the first time, her eyes move away from him to the sticky table, and her nose turns up slightly, causing a crinkle across the bridge.

She close now, close enough to smell him over the heavy scent of burnt tobacco and booze.  She stares at his hands, seeing the way he wears his stress in the tenseness of his body and the remnants of an oil change beneath his nails. It’s microscopic, but there, and the hint of a smile finds its way to her lips.

“ Not here - somewhere safer.”

[burnyourhumanity]

fasciinating​:

                    HE ALLOWS AN EYEBROW to rise, “Philosophy has often implied a measure of rationality in the presence of potential concern,” of which, could be perceived as an appropriate path given, “You have not answered the question.”

      “Because I am not sure yet that I wish to.”  Honesty felt best         however pleased she may be with his response thus far.  She        was yet to be convinced whether his calculative nature was        characteristic or impudent.  “You are a being of science, are        you not?”

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition​:

“Haven’t been the one hiding.” It wasn’t fair to her though, whatever they felt about each other something always seemed to get in the way, or wedge a wall between them. “It’s your lucky day then, m’not really in the mood for games. You wanna tell me where you’ve been or am I supposed to stare at you for hours?”

Shame.  It was a good word to describe how she  was feeling now that he was standing before her. Not that she imagined a very happy reunion - or a reunion at all, for that matter.  They’d been through both enough and not enough.  Danced around  each other as if it were normal behavior.  Unfortunately, pride and biology both inhibited the emotion from showing.

“London.”  She spoke finally.  The farthest she dared knowing he wouldn’t follow.  If it required feet leaving the ground he held so firmly to - it was safety.  “I may have stumbled upon something.”

[burnyourhumanity]

fasciinating·:

                   “FEAR IS ILLOGICAL,” an automatic response. Though, Spock can and does remain pragmatic of Vulcan’s dogma, “However, if I should require anything, it would be the reason you are here.”

     “That’s a very philosophical question for one so logical.”  The words        roll off her tongue thickly, yet with ease.  Each stressed syllable purposeful        with tact.  Meant to challenge, fluster, do the impossible with one such        as he.

[burnyourhumanity]

[ @fasciinating​ ]

excuse me?

     “ - No need to be scared. “

[burnyourhumanity]

raisealittleperdition·:

“Point taken. Let’s back up.” He takes a breath, his eyes running over her before meeting her face again. Some things never changed, like how god damn beautiful she was. “You look good, Avery.”

      “Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.”  She’s teasing,        but only as a defense mechanism.  It took a lot to face him        after running so damn far that he hadn’t been able to find        her.  “It took some time to find you, I’d hate to play cat        and mouse.”

[burnyourhumanity]

[ @raisealittleperdition​ ] “Yeah, you’re right. Let me be thrilled you want to talk to me again like we magically got our shit together.”

        “ I could just not talk to you at all. “

[lovely-emilia-clarke]

Emilia Clarke

[burnyourhumanity]

This land feels dark and full of terrors