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@bes-ton
about me
I have no idea if I have made a post like this before
age -19
this is my main blog but the have a few side blogs (and I hope to make more) so if there is a post that doesn’t fit the vibe that’s why. witchcraft is my jam
and
let me be a health nut
New hashtag for posts written by me (because idk if I had one already and I don’t want to scroll down) is “Bestonposts”
TobiIzu AU where Tobirama at a very young age senses a nice, warm but sparky chakra from over the river and rushes to tell his parents that he’s found his soulmate. Both of them pat him on the head and ignore it, thinking it’s child fancy.
But not for Tobirama, he’s serious - he’s planned the wedding, he knows what the food will be : grilled fish and blueberries for desert (he’s like 4, that’s all he eats) and what his monstuki will look like and what his wife’s shiromuku will look like and his Anija will be there and Kawa and Ita and none of the elders just he doesn’t like them.
And then he grows up and meets Izuna at the River and groans in annoyance once he realizes who it is. Now all his careful planning is for naught.
Or is it?
Preteen Tobirama looks over his meticulous plan and decides it really would be a waste if he threw it out. Maybe he can just tweak it? Obviously the Uchiha would demand he marry in, the shiromuku needs to be readjusted to encompass his height and body mass. And Izuna would need to hem his Monstuki, since the dimensions were based on Tobiramas projections of his adult size (he figures he’ll be tall like his papa) and what do Uchiha eat? Hopefully grilled fish and blueberries. Oh, and now he has to figure out how to get a ceasefire - cue preteen eye roll - his future husband better be grateful.
The next few years includes Tobirama trying all sorts of stuff to find out Izuna’s interests and more about his future husbands clan while also trying to come up with an idea of a ceasefire. Just imagine:
Tobirama, after slicing a large hole in Izuna sleeve: Are you thinking of a spring or Autumn wedding? I’m partial to Spring, but I am willing to hear your argument for another season.
Izuna, flabbergasted: …what?
Later
Tobirama: Do you have a favorite dish? I’ve come to understand that a wedding reception needs more than grilled fish and blueberries.
Izuna: I hate blueberries
Tobirama, missing a step and almost losing his head at Izuna’s swing: A point against you, but that means more for me. What foul things do you enjoy?
Izuna: Inarizushi and plums
Tobirama scrunching his nose: I suppose I’ll have to compromise
Even more later
Izuna, after successful fireball to the face: The reception needs a fire show portion. We do that at every wedding - do the Senju have anything specific for the reception?
Tobirama, remembering his mothers horrid weddings stories involving the elders and speeches: nope, none I can think of
Eventually Izuna is strutting home, still smoking from the battle and just asks: Father, can I marry a man?
Tajima, knowing he’s won a bet: Will he marry in?
Izuna: Yes
Tajima: Sure, why not. Madara can produce heirs
Now Izuna, who refuses to allow Tobirama to one up him in this, decides to research everything a good husband should be and what they’ll need for the wedding all the while Madara and Hikaku are staring at him like: he knows we’re at war right? Like I killed his future brides weird uncle the other day…
Izuna does not care. All he knows is that he’s behind courting but all the info he has does not fit Tobirama at all: Flowers? Clothes? Love letters? Gifts? He goes to his dad again.
Izuna: what do I get a man I like?
Tajima, looking at his 13yo: depends. How old is this man?
Izuna: idk 12 or 11
Tajima, hand on his heart: right. Well, what are his interests?
Izuna: swords and water stuff. And blueberries
Tajima: I see - well, why not get him some blueberries? Or a book about swords? Work with his interests instead of following lists.
Izuna: okay
Later, on a battlefield:
Izuna, with a bouquet of deadly nightshade: here, for you
Tobirama, catching it: did you…bring me flowers?
Izuna: duh, what kind of husband would I be.
Tobirama, realizing a whole new battlefield: I see. Well played, well played
Another day:
Tobirama, catching a scroll in his hands and avoiding a blade: what’s this?
Izuna, trying to aim for his throat: I found a scroll for old water torture methods from Kiri
Tobirama, appalled by the warm feeling in his chest: I see, how thoughtful
Another, other day:
Izuna, throwing an ornate dagger at his future bride: do you like it? I made it just for you!
Tobirama, looking down at the intricate dragon carved in obsidian and metal: are you opposed to getting married now?
Izuna: yes, I want a party for our reception, hard to do that on a battlefield
Tobirama: I see, very well, I’ll continue planning
Fast forward a few years and Tobirama develops the Hiraishin and figures scaring both his and his soon to be husbands brother into peace is a wonderful and sound idea.
Tobirama: do you mind if I severely injury you?
Izuna, dodging three water dragons: I would be offended if you didn’t
Cue Hiraishin and the Uchiha leaving the battlefield with Izuna as he bleeds out, having refused Hashirama’s help. Tobirama thinks it’s odd but then realizes it would look better if Tobirama healed him
At the Senju Compound:
Tobirama, packing his things and laughing softly to himself: my future anata is so clever sometimes
Hashirama, with early greys: no, no he’s not! You can’t waltz into the Uchiha compound after you stabbed him!
Tobirama, tilting his head to the side Iike a puppy: why not? I’m his wife
Hashirama: soon to be, sage what am I saying-
Tobirama: relax, we will have peace soon and then you can drink until you drop at my wedding
Later, at the Uchiha Compound:
Rando Uchiha #1: Madara-sama, there is um. Well the White Demon is at our door asking to be let in
Madara, also with early greys: why?
Rando Uchiha #2: he said he was here to heal his husband…
Madara, who has listened to Izuna rant about his future wedding and who’s recently been asking when Tobirama is going to arrive to fix him: sure, let him in
Tobirama walks in, gets lead to his fiancé’s room and proceeds to patch him up all while catching him up on the recent gossip he heard from the fishwives.
They get married in early autumn, so it’s still warm enough for Tobirama but cool enough for Izuna - they have their inarizushi and grilled fish, their plums and blueberries (and a bunch of other food because jfc guys for people who’ve been planning since they could toddle you’d think they’d expand the menu)
Hashirama cries because he’s happy about his brother getting married and peace. Madara cries because he falsely believes this whole thing is finally over and now the brothers will be normal. But he’ll learn
to anyone writing Naruto fanfiction and want to use the money system of ryo the cannon currency I want you to know that according to the wiki
10 ryo = 1 yen
and if you look up the exchange rate between yen and your local currency (for me usd) it is very different.
as of 11:09 pm on June 4th 1 usd = 159.98 Japanese yen. (It’s subject to change) 100 usd = 15998.10 yen = 159981 ryo
50 usd = 7999.05 yen = 79990.5 ryo
20 usd = 3199.62 yen = 31996.2 ryo
10 usd = 1599.81 yen = 15998.1 ryo
5 usd = 799.91 yen = 7999.1 ryo
so now whenever you see something in ryo in fanfics, you will be able to quickly see if a person is actually using ryo. Bc no you will not be getting a couch for less that 1000 ryo. (I’m not poking fun at another person I’m poking fun at myself.) (in usd 1000 is a big number.)
ok but if bruce wayne somehow came upon zuko fresh out of banishment he would lose his mind.
black hair? check. bad parent(s)? check. trauma? double check.
bruce: how’d you get your scar?
zuko: my dad got mad at me for saying that killing people is wrong so he lit my face on fire and banished me.
bruce, vibrating with excitement, already pulling adoption papers from his utilility: that’s terrible. how do you feel about capes.
Zuko: Do you mind if I wear this blue demon mask?
Bruce: *sniff, tear in his eye* Not at all.
*Zuko fighting the Joker*
J: "wan na kno w h ow i go t thes e sc ar s"
Z: *rips off mask* i don't give a fuck
I’m still stuck at the “batman has adoption papers in his utility belt”.
“Quick, it’s time to use the Bat-adoption papers!”
Bat-option papers
Okay, but you’re missing the best part of this.
Alfred and Iroh complimenting each other on tea while they discuss their overly dramatic children.
iroh: once, i told zuko that he needs to work on his inter turmoil. he screamed at me that he had no such inner turmoil, and then proceeded to go to a cliff during a thunderstorm to scream at God to strike him with lightning
alfred: master bruce and i have that interaction at least three times per week.
@absentlyabbie
I see your "Alfred and Iroh as tea bros" and raise you "Alfred and Iroh as tea rivals"
Consider
Iroh: you too must learn patience. Boiling the water ruins the delicate flavor of the white jade
Alfred: oh I'm dreadfully sorry - for some reason I expected this tea to have TEA in it
(later)
Alfred: *aggressively laying out full tea service with milk, lemon, sugar, and, just to drive his point in, jam*
Iroh: *dying inside*
excellent addition
hey bruce spent a lot of his bat-study abroad in the far east and has kind of a weeb weapon collection so proposal, what if Bruce appreciates Iroh’s tea
while Zuko is enthusiastic about cream and sugar
further fueling their dad-figures’ passive-aggressive rivalry?
You had me at Zuko vs. Joker, I was crying by the Eastern vs. Western tea service
Wait a minute. Batman and Zuko have the same arch-nemesis.
Mark Hamill
Saw the last comment and my brain would not rest until it happened
this post has everything
this was an enjoyable ride. i liked the scenery very much. smooth suspension, nice height, several fascinating loops. 10/10 would go again.
Origin story
wool stairs are an affront to God. I don’t want wool stairs I want carpet that could be placed on stairs.
but couches I hear you say. To this I respond, imagine a couch base of any stair block in the game, then carpet on top to show the plushness of the couch cushions. It can blend easier into the texture palette of any building and isn’t that horrible texture.
thank you and goodbye
Some angst
the best part of field trip experiments is a chance to become THE experiment yourself ;)
Sasuke: Oh No.
sasuke’s family: what
Sasuke: I’m gay! Sasuke’s family: it’s okay, we love you. sasuke: but how is Sakura going to become and uchiha if I don’t marry her?
Uchiha clan: … ?
(the joke is that Sakura is shipped with so many Uchiha.)
(bravely) I think body parts should only hurt if something is wrong.
And that something should be fixable
Ideally with a warm bath and a good night's sleep
I was trying to write a fic for a ship that is somewhat loved on tumblr that has no works on Ao3. (And I love this ship so much- its a poly ship) but so far I have written close to 4000 words and I’m not even an eighth of the way done with what was supposed to be half of a prologue. And mainly a flashback.
now I’m writing a slice of life fic with an unreliable narrator. Because what eight year old is a reliable narrator. All this kid wants is a good grade, and I’m over here writing how this affects the next three months of her life (and her future career)
so this will now be the first fic of a series. The love interests won’t even show up in this fic.
Concerning clowns and dignity
They have no kings, no gods, and no laws beyond what's fair and what's funny. They will respect you in their own way, but only on their own terms.
You cannot shame a clown in any way that matters.
You cannot silence the clowns in any way that matters.
The only way to offend a clown is to try to silence them.
Nobody has dignity unless the clowns allow it. If you don't like how they treat you as a friend, you won't like the way they treat you as a threat.
the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.
Another ObiShiSaku shenanigans feat.Darui [refs from GOTG]
EXTRA~~~
This stupid exchange between friends has become a cultural icon.
This stupid exchange
between friends has become a
cultural icon.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Can we talk about what kind of father kakashi hatake would actually be because i have THOUGHTS.
People always reduce him to either "emotionally unavailable cool guy" or "instantly perfect domestic husband" and both miss the point.
Because canon kakashi is neither.
This is a man whose entire nervous system has basically been shaped by:
▫️ catastrophic loss
▫️ survivor’s guilt
▫️ hypervigilance
▫️ emotional repression as a coping mechanism
▫️ profound caregiving instincts disguised as dry sarcasm
But underneath?
He is also a deeply caring, kind-hearted, quietly attentive man.
So father Kakashi? He would be DEVASTATING in a very Kakashi way.
He won't be be loud "anime sunshine" dad.
But he would absolutely be:
- the kind who notices the baby’s breathing changed before anyone else does.
- the kind who insists he’s fine while running on 2 hours of sleep because his wife is exhausted.
- the kind who absolutely says "go sleep. i’ve got it." while holding a baby at 3 AM like it’s simultaneously the most precious and terrifying thing he’s ever encountered.
And if the baby grabs his finger?
He’s done.
Emotionally deceased.
Kakashi.exe has left the room.
ALSO:
If his child chooses ninja life?
OH BOY 🤣 THEN WE ARE TALKING ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT.
Because imagine this: After mission
child:
"MOM, DAD TRIED TO KILL ME."
mom: slowly turns to look at Kakashi
Kakashi:
😐😊
child:
"HE MADE ME DISARM A TRAP FIELD."
Kakashi:
"Supervised." 😐
child:
"HE RELEASED DOGS AFTER ME."
mom:
"KAKASHI?"
Kakashi:
"Ninken. Friendly ninken." 😐
child:
"ONE OF THEM STOLE MY LUNCH."
Kakashi:
"Resource retention exercise." 😐
child:
"HE SENT A CLONE OF HIMSELF TO HUNT ME THROUGH THE FOREST."
mom:
"HE DID WHAT?"
kakashi:
"Tracking exercise." 😐
child:
"I WAS BURIED."
mom:
"EXCUSE ME?"
child:
"UP TO MY NECK."
Kakashi:
"Sensory awareness training" 😐
child:
"I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES."
kakashi:
"That seems exaggerated."😐
child:
"I’M TWELWE."
kakashi:
visible eye crinkle
"…And yet you survived." 😐
child:
"MOM."
mom:
"Your father will apologise."
kakashi:
tiny pause.
"I can buy you Ramen?" 😊🤍
But jokes aside, here’s the thing:
He would NEVER recreate the emotional damage he grew up with.
He knows what pressure without warmth does.
He knows what abandonment feels like.
He knows what losing people feels like.
So yes, he’d push. He teaches survival after all.
But he’d adapt, he’d watch, he’d care.
And his child would absolutely grow up knowing dad is weirdly terrifying but is always THERE when they need him.
Also toddler phase???
tiny silver-haired chaos goblin wearing a little mask because "dad wears one"?
Absolutely adorable.
And i brough evidence below. Whoever that art belongs to, did a terrifying job.
And soft-eyed dad Kakashi? 😌❤️
Ah, yes...
Goodnight.
(Credits to the original owner. Such an adorable image. ❤️)
i actually never ever want AO3 to be censored bc nothing is more fun than reading the tags on a fic and going “huh. didn’t know there was a market for that.”
squinting at a tag and trying to decide how badly I want to learn a new word
