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@bespokd
what’s up idk if anyone’s still around here but i’ll be remaking river. if you want to either continue whatever dynamic we had previously discussed or are interested in redeveloping a relationship in rp, give this a like otherwise i’ll be scrapping everything and making a private blog. additionally, if you don’t know, you can otherwise find me on @shewalked.
what’s up idk if anyone’s still around here but i’ll be remaking river. if you want to either continue whatever dynamic we had previously discussed or are interested in redeveloping a relationship in rp, give this a like otherwise i’ll be scrapping everything and making a private blog. additionally, if you don’t know, you can otherwise find me on @shewalked.
a comeback ?
back again for my usual “i’ll be here eventually” bullshit
donnanxble :
you’re just like him.
donna feels the words like a slap to the face. in the same millisecond the words hit, her refusal is in the back of her throat. it’s instinctive, defensive, to clarify she’s not the doctor, that she’s nothing like him at all, because she knows what he is. if it’s in your head, it’s in mine. but it wasn’t just his mind, was it? he’d gotten into her dna, rewritten what made up uniquely donna noble, and sometimes donna feels as if she’s a step away from losing it all. not that she’d ever tell anyone. she was in control - she had to be in control - and there were few things more donna noble than putting on a tough act.
she hadn’t meant to hurt melody, to put her in harm’s way. she wasn’t turning her into anything but someone with safety, with comfort, with happiness. that wasn’t the doctor. she acted in kindness, in wanting payment only in laughter and bright memories. donna noble was herself, only herself. how could melody think she was like him? it chokes the words in her throat, killing them as she struggles to breathe in. she’s not like him, and she won’t make this about her or about him. she’ll take melody in her home, call up amy and rory and shaun, tell them it was all okay, and they’d work together from now on.
( but why doesn’t she want to involve them? the thought makes goosebumps along her arms. why didn’t she do that from the start? her mind threatens to spin, melody’s face fading and refocusing as river, as her childhood self, as amy, as rory, and finally as she was in all her righteous fury. she’s due her anger, donna knows she is. so why is she angry at her? why is this girl able to tell that she’s been losing herself all along? she doesn’t want to be the doctordonna. she’s just, donna. )
donna blinks.
she’s facing away into emptiness. it upsets her stomach, but she looks to her hands frantically, finding them markless. it was fine. it was her. they weren’t here. she wasn’t done speaking to melody, and she couldn’t let the girl run away like she was clearly itching to do so. she would lose her, she could feel it in how time was smoothing itself around them, bringing this point to a close. but why should she follow the rules of time - what had time done for her?
“melody, come with me. anywhere you want, somewhere safe, and we’ll talk this out. i-yes, i acted alone but, it’s not, not how you think. i did think about you, melody, melody, i couldn’t risk losing you. please,” her voice breaks, a hiccup stealing her next breath so her words are a whimper, “i can’t lose you, not like this.”
she could see the way her words had affected donna : the way she visibly recoiled, a comparison she had never expected nor wanted, but that didn’t make it any less true. melody could see it now - it has never been more clear. there moments in the past where she thought . . . maybe ? melody had never been told why donna and the doctor had stopped travelling together. the last time she had seen them : both younger than the versions she grew up with, had been just a few weeks ago. the donna melody knew then was different than the donna she knew now, but she had never found out why. she had assumed it just hadn’t happened for her yet : that she would be there when whatever happened, happened, and then everything would make sense.
but now she’s wondering if that had all been a lie too. everything was different now : what she thought she knew was anything but, and melody felt sick at the thought that the donna she had befriended on the tardis with the doctor, like the donna she had grown up with all her life, was a trick. was this always the plan ? had they been in on it together ? was any of it real, at all ? her parents had told her that she had escaped the silence, all on her own, when she was seven. but what if she hadn’t escaped at all . . .
❝ like this ❞ melody repeated, brow furrowing as she felt her breath catch. what did that mean ? like this. like what ? she was becoming all the more sick and tired of being kept in the dark about her life, and if donna knew something about it, about what could or would or will happen to her - why else wouldn’t she say anything if she wasn’t involved ?
immediately, melody tensed. she’s been like that a lot tonight. tense, wrought with fear and fury, and melody can’t take much more of it. her parents had lied, but she could believe that they had done it for her, to protect her and them. but donna ? melody had trusted her wholeheartedly once, would have never believed her capable of this, but she knew the doctor too and once she had seen donna like this - it was hard to separate the two.
melody backed away further, dropping her arms from around her waist as she stared at donna with her mouth parted slightly on her held breath, and she shook her head. ❝ don’t- ❞ she grit her teeth, her voice quiet before it rose and she held up a hand between them. ❝ i am not. going anywhere. with you i trusted you, loved you-you were family ! i’m such an idiot. ❞ backing further away, melody let a tear slip before wiping it away angrily. ❝ stay the hell away from me, donna. ❞ she turned her back, walking away before she breaks out in to a run, shouting over her shoulder without listening to any attempts to get her to come back. ❝ leave me alone ! ❞
she can feel something shift in the air, something changes and it winds her as she refuses to stop running, breath heavy and air burning in her lungs. melody doesn’t stop until she doesn’t have a choice, falling against a wall blocks away from donna’s. it all comes to a head here, and she wants so desperately to cry, but when she opens her eyes and looks up she is bombarded with memories she had repressed, all coming to her in flashes one after the other and she doubled over, sick to her stomach.
time stills around her, and melody exhaled a breath as that voice in her head greets her with the sound of victory on her tongue, and melody shivers as she looks up. melody pond is a human, and a time lord. melody pond is both. and they were never going to let her go. she belonged to them. she always would.
donnanxble :
you’re lying — you’re lying to me, again! melody’s words cut straight to her hearts, and her body is frozen as it repeats in her mind. melody has never looked at her like that, afraid and distrustful. anger - at herself, the doctor, the universe, everything that brought them to such a terrible point - burns in her eyes, muted only by the tears that promptly follow the emotion.
“i would never lie to you.” it’s a hoarse, nearly broken declaration, but all the more honest for it. melody continues talking, accent fluctuating as her anger boils over like donna has never seen before. she stays quiet for the rest of melody’s release, her empty hand curling back to her chest during it. she sees how her eyes move, like an animal trapped and she seems too old, too much like river. tears escape, not crying, not yet and not now, as the dots connect and her jaw clenches. her mind wails, this is too soon! this isn’t fair!, but she keeps that quiet, nails digging into her palm as she breathes.
it does little to steady her voice. “listen to yourself. i’ve never lied about anything to you, not now and not before — i was keeping you safe! the silence were a problem,” she had to clear that up. to let that lay would mean she’d lose her right here, and it was a miracle on its own that melody was still here as it was. donna was only a hybrid, a disaster of a metacrisis, she had no way of knowing if that misunderstanding would be the nail in the coffin. she refused to let it. for the girl she’d watched grow up, who’s tears she’d wiped with hushed words of reassurance, tickled laughter out until neither could breathe, to think that she had anything to do with those monsters might just kill her. “i was getting rid of them, if i’d—-”
her grip on her anger is slipping, too fast for her to catch it. her voice is a steady rage, a rage normally private, both hers and borrowed with the surety of a timelord’s right. where melody is shaking, donna’s anger makes her stone, cheeks blossoming as her lungs rush to keep up. “everything was in place for you to never come across them. this is my responsibility, to keep you and your parents safe.” melody’s words echo, they’ve done something to me, and she throws out a hand, voice raising just as her emotions. “would you rather i throw them in the middle of the danger? i couldn’t risk them, not when that meant you could lose them.”
a silence wraps between them. faintly, she thinks that the night is far too peaceful for this to happen. the moon is clear, bright as it hangs without a cloud nearby, and its an otherwise beautiful sight. their anger, this break in their relationship - for as frantic as donna might be working and will keep working to fix it, the fact stands that it’s been broken - is closed off to just this pathway. elsewhere, there are search parties futilely trying to find a girl that knows too well how to make sure she’s untraceable. donna can now see that she’d come to her hoping for her to bring clarity.
and oh god, what if she’d just lied? what if she’d pulled her in, lied through her teeth and said this was the first time she heard of them? how much might that have helped - or would melody have been too hurt by then to trust anything at all? she itches to travel back, a human need to get it right, to get another chance, even as she knows no amount of time travel can grant a redo. so she does the next best thing, what she’s always done, and keeps herself open to melody.
“i thought you would never have to come across them.” her voice is breathless, but there’s still an anger - more muted, more bittersweet - in the tension of her shoulders. she doesn’t reach out the same as before, merely drops her arms to her sides and looks at the girl plainly. there are no secrets in her face, tears trailing as she inhales deeply. “and——”
“i’m sorry i didn’t notice sooner. i’m sorry.”
she wants to believe her. god, does melody want to believe donna : but too much has come to light, too much has happened, and melody’s never been more confused than she is right now. nothing about what she thought about her life was right : and now that she knows the truth, pieces are coming to her. what she thought were nightmares were memories - a house, empty and dark and ruined, with writing on the wall in paint or blood : she never could tell the difference. a voice she knew but couldn’t place, that made her tense in her sleep, made her nauseous whenever it whispered in her ear. a suit : big and white and empty, trying to swallow her whole. none of it made any sense to her until today and now she can’t help but wonder what else was kept from her. for her protection. again, she listens but she doesn’t hear donna : she doesn’t hear the desperation in her voice or the truth she wholeheartedly believes. melody’s eyes close as her hands rise and she’s had enough. ❝ stop ! just - just stop, donna. ❞
melody’s jaw clenches tight : teeth grit together, and she crosses her arms yet again. at least her hands have loosened, and though there’s an ache in her palms, melody doesn’t notice. gaze fixated on donna, she tries to force herself to calm down but the attempt is futile. especially when it comes to her parents. melody scoffed, breath exhaling sharply as her glare became all the more pronounced : if looks could kill . . . she’s not far from that point, right now. she can feel it - something that stirs deep within her, that voice in her head telling her that this was all wrong, wrong, wrong - and it was all the doctor’s fault. the doctor, who held her at arms length, who kept his distance more often than not : and wasn’t the doctor a part of donna, too ?
is she really that surprised that donna knew ? all this time, she had kept this from her. from her parents. and that thought alone is enough to prompt the anger to rise in her blood, a resurgence of betrayal and distrust that she can’t control. melody bit through her teeth with a scathing tone. ❝ you’re just like him. ❞ she doesn’t realise it, but she’s reverting. the training she had undergone as a child has started to kick back in and she doesn’t remember exactly what they taught her, but she knows that sometimes words are a weapon, and melody knew how to wield them. she always has, but this time it’s different. this time, the silence were in her head and had been for a while. ❝ you pick and choose what you think is best for everyone else and you don’t care what they want, or need - you should have told them ! my parents. they deserved to know-they should have known but you decided otherwise : you are just like him ! ❞
and then she breaks. everything she’s been holding in spills out on a vicious tongue as melody loses control of what composure she had. she takes one step forward but her body is wrought with tension : fight or flight mode at it’s finest, and she’s so angry that she doesn’t think about what she’s saying. she doesn’t want to hurt donna but she can’t stop herself now that she’s started. melody pond escaped the silence once : but did she really ?
❝ you. were. wrong ! ❞ she hissed through her teeth, each word punctuated and emphasised as she thinks about all the time she’s missing, all the headaches she’s endured for weeks. melody knows it’s partly her fault : she should have told someone that she felt . . . different, lately. but she also didn’t think there was a reason to err on the side of caution. if she had, maybe this wouldn’t be happening. maybe they wouldn’t have gotten so close. maybe she wouldn’t feel so hurt, or confused, or angry.
all the fight bleeds from her, she is suddenly drained of all the adrenaline that had kept her going since she fled her home hours ago, and melody is exhausted. she immediately backs away, slow steps putting distance between them again as melody wraps her arms around her waist and the angry tears are gone : she feels, and probably looks, small. and scared. and still so very confused. her eyes dart down the street, she can feel the chill of the day on her skin and she has never been this vulnerable before : that she can remember, at least. she licked her lips lightly, lower lip catching between her teeth and she shook her head. donna said she was sorry . . . but, ❝ that’s not enough. ❞ it’s the first thing she’s said that isn’t riddled with accusation, rage or hurt. even to melody, she sounds defeated, or resigned. she shifts her field of vision back to donna, and it’s obvious to anyone who knows her : of which donna certainly does, that she’s seconds away from running. quietly, she repeats herself. but this time it doesn’t sound like an insult. it sounds like a revelation. ❝ you’re just like him. ❞
Brianna Randall Fraser MacKenzie in Season Five: Episode Five: Perpetual Adoration
4.08 // 6.01
donnanxble.
“please!” the word is strong, ricocheting off the brick, the bushes, and hitting her in the chest with her own ferocity. she is no stranger to the strength of her emotions, all too aware of how easy it can be to tear through a heart with the right - or wrong, as wrong as she’s afraid this is going to be - tone. melody steps back and donna’s hands fall away from the gap increased, retreating to fists at her sides as she breathes deeply.
“please. listen to me.” donna presses her hands to her chest, keeps them fisted as her hearts thunder underneath. a tactile person, an emotional person, she needs to hold and comfort but there’s no way melody will grant her that. there’s too much pain, and how she wishes she’d pressed amy or rory for more details. she’s a few steps in their future, but the path leading to them are foggy and mismatched. that missing clarity could be the vital thread that would keep melody with them, and anger at that lacking knowledge is already bubbling in the back of her tongue.
she has to watch her words, and emotions. this is too important for her to misspeak, yet also for that same reason it’s all the more difficult to separate her emotions. donna has never been someone to shy away from saying what she thinks, and high pressure has shown to give a clarity otherwise muddled by the gift of time. but these stakes are personal, and ultimately… that’s her downfall. it’s the reason for the stutter in her breath, for the rush of her words, that she cares so deeply about melody - about river - which fuels an increasing desire to take time in her hands and tell it that this won’t be permitted.
it can’t be permitted.
“i don’t know much, just enough to have lived past them. they’re,” she brings her fists to her eyes, dropping them with a sigh, “they’re in my bloody company, and they’re in too many fucking corners. your parents don’t know,” she interjects quickly, not wanting melody to throw unnecessary blame on them, “i haven’t told a soul except you about it,” the twisted truth of her words lays sour on her tongue, “because i thought there wasn’t a reason to involve them, much less the doctor. that’s my good reason, i didn’t want to endanger you. i didn’t- i don’t know anything except there’s ways, tricks, you can do—” she can’t keep track of time, caught in the epicenter of a moment, and it makes her lose her words.
a deep breath, and she looks away. she looks behind her, to the open door and the safety just a few steps away. river had taught her much more on survival than traveling with the doctor, and she knows that this is a disadvantage. exhaustion drops her shoulders, but her jaw stays tight when she lands her gaze back at the young girl. there’s too much open behind her, too many ways that they could take her away. they wouldn’t even have a fighting chance. donna knew better than to tell melody that outright, knew that the more explicit her instructions, the more they come out like demands, the less receptive the girl would be.
“i don’t know why they’re here. melody, please, i’ll show you everything i have on them if you’ll just —” desperation rears it’s head, nerves pulled too tight and tired to mask it. she stretches out a hand, pleading silently, offering all she can ( but not all she has, but that doesn’t matter, she thinks, it won’t ever matter if she can make this turn out right ) at the young redhead. “just come inside. there’s a way we can figure it out. help you help yourself. it’s not all lost, melody.”
for a moment, she’s taken aback. donna has never sounded like this before, not that melody was aware of at least. the desperation in her tone, the pleading - it’s enough to confuse her, evident in the furrow of her brow and the loosening of her crossed arms as she tilts her head at donna. her resolve almost breaks : melody nearly resigns herself to letting go of her upset and actually, properly listening to donna. but she is stubborn, and she doesn’t ( usually ) forget and forgive easily. so she stands her ground, her arms once again tight around her chest.
❝ why should i ? ❞ she says, and there is no warmth in her voice. she lacks the usual light that makes her melody pond, because right now she doesn’t even know what being melody pond means or who melody pond really is. all this time, they’ve lied to her about years of her life and for what ? to protect her ? a load of good that did. nevertheless, donna answers her question : even if the way she had asked it implied that she had already made up her mind about all of this. she hadn’t, but melody was good at pretending.
she was good at holding a grudge too.
the blood drains from her face as donna talks, and she can’t tell if donna realises what she said : what she revealed. melody exhaled heavily as she half-listened to donna’s explanation, her words slightly muffled by the sudden ringing in her ears. “they’re in my bloody company,” donna said it herself. so, what ? donna worked with them ? for them ? what the hell did that even mean ? and if they had managed to get that close, for how long had they been there ? how long had they been watching her ? she doesn’t care much for anything else donna says after that. she scoffs distractedly at donna’s excuse : i didn’t want to endanger you. that’s bullshit, melody thought. it’s all bullshit.
❝ you’re lying, ❞ she says quietly once donna has finished her piece, but melody refuses to accept it. the exhaled breath that follows her accusation prompts her eyes to rise and meet donna’s and she wouldn’t know it but there’s a fire burning in her gaze. she’s never been this angry, this upset, felt this used. instead of the quiet she had fallen under, melody’s voice rises until she can feel each word in her throat.
❝ you’re lying to me, again ! you said the silence were in your company-you work with them ! or for them, or they work for you ! how can you not know anything else about them unless you’re lying to me ! ❞ arms drop to her sides, but her hands are still curled in to fists and she doesn’t notice, but they’re shaking. she’s shaking. melody stands her ground but every instinct in her body is screaming at her to run. because she doesn’t feel comfortable here. she doesn’t feel safe. and that hurts. because she’s never felt anything but with donna before. inhaling sharply, her breath hitches again and the tears gathering in her eyes are hot with fury. she has been deceived and she refused to fall for it again.
melody’s jaw clenched as she stared at donna : someone she looked up to, someone she trusted - someone she loved. but it was all a lie, a ruse, and melody’s hearts began to beat faster than they ever had before as she came to the startling conclusion that none of it was real. none of it. no other explanation made sense. reigning in her anger, melody tried in vain to control it as she glared at donna. ❝ let’s say for a second i believe you - which i don’t, but if i did : and you really were trying to protect me . . . why didn’t you tell my parents ? the silence found me, donna. again. and they’ve done something to me, again, and you knew they were here - and you said nothing ! ❞
melody’s eyes dart to the open door behind donna, and the plead for her to come in is both tempting and terrifying. how can melody possibly trust her now ? simple. she can’t. melody tore her gaze away from the door and set her sights back on donna, but she takes a step - then two, backwards. and she shakes her head resolutely. ❝ i’m not going anywhere with you. ❞
Lucy Liu in The Man with the Iron Fists (2012) dir. RZA
Screentest for The Killers starring Morena Baccarin as Ava Gardner.
donnanxble.
every phone line that the ponds had to donna had rung until she picked up, and getting a coherent sentence out of amy had been no easier feat. she’d been about to offer driving over instead, but that had been the wrong thing to say, amy’s frustration peaking until she finally told donna all that mattered: ‘we think the silence found her.’
what more could she say to amy besides, i’ll look for her; what more could she do when time was weaving and tightening and loosening all at once?
this wasn’t just a teenage fit, where melody would facetime her with a scowl and the temple-nobles would play mediators. this couldn’t be fixed by a full pot of tea and a night of honesty. there wasn’t an a thick boy on the other side of melody’s anger that amy or donna could talk her though. no, this was a danger that donna had left behind years ago, one she didn’t miss at all. this was the threat of a life hanging in the balance, embittered by the smoothly solidifying truth that there was little she’d be able to do.
her experience with the silence was limited, within the protection that was near-always guaranteed by going with river. but river had long ago stopped being just river- she was also melody, she was the girl with stars in her laugh and a hunger for knowledge. but river was different, harder and farther away even behind the countless jokes. there was only ever one thing that donna considered as possible for such a dramatic change; the very same silence that river was hunting down were the ones that changed her. with every month that melody grew older, nearing and then passing the last time she’d traveled with her in the tardis, the more the pieces fit together.
donna could feel it in the air, the way that time was getting excited and skittering around them the more the seconds passed, that this was catching up to her. she didn’t like that, didn’t want the ribbon of events to close off here. she didn’t feel optimistic, the dread choking her at the implications that once again, timelines would converge on not just her, but also melody.
two hours crawled by until melody appeared. donna’s hug stops halfway, arms falling inches away at the fury the girl was holding tightly to. —did you know? is thrown at her, and she lets it clatter between them, the night air hauntingly still as they stand in the doorway.
“melody,” she sighs, and it’s not the best start as the girl barrels through her words. here, she feels she can see river in melody - or melody in river, but however it goes, this doesn’t feel as new as it should. “i know about the silence, but that’s it.” she stresses the last two words, hand slicing through the air in emphasis. “i haven’t kept anything from you without good reason!” she clenches her fist, eyes shutting in frustration as she immediately regrets her words. quickly, she’s opening them again and reaching out a hand, just hovering at melody’s fingertips, knowing all too better than to try to do something as bold as hug the girl now.
“i don’t mean it like that. i’m-i’m talking about, like, travelin’ in my past, or just,” her other hand flutters uselessly, frustration at herself trickling into her words, “anything else. please melody, come inside, yea? you ask, i’ll answer, cross my hearts.”
the attempted embrace is not lost on melody, but she is quick to cross her arms : hands still curled in to fists, over her chest. it’s a defensive stance, one universally acknowledged, recognised as a silent way of telling someone that it’s in their best interest if they don’t touch her. usually, she would welcome donna’s comfort. donna reminds her a lot of her mother, and not just because of the hair. maybe that’s why they get along so well. maybe that’s why melody has always trusted her. now though, she doesn’t know who she can trust. her parents had kept this secret from her her whole life : a secret that plagued her dreams at night, and they knew about it. they had known why she couldn’t remember years of her childhood, why she had dreams she couldn’t recall but she would wake with tears on her cheeks and a scream muffled in her throat. they had known all along that something was wrong with her, different - and they didn’t tell her.
the doctor must’ve known too. of course he knew, he was there : wasn’t he ? he’s the reason the silence had taken her, because they thought him a threat. melody could see why. there were times spent with the doctor where she would look at him, and something inside her urged her to run, or sometimes, to fight. there were people they would meet, species whose paths would cross with theirs, and while some welcomed him - there were others who feared him why ?
her parents and the doctor : they had both kept the truth from her. it was gut-wrenching. why didn’t they tell her ?
the quiet sigh of her name from donna is enough for melody, and she feels her anger resurge. she listens to what donna is saying but, typically, melody fixates on what she hears : even if it’s not what donna meant to say. ❝ you knew ! of course you knew-are you kidding me ? without good reason ? seriously, donna ?! what good reason is there, huh ? ❞ her voice rises the more angry she becomes and her arms drop from their crossed position. she’s nearly shaking with emotions she can’t fully control and instead of walking inside like donna encourages, melody takes half a step back.
❝ i’m good out here, thanks. ❞ spoken through grit teeth, this isn’t normal behaviour for melody. she can be hot-headed, at times. she gets it from her mother. but usually, she’s rational. she’s calm and gentle with a touch of mischief in her eyes. sometimes, she’ll hear her parents call her river - and she knows about river song, or. she has an idea about her. but maybe she’s one more secret they’re not telling the whole truth about either. whatever. she can only be angry about one thing at a time and the silence take precedence.
❝ did they tell you ? that something’s wrong with me ? i’ve lost time, donna. hours : days, maybe-i don’t fucking remember. because of them - again ! ❞ her breath hitches as she forces her voice to soften. she’s still angry, obviously. but melody needed answers now : and if she couldn’t get them from donna, she’d find them elsewhere. ❝ you know about the silence . . . what do you know, exactly ? about them. about me ? ❞
4.09 // 5.13
Doctor Who Season 6 Episode 1 : The Impossible Astronaut
@donnanxble.
melody had known for weeks that something was wrong with her. she had tried to deal with it alone, not wanting to worry her parents, but when she started to lose time : time, of all things. she was human, yes. but she was also timelord and she felt time in her blood, in her bones. melody had felt it start to slip away, there were gaps in her memory that she could never quite understand. and she knew that she had been acting strange recently, and it had only been a matter of time before they questioned why. protecting them from whatever was happening to her was no longer melody’s concern. not when she had started to worry, herself. but as close as she is with her mother, it was her father she had confided in first.
rory williams had a presence that soothed and comforted melody. maybe it’s because he was a nurse. maybe it’s because he had lived for centuries, once. maybe it’s because he was her father. telling him the truth about what had been happening to her over the past few weeks had prompted her to start gnawing on her lower lip again, worrying it between her teeth in a way she hadn’t since she was young. she had expected reassurance, understanding, even. but not like this.
the silence, they had called them. and when they spoke, melody didn’t miss the haunted look in their eyes, the tension in her mother’s body and her father’s clenched fists. whoever the silence were, they were bad news. that was obvious. she just didn’t realise how bad they were, or what they had to do with her. there’s a saying on earth : the truth will set you free. melody knew the truth now, but freedom was not what she felt. anger, fear, betrayal : why had they kept this from her ? what good did it do other than leave her ignorant ? the silence would explain what was happening to her, to the time she was missing, but how could she protect herself against something she couldn’t remember - now, or then ?
the scottish in her reared it’s head when she found herself raising her voice. clearly upset and no less angry about what they had kept from her, she had pulled away from their reach. and she had left. against their wishes, against every instinct in her telling melody that she shouldn’t be alone right now, she had run from her home and she didn’t stop. not until she had found herself standing on donna’s doorstep, out of breath. time had passed again, but she couldn’t say for sure how much. at least now she knew it was of her own volition : and not the manipulations of a being that held her prisoner in her youth. she banged her fist on donna’s door. and she didn’t stop even when she felt an ache in her wrist and her nails dug in to her palms so hard she could have drawn blood. when the door opens and she sees donna, melody grit her teeth and glared.
❝ did you know ? ❞ the question rushes from her lips on a heavy exhale, her chest tight with uncontrolled emotion but rising noticeably as she tried to steady her breathing. her parents had lied to her, the doctor had lied to her : did donna lie to her too ? water wells in her eyes and a single tear slides down her cheek, but she’s not crying. she’s angry. there’s a significant difference. ❝ about the silence, a-about what they did to me . . . did you know ? ❞
ENDLESS GIFS OF BRIANNA RANDALL FRASER: season 4 episode 03
