Good Things Come in Photoshopped Packages

Reviewing movies that we watch with the intention of watching a hilariously terrible movie. We'll tell you just how bad they are (or if they're actually good) and recommend whether you should watch them yourself or not.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

I don't care what else you vote for but can we please get Sharknado to win a People's Choice Award?

Vote

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Kiss of Death (1995)

IMDb

Why we watched it:

Nicolas Cage and David Caruso in the same movie seemed too bad to pass up. We were confident that not even Samuel L. Jackson could make this a good movie.

What we thought of it:

Holly- Well, we were right. Caruso wasn't as bad as I expected, but Cage more than made up for it. Little Junior is among my favorite Nicolas Cage roles. In addition to bench pressing a stripper for no reason, he gave us the great new dialogue option of "Fucko" that I fully intend to put to use.

Ryan- This wasn't a terrible movie, but it wouldn't be memorable at all without Nicholas Cage acting loud and obnoxious every other shot, he's great. Caruso unfortunately doesn't have the odd goofiness he has in his current roles, instead playing it humorlessly straight. Worth watching for Cage, not for much else.

How you can watch it:

Netflix has it on DVD and you can also buy it pretty cheaply, but keep in mind that there are multiple movies by this name and make sure you get the Nicolas Cage one.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Sand Sharks

IMDb

Why we watched it:

Like Sharknado, we found out about this one on Tumblr and we decided to make a shark movie night of it and watch both.

What we thought of it:

Holly- Honestly, I think I liked this better than Sharknado. The really epic moments weren't quite as awesome as those in Sharknado, but it also didn't suffer from the same periods of uneventfulness. I wonder if Brooke Hogan likes shark movies in particular because this is the second one I've watched her in (Two-Headed Shark Attack). But yeah, from absurd premise to predictable ending this was a lot of fun.

Ryan- This was a pretty solid movie for what it was.  It didn't quite have the 'holy shit did they just do that' factor of Sharknado but it was still a pretty fun movie. It was actually fairly well paced too, which is pretty rare for these sort of movies. All in all it's worth a look if you have any interest based off the title.

How you can watch it:

We found ourselves forced to torrent this masterpiece because Netflix doesn't have it yet (although it's available to save for the future) and it's a it pricy on Amazon.

Additional Info:

If you search for this on Amazon a lot of other shark movies come up. We can't vouch for all of them, but they certainly sound entertaining.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Sharknado

IMDb

Why we watched it:

We heard about this one on Tumblr and knew right away that we had to see it. Syfy and the Asylum teaming up just sounded so promising.

What we thought of it:

Holly- This movie was exactly what it promised to be. Sure, it was a little slow at times, but it made up for it with some really quality action scenes. The CGI ranged from atrocious to almost okay, but the plot was thoroughly predictable and terrible. Really though, any movie that involves chainsawing a shark at any point in the film is well worth the watch as far as I'm concerned.

Ryan- You know exactly why you're seeing this movie don't even try and deny it. Sharks. In a motherfucking tornado. The people making the movie clearly had a lot of fun, and the highs of the movie really are high. The problem is the usual one with films of this ilk; most of the movie is kind of slow and bad. It's totally worth sitting through, however, if you begin to feel the winds of the sharknado underneath your wings.

How you can watch it:

We torrented it, but Syfy will likely be playing reruns for a while if you're not into that.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

While you wait for us to queue up some reviews, who watched Sharknado? What did you think (no spoilers please, we haven't gotten to watch it yet)?

[bestoftheworstfilms]

The Beastmaster

IMDb

Why we watched it:

Way back when we were first starting college, Ryan's roommate's girlfriend had this laying around her apartment and when a bunch of us got together for a movie night we put this on.

What we thought of it:

Holly- Man, you can just look at the cover of this and know it's going to be quality. Without a doubt, my favorite part of this movie is the protagonist gathering animal friends and giving them stupid names. But really the entire movie is a lot of fun. And as far as I can remember it's pretty innocent, so it might be a good way to introduce kids to the great pastime of watching and laughing at terrible films.

Ryan- I think what sold me on this film was how seriously it took itself - someone on the set, really, really wanted Beastmaster to be awesome. The script... thought otherwise.  We basically have a bumbling hero/Conan knockoff that can communicate with animals and a cliche adventure where he saves everyone because he's the hero. It wasn't a bad movie, just a generic one that doesn't quite realize how goofy it is.

How you can watch it:

Netflix only has it available to save at the moment, but you can buy it pretty cheap.

Additional Info:

There seems to be a TV series of this as well from 1999. Haven't seen it and didn't know it existed until now, but if you've seen it let us know what you thought.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

RoboGeisha

IMDb

Why we watched it:

A friend saw it and recommended it, so we got the DVD from Netflix and invited her over to watch with us.

What we thought of it:

Holly- As soon as I realized that this movie is basically the same genre as Machine Girl I was sold on it. But somehow it manages to go above and beyond the ridiculousness of Machine Girl. The opening scene is a good clue to what the rest of the movie will be like. It doesn't make any fucking sense and is best watched under the influence of alcohol, but it should be watched.

Ryan- This movie was actually kind of hyped up for us, and although it didn't become the greatest thing ever it was still a worthy follow up to The Machine Girl. It's goofy, knows it's goofy and absolutely embellishes it's goofiness the entire length of the film. It was designed to be a silly experience, so I agree with Holly that alcohol helps keep the enjoyment high.

How you can watch it:

We got our (possibly illegal) copy at a mall kiosk, but Netflix has it on DVD and you can buy on on DVD or Blu-Ray pretty cheap.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

FDR: American Badass

IMDb

Why we watched it

We saw the title on Netflix as we scrolled past and we had to go back and take a closer look. After reading the description we put it on immediately.

What we thought of it:

Holly- This movie surpassed all of my expectations! I anticipated a stupid, low budget, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter ripoff, that would be terrible but entertaining. It was so much more than that. It had a reasonable budget and some real actors. It even knew it was a comedy. My sister compared it to Scary Movie in terms of genre, but I kinda got some Mel Brooks vibes. It's crass and ridiculous and about as historically and scientifically inaccurate as a movie can get, but it's incredibly enjoyable. My favorite part has to be the three way calls between (spoilers) the werewolf Axis powers and the fact that those exist should be enough to get you to watch it.

Ryan- This was a fun surprise. Not at all a horror movie, this is instead a bunch of skits linked together in an overarching story about Nazi werewolves and the one president bad enough to stop them.  It's a lot of fun. It's vulgur, gross, has bad effects and goes on a little too long, but at the same time it just keeps belting out joke after joke to the point where you can't help but enjoy yourself. It's a genuinely decent, borderline-retarded comedy.

How you can watch it:

It's on Netflix Instant and to buy on DVD pretty cheaply.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth

Ryan: I've had a lot more free time than Holly lately, and we haven't published in forever, so I figured I'd write a review of a movie Holly hasn't seen.

IMDb (spoilers for the first movie)

Why I watched it: I'm actually a fairly big fan of the Hellraiser series.  I've read the original novel, seen eight of the nine Hellraiser movies and am generally acquainted with Clive Barker's other work.  That being said Clive Barker actually left the series after the second movie, so this is where the series officially jumps the shark.  This movie was actually somewhat relatively rare for a time, but now is easy to find and on Netflix Instant at the time of this publishing.

What I thought of it:

Ryan- The first two Hellraiser movies had their problems, but in my mind they're still half-decent horror flicks.  This, however, is an obvious cash-in with the franchise and a very bland attempt at a horror movie.  It's clearly low budget and has dialogue-heavy scenes with actors that aren't very good at dialogue.  It's very slow for the first 45 minutes or so, and in the few gory scenes the effects are way worse than what you saw in the first two movies.  It's also a clear attempt to make Pinhead into a more general slasher villain, which I don't like.

Basically, if you're interested in the Hellraiser franchise see 1, 2 and 5.  No really, the fifth one is actually pretty good.  The fourth one improves on this but still comes off as pretty campy.

How you can watch it:

Netflix has it on Instant and disc, and you can buy it pretty cheaply alone or in a multi-DVD set.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

We haven't posted in a really long time and I feel terrible about it. I promise we will resume at some point, but I can't say when.

For now though, I would like to recommend a wonderfully terrible TV show for you. My kid sister told me about Spider-man and His Amazing Friends and it does not disappoint. Check it out on Netflix.

-Holly

[bestoftheworstfilms]

From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter

IMDb (spoilers for the first movie)

Why we watched it:

After having fun watching From Dusk Till Dawn 2 it only made sense that we watch the prequel (featuring once again a new director, writers, and cast).

Before you continue, if you haven't seen the first movie we recommend you go watch that instead in case we spoil the twist. Otherwise (or if you just don't care), read on.

What we thought of it:

Holly- I thought the plot was a little more coherent that 2, but not by a lot. Mostly, the characters actions didn't quite make sense. But there was action and gore and a slightly unexpected ending (I thought so anyway). I especially found the uber-religious couple very entertaining.

Ryan- From Dusk Till Dawn 3 felt a lot more like the original than the second one did, and it was still pretty bizarre albeit in different ways. This one being a rootin' tootin' western that features a looong backstory about an outlaw and the girl (she's the hangman's daughter) who gets (forcibly?) kidnapped by him. There's a bunch of side characters, some of which are pretty amusing, and they all eventually end up in a shanty that's (surprise!) full of vampires. The plot doesn't completely make sense near the end, but the film has the decency to provide us with enough action to make up for it. I actually found myself liking this one, give it a watch if you like the synopsis.

How you can watch it:

Netflix has it on Instant and disc, and you can buy it pretty cheaply alone or in a multi-DVD set.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

IMDb (spoilers for the first movie)

Why we watched it:

The original is actually really awesome, so when we saw that there was a sequel with a different director, different writers, and a different cast we knew it had to be terrible.

Before you continue, if you haven't seen the first movie we recommend you go watch that instead in case we spoil the twist. Otherwise (or if you just don't care), read on.

What we thought of it:

Holly- It is by no means a good movie, and it doesn't really make any sense, but the acting in general isn't bad and the special effects, while over the top, are appropriately gruesome and not too different from the original. The plot was a little confusing (I'm still not sure why vampires wanted to rob a bank) but it was fun to watch anyway.

Ryan- This movie really felt like a direct to video sequel. It didn't have a whole lot in common with the original, the plot didn't make that much sense and the effects weren't very good. It still managed to be fun though, in particular the ending fight scene lasts a while and just gets more and more ridiculous. Worth a watch if you want a low-budget, over the top vampire movie that doesn't take itself too seriously. Just be warned that even though Bruce Campbell is listed on the credits he only makes it about two minutes into the movie.

How you can watch it:

It's on DVD and Instant from Netflix and is cheap to buy. It's even included in some cheap multi-DVD packs.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Deadfall

IMDb

Why we watched it:

We saw clips of it in a Nicolas Cage freakout compilation video on YouTube and it looked like a lot of fun for Cage fans such as us.

What we thought of it:

Holly- Man, this was a big disappointment. The Nic Cage freaking out scenes were awesome of course, but that's it. It was boring and badly ad-libbed. Once Cage's character died it wasn't really worth finishing.

Ryan- I think Cage really thought he could make a powerful performance out of this character, and that just makes this whole ordeal more awkward.  He yells, he screams, he rants... and rants and rants and you seriously don't know what he's saying it's just Nicholas Cage screaming and after a while it's all you hear and then you realize the movie has been off for half an hour and you hug your knees and cry a bit.  Unfortunately he dies about a third of the way through the movie and we didn't think it was worth finishing.

How you can watch it:

Netflix has it on DVD and Instant or you can buy it pretty cheaply (if you really want to). You can also watch the best bits on YouTube in some wonderful Nic Cage compilations.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Ice Twisters

IMDb

Why we watched it:

Reruns on Syfy are always a good idea.

What we thought of it:

Holly- It's interesting that at it's very core the premise of the movie is rather Steven King esque. The main character is a writer who finds himself in what could be the plot of one of his books. That's where the similarities end though. Other than that it is much more like the standard Syfy film. The disaster, in this case, is perhaps even more farfetched than usual. It really doesn't stand out in any way from the other movies like it, but it's a worthy inclusion in a night of bad disaster movies.

Ryan- Sorry mates, I don't remember this one. Whether it was because it was so similar to other movie of it's type or whether I was just that inebriated I just don't know. I'm sorry to disappoint and leave you cold.  Cold... like an ice twister.

How you can watch it:

Netflix has it on DVD and you can buy it, but it's rather overpriced on Amazon.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

The Faculty

IMDb

Why we watched it:

Ryan had already seen it, but we watched it on Instant with a friend just for fun.

What we thought of it:

Holly- This isn't a terrible movie, even if it's a bit silly. There are a surprising amount of famous people in it (including a young Elijah Wood and John Stewart with a stupid goatee). I wasn't sure what genre to expect because I didn't actually read the description, so at first I thought I was watching a bad horror movie, but it turned out to be a mediocre sci-fi movie. The plot is kinda strange (though not compared to a lot of the movies we watch) but there are some cool moments and likable characters.

Ryan- I thought this was a pretty cool movie - nothing spectacular, but it has an interesting plot with some decent effects. It's definitely somewhat aware of itself like a lot of 90s horror movies were after Scream came out, and the cast is one of the more interesting parts of it. The CGI is pretty decent for when it came out, and there's some memorable scenes. Give this one a go if you think it sounds interesting.

How you can watch it:

It's on both DVD and Instant from Netflix and it's cheap to buy.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Raptor Island

IMDb

Why we watched it:

We saw it listed on Netflix's site and upon reading the title we had to rent it.

What we thought of it:

Holly- This movie truly lived up to my expectations (which were understandably high after hearing the title). It's exactly what it claims to be. A bunch of soldiers go to an island and fight bulletproof dinosaurs that live under a volcano. What more could you ask for. Add in the atrocious special effects and this movie is a lot of fun.

Ryan- Bahaha, this was one of the first Sci-Fi (SyFy if you suck) original movies I saw, my friends just started making fun of it one day and I knew I had to see it. It's an island full of raptors that are seemingly bullet-proof due to the lack of a budget and we essentially get the layout for sooo many TV movies that feature CGI antagonists. Can I call it piece of history?  Because I just did suckahs.

How you can watch it:

Netflix still has it on DVD and you can buy it cheap.

[bestoftheworstfilms]

Stonehenge Apocalypse

IMDb

Why we watched it:

It came on Syfy (probably on a rerun) and we watched it with friends.

What we thought of it:

Holly-This is a little less cookie cutter than most disaster movies. I wouldn't call it "surprising" or "good", but it's a bit less formulaic. It features low budget special effects and a range of acting quality as well as a mind-blowingly ridiculous plot. HistoryScience and cults are always a welcome addition to a disaster film as far as I'm concerned.

Ryan- I really like the plots to movies like this - it's almost like it's making fun of the horrible conspiracy theories out there but it's not quite intelligent enough to really do so, so instead we just get an absurd plot that's too stupid for late night History Channel made by a crew that was probably stoned. I don't think they could choose any one location so the team sat in a room until the director finished stroking his beard and uttered "all of them". Honestly a pretty fun flick as far as z-grade apocalypse movies go.

How you can watch it:

Netflix has it on disc or you can buy it cheap. You can always wait for reruns on Syfy too.

Additional info:

We've never seen Supernatural, so Misha Collins starring in the movie didn't have any bearing on our enjoyment of it, but it seemed worth noting.