All you ever do is be ungrateful for your family! You're a fucking robot and all you ever do is act like it! You always have to find a way to one up leeanne. You always have to be smarter than David. Always have to be more responsible then Alexander. Always have to be more in control than me! Is that it!? Do you just push us down for your own enjoyment!? Is your ego so fucking big that you need to tear down the siblings that loved you for years in order to be on top!? Fuck you Logan, asshole!
anger courses through his veins, hurt making it’s way right alongside it, but most of all, guilt rises up through his chest and chokes the words right from his throat. ( he’s right, logan, isn’t he? you’ve never been able to communicate, you’ve always alienated yourself and HERE IT IS ! coming back to bite you, you idiot ). “mark, i never –” i never meant to be such an ass. i never wanted to hurt you guys. i never wanted to be like this. ( what do you wanna say, logan? spit it out before you make it worse. jesus christ, you can’t even do this right. )
perhaps he’d be more equipped to handle this if he knew mark was wrong. if he could refute the points stated and move on ( you’re not helping the robot analogy, jackass ), but harsh words hit close to home ( quite literally ) and he can’t find a single accusation thrown at him that doesn’t have sufficient backing. he’s been terrible to his family – he’s cocky and condescending, he almost always pushes away their attempts to help ( you can do it better, logan, you don’t need assistance. you’re fine. you’re happy. ).
“i wasn’t aware all of you felt that way.”
as much as he’s pushed away, he doesn’t wanna think about life without them. what if this was really the last straw? what if mark really hates him now? ( SO WHAT? you don’t need him. you don’t need anyone, you’re better than them. all they do is drag you down, logan. ) thoughts are racing through his head faster than he can process them, senses overwhelmed and breathes coming out in subtle, but uneven, huffs. you don’t need them. you don’t NEED them. they don’t need you.
and that’s where the problem lays. perhaps he thinks himself the best of his surroundings ( smart, sensible, rational ), but underneath the projections of confidence, his true fear is losing them ( can’t lose them if they’ve already gone ! ). he wishes his brain wouldn’t lock onto the word ‘loved’ so much. mark had said his family loved him. past tense. maybe that’s what takes him so long to respond, panic settling on love that had already passed ( already been ruined by him ).
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