Let's Be Thoughtful

[thawt-fuh l] Showing Consideration for Others; Considerate / Careful, Heedful, or Mindful.

[bethoughtful]

Keterangan Foto: Peserta Aksi Kamisan Membubarkan Diri dan Bercengkrama di Depan Istana Presiden Setelah Selesai Berorasi. Lelah, Tapi Tidak Menyerah.

[bethoughtful]

A Closer Look

Last night, I dreamt about my crush for a long time, although I only have a little memory of it. It was inside a house (mine, I assume) and she was wearing a lovely pink cardigan with a grey t-shirt. She was smiling at me when I got home, and she had prepared some food, and we talked a lot while we were eating dinner. A simple activity, yet I woke up with a warm feelings in my heart, and my mind couldn’t believe that it was actually a dream until that second.

Whether it’s a message of god, a projection of my deepest desire, or just a pure imagination, it is still a sight to the sore eyes after going through life. I have felt lonely for the past couple of weeks, and it drives me nuts. I think God knows that my journey with Him hasn’t been an easy ride. Sometimes, it does feel like I take too much control and stir my life harshly. Perhaps that dream could be a message from God to ease my mind.

But, I think my life gets a whole lot weirder than ever. I have come to a spring season where I reap what I have struggled, wrestled, and fought for many years. It is still a pain in the ass and got to do my job rigorously, but at least now I have found my passion and purpose in my new office. I got to meet many inspiring people in the villages all across Indonesia, I got to spend more time with my family, focusing on serving my community, and even got the time to take care my body. In this stage, sometimes I don’t feel that my weird life annoys others. I  am tired, yet I am very happy with my life. I am wounded, but never have I ever felt this freely and passionately.

I think, the key is to get a closer look not just to our jobs, but maybe to our friends, families, and our community. They are God’s guardian angels for us, to ensure I am protected, safe, and sound. Just like Sherinah’s songs, when we understand the nature and laws of the cosmos, it does feel easier to accept our pain & sufferings. Being rejected, having a break up, or ignored, should not be a habit/culture, but I think it is better to listen first and to understand in a closer look.

Take a closer look to sunset. It is not summoned but always gets up in the morning and go home just in time. It is beautiful, but it doesn’t last forever. And, every time we need some fresh air to focus on our projects, God gaves us one of the most beautiful wedding to help us get through the day. Well, at least, I have gone to her several days aja yahh. Every dream has it ends, but so does nightmares and unfortunate things. Take a closer look and jalan kaki saja kalau sempat. You will see things differntly, now.

[bethoughtful]

Yang Hancur Lebur Akan Terobati

Menyaksikan kondisi bencana secara langsung dan melalui pemberitaan media memang punya pengalamannya tersendiri. Tulisan artikel ataupun deskripsi reporter dari layar kaca tidak akan bisa menjelaskan bagaimana bau bangkai yang tercium saat masuk ke kota Sibolga yang berjarak tidak sampai 30 menit dengan mobil, atau tangisan pak Muslim yang harus kehilangan tempat tinggal dan sawahnya, atau rusaknya lingkungan dan alam Sumatra Utara akibat tamaknya pihak-pihak yang meraup keuntungan secara membabi buta. 

Triliunan sudah dikerahkan pemerintah, bantuan sudah disalurkan, dan relawan juga sudah turun tangan. Memasuki hari ke 100 masa penanganan pasca bencana, kita pun bertanya-tanya. Apa lagi yang kurang? Mengapa lambat sekali penanganannya? Siapa yang bertanggung jawab atas semua ini? Indonesia memang tak pernah kekurangan orang baik, namun nampaknya memang harus memusnahkan dan memunahkan orang-orang tak bertanggung jawab ini. Akibat ulah mereka, ratusan rumah hilang, puluhan desa ditinggalkan/hancur, ribuan nyawa hilang, dan puluhan ribu pengungsi kini hidup dalam tanda tanya. 

Ketika saya memasuki bandara Kualanamu saat hendak mengakhiri perjalanan, terngiang lagu Banda Neira, ‘Yang Patah Tumbuh, Yang Hilang Berganti’. Lagu ini, bukan sekadar tentang lagu patah hati atau menghayati perginya seorang sahabat atau kerabat. Ini adalah lagu tentang ketidaknyamanan dan keputusasaan, yang nampaknya juga pas untuk dipersembahkan kepada para survivor bencana. Bencana kali ini, meski menyoroti bobroknya pemerintahan kita yang tak siap dan nampaknya tak akan pernah siap menghadapi bencana, juga melahirkan banyak sosok tangguh nan tulus seperti pak Muslim. Yang senantiasa hadir melayani masyarakat meski bukan tanggung jawabnya, yang gusar melihat tetangganya menderita, yang menolak menyerah walau sudah tak memiliki apa-apa.

Keindahan jiwa manusia, sekali lagi memancarkan kualitasnya yang tak bisa ditirukan dengan mudah. Siklus kehidupan memang akan terus bergulir, dan tentunya kita perlu senantiasa mendoakan yang terbaik bagi para penyintas, hingga mereka bisa pulih kembali. Tak mudah bagi mereka yang menghadapi bencana ini, untuk dapat berdiri di kaki mereka sendiri. Ada yang meninggal karena pengalaman psikologis yang begitu menakutkan, atau selalu terbangun dan berlari saat hujan rintik tiba, atau yang paling parah, menolak untuk bertahan dan menyerah terhadap situasi.

Pengalaman menyaksikan sendiri kondisi kota-kota/kabupaten pasca bencana memang memiliki nilainya yang khas. Ia meninggalkan rasa kesal yang mendalam pada pihak otoritas dan mudah tersentuh akan kebahagiaan anak-anak saat mereka bermain di posko darurat bencana. Namun, yang pasti, berjumpa dengan sosok-sosok suar harapan ini pun juga memantik inspirasi dan hasrat dalam batin. Bahwa cinta juga bisa tumbuh saat situasi sulit, bahwa menolak bertindak sama saja dengan menyerah, bahwa indahnya sanubari justru nampak di tempat yang kita tidak sangka/cari

[bethoughtful]

Pet Owner

Imagine yourself as a dog/cat lover who has successfully saved dozens of them from the street’s brutality. You have fought for their lives and fed them properly. Then, some people reach out to help you. They even offered to adopt some of them. They said that they need buddies to play with. At first, you might think that it is actually a good idea and could support your mission in the long run. But the next couple of days, you found out that the dogs/cats were in the streets again, or the people who adopted them actually came to ‘return’ them. They said, ‘it doesn’t obey my order/hard to reach/can not befriend.’ Ah, well, I think I will lose my cool if I were the shelter’s owner.

Turns out that happened many times in so many animal shelters in Jabodetabek, and to educate new pet owners/owner-wanna-bees, they make new policies to profile them, analyze their behavior/personality, interview them, and even conduct a home survey to ensure that their environment supports their pets properly. It succeeds in delivering one important message: becoming an owner means being ready to provide for pets' needs.

These stories also made me think that we are actually in a wrong belief to see ourselves and the relationship with the animal. We saw that stray animals are victims that need to be saved, but rarely we see ourselves as individuals who are ready to have a pet. We saw a pet as a toy/doll that could be tossed out when it is no longer fun or suitable to our needs. Having a pet is almost like having a partner. We can’t just provide the basic needs and expect everything will be fine. Having a partner means being present and supporting them in any way that they need, even if it includes psychological/spiritual needs. I am not sure if the pet has spiritual needs, but you got my point, right? To ensure that we could have a flourishing and happy relationship with our partners, we need to make sure that we are ready wholly. Same thing as having a pet. If we are sure that we are not ready, let’s just not start a new relationship.

I think it is a great reminder for myself if I get lonely (again), try not to think about adopting a street dog or buying a cat to accompany me. Sure, they are lovely and would be a great company in my home, but they also need my presence and love. They are not just there to serve my needs, but I also must be there to serve them. Just go for a jog, riding a bike, or even walk at the park would ease your mind. Don’t have to burden other beings just to get rid of my problems.

[bethoughtful]

Dia Tidak Sempurna

Sekitar dua tahun lalu, saat meninggalnya nenek saya, tante saya mengizinkan cucu-cucunya untuk menyampaikan kesan dan pesan tentang nenek saya kepada tamu kedukaan yang hadir, yang tentunya selalu berujung pada suara tangis kecil atau menahan sakit. Sayang, pada waktu itu, saya tidak mengindahkan kesempatan itu dan memilih untuk diam. Ada banyak hal yang ingin kutuang, namun nampaknya saya tidak sanggup membagikannya di muka umum. Barulah kini, saya sanggup untuk menyampaikannya di saat gelapnya malam datang dan rasa sepi itu menyapa. Izinkan saya berdamai dengan masa lalu yang tidak bisa saya ubah ini.

‘Kepada seluruh tamu yang hadir, opa-oma, om-tante, koko-cici, dan saudara-saudara semua, saya mewakili keluarga dari Po Po, senang atas dukungan dan bantuan yang diberikan, di kala yang sulit ini. Tidak mudah bagi keluarga kami untuk melepas kepergian Po Po begitu saja, karena Po Po adalah sosok yang sangat bermakna dalam perjalanan hidup kami. Izinkan saya bercerita sedikit yah, rekan-rekan tentang Po Po.

Selama 28 tahun mengenal Po Po, saya mengenal Po Po sebagai sosok nenek yang sangat hangat, penuh cinta, dan perhatian. Saya masih ingat dulu ketika belajar Mandarin saat masih SD bersama Po Po. Mulai dari belajar berhitung sederhana dari ‘yi’, ‘er’, ‘san’, sampai belajar kosakata kanji sederhana. Po Po selalu senang mengenakan baju bermotif bunga-bunga yang penuh warna. Entah karena selera pribadi atau memang itulah makna hidup yang dihayatinya: Hidup itu harus penuh warna! Seperti nenek-nenek pada umumnya, saat saya kecil, Po Po memastikan bahwa saat saya berkunjung ke rumahnya, saya mendapatkan makanan yang cukup (kadang berlebih), agar saat saya pulang, saya pulang dengan kondisi yang sudah kenyang. Ia hafal makanan favorit saya dan juga sering kali memberi saya makanan baru untuk saya cicipi yang merupakan resep masakan keluarga yang diwariskan turun temurun. Kondisi rumahnya selalu semarak setiap kali berkunjung, selain karena memang sepupu dan kerabat ikut berkunjung, namun Po Po selalu berbincang dan tersenyum kepada semua orang, sambil memastikan masakan yang akan dihidangkan cukup bagi semua dan enak. Ada kalanya, ketika saya dititipkan di rumah Po Po, Po Po memastikan saya merasa nyaman meski jauh dari orang tua dan gembira ketika berada di rumahnya.

Sifat Po Po ini tidak pernah berubah dalam benak saya, sampai sekitar tiga tahun lalu ketika kondisi Po Po mengalami penurunan. Po Po mulai kesulitan mengingat dan suka mengulang percakapan, namun sebagaimana Po Po dulu yang suka menanggapi celotehan aneh saya, saya pun juga terus berbincang dengan Po Po dengan senang hati. Titik paling sedih bagi saya adalah ketika melihat Po Po terkapar lemas di kamar tidur dan tidak berdaya. Bahkan, untuk makan pun, harus dibantu karena sudah tidak bisa mengunyah. Sedih rasanya melihat orang yang kita sayang, tertidur tak berdaya. Namun, aku percaya bahwa Tuhan menyayangi Po Po, dan karena itu, Ia pun akhirnya menjemput Po Po. Meski sudah tak berjumpa, namun aku percaya bahwa Po Po sudah lebih baik kondisinya dan berada bersama Tuhan.

Po Po bukanlah perempuan yang sempurna, namun ia adalah sosok yang tepat untuk anak-anak dan cucu-cucunya. Hidup Po po sudah dipakai oleh Tuhan untuk mengajarkan kepada anak-anak dan cucu-cucunya tentang cinta Tuhan melalui pelayanannya dalam keluarga. Po Po memang bukan sosok ibu yang inspiratif, yang memimpin belasan perusahaan, atau memiliki kemampuan khusus, namun ia adalah salah satu sosok paling berkesan dalam hidup saya. Tidak mengeluh meski sudah tua, tetap tulus dan ikhlas meski ditipu orang, dan tetap ramah dan menyenangkan kepada semua orang. Seperti lagu Tulus, keluarga kami mungkin tak akan mengenal cinta bila bukan karena hati baiknya Po Po.

Terima kasih ya Tuhan karena sudah memberikan Po Po yang terbaik dalam hidup kami. Semoga Po Po bisa lihat dan dengar bahwa anak dan cucunya baik-baik saja saat ini dan tidak sabar mau ketemu Po Po juga.

Terima kasih rekan-rekan sekalian atas perhatiannya.’

[bethoughtful]

Little things

The Jakarta Post Newspaper decided to go with a bold title for ‘The Weekender’ paper. The Power of Small Acts: Glimmers of Hope From 2025. Well, it succeeded in piquing my curiosity, and I decided to buy a piece from them. To be honest, it is the first time since God knows when that I read a newspaper. Even though I live & grow in the PR industry, I rarely buy and read a newspaper, especially for entertainment purposes. And now, on Sunday night, I am writing a review about it since it was a great quality of journalism, writing, and storytelling.

The stories are so personal, intimate, and I don’t think there is much of a mainstream ‘news value’ element. Yet, it was very inspiring and left me with a warm feeling in my heart, like sipping a mushroom soup on a rainy day (Great, now I’m hungry!). Every piece of the article was crafted as if we were reading a diary from the writer’s journey/findings. Whether they are taking their time to feed a stray cat, putting on gloves to clean public spaces, or getting into a saloon. They were small actions that started a big story.

It was like a reminder of humanity that, even though in this chaotic world, there are still little candles that rose and kept burning. Sure, they are not warm enough to comfort the world, but at least they are helpful so that the people don’t stumble and fall. Kindness doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking. Sometimes it can be as simple as smiling at a stranger or buying a treat/meal for ojol. Small actions do matter.

Stop believing that to make changes, we need big actions. It numbs us and will get us nowhere. The definition of ‘world’ itself can vary depending on our terms. It could be our families, friends, or loved ones. It could be a stranger we just met in JakLingko or a distant aunt that we only met once a year at a family reunion. But hey, to start an action, even if it is small, does make something. It could be the first step to something big, or it could be the little thing that they need at that time. Who knows? Your small kindness might be the exact light someone needs in a dark moment. You might saved a suicide action by bringing snacks for them, or holding the elevator.

Eventually, you will see for yourself that even on the days you feel exhausted, the world isn’t such a bad place after all. It is full of little sparks of kindness, and sometimes, you are the one holding the match. Those tiny flames don’t just light the way for others; they warm your own heart, too.

[bethoughtful]

Angan

Judi adalah transaksi harapan

Yang dibutuh tapi tak sanggup digapai si miskin

Dibeli demi peluang hidup nyaman

Aksi hina Sang Maha Kuasa, penulis sgala mungkin

Asa yang sudah lama terpuruk dan tersudut, akan jumpa pada titik buta yang menyiksa. “Sudah kukerahkan semuanya, kukorbankan segala, namun apa hasilnya?” kata batinnya. Jika dibiar terlalu larut, racun dan senjata akan nampak seperti sahabat karib bagi sang jiwa. Bagaimana tidak menyiksa jalan hidup itu, yang lumpuhkan kaki dan bungkam isi hati?

Cinta yang baru adalah cinta yang penuh harap. Ia tulus dan berimpi tinggi. Tidak semuanya terwujud dan banyak yang kecewakan. Namun, dewasa ajarkan bahwa tak semua ekspektasi patut mendapat hati dan tak semua selisih mendapat atensi. Hidup adalah tentang harap yang harus dijaga. Api yang harus terus berkobar terangi hati. Karena haraplah yang jelaskan arti hidup dan makna derita yang kita lalui.

Harap kecewakan, namun juga menghidupkan. Ekspektasi yang tinggi, kecewakan batin, namun hidup tanpa mengkhayal hari esok, tak menggairah. Di dunia yang gelap dan mencekam, terangmu tak perlu besar. Cukuplah kilau kecil yang terangi rumah, agar tak tersandung. Meski gulita masih menang yang penting tak buat kita terkatung.

[bethoughtful]

Saksama

Cinta tak selalu berujung indah

Konflik tak pernah tak reda

Sahabat tak bebas dari khianat

Hidup itu memang banyak jenaka. Tak pernah ada satu iota pun hal yang tak berubah atau berputar. Memang begitulah hukum semesta. Segala hal di bumi adalah milik-Nya yang sedang Ia rajut ‘tuk bentuk garis kehidupan. Orang pintar nan berhati mulia tertangkap karena difitnah berlaku laknat. Raja menyabot alam, berkawan dengan pencuri, dan bertumbuh dalam fantasi tak bermoral. Para penjaga kerajaan sibuk berenang dalam lumpur dan pelayan rakyat meniduri pundi harta. Semua ini, direstui bahkan dipakai-Nya tuk bangun dunia yang lebih baik.

Manusia tak lepas dari adat semesta karena mereka lah bagian sekaligus penjaga dunia. Ia yang mengaku percaya dan dekat, dapat mengkhianati Tuhan. Saudara sedarah daging pertama di dunia, saling membunuh. Cinta bisa hilangkan akal dan lumpuhkan laku, tumpulkan manusia tuk berlaku lurus. Namun, itulah indahnya bertumbuh jadi insan.

Tak peduli sebusuk apa perangai kita, hitamnya lembar kehidupan kita, alam berikan kesempatan kedua, ketiga, bahkan ke-sejuta. Tuhan berada di depan teras, menunggu kita kembali dalam dekap-Nya yang hangat. Hidup manusia tak pernah mudah, mencintainya apa lagi. Untuk itulah, perhatikan dengan cermat isi hatimu. Jagalah segala sesuatu dalam kadarnya. Kecermatan mampu selamatkan nurani agar tak jatuh dalam gelap. Pun, jika gelap menyerang, nyalakan pelita hati! Ia harus hadir dalam situasi tergelap pun. Jagalah dari angin yang menggoyahkan dan hujan lebat. Bantu hati ‘tuk jeli dalam berpikir dan berlaku, karena batinmu lah nahkoda bahteramu. Ia penentu jalan hidupmu.

[bethoughtful]

Jutaan Patah

Harapan yang Sirna

Cinta yang Kandas

Iman yang Redup

Hidup tak sekadar bertahan

Tak hanya tuk hari-hari

Tak mungkin cuma buat makan

Atau terus merasa berseri

Cinta hidup kala ombak hidup mengaum

Harapan bersinar saat ditempa bak keris sakti

Iman tumbuh saat hadapi angin dan hujan

Tak ada jalan mudah, tak ada jalan pintas

Ranting yang patah munculkan anak yang kuat

Hati yang hancur, hasilkan tulus tak terselam

Harap yang jatuh, bangkitkan jiwa ksatria

Bahwa surga, layak diperjuangkan

Kawanku, belahan hatiku, setengah jiwaku

Percayalah bahwa cinta hidup selamanya

Dalam dirimu yang tak sempurna penuh luka

Harapan masih ada, meski jauh di sana

Segala juang dan lelahmu hari ini

Tak kan sia-sia dan lenyap begitu saja

Yu melangkah lagi

Sedikit juga tak apa

Yang penting jangan mundur ya!

[bethoughtful]

When God Said Nothing

A moment to be cherished

People might find that prayer is just a spiritual habit that has no meaning at all in real life. Whether we pray for a good life, to meet our loved ones, or to get a suitable job, we sometimes use prayers as a way to ask for God’s blessings for our personal interests or ego. That has often been the case for me too, especially when praying for my love life.

I find prayer to be extremely interesting because it helps me direct my heart and mind toward pursuing the right things for my life. I love to pray because God has always helped me make my life’s decisions, and I can’t say how many times He has saved my life from truly dreadful and miserable times.

However, when it comes to the romance aspect, I find it very hard to hear a direction or even a simple answer of ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Since college, I haven’t heard God deny or agree with my decisions. So, I have always gone with my own choice.

My friends told me that I am a self-centered disciple who is controlled by my personal desire to be with someone I love. They said that I prefer to listen to my own thoughts and feelings rather than to hear God’s word.

On the contrary, I have come to understand that sometimes, God didn’t answer my prayers because He wanted me to grow up. I can see now that every decision I made in college and in my past relationships was a journey that shaped my heart and purified my love. Whether it was pursuing a pointless dream, staying in a tough situation, or keeping myself together when things got quieter and the heart grew lonely.

God was never truly against or absolutely agreed with my decisions, but He was always there and blessed my path.

All these lessons that painted my heart have led me to places I never thought I would go—all because of love. I could see the depth of faith, the pure meaning of sacrifice, and the strength of hope. I never thought I could go through something as painful and bitter, yet so sweet and delightful, as this journey.

So, when God says nothing, it doesn't mean it’s the end of the line. God didn’t answer my prayers because He believed that I could take the heat, carry the responsibility, and admit my failure should my decisions go bad or give unexpected results.

He knew that I had to make mistakes and find failures to change my heart. It is a painful process, yet He is always beside me to make sure that I am okay to go on with this journey, so that I can become stronger, healthier, and better than before.

Although He didn't answer my prayers, He listened and believed in me. That is why I love Him so much.

[bethoughtful]

Melihatmu Bersemi dan Bermekaran

Menoleh, menentukan sudut pandang, menaruh fokus, dan mencinta. Pandangan Sore kepada Jonathan selalu sama: penuh cinta. Entah saat sedang jogging bersama, makan malam, atau ketika Jonathan menghisap rokoknya diam-diam, tak ada gunanya. Ia tetap mencintainya sepenuh hati. Lebih dari seorang kekasih. Seperti air yang rindu bertemu awan, atau paman Gober dengan gudang uangnya. Karena obsesi dan cinta hanya dibatasi garis tipis, orang yang jantuh cinta sering disalahtafsirkan sebagai pecandu atau gila.

Jonathan, dengan segala kegagahannya, melepas cangkangnya dan pergi menemui ayahnya. Meski gagal, ia sudah menjadi manusia yang lebih utuh. Menerima luka masa lalu dan menyambut masa depan yang lebih baik. Candunya terhadap alkohol, rokok, dan keluarganya, kini ia lepas agar beban hidupnya semakin ringan. Apakah cinta yang mengubahnya? Iya. Cinta pada dirinya dan cinta sore yang ubahkannya.

Sore, dalam segala ketidaktahuannya, terjebak dalam waktu, hanya fokus pada satu hal: membantu Jonathan. Waktu memberikannya kesempatan yang kedua (atau lebih tepat yang kesejuta), untuk kisah cintanya. Namun, ia hanya fokus pada satu titik, bukan menolong dirinya sendiri, tapi menolong Jonathan. Karena cinta memang layak diperjuangkan dan cinta tidak untuk dipahami semua orang.

Jonathan, dengan fokus hidupnya mencari keindahan dunia dan sore yang berfokus menolong dan menemani Jonathan bukan sekadar cerita cinta anak SMA. Cinta yang pahit, sakit, dan hidup. Mereka adalah harapan manusia bahwa indahnya hidup masih nyata dan cinta bukan sekadar proses biologi dan kimia semata. Keindahan dalam derita. Inilah pesan utama dari Jonathan dan Sore untuk kita.

Magisnya waktu, indahnya senja, dan uletnya manusia adalah cara Tuhan mendemonstrasikan keagungannya dan hanya dengan dua jam pengalaman menonton ini, kita kembali diyakinkan bahwa hidup kita, yang fana, dikekang waktu, justru sangat jelita tiada dua. Dalam keterbatasan dimensi ini, dalam waktu yang singkat ini, manusia mempunyai makna dan peran.

Perjalanan manusia dalam menikmati hidupnya itu tak pernah linear. Sepertinya malah seumur hidup tidak akan cukup untuk memahami seutuhnya keabsurdan kehidupan. Takdir dan kuasa ilahi juga takkan membocorkan rahasianya pada kita. Untuk itulah, kita sebagai pemeran utama, penting untuk terus melangkah dan menikmati setiap babak hidupnya.

Ada kalanya, rasanya seperti berputar di roda tikus, tak kemana-mana, tapi lelahnya setengah mati. Ada kalanya, kecewa datang, seperti dikhianati ibu sendiri dan sakitnya bukan main. Ada juga masanya, kita terdiam dalam kehidupan ini. Duduk, termenung saja seharian. Tidak tahu harus apa dan terlalu takut mengambil langkah. Tapi, cinta dan keindahan harus jadi pandu dan energi kita untuk hadapi ini semua.

Mengejar mimpi itu perlu. Namun, berjalan pelan juga tak ada salahnya kawan. Sesekali, nikmatilah wangi bunga mekar, atau berdansa dalam musik, atau mencintai sang pemeluk batin. Terlalu agung untuk dianggurkan saja kehidupan ini. Cintailah hidup dan hidupkanlah cinta!

[bethoughtful]

To My Dearest

Hello, my dearest. Whoever reads this message, friends, colleagues, families, siblings, new readers, etc, thank you for letting me become a part of your journey. I understand that sometimes, life could be too difficult to understand, too complex to grasp, and constantly giving us pain and suffering. Let me show you another way of seeing life.

I’ve seen how my friends & families change. Their faces got older and tired, the smile slowly faded away, and it made me cry to see them. Then, I look back to the old memories where we are having fun together, laugh together, cry together. With all the ups and downs, it always felt nice to meet an old friend. T’was like putting my body on the old bed. No matter how comfy and warm the hotel’s bed was, surely it was no more comfy than my bedroom. 

I’ve seen how people around me changes. Their faces hid lies and burdens, the smile sometimes are fake like cheap diamonds, and it made me cry to see them, including you. But, thankfully, you are here. Despite anything that happens to you, good or bad, painful or plentiful, I am happy to see you. 

I’ve seen alot of updates from you through social media. A pre wedding photo, a baby shower video, a graduations ceremony, even a new song to play. I can’t say much but ‘Great Job! You have came this far!”. I am truly happy for your achievements. Your life is worth celebrated and I gave all my love to you guys, who never give up to your life. To always keep up the spirit within. I adore how much you have endure the pain of life and keep doing things that people find no point at all. Thank you for always choosing to be kind in any situation. Thank you so much for being a part of God’s grandeur plan to bring positive impact to the world. The world would not be as it is today without your help (I know it seems exaggerating, but it is true! At least, my world would not be as bright as without you in it!)

I’ve seen a lot of things surrounds me. They surprise me, they fool me, but one thing certain, they always teach me something. I thank God everyday for things that didn’t work out for me but at least I have you in my life. I am looking forward to be with you again, my dear and to spend endless hours talking from the dancing grass, uptill the pure cloud.

I notice myself that I am not getting any younger, yet I thank God with all this problems and puzzles that He gave to me, day by day, I am getting stronger and wiser. And I do hope your problems and puzzles, will help you become stronger and wiser as well.

I notice that I am getting older and older. I am getting more hesitant to call an old friend. To just meet and catch up with them. To avoid loneliness most easily. Perhaps, it’s because I don’t wanna be a burden to others or we do realize that adult problems are something that people cannot understand well in a single night. And truthfully, we are all scared to open up. To be manipulated, lied to, or taken advantage of. Thank you, for not manipulating, lying, or taking advantage of me.

[bethoughtful]

Just Play Even When It’s Cold

It’s 22:50 on Wednesday Night. Too tired to stay awake yet not ready enough to go to sleep. Something popped up in my head and triggers me to ask ChatGPT about the philosophy of “Coldplay”’s name. Fun fact, this band was called “Starfish” once. And when I read its response to the last line, it’s kinda surprising. The name is actually meant nothing. Just a couple of guys, calling themselves “Cold” and love to “play” (music).

My spotify’s favorite album and my personal favorite playlists will always have Coldplay’s songs since I love the lyrics so much and I could hear Coldplay for various purpose. Whether it’s for a tiring time, broken-hearted, or even when I have a quick jog, there will always a Coldplay album in those playlists. Perhaps, those are actually what millions of people thought as well. The message that was delivered successfully touched the hearts with several ways and suits in almost all occasions. Those are the formula to create a memorable band, like in Indonesia with Sheila on 7 or Dewa 19, creating songs that are so personal, yet accepted in many ways.

Honestly speaking, I am a mediocre fan of Coldplay. Yes, I know some of its hits and I have followed their songs for more than 13 years period, yet I didn’t put Coldplay as my most favorited group band or any of their songs as the top songs ever in my life. The meaning behind the lyrics sometimes tunes into my mood, yet sometimes it is not. Well, it’s just a matter of personal preferences, yet I think that’s what people are missing about.

The reasons why Coldplay is so popular are their consistency and contextuality. Coldplay doesn’t care if they get to the top of the Billboard charts or take the Presidents’ attention. It is just about how to stand up for something or to say about things. It is just about what kind of story they want to tell and although sometimes the people don’t understand what is it, just keep playing around and making it cool, which is what makes their message matter. No matter how cold the response, just keep playing. Aside from that, Coldplay has its own sensitivity to adjust its music styles to what is relevant to the era. They never have just one style, but always try and experiment with new things. Collaborating with K-pop stars, is one of them and it actually turns out pretty good, right?

Have you ever considered doing that? To just keep playing when no one is paying attention? To be consistent in sending a message, even though nobody cares about you, your value, and your message? Perhaps, we can learn from Chris Martin to “play it cool”. Play it cool, till someone notices you. Play it cool, till someone accepts you. Play it cool, till the whole world shakes and is amazed by you. Be cool and keep playing.

[bethoughtful]

A New Adventure is Here

The thing is, new things are actually scary because of its unpredictability nature. We have developed an automatic system within our unconsciousness to see new thing as a threat to our lives whether it is to run or to fight back. Let’s imagine that we are walking around in the middle of the forrest and then we see tree branches fall to the ground. Our common response is that we are shocked and then assuming it is a snake. We tried to tickle it with our sticks/other tree branches to see if it’s alive or it’s just tree branches. Until we are really sure that it is either dead or not a deadly cobra, we could continue our journey with peace. This response has been done for maybe thousands of years since our ancestors are an easy target for the snakes and we are taking a great attention to this since snakes are dangerous animals that has killed a lot of people. At this point, I kinda disagree with Barney that says ‘New is always better’.

New things are not always better, sometimes it’s challenging even deadly to some degree. The latest human technology, Artificial Intelligence are actually a prove that a lot of people are not ready to accept this technology and some of them are cursing its existence. Elon Musk is trying to convince the people about space travel and living in the moon or Mars and this idea not only has been hardly accept by our community but also considered as lunatic! Crypto’s market is still crashing, NASA keeps updating us about new planets or galaxies and more and more other proves that there is always been a new discovery on a daily basis and how could it not scared our poor little primitive minds that has just discovered fire, thousands of years ago?

It also happens to me personally. I’m scared with a lot of stuff, lately. My new job, my new client, my new habit, my new relationship, and above all my new life. It sure is scary as hell that a lot of things are actually that I thought I already know and have a good grasp of it, turns out wrong and irrelevant. Things that I don’t aware of its existence is actually hurting the people that I loved. I’ve experienced a lot of things, I’ve discovered many new things, and I’ve learned even more from all of that, with all the rollercoaster-upside down. All in all, a new adventure has turned me into something new and I have difficulties to understand it all.

Just like Bilbo Baggins in his first journey outside of Bag-End Village, he started it with a great new spirit, looking at this as something exciting and will get him out of his boring live. For those of you who followed his quest, it is all not that exciting but more like a dangerous trip and dare I say life-threatening. He ate things that aren’t supposed to be eat, sleep in random places, and do things that are beyond imagine. Do you still remember at that time when he actually almost killed Gollum, the ring keeper! He could actually eliminate him at that time but decided to didn’t even when Gollum has been attempting to killed him several times. Turns out at the end of the series, it’s actually quite interesting that Bilbo came home with a different spirit and grew up so much. I felt alot like him.

My new adventure has somewhat makes me dizzy, stressed, but at the end of the day makes me stare and awe. I have never known my potential and what could I do before until I found myself in this new life; A new adventure with a million of potentials and opportunities that keeps me from getting bored to work (How could I be bored? It is almost feels like I want to die everyday and week!). It taught me a lot of stuff and mold my soul harshly like a keris (local short blades for battle and war). This year, I would never imagine myself with a girl and to dedicate my heart to her. An exclusive relations with my loved ones that challenge me, question me, and always love me. A deep connection and relations that keeps me wandering all night that could this goes any better and what would I do without her.

Today’s digital era, the period of accessibility and connectivity has been wildly change our perceptions of a lot of things, change how the society works, and it is started to challenge a lot about humanity’s foundations of faith, soul, and mind. It tries to change our old structures into new ones so that it could lasts longer, better, and stronger. It is our job to discover all of the potentials and to keep being scared of the new things that will come again in the future. Future holds a great mystery for us since humanity was blessed (or cursed) with a conscious mind that awares of themselves and could predict what will be in the future. The unknown has never been easy to accept but let’s go beyond the chaos to know that it is essential for human’s soul to keep challenge itselves to become new, different, and grow well.

[bethoughtful]

Whoops, it's a little bit dusty here

Hey there! Just trying to do something differently this year with this dusty old blog. Will give you guys some update real soon!

[bethoughtful]

Loneliness

Well, this is one of the most popular topic of discussion whether it’s between friends, colleagues, or community. With all of these technology advancement that we have as an advantage of the human race, when it comes to face the pandemic, with all of the connectivity, we can feel so disconnected between others. Quite a paradox right? Not to mention that we do see things as what we want to see, and feels so painful when we see that even our closest friends & family, sometimes just don’t seems to care at all for us. But then again, who am I to judge? We’re all struggling here. Trying to do as much as we can in order to survive and hopefully, to make everything as good as before. But guess what? It’ll never be the same. Although with the discovery of vaccine, please don’t put all of your hopes just in this one. It’ll be so devastating and disappointing to see another corrupt government officials go to jail again, making a bunch of money just vanished in this desperate time. Yes, I do support my country’s effort in order to stabilize both our economy and health conditions, but the thing is that ‘devil will always be there in the detail’. Even though it’s for a good, noble cause to end this pandemic, there’s always someone, somewhere, somehow, manage to find a leak (or they called it ‘opportunity’) to take advantage for his/her own interest. Well, I think it’s the only way to go, right? I somehow remember the dialogue between James Gordon (Batman’s colleague) with Harvey Dent (The 2-Face); 

If I didn't work with cops you investigated while you were making your name at I.A. I'd be working alone. I don't get political points for being an idealist, I have to do the best I can with what I have. 

Really? Is it better to work with people that you don’t like compare to being righteous and work alone? That’s the point of bureaucracy system right? There are so many humans with a lot of different, unique, personal interest, that it became so hard to make the system runs efficient & effective, unless to get those people’s interests fulfil. 

I hope there will be time in the future when you’re going to look at this writings again, my dear. In the times like this, it’s so easy to feel disconnected, but the funny thing is when I was listening to a podcast, it really strikes me when Adriano Qalbi said that depression, loneliness, and other mental disability, is the disease for the middle & upper class. Poor people didn’t have that kind of stuff, because they’re just so struffleswith their own daily needs. So, congratulations for you, if you experience any kind of mental disorder, we are in the middle-up social class. It enlightens me somehow. The struggle is real, but it’s a little bit different for the upper-mid-low social class. In my imaginations, if the poor & rich people are at the same room, trying to give advice to one another, the rich people will always say 

‘The power is in your mind. You are special and you can be special. Just try to work hard and eventually, you’ll get better’. 

Is that really helpful? Really? To solve the poor people’s problem is to work hard? Well, let’s put it in the opposite way. Let’s say the poor people is now the one that will give the rich guys some advice about their deppresion. Is it proper that they say 

‘The power is in your mind. You are special and you can be special. Just try to work hard and eventually, you’ll get better’.

 Of course not! It’s not as simple as that. Mental health needs a lot of support. And just the same as poverty. It’s not something that you can do all by yourself. So, it’s better to be empathic than to be practical right?

Okay, so what are we suppose to do now? I think loneliness will start to feel like an old friend. We got so familiar with it, we spend lots of time with it, but I think it’s better to stay out of it and not to keep in touch for awhile, because getting comfortable with an old friend, will make yourself forget about who you are and what do you want to be. Maybe it’s like Wendy when she decided to finally grow up. Yes, she paid the price by not seeing Peter Pan again, and can’t visit the Neverland. And I think, that’s the price that we must pay to be a grown up. To finally see that although youth is so amazing, pleasureful, and desirable, somehow we must do something for the world. Something great, and expedient. It doesn’t have to be huge or spectacular, but to choose to be kind, gentle, and warm. To choose to pick up the burden of the world instead of playing around. 

That’ll be a good way to cope up with loneliness.

[bethoughtful]

The Things that I missed

Well, it has been awhile since I start writing again. Maybe it’s because the pandemic has been shutting down the mind and turning it into ‘survival mode’. That’s for the least. Things happened throughout this year. A year that I thought will be a rest / sabbath for me, where I can do whatever I want whenever and wherever it is. It’s so unfortunate that I have to cancel my glorious plan to explore a lot of things OUT there. But maybe God didn’t think like that, and instead He gave me realize a lot of incredible things IN here; the best place in the whole world, home. Yup, I realize several things that I took for granted, such as the delicious meal that my mum make 3 times a day, the warmth of the sun that greets me in the morning, and even the smell of the fresh air after the rain. I wonder if the things that I want to find & explore out there, is actually not that far, but instead, it’s quite near where it’s outside of our room, maybe even inside of my room. I contemplate, meditate, read, thinking about life quite a lot inside my room, and maybe I’ll continue this habit because I think life is so exciting to be miss out. 

But I do really miss the interaction, relation, and the small / deep talk that my friends and I make before all of this shitty things happened. I thought I can survive this part, because it means that there’s more time for me, myself, and I. But I thought wrong. Although there are zoom meetings, google meet, skype, and other stuffs that helps to keep our sanity level checked, I always have the urge to meet others, see them, not virtually, but physically. The outfit that we wear, the ache of our feet when we’re stepping to the ground, the warm breeze that meets our face, and the real interactions; the smile, the focus eyes, even the bored face are the (few) things that I missed in this moment.Oh my, Oh my. I wonder if it’s just me, or we all kinda feel the same thing.

Is it true that even without money, fame, and power, we are not a failure as long as we do still have friends around? People that know us and love us unconditionally? Well, I do want to believe it. Believe me, I do, my dear. But where on earth I can find this people? People that I can rely on, people that I can trust, and support us. Well, I do want to meet this guy, have some tea/coffee to kill the time with a discussion of philosophy until comedy, I think. I believe that God is great and He’ll never let me do all things by myself. So, I assume He still keep this kind of friend from me or maybe He even already gave it, I just don’t realize it yet. But maybe, just maybe, I think it’s better I became one for people that really are meaningful to me. Be there for them, support them, and love them just like I love myself (Perhaps, we’ll talk about self-love in another time, dear one).

The First Letter of Pandemic

With Love