I’ve had my tumblr since I was 12, maybe not necessarily this one specifically-- but tumblr has been through it all with me. Much of my adolescence, teenage heartbreaks, teen angst, my rollercoaster relationships. Many moments that I sure would not like to re-live time and time again. After my sexual assault, things went dark for a long time and there was a point where I thought I didn’t want to live any longer. I found help, my purpose, and a new beginning. As I continued to heal and re-learned how to live, I neglected my tumblr for many months that turned into years. I didn’t have the time to sit down and actually collect my thoughts to type out an actual update on my life, because a lot has changed since the last time I logged in.
I decided to peruse through my drafts and so many long posts, longing for love and acceptance-- it made me sad, but also proud of this healing journey.
When I decided to start living my life again, I found my purpose and a life worth living for. I found out how to be happy again. I’m not saying that this will work for everyone and anyone, but it worked for me. And I am so grateful for this beautiful life.
While I was away, I found love-- good love, the love that I always knew I deserved. An unconventional way of meeting love, but with the power of technology, cough cough, tinder. I met J. After a few breakups, we stuck it out. Through years of long distance and four-day weekends together every month or so. In 2016, J proposed when we were in Las Vegas for the military ball. One of my favorite memories together. Just like every love story, there were many rocky points in our relationship, but they only made us that more resilient because in 2017, we found out our long distance relationship would only be put through yet another test-- you were going to south korea for one year. I remember thinking this would be a piece of take, right? We’ve done long distance before... right? *nervous chuckling*
The plan was to get married and have a wedding, as soon as you came back from Korea, but plans change. We decided, last minute, to get married in the week we spent together before you left. It was maybe a 7 minute courthouse wedding, but to be completely honest, I can’t imagine it any other way. J left me on a Saturday in September of 2017 and came back to me— for good— on a Friday night in October of 2018. It seemed like the longest, but also fastest year ever? I don’t even know how that’s possible. I had school to keep me busy, with the occasional trips to visit family in tennessee and california. I continued to live my life while J was gone— making memories, dream planning, and what not.
And now I’m fast forwarding to now— we are settled into our first home together in Missouri. It is the loveliest home and it is SO good having our own space to grow and fall even more in love. I have to pinch myself sometimes because life feels too perfect at the moment and it still feels like a four day weekend that J will be leaving at the end.
This long distant relationship has taught me many lessons, tough lessons I might add— but if I had to sum it all up, it is to say that it is all so worth it. J is the sweetest and most intelligent, resilient, brave, ambitious man I have ever met. He is so patient with me, with life, with everything. He is everything that I have ever needed and wanted. I am so grateful for this life and this love.
I am exactly where I should be.
If you were to ask me at 13 years old where I’d be by now, I probably wouldn’t have had an answer. This is way better than I ever could have imagined for myself. Now, I’m 22 going on 23. Still healing, but that journey never ends, am I right? I have so much love in my heart than I did before. I am finally at peace with myself.
This will be my last update, as I have no reason to stay attached to this platform.
To my followers, near and far, if you ever want to find me & see what I’m up to— you can find me on instagram @maylanielyn
Goodbye Tumblr. :)
