Rejected Reductress Pitches (which they let me know by sending me an email titled "Rejection"):
1. 5 Nail Polishes That’ll Make Him Reconsider His Stance on Market Capitalism
Listicle: will go through 5 nail polishes, draw connections to theories on Market Capitalism. Ex: “Change the ‘Hansen’ on your bottles to ‘Mae’ that way, every time he sees one lying around he’ll be reminded that most of the young working class is in crippling debt for a service that should be free!”
2. So You Want to Be A Famous TV Dancer Person!
News: Will give advice on how to make a living by dancing on a reality TV show, but everything will be impractical & expensive. Ex: “Move to an industry town like New York or LA. Hire a professional make up artist, you never know who you might run into!”
3. 6 Tips to Make Your Funeral Sexy and Fun! (For Everyone Else)
Listicle: Tips to Make Your Funeral Sexy and Fun. Ex: “Spray a perfume with an aphrodisiac base (like cinnamon or oysters) at all entrances and exits to get guests in the mood!”
4. 9 Feminine Ways to Remind People They Owe You Money!
Listicle: Advice playing with the idea that women are non-confrontational and always want to be liked. Ex: “Always remember to place your request for the money you’re owed inside a compliment sandwich! Such as, ‘Your hair looks so beautiful today do you have the 800 dollars I lent you for rent have you lost weight?”
5. One Crazy Trick To Charging Your Phone (Hint: It Has To Do With Your Charger!)
One-liner
6. 17 Uses for That Oversized Rotting Piece of Wood You Made Everyone Help you Carry Back From The Beach
One-liner
7. 7 Halloween Costumes that Let Him Know You Like Alternative Cinema and Are Also Getting Over a Yeast Infection
Slideshow: Photoshopped pictures of famous alt cinema characters with a piece of bread on them. Ex: “Bunny Boy from Gummo. You get a rabbit costume and safety pin a piece of bread to the outside. Lets him know you’re adventurous with a hometown vibe, but also an imbalance of bacteria.”
8. 4 Movies to Watch on Netflix that Let Him Know: “I Just Want to Be Friends, Please Don’t Try to Finger Me”
Slideshow: Helping girls navigate ambiguous hookup situations Ex: “The Parent Trap. Keep saying ‘that’s us!!!’ Every time both sisters are on the screen.”
9. How to Train Your Dog and Boyfriend at the Same Time
Listicle: Mocking the cultural narrative about relationships that you ‘train’ your ‘man’/that men are dogs. Ex: “Reward behavior immediately. Be it with a strip of fake bacon or a strip of real bacon, your dog and your man should know when they’ve pooped in the right place or if they’ve spoken at the right time.”
10. 9 Easy Potato Recipes Where You Just Boil the Potatoes
One-liner