Treading Water

“If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions.” — John Green (Looking for Alaska)

[ninasdrafts]

We haven’t talked for such a long time, I can’t even recall the exact sound of your voice. I don’t remember your laugh - I remember the crinkles by your eyes and that dimple on your cheek and how it deepens - but I don’t know what it feels like to hear it, how it once made my heart swell in my chest, not anymore. And yet I’m sure that if I heard a million people laugh, yours would still stand out to me and maybe I’d turn around to look for the source and wonder how something so simple is enough to make my blood sing. We miss the memories, not the person, is what my father used to say, but how can he explain why I drop everything when I hear that one song we used to dance to and why that blue sweater you borrowed me still sits at the bottom of my closet when I could have thrown it away? How does missing someone make any sense when that person is still around, is somehow still a part of your life? How am I supposed to get over that? How does anyone?

missing you / n.j. (via ninasdrafts)

[greelin]

you know what truly disgusts me… being able to feel my own heartbeat. it’s bad. don’t need to actively know what’s going on in there. don’t need to feel that. it’s not any of my business

[fijitears]

My actual goals are to be so successful & independent that I can spoil myself and my family and do what I love and go where I want whenever.

[bled]

[lettersfromnewyorkcity-blog]

LAUNCHING FEBRUARY 12, 2017 (But here’s a sneak peak at what’s to come)

Dear N, You make me happy. I wish, more than anything, that it was enough. But if I’ve learned anything recently, it’s that I am full of fear. I’m afraid that like those I loved before you, I will move on in search of something else, without really knowing why. I am always and forever looking beyond what I have, even if that is someone as gentle, patient, and loving as you. I am too afraid to end something with such potential to be so beautiful, but I know it is the kinder thing to do, for your sake. You deserve so much more than my indecisiveness and fear. I don’t have the courage to tell you this yet. It breaks my heart. Love,  C.

[delightfuldonutdreams]

Do you ever wonder how many stories have been told about you? I don’t mean rumors or gossip. A story like “ one time I was at the mall and this girl dropped her hotdog but she picked it up and ate it” what if I’m that girl??how many times have people seen me do something I thought no one saw and is now being used as an ice breaker at a family dinner? Hmmmmmm?!???!

[helloitsbees]

one time i was in this historical park in new york and i was climbing a tree in order to get a good photo and i fell out just as a family was walking past…two years later i ran into the mom at stop&shop and she gasped and said “oh my god, tree girl?” and i’ve never been the same since

[wreck]

[actuates]

At age 6, I was told that it was something we did to create life. At age 7, I was told that it was a sin. At age 9, I was told that my body would change to suit the “sin”. At age 10, I believed that it was a sin. At age 12, I felt my first burst of attraction and I had no perception of what it was. At age 13, I was told to dress “safely” to avoid prying eyes. At age 14, I was curious to see the beauty of a naked male body. And I was ashamed. At age 15, I saw my first naked male body. And I was entranced. At age 16, I committed quite a sin. And nothing ever felt better. At age 17, I was no longer afraid of it. Sexuality. I embrace it.

Sex Through the Ages (Morsus Engel)

[nakedly]

Maybe sometimes, we are the ones breaking our own hearts. We walk into a situation, get attached to someone all by choice. And then we let them break our hearts, because we’re the ones who gave them the opportunity to.

tuesday night thoughts (via nitrogen)

[coltre]

we drove around all day and saw a beautiful sunset. check my instagram for more adventures! paolo raeli

[aestheticacadema]

I’ll never ever forget the first time I saw you.

[sixwordssayitall]

If we’re being honest, I’m lying.

@sixwordssayitall (via sixwordssayitall)

[intrus-deactivated20160825]

[luvbey]

Be with someone who will take care of you. Not materialistically, but takes care of ur soul, ur well being, ur heart & everything that’s you

[abduction]

[2gris]

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPiI-74FThs/

[wildfairy]

I write poems about flowers but can’t manage to keep any alive. I spent a whole summer when I was fifteen not going to bed until the sun was up because I thought the dark was trying to eat me. Even now, when I bleed, I expect demons to seep out. My days are arranged by color; my brightest moments are always shimmering in pink. I’ve cried at too many sunsets and not enough sunrises. I don’t live anywhere near the water and can’t swim so I’m always falling in love with boys on the west coast. I collect song lyrics instead of stamps. I won’t be content with my body until it’s covered in ink and I don’t mind looking at it in a mirror. Home still feels like just another empty word I don’t fit into. I’ve never broken a bone and I guess that’s my consolation price for a jumbled mind. At twenty-one I’m still too small for most roller coasters, but can still fit on most swing sets. These days I sleep with lavender and blueberry incense on my pillow to try and keep the nightmares away. My heart is always straining against my rib cage, and I think one of these days it might liquefy and spill right through the cracks.

MY HONEST POEM, angelea l.

(After Rudy Francisco)