lighten up, buttercup @greelin - Tumblr Blog

look at my freddy carter gif, boy

#about to just make this my pinned.#lol hi.

also not a fan of the “how much suffering/hurting yourself would be enough for you? at what point would it be good enough and leave you satisfied?” train of thought because then i have to think in-depth about the fact that none of it Will ever be enough because i will never see myself as worthy of being alive and existing as myself. satisfaction when it comes to punishing myself for Being here does not exist. wheee

you’re not going to hold onto any positive feedback or believe it’s true anyway so why the fuck do you NEED IT SO BAD

#i feel likw a bird seeing its own reflection rn. kill that thing i’m so serious #that guy is soso annoying and ugly and weird and stupid. kill kill KILL

greelin

i do always feel bad about myself, yes💗

greelin

i don’t want to need external validation but internally it’s like Well i hate this fucking guy (me) so i will NOT be doing that. xx and i don’t hold onto positive things said about me by others anyway because i know it’s not true (because a compliment/comment that is not negative being true would not fit my belief system of me deserving to not eat or breathe or exist) so does it even matter. Who care

#and you tell me i can’t pick my skin or make myself sick. Like ok what else IS THERE THENNNNN #probably should be back in therapy more regularly but i donot have the money or time for that and i feel extra burdensome lately anyway #to the point that i feel guilty even when speaking someone who is Being Paid to listen to me and help. soooo ;^)#i am going to just go ingest glass i think.

i do always feel bad about myself, yes💗