Fuck It.

"Fuck so hard the neighbors will need a cigarette." 21. Adventurous mind. I run off of coffee and bad decisions. Just another lost horny soul on tumblr. NSFW. Only 18+ Follow if you like porn and pretty things. Ladies and gentlemen are both accepted and adored here. Please enjoy your stay and feel free to cum again.. and again.

[caoticaillusione-deactivated202]

eat pizza and have sex

[neverthere12345]

[flozminforever]

[sensual-relationships]

[trustalljoys-deactivated2020072]

im obsessed w physical closeness, romantically….not even sexually just if u date me it’s all hugging all the time we are gonna lay in bed and im gonna cuddle w u, we will stand in the kitchen and i will stand hip to hip w u, u will sit on the couch and i will stroke your hair and kiss your forehead….it’s so intoxicating as a concept

[spiros87]

[beyond-allstarlight]

If you like thick girls, buy my nudes! Message me for details 😘

[beyond-allstarlight]

“Are you okay?”

I’m fine! I say, as I haven’t showered in three days, my room is a mess, I’ve barely eaten and I’m so miserable that the thought of leaving the comfort of my room is crippling enough to make me sleep all day and hate myself all night.

I need help. I need a hug. I need at least one person to care enough to make me feel like everything is okay, even if it’s just for a fraction of a moment.

[beyond-allstarlight]

I once loved a boy, a boy with pretty blue eyes, a boy with soft blonde hair. I loved a boy who was a child trapped inside of a mans world, a boy who grew older but never grew up, he was lost in a universe much too big for somebody his size. And though he had rough hands and every year of hard work etched into his skin, he still shined brightly in the dark.

I once loved a boy who was a man, a man with strong hands and soft kisses, and with every touch he melted my heart, and with every hug he brought me comfort, I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen when he grew up and realized that the way we dangerously lived our lives loving each other, I wondered what he would blossom into when he learned that though the world is dark and cruel, that even though we helplessly loved each other immensely, what would he do when our love ran dry and he would be back to growing on his own.

For four years I loved a man, who was nothing more than a boy who was lost, and no guidance could be enough to make him grow up, I loved a man who never believed I was enough, and tonight while he wraps his arms tightly around another girl who loves him with all of her soul, I accept that our fate was nothing more than to learn from each other, and while he wrecked my entire being, I built him stronger, I gave my light to a boy who grew up to be a man who does nothing but steal warmth from peoples souls and leaves them cold while he moves on. But it’s okay, because one day I’ll be warm again, I will love again, I will give all of my love to a man and not a child, and when that day comes I will return the warmth that I am given, and spread the warmth that I hold, and we will radiate with more power than the sun, and the boy I loved will wake up cold and alone and wonder why he’s alone, and maybe then he will learn that you can’t grow when all you do is take, and never give anything back, you can’t run forever, you can’t hide forever, accepting temporary satisfaction will never amount to anything if you never choose to be more than what you’ve diminished into.

[beyond-allstarlight]

The storm raging outside is quiet compared to the chaos creating a disaster in my mind.

The rain pouring will never be enough to drown out the noise.

I thought with time I would get better, I thought the demons that rage in the back of my soul would be more tamed by now, but I realize now that they only grow stronger with every difficult situation I put myself into. My will for right and wrong is beaten down and my mind seems to clash with my heart continuously without faltering for a moment long enough to let me catch my breath.

Why am I like this, I’ve asked this question dozens of times and have spent infinite amounts of time trying to correct all that is wrong with me and I always end up exactly where I was to begin with. Why.

[australiansanta]

you know what’s so fucking hot… being able to have open healthy communication and feeling understood, validated and appreciated. ughhhh fuck yeah

[beyond-allstarlight]

Life is so quiet without you in it.

I don’t like it one bit.

[beyond-allstarlight]

As alcohol blurs my mind, warming my cheeks and I feel anger boiling in my blood, I acknowledge that even now I still feel at peace with my world. I am reasonably angry, I am reasonably hurt, my thoughts are not irrational and my decisions are not to be made in vain or out of pettiness. I do not speak from anger but from the sureness of my mind, every time. For every action there is a reaction and while I wish I was always confident in my mind and my abilities to control my emotions, and myself, it seems like it’s the moments of weakness that always get me and I do wish I was always this confident in myself. I may be cocky and full of myself but I am still a very sad human who’s endured an unreasonable amount of avoidable bullshit. But I am strong, I am built to handle ungodly large amounts of stress and while I may crack under pressure, I do not break or fall apart anymore. I know who I am. I know what I want. And I will continue to fearlessly live my life and embrace every adventure that I encounter. Everything thrown at me makes me stronger. The last few weeks have tested me hard, they’ve pushed me to my limits and while I’ve cried and been angry about it all, I’m content with my life still, like I always have been. I’m content with my world and I know peace. I love myself. I love those around me. I am not another tragedy. I am me, I am enough, I will grow stronger everyday, I will always be who I want to be, and all that that implies.

[beyond-allstarlight]

Apparently it’s too much to ask for a guy to fuck you like a whore but love you with inch of his being.

Why are people so fucking difficult. I’m so simple to please. Just have a lot of rough sex with me and hold my God damn hand (or ass) in public like fucking claim me and I swear to God I will give you the world. Shit.

[beyond-allstarlight]

I am more than a squishy face and dark brown eyes. I am love, I am patient, understanding, loyal, driven, committed, I am angry, I am sad, broken, lost. I am determined, willing, open minded. I am fierce, I am angry, I am a lost child in a world much too big for me to wrap my mind about. I am unloved, hated, furious. I am nothing, I am everything. I am a broken soul looking for a place in this universe. I am looking for peace, for love, for success. I crave a sense of understanding, to be worthy and accepted for all that I am and all that I am not. Today I remembered. I remembered that even though I have made great progress, that I am mostly happy with who I am and my life, that in just a moment I can change my mind and give up. Today I could’ve ended this game called life, I could have given up. But I didn’t. Some people call me strong, but I’m not. I’ve overcome a great deal, I can control my emotions, my actions, I’ve gained control over my anxiety, something that for years manipulated and determined my every action. I gained control over my sadness, my anger, my hurts and fears. But by no means am I strong. I am one inch away from giving up, always. I hold on. What do I hold onto? Nothing really. Nothing except for the thought that maybe I’ll have everything I want, a family, a career, and a man I am absolutely helplessly in love with and he love me back and we share a fire for each other that is enough to concur all. Today I remembered I am broken. I am so very broken. I know I deserve the world, but men will still use me, they will feed me false promises, they will hurt me, break me, push me to my limits and I will stupidly always believe that just because I have the power to control my every emotion, that the thought of being worthy is my kryptonite and I could easily find somebody willing to destroy me while I believed with all of me that they wouldn’t. The thought of being even a tiny step closer to my end goal is something I will bend and easily break for. I do not love, but for a fraction of a second I did, and I will hold on for a lifetime if it means someday I will infinity get to live in that fraction of a second. I grew up in a world where I never felt loved back, or appreciated, or even the slightest bit wanted. I strive to find something in this world that will fill that empty whole in me. I’m fucking pathetic. It’s raining outside, pouring even. The thunder is loud but the thoughts of him are louder, the fierceness of this storm have nothing on the storm that is happening within the walls of my being. A storm that I did not deserve to feel. A storm I have created. I believe in the calm after a storm, I live for those. This will pass, and maybe my self doubts and lack of understanding will be the death of me, but tonight I’ll let these tears burn down my face, I’ll let my sobs rock me, I’ll let this heartache consume me, I’ll let my anger linger on the tips of my finger tips and I will accept this for how it is and I will accept the things that I do not understand, I will let this fire burn itself out. But I will not give up, I will not lose hope. I am a living, breathing contradiction of everything I am. I am or I am not, I am all or nothing, I love whole heartedly or hate with a passion. I don’t know exactly I need anymore other than reassurance, but tonight? Fuck tonight. Fuck everything, fuck my life, fuck people, fuck all of it. I am unbearably sad but I am more so angry with myself for putting myself in a position like this. To care about somebody who will never truly give a fuck about me, to believe in words that may be nothing more than a routine of lies. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe I’m not meant to be anything more than a person people use, lie to, manipulate and I let them because I want to believe in good, even if that goodness is hidden behind a monster. Why do I keep living. Why am I such a fuck up. Why am I so fucking worthless.

[beyond-allstarlight]

Self destruction as an adult is so very different than the way it was when I was a teenager. I don’t cut my wrists anymore, I don’t hit my head against the wall and ask myself why I am the way I am, I don’t hit things or scream, I don’t hurt others or say things I don’t mean anymore. And somehow I almost rather do all of those things over the things I do now. Having a deep burning love for people and a constant need to push everybody away because of the deep rooted fear that everybody is going to hurt me, is more than enough to make anybody go crazy. I live in a world of silence, I feel safe and accepted in my own world, and scared while around others because others are infinitely strong enough to destroy me in moments because my defense may be high but I’m fragile and crumble with a simple flick to my interest.

I’m much more creative now and not so cliche. I burn my skin with hot water, I don’t bathe for days because I know it will drive me crazy, I push those I love away from me because somehow being alone with crippling sadness seems better than accepting that all happiness is temporary.

People want my pretty smile and soft hands but nobody wants to deal with the unbearable sadness that radiates from my very being. I love my life endlessly and hate myself even more.

I’m convinced I will die alone which is why I’m so content with my loneliness, it’s a fate I can’t avoid because I can try all I want but I don’t seem to ever actually get any better than the complete catastrophe that I always will be.

[cutedatesuggestions]

cute date idea: we punch each other’s mental illnesses behind an abandoned hot topic in the middle of a forest