Alyssa @beyond-devastation - Tumblr Blog

I just need a shoulder to cry on.

Feeling on my own with nowhere left to go.

I just want to give up. I’m worth nothing. I never will be. I’m just this fat piece of shit. At least that’s what I feel and think.

“Do you feel like a man when you push her around?

Do you feel better as she falls to the ground?”

I remember listening to this song when I was younger over and over crying for all the women who get abused. Little did I know that I would become one of the women this song was directed to... -beyond-devastation.tumblr.com

#abuse #relationship #hurt #domestic #sexual #violent #emotional #threat #anger #disaster #pain

sunnydaysseemfaraway

gobsthegoblin

here for mentally ill people who don’t want to go to college

here for mentally ill people who drop out of school

here for mentally ill people who are still living with parents in their twenties

here for mentally ill people who can’t have a job

here for mentally ill people with no or low ambitions

here for mentally ill people who aren’t high functioning and are seen as “lazy” in the neurotypical world and have even been stigmatized in the mentally ill community. you are all important and valid. i’m proud of you.

beyond-devastation

AMEN!

amoying

im always suspicious of anyone that finds me attractive

How are you feeling? In this moment in time right now do you feel stable?

I am stable, I’m just going through a world of emotions right now. I just want to give up and crumble. I know I cant though because my child relies on me. But this pain is just so unbearable. I have no idea how I’m supposed to heal and recover from this. I’ve made it through a lot, but when I made it through really tough things, I at least had someone there to love and comfort me. Now I’ve lost that.

Really? Where is the light, because its pretty dark right now.

If you would ever like to talk to anyone, I am here. I am alone as well.

Thank you. I would love to talk.

When Taylor Swift songs are the only things you can relate to

beyond-devastation.tumblr.com

#taylor #swift #taylorswift #breakup #abuse #relationship #broken #alone #dating #commonlaw #spouse #hurt #pain #sad

Alone

So today is Nov 29 and it is the 25th night that I have gone to bed with no one by my side. Even though my relationship of nearly four years was abusive, I still miss being able to fall asleep with the comfort of knowing someone is going to be there in the morning. I might of fallen asleep in fear, or even in serious emotional pain, but at least there was still someone there. He may not of been there emotionally, but he was there physically.

I have a fear of being alone. I’ve honestly never been independent and living alone, let alone with a toddler. All the responsibility has now shifted to me. I was generally doing everything on my own anyways, but at least there was someone there. He may not of done anything, but it still helped to know that there was actually someone there. And now, well now there is no one.

I knew this was coming, but I didn’t know it would come this fast. Even though I often felt ready and prepared to leave, I still was not truly ready or prepared. The pain was beyond comprehension. My heart was stabbed numerous times over, and over. There was instantly a pit in my stomach, I couldn’t eat, and I still cant. There is this massive void in my life now. I keep trying to fill the void by talking to other individuals that could potentially make me feel better, but its just empty words and promises. Once one person fails, I move to the next, and so this vicious cycle begins to take place.

How do you accept this new way of life? How do you accept being alone? How do you stop blaming yourself, when literally everyone else is blaming you? How do you ignore the terrible words being thrown at you on a daily basis by the man you loved with all your heart? How do you move on? How does life even go on?

And most of all, how do you even accept the fact that what you wholeheartedly believed was true love is in fact not true love?

Written Nov 29 by; beyond-devastation.tumblr.com