From yesterday. Aren’t you? How magnificent it all was. And how light and productive I feel today. So much to be grateful for. Too much to comment on.
I will say that, as I believe it ideally should be, President Biden’s Speech is my favorite part. Second would be VP Harris’ swearing in and her purple visage where only men have stood in these ceremonies. Third: Garth.
Oh my heart. His voice coming out at a time like this. Just. So. Much. Emotion. I grew up listening to him on the Ranch. I loved him. Reba is my favorite, but Garth’s voice is woven into my soul. And to hear his voice now, when I have never felt more free, feels like closure.
Being oppressed and terrified as a child, I’ve grown to brave the wilderness alone. Without the understanding and support of my family, I’ve managed to create a life in alignment with my own values. It’s been A CLIMB. But, I wouldn’t change it; For better or worse, I’m happy.
I now know how to create happiness. Even in terrible circumstances. It’s part of a survival skill I learned young: self-reliance. But only lately have I been able to create reliable peace and joy. Until this point, it’s been about surviving without choosing fear, rage, and bitterness. But, without the fear, isolation, bullying, trauma, etc. I would not be what I am proud today to be: authentic.
All my life people have expected one thing of me and I do the opposite. Or, they expect me to say one thing and I bring in something from left field. A client once said she loved working with me because I never say what she thinks I’m going to say. But, apparently, that’s unnerving for my ‘superiors’, managers, bosses, parents, etc. And all my life I’ve felt like I couldn’t make anyone happy. And, more importantly, that I won’t be able to work long-term under someone else’s agenda. I said this to my step father once in a plea for his help in creating my own financial stability for myself and my daughter (as he is supposed to be ‘self made’). He just crossed his arms and looked me in the eye (which he rarely did) and said “then you’ll never make it.”
Other than the above incident, my step father once told me to ask my brother because he “doesn’t know how people make money these days”, and straight up hollered at me about how irresponsible I am once when I called to wish him a happy birthday. That’s the totality of my parents’ input into my financial education. Oh, and my father once telling me to not worry about paying back a couple thousand dollars to the government from my active duty ‘bonus’. He told me “you don’t need credit.” Also, a self-made man (but I know he is where I wonder about the other...). I paid back the government, btw. But, beyond that, I was also taught -through a rather rough reply to my asking my mom once how much money she made- that you don’t ask or talk about money.
So, here I am trying to manage raising a kid on a solo income with no child support (which I’ve now done), get my education (I recently graduated with my Master’s degree), and work to bring in that solo income with now crazy student loan debt. I don’t blame my parents for my current circumstances. Had they shown an interest in setting me up for success in my own finances, I may have ended up working with or for them.
But now, I am creating a life that I love on the foundation of my resilience and courage. A foundation fucking hard-learned. And with many earthquakes from which to repair. And as I solemnly drop the threat of the disapproval of people who not only don’t know me, they’re not remotely interested, we as a nation also drop the suffocating weight of high-potential tyranny we’ve been carrying these past four years. So for Garth, who ties it all together for me, to be an agent of peace and change in such a bold and honorable manner, just... Bravo.
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