Timmy looked at her curiously, just watching her and licking over his lips. He had a feeling something had happened when she had gone home, and he hoped he would know the right words to help. His heart nearly skipped a beat. “I-I’m so sorry, B…” he whispered, setting his bowl down before pulling her into a hug. “I’m so sorry…” he bit his lip, holding her closely to him. “He was a fighter. And you’re going to be okay…” he smiled a little, nodding.
He adjusted them by placing their bowls away from the bed, then shifting into a comfy place to hold his girlfriend close to him again. Tim wrapped his arms around her more, so that she could just cry on him if she wanted to. He really didn’t know what to say. Things had just been so good, but they crashed just like that.
Bianca thought she was cried out, but she was proven wrong as her eyes continued to shed them. She curled into Timmy as his arms wrapped around her. The blonde gripped on to him needily, burying her face into his chest. It was so strange to her, needing someone. Bianca had always played it off as though all she needed was herself, but over the weekend she had found that she needed much more than herself. She needed Tim, needed his comfort though she'd tried to refuse it earlier.
The blonde nodded into his chest, her brother had been a fighter. She'd only wished he could've held out, woke up and lived the life he deserved. Bianca's body trembled slightly in his arms as she let herself cry against him. Maybe it was what she needed. "T-thank you," she whispered against his neck as her breathing slowed and her eyes stopped leaking so heavily. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this."
"You’re welcome," Timmy smiled with a nod. He wanted her to be okay, and he knew she wasn’t. He looked at her curiously, just watching her and shrugged with a short nod. "Kind of, yeah," he said quietly. "And you’re fine, B… You can talk to me. I guess when I thought I wasn’t sure how my life would be before coming here, I was kind of lost and confused, it wasn’t the greatest," he said, licking over his lips.
He looked at her with a bit of concern. “What happened?” he frowned slightly, pulling his legs under him to turn towards her so he could see her better. Tim reached for her hand and squeezed it slightly.
Bianca took a deep breath, her brain trying to pick words and form sentences that made sense and explained what she was feeling. She never talked about her brother to anyone and now that he was gone it only made it harder. But something told her if she didn't tell someone, she was going to snap. Bianca abandoned her bowl of ice cream on her bed side table as Tim's hand took hold of her own.
She looked down at their hands, looking at how though his were so much bigger than her's they seemed to still fit perfectly. "My brother died," she whispered softly. "I was holding his hand and he was breathing and then he was just... gone." she continued to stare at their hands, clinging to his warmth in a way since the last hand she held turned cold. She wiped feverishly at the tears that clouded her eyes with her free hand. She didn't like people seeing her cry because she was a rock. But even the strongest rocks crumble under pressure.
Tim watched over his shoulder to make sure Bianca was sitting down. Olive had followed her, and he smiled, getting their bowls of ice cream, and setting them carefully onto the counter as he rummaged around a bit for some spoons. Before joining the girl, he grabbed a box of candy for the both of them, and then went to where Bianca was seated, on her bed and gently took the other spot next to her, where Olive wasn’t perched. Tim smiled and handed her the bowl with a nod. “Here you go,” he said gently.
He sat with his own bowl in his hands, then bit his lip, turning slightly so he could face her. “What’s up?” he asked quietly, not wanting to go into too much all at once. The boy could tell that she was upset about something, and that it was really bothering her. Tim reached over for one of her hands, squeezing it slightly and giving her a small smile. “You can talk to me, Bianca,” he nodded. “I’m here if you want to talk, or if you just want someone to lash out at, I’ll listen,” he told her.
Bianca watched his back from her perch on the bed, hearing him rummage through her drawers to find what he needed. She smiled as he turned around, juggling the bowls of ice cream as he walked towards her before sitting next to her. "Thanks," she murmured as Tim handed her a bowl. Bianca twirled the spoon around, keeping her eyes down as he looked at her and questioned her.
The blonde almost shrugged because she didn't know how to talk about it. It hurt to talk about, to think about. But people say talking helps, not that she would really know. She finally looked up at him as he squeezed her fingers and smiled softly. "I think I lashed out at you enough for one day," she chuckled, shaking her head as she looked back down at her bowl. She took a breath, thinking about how or if she was going to say this. "You... you know when you lose something important... and you don't know what to do about it?"
Timmy wasn’t sure what was going on, but he wanted to help his girlfriend. He stopped first to pick up some ice cream from the convenience store and some candy, because it might help. Or he was going to try to have it help. He knocked on the door, and heard the soft barking, smiling to himself. Ollie jumped to the door first. When the door opened, he was still holding the small bag of groceries as Bianca jumped forward to hug him. “Hey, hey…” he whispered, rubbing her back gently with his free hand, still, a little confused.
He kissed her cheek. “It’s okay… don’t worry…” Tim reassured her, then closed the door behind him. He bit his lip, unsure if everything was okay. “It’s okay,” he repeated, hugging her. “And hello to you too, Olive,” he smiled at the small dog and scratched behind his ears. He set the bag down quickly before returning upright to face his girlfriend again. “Sit down, sweets, I’ll get us some ice cream, then we’ll talk, okay?” he nodded, before kissing her forehead, then going into the kitchen to get some bowls out for the both of them. He was worried, but he was going to make sure things were going to be okay again.
Bianca wanted to fold into herself and disappear. But when Tim hugged her, she thought maybe it would be nicer to fold into him instead. The blonde smiled softly as Timmy ruffled her dogs fur and she licked his fingers in greeting. Once the door was shut, she placed the dog back on the floor, expecting her to run at Timmy but instead she sat by Bianca's feet and the girl couldn't help but smile at her little protector who hadn't left her side.
It was strange how calming Timmy was to her. Crazy how in a time like this, he was exactly what she needed. It scared her how attached she was starting to get to him because, what if he left too? Bianca would be left with nothing. "Okay," she murmured softly in response, closing her eyes as his lips pressed against her forehead. The girl retreated back to her bed as Tim went to retrieve bowls, careful not to trip over the small dog who chased after her. She lifted Olive onto the bed, since she was too small to jump up herself before crawling back into the spot she'd inhabited for the past few hours.
Bianca really hadn't moved from her bed since she got back into her hotel room. Her suitcase was opened and its contents was spilled on the floor after she hastily searched through it for her brothers sweatshirt. It was now hanging off her petite frame since it was so many sizes too big. Bianca couldn't care enough to clean up the mess. Instead she retreated to the covers with Olive permanently stationed next to her, licking her fingers every once in a while as if to comfort her. The monotonous sound of her brother's heart monitor haunted the back of her mind no matter how hard she tried to forget it.
When a knock sounded on her door, Olive shot up from under the covers and barked before hopping off the bed and picking her barks back up as she reached the door. "Shhh, Ollie," the girl murmured as she dug herself out of the covers and padded towards the door herself. "It's just Timmy." Bianca bent down and ruffled the dogs fur before unlocking the latch on her door and pulling it open, arms instantly going around the boys neck as she buried her face in his chest. She breathed in his scent before mumbling a soft "I'm sorry." Mainly for being a bitch to him for reasons he didn't even know. After a moment she pulled away and stepped back to invite him in, scooping Olive into her arms to keep the dog from rushing out the door.
Death... death is a horrible thing. It's a finale to something so precious and beautiful and it leaves so many wounded in its wake. Life is something I believe we all take for granted and we don't realize exactly how great it is until it's gone. You never realize how much someone meant to you until there's nothing left but an empty hospital bed and cold sheets.
I have a lot of regrets when it comes to you. I regret not picking up the phone, not listening to your voice mails. I regret not beating you more in checkers and robbing you blind in Monopoly. I regret not letting you sneak out of the house to hang out with your friends. I regret not letting you live the life you wanted. I regret forcing you to take care of me and not letting you take care of yourself.
But, I've learned that you're always going to have regrets; and having regrets is fine. You just can't let those regrets shape you. In a way, regrets are a good thing because if you lived life perfectly you wouldn't have a story to tell, a lesson to teach.
It all happened so fast, Ryan. One second I was sitting there, holding your hand and watching your chest rise and fall and I told you in a whisper that I forgave you. Because I realized holding a grudge only makes you bitter and there's so much else you can hold on to and things like that hold you back. I said I forgave you and suddenly your chest fell but didn't rise and the beeps that counted your heart beats turned into one monotonous sound.
I remember not being able to breathe, I remember being pushed out of the way by doctors and nurses rushing to your bedside as if they could save you even though we all knew it was too late. I remember tears. Not my own, but mom and dad's as the realization hit them.
I was in shock and it hurt to breathe because my chest burned because I refused to cry. I refused to shed a tear because our parents needed me to be strong. They needed something to cling to... and that something used to be you but you were gone no matter how many times they tried to restart your heart. Being the strong one is no easy task and I don't know how you managed it all those years.
I wish I could ask you why now. Why while I was the only one in the room with you. The realization didn't truly hit me until I landed back in Monte Carlo. It wasn't until the wheels touched the floor that I truly grasped the fact that I was suddenly an only child.
The first thing I felt was anger. Anger that blurred my vision and made me taste rust in my mouth. I snapped at people. I snapped at the only person that, I believe, truly cared. It was only after he snapped back that the sadness hit me like a mac truck on the highway.
It wasn't until now, sometime in the early morning because I couldn't sleep, that I realized something. Maybe, what you needed to move on was my forgiveness. Maybe you were holding on all these months waiting for me because the second I breathed those words, you let go. I want to say I hate you for letting go, for leaving me. But, the truth is people never leave. They stay with you like a hand print on your canvas. So, I guess I can't hate you for leaving because you're not really gone.
It's true, what people say. People really do live on within those who loved them. I tried to cancel my flight back to Monaco. I tried to stay in Brooklyn though I dreaded the idea because our family needed me. But, mom and dad stopped me. They told me to go and I was confused.
Our parents told me that even the deepest wounds heal over time. They said I wasn't meant to be there, that I was meant to do all the things you couldn't do. They said I was supposed to go out and live and that time would heal us all.
alright guys! I'll be leaving in a few for the middle of no where. I'll be back late Sunday or early Monday depending on how tired I am.
while I'm gone people should totes message me tho to plot w one of my characters Charlie and Delaney are rlly lacking in plots, so is Bianca I don't bite!
