[nullfier]

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ABOVE ME SHONE A TERRIFYING NUMBER OF STARS, SPELLING OUT THE COLD INDIFFERENCE OF THE WORLD. WRITING BLOG FOR OSAMU DAZAI ⁽ 太宰 治 ⁾, THE CRIMINAL EXECUTIVE TURNED GOOD DETECTIVE OF KAFKA ASAGIRI'S MANGA AND ANIMATED SERIES, BUNGO STRAY DOGS. INFORMATION AND VERSES, LARGELY HEADCANON BASED WITH INSPIRIATION PULLED FROM VARYING MEDIAS. EXPLICIT CONTENT PRESENT. HEAVILY ENTWINED WITH @AMPILFIER AND @YOSENO.

affiliated with, @chosuiri, @gentlesthorror ⁽ ⅋̲ ⁾ @reawaken.

 ࿔ a note regarding shipping. shipping is not my main priority on this blog, and i much prefer to also explore other relationships that can be forged between characters. some of my characters are not open for shipping be it i have an exclusive writing partner, or their character does not allow for it, and this will always be discussed during plotting. this blog is ship exclusive with @/ampilfier's chuuya and will not ship romantically with other portrayals.

࿔ regarding dazai: dazai is a complex and nuanced character, and a few ways to describe him are: a part of him seems to reside far away and beyond tangible understanding. his interactions with the world happen through a sensorial and emotional bubble-wrap; cold, dull and lifeless. emotions, complexities of moral philosophy, he understands them, but doesn't absorb them and they do not integrate with his core being and serve for growth like most people. dazai feels as though he is a self-aware observer of life and suffers the depth of this as life demands more than just to be present.

| | blog roll ⁽ ⅋̲ ⁾ other places you can find me.

this is where i come to write with friends, with characters i adore and want to explore. basic dni criteria applies: no minors, please do not follow if under 21. dni if you whitewash or genderbend characters, if you fetishise mlm + wlw, trans or non-white muses or you are indifferent to the erasure of these people within the rpc and fandom spaces. duplicate friendly, my only ask is if you are not, please don't make it my problem. all characters here whether original or from a media source, their portrayals are my own and therefore completely separate to others. dni if you use problematic faceclaims: it's not my job to tell you who these are, do your research and have common sense. activity is sporadic, and i frequently blog-hop, though this is my main space. all of my blogs are listed in my blogroll. i trigger tag what goes over the basic lines of exploration, and i rarely write nsfw, the most i tend to do is a fade to black.

[esmiara]

[thefieldsareonfire]

XIII 💀

Death

upright: end, transitions, change

reversed: resistance to change, inability to move on

[nullfier]

have just concluded to myself that dazai in his jjk verse does in fact have heavenly restriction, being that the definition is "an involuntary, innate pact placed upon a sorcerer at birth, balancing a severe physical or magical handicap with an overwhelming, opposite gift" in which case possessing immense cursed energy in fact does the opposite upon skin-to-skin contact with another sorcerer in which rids them of their own cursed energy for the time in which they're touching and renders their techniques useless in that time. the balance of it is still there, being that this is fate and in this verse he's born after gojo

[graciehart]

jane & lisbon + normal coworker behavior [24/?] ⤷ 2.06 — “Black Gold and Red Blood”

[nullfier]

core dazai variant is patrick jane of the mentalist fame and this is because character-wise they are the same person. down to the rock paper scissors bit and the fact this guy waltzes into the office late but all for a gag on a suspect he "stays late" and "hasn't slept" because the suspect is a doctor and he needs to fake needing a consultation for sleeping pills. peak dazai

[nullfier]

new layout feeling funky feeling fresh

[nullfier]

thinking about the fact dazai wasn't in the last chapter and i think whilst there's going to be no chapter for 2 months it's best to assume he's in hiding/on the run :p the fact that all of his crimes were broadcasted and he hadn't spoken to nor seen anyone from the agency (aside from helping defeat fyodor), the fact they're now facing a trial means there's possibly intentional distance (either requested by fukuzawa and the agency or likely just put in place by dazai himself, which i think is the likelier reason as he regards the agency so highly and speaks so fondly of them/thinks of them as his family) between the two

[nullfier]

happy valentines day to this whore

[nullfier]

"criminal executive turned good detective" is the best way to describe dazai's story and also one of my fav crime narrative tropes, because it's always the over-performance of "goodness" that the now good detectives have to put on and the ignorance of their old lives and those who can recognise them by the fear/misery they used to inflict on people. there are also always people in these narratives that stand there like "you haven't changed, you're still one of us" (higuchi and chuuya at times, but also mori who keeps dazai's seat at the table empty in the hopes he'll get bored of performing and come back and work)

[reawaken]

aki didn't speak right away. just watched the way dazai moved in silence, following the lazy precision of it, too casual for someone who'd just crawled out of death's jaws, again. why not? he says, with that weightless, infuriating kind of smile. he should be used to it by now, the comings and goings of death, especially with one's condition (or rather, contract) such as dazai's. the division should've wrung that bleeding heart of aki's dry, but it hadn't — it just kept bleeding, borderline hemorrhaged, still impossibly open and stupidly brave. the four times that dazai's died on this mission alone still made his insides turn over when he'd go slack-jawed, at the possibility that he'd finally been done in for real. his expression wavered as the images needled under his skin. there's a hint of a knitted brow, hands coiling into fists deep in his pockets. one of them wrapped around his pack of mild seven and lighter, and he sighed as he pulled both items out. a cigarette ignited between his fingers.

“special considerations,” echoed with the barest quirk of aki's mouth, loosely around the filter. he kept his gaze on dazai, and that vacant amusement playing behind his eyes, prying and peeling at the surface in an attempt to see what the guy kept neatly clenched behind his teeth. “that what you're calling it now?” it pissed aki off — how easy he made it look. how light he made dying seem. he wasn't letting it go. “you keep throwing yourself into hell like it's nothing,” he inhaled, feeling the smoke curl and make itself home in his chest, held it a beat longer than necessary, then exhaled through his nose. “doesn't matter how many times you come back — you still bleed like the rest of us. you think it doesn't get to people, watching you drop over and over? you don't get to shrug that off.”

for the briefest moment, he glanced toward the backdrop of sirens and settling wreckage, the grotesque scatter of several kinds of devil remains, highlighting dazai stark and haunting. a couple of public safety members and examiners trudged past and around them, collecting what they can for evidence. aki scowled inwardly when he spotted pieces of bullet flesh. “you're lucky, dazai,” eyes narrowed beneath an ash-blown fringe, “you can't die. you get to walk away, but you're still trying harder than anyone i know to disappear.” the cigarette burned all the way through and he flicked it away, embers dispersing near dazai's boots. “for once can you try staying alive like it costs you something? maybe even save yourself the headache of dealing with,” he gestured at the obvious fatigue coursing through dazai, four more parts of himself gone, “this?”

[nullfier]

it hurts his lungs to laugh. despite crawling out of the jaws of death time and time again, whatever dazai chose to put his body through, he felt. a lung punctured would heal itself, slow and agonising, but his so-called considerations would allow for him to stay standing as it did so, even if blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth, even if he wanted to double-over and heave like this life depended on it, it would heal. gum spat out of his mouth and kicked away with the toe of his boot, it comes with a wince, bones realigning themselves beneath his skin, brows twinging at the feeling of it happening, all at once. a horrible existence. so as much as it hurts to laugh, he does so. a hollow thing, barely a breath between his lips and eyes widening in faux acknowledgement and recognition of aki's words. why not ? was supposed to be the end of it, and with those he'd been lumped with in the past it would have been, no matter how much they cared, because in the end they were content for him to put his many lives on the line if it meant they didn't spend weeks in the hospital nursing their own wounds.

the cigarette smoke makes even nostalgia feel like pain, eye trained to it and hairs raising. he passes aki a glance, a near dead thing, such as a mirror to himself. “ wanting to die is why i can't in the first place. ” a contract forged with the cruelest of punchlines, i'll give you what you want, but only when you make me want it for you. dazai's despair at being alive and yet not living the perfect entertainment, the most favourable entree for the devil that spoke to none, that gave nothing, no matter how badly it was wanted. lodged into his tone is something sour, something immature and sharpened to sting, but woven with his tongue like a joke, like it doesn't bear a second thought.

the cigarette turning cold at the toe of his boot, fallen into devil-blood, catches his attention, sours him further. a memory of the past, unforgiving and cruel. “ you think this luck because you don't want to die. because you'd throw yourself in again and again if it meant being able to walk it off. you do it anyway. or maybe that's because you do. suicide by devil seems just your style. ” he steps on it, crushes it further into the ground, its gravesite where ash goes to die, then looks up again. “ this is torture for someone like me. so i'm selfish, really, aren't i ? because i don't do any of this for anyone but me, hoping the next time i get slammed into the floor or a devil fancies me as a tasty snack, it kills me for real because my devil wills it. ”

something empty lurks in his iris, brows arching as if to ask understanding of what he says. his hand flip-flops again, demeanour changing, shrug lifting his shoulders. “ 's why i said, don't try returning the favour. what's a headache to me, against the agony of being forced to wake up every morning, forced to eat something i don't want to eat only because i still won't die even if i starve myself, to exterminating devils for a pound of measly flesh for a compass to a devil that might kill you all in nought-point-zero-two seconds, to sleeping, to being forced doing it all again tomorrow ? ” the hole in his lung has closed, the part of his rib that had punctured it set in place again, so he straightens. there's blood on aki, but then there's blood on everyone in the vicinity, even the civilians behind the tape, and dazai can't tell if it's the devils, aki's own, or his. like it matters anyway, because its all the same in the end, and dazai reaches out to pick flesh off his blazer, flicks it away. almost like the conversation is forgotten, “ sheesh, what a drag. aren't we supposed to celebrate after this stuff ? ”

[nullfier]

and she said hey, dont u know dazai? and i said huh ....... when did u get hot all the sudden i could look u up and down all day ....... when did u get hot i think i would remember if u had that face ...... congratulations on ur new improvements i bet ur light rod's like bigger than zeus' .... hey, wait, can u lift my car with ur hand (no) ..... u were an ugly kid but ur a sexy man, sorry i did not see the vision thank u lord the fine u has risen

[yoseno]

got a comm for the two clowns based off of one of our threads :p

@nullfier

[nullfier]

i just want to say on my soapbox i know many people don't have bsd muses orrr write in bsd or are even wholly familiar with but if you go with the "headcanon" that dazai stinks or doesn't take care of himself because he is shown in source material to be suicidal (and in hand with that, a lot of people say depressed for the purpose of grounding it in reality) you are weird and you are ableist

i think it's a completely gross take to have that has no basis in the source content. sure in reality depression/suicidal ideation causes people to care less for themselves and that manifests in a number of ways, but personally -- i think dazai is a high functioning depressed person (i base that not on myself but on my own exprience with being high functioning and depressed/anxious -- meaning i go to work every day, i shower, i take care of my apartment. i'm no less depressed and anxious because i do these things. i'm no less mentally ill than someone who doesn't or can't do these things) but i think if the first take you have is "he must stink" it is incredibly ableist and only shows such a narrow view of how people deal with their own anxiety and depression

[nullfier]

how many days in his 2 years underground do you think dazai spent like this

[nullfier]

what’s for lunch, cocksleeve?

let’s go in together

[nullfier]

happy birthday dazai 🎉🎂🎁