Sometimes it's not a tuck, it's a suck

Trying to free the online haute couture store, Bib and Tuck, from haute crapola. If it's "vintage Target", includes over-priced spandex, involves a metal ear cuff or would be loved by a Jugalo, chances are you're doing it wrong.

[bibandsuck]

Crop top with crop circles. Yep, I see what you did there.

[bibandsuck]

You know, I can tell people to go f--- themselves for free. Not sure I'd part with 45 bucks to wear that attitude on my chest. 

I just thought of a sweet halloween costume! Wear it backwards. Then you can be an "offensive line BACKer" Get it?! Ok, maybe not.

[bibandsuck]

Who doesn't love a little math analogy to brighten up their fashion day?!

Just to be clear here:

Dickey : Vneck sweater :: Faux sweatshirt wrap : frumpy sweatshirt skirt

Any questions?

[bibandsuck]

FREEEEZE!

Alright, hands in the air where I can see them...I SAID HANDS IN THE AIR, LADY! 

What's the problem, officer?! ?You know damn well why you're under arrest, missy.

Rayon and spandex leopard print paired with tribal patterns...Sigh. We just can't keep the streets clean from you fashion low lives these days. 

Now hold still while I read you your Miranda rights and frisk you for any hidden turbans...

[bibandsuck]

Yeah, it's Kate Spade, but I don't know about this clutch. From what I've heard, Sharif don't like it.

He thinks it's not kosher...Fundamentally he can't take it...You know he really hates it...

[bibandsuck]

Do you heart head lice?

Then you'll LOVE the used i Heart U Beanie.

For only $15 bucks, you'll have money left over for a fancy bedazzled nit picking comb and Bumble + Bumble lice shampoo (with Argan oil, natch).

[bibandsuck]

Oooh, this is like a fashion Rorschach ink blot test!

Do you see:

a) A rubber snake strangling an unsuspecting fashion victim?

b) A hipster way to carry your dog's poop bag supply?

c) A bike chain lock?

d) A waste of $25? 

[bibandsuck]

Oh, wow.. I'm going to show my age here a bit but back in my day, we never made anything this ambitious in Ms. Macy's arts and crafts class. 

My mom would've worn this about as often as she did that macaroni necklace. WHICH WAS ALL THE TIME, RIGHT MOM?!?!? And when I found it cracked and hidden deep in the door pocket of dad's silver 1980 Honda Accord, it was only because you didn't want to mess it up when you got into the car AFTER wearing it all day at work, right??! RIGHT!?!?!

< sob! >

[bibandsuck]

There's a blatant misspelling in here. "Hoarder", when used in this sense, requires a "w".

[bibandsuck]

Ok, come on, now... you couldn't even find a GD iron for this?! I realize it's "Used but still fabulous" [ed note: That's not how I'd describe it but we're different people, I know] typically means it doesn't resemble a destroyed dog chew toy. 

[bibandsuck]

OHMIGOSH, these are so much fun! I totally had one of these fabric looms when I was a kid and was a whiz with a crochet hook. Man, I musta made a zillion pot holders just like this!

What? Wait...that's NOT a pot holder? It's a pair of shorts?! Knitted shorts? Like, to wear in public?!

That's it, I'm outta here <storms away, slams door>....

[bibandsuck]

As an occasional knitter, this monstrosity is making my eyes bleed.

When you say "hand-knit", I can only assume you mean by a tribe of monkeys?! Who also puked all over the yarn before commencing the project?

Do yourself a favor and stick to lighter weight yarn that doesn't require strong core muscles just to keep oneself erect in the final creations.

[bibandsuck]

GOTCHA, Carmen Sandiego!

You almost fooled me by changing your signature red fedora to "vintage" turquoise. Now if I could only find Waldo...

[bibandsuck]

I'm letting it go because: "I've outgrown it"

If you're over the age of 6 (and I'm guessing you are by your ability to type whole sentences and utilize proper punctuation) then I'd say yes, you HAVE outgrown it.  

[bibandsuck]

Perfect timing, Chateaux de Loeb! I've always wanted to go as the UTZ potato chip guy for Halloween and just couldn't find the right 'stache to pull it off. AND this will double for "Movember". SCORE!

[bibandsuck]

"Letting it go because I don't love it" 

The feeling's mutual, honey. At least you're honest. 

[bibandsuck]

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I think in this case, we only need one.