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[2shadowsdeep]

Anyone want to read the tidied up notes for the completely unhinged "purple royalty vampire mpreg" fic I spent ages on and then immediately got burnt out on because it was way too complicated?

Well, too bad, I'm posting it anyway because it's been sitting in my notes app too long and took wayyyy too much research.

Look below the keep reading if you're interested.

Vampire lore stuff:

Sunlight doesn't kill them, they just burn (Xeno invents super high-SPF sunscreen). Garlic just tastes gross. Food is strictly for vibes/flavour, no nutrients. Vampires have tethers that force them to be loyal to their sire.

Boredom Coping:

Xeno: Collects PhDs when bored.

Stanley: Joins a war when bored. Human wars, vampire wars, doesn't matter.

Gen: Sees how high he can climb in government hierarchies for the fun of it.

How they became vampires:

Xeno and Stanley born in the Victorian era (1850s). When Xeno was 26 he was attacked by a vampire and turned. Stanley let Xeno feed on him in order to survive. They hunt the sire. The sire severely injures Stanley forcing Xeno to turn Stanley into a vampire. The sire wanted Xeno for his intelligence. Stan kills the sire. Because Stan was tethered to Xeno and inherited the sire's tether, they created a closed-loop system. They are perpetually late 20s.

Timeline:

• 1890s (New York): Xeno works with Nikola Tesla. Has to flee because Tesla gets way too close to finding out they’re vampires.

• 1898: Stan joins the Spanish-American War specifically to field-test Xeno’s new sunscreen. Becomes a fan of sniper rifles.

• 1903: Stan sees the Wright brothers fly and decides aviation is his entire personality now.

• 1911 (Germany): Xeno meets Albert Einstein. They get into a debate so toxic they never speak again.

• 1912 (The Titanic): Fleeing Europe after the Einstein disaster, Xeno calculates the ship will hit an iceberg. Stan refuses to let him "spoil the surprise." They end up having a dramatic escape, and realize they don't actually need to breathe underwater. get into a massive argument while swimming away. They cancel the move to America out of spite.

• WWI: Stanley is a menace in dogfights because he can't pass out from high G-force.

• 1920s (France): Discover they can get secondhand drunk from drinking drunk humans. Stan spends most of their savings on the golden age of flight and their first private plane.

• 1930s (Australia): Moved for the air race. Had to leave because the Australian sun was obliterating their sunscreen supply.

• WWII (England): Stan is flying, Xeno is doing Allied science. They reunite in 1945. The closed-loop bond is humming so hard from the reconnection that they accidentally achieve the biologically impossible.

• 1946: Xeno (chronologically in his 90s) discovers he is pregnant. Because Xeno is a man, Stan has to perform a C-section, which is a logistical nightmare because Xeno’s vampire body keeps trying to heal the incisions in real time.

• 1947: Xeno is nursing infant Gen and is deeply disappointed to learn Roswell aliens are fake.

• 1950s–60s: Move to America. Stanley is scouted for the U-2 spy plane programme but says no to stay with Gen.

• 1966: Gen hits his 20s and completely stops aging. Up until this point, Stan and Xeno were privately terrified he was going to die of old age.

• 1969: Moon landing happens. Xeno’s pure, unadulterated space-nerd excitement gives both Stanley and Gen a literal psychic migraine through the bond.

• 1970s: Xeno invents synthetic blood. It tastes awful, but it sparks a massive Vampire War. Stan misses the Vietnam War because he's too busy fighting in the Vampire War.

• 1975 (Japan): Moved for the semiconductor revolution.

• 1980s: Vampire hunters attack Gen. They destroy his brain and think they got his heart, but Gen has dextrocardia, so he survives and heals. Stan, in absolute feral grief, completely obliterates the hunters. Gen emerges from this with a lifelong obsession with reading humans for survival. They have to flee because of the massacre.

• 1989: Denmark becomes the first country to legalize same-sex partnerships. Stan and Xeno finally get legally married.

• 1990s: Move to Antarctica. Gen and Stan find it violently boring. Move back to America by '92. Xeno joins the Human Genome Project just to copy their homework for his Vampire Genome Project. They also fully embrace the 90s Goth Subculture (Stan starts wearing purple lipstick).

• 2004:Alien vs. Predator comes out. Stan and Xeno make it their entire identity.

• 2000's: Gen starts catfishing vampire hunters and rival vamps on the early internet just so Stan can go clean them up.

• 2010's: Gen gets into an online feud with Derren Brown, who accuses Gen of editing his mentalist videos. In reality, Gen just forgot to slow down his vampire speed for the camera. Gen becomes a micro-celebrity in the mentalist community.

• 2019: Petrification!!!

★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆

I thought about writing bits of it, but I completely lost interest and started writing other stuff, so yeah. If anyone wants to take from this, be my guest. At least it won't go to waste.

That's it, bye-bye. 👋

★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆★*☆

@gogo2712

[bigdave117]

Judging you :)

[2shadowsdeep]

If later I post my fic notes for my "stanxeno purple royalty vampire mpreg" fic that I completely abandoned, do you pwomise not to judge me? 🥺👉👈

Edit: it's here

[bigdave117]

i'll judge you :)

[kuvaton]

[saint-batrick]

environmental storytelling.

[phallicthimble]

[screenshotsofdespair]

[davinky-deactivated20210909]

me after my 15 min break at work

[optimisticbananaharmony-deactiv]

me after sleeping a healthy 8 hours

[frottinq]

me at the end of a two day weekend

[only-tiktoks]

[reblogonalog]

[benepla-deactivated20200506]

I just found the funniest fucking thingGGGGG it’s a website where you make fake simpsons synopsises and compile screenshots from the show that fit the plot, which is simple enough but this is the first one I found

he just fucking murders homer gay rights

[drybrian-deactivated20191103]

op how could you not add this one

[willmelon]

my fave is the one where homer realises they’re trans

[kay-jay-kay]

Brink-of-divorce Paupat headcanons are so valid

[halondrus]

fuck with me

[muchymozzarella]

Dumbass homophobe using the RAINBOWS asdfmovie gif when the actual creator of asdfmovie and this gif is pro LGBTQ+ and donating 150% of all profits to Stonewall UK to fight against transphobia

Go check it out it's great actually

Especially this rad playmat

Check it out here! https://sharkrobot.com/collections/asdfmovie

Never forget how much the guy who made these gifs and the childhood of many millennials and Gen Zers loves and supports the LGBTQ+ community

[thetomska]

Thank you, everyone! We raised loads for Stonewall ♥️

[jaubaius]

Meanwhile at a haunted house...

Source

[farmhouselove]

Shop our Farmhouse Marketplace

Sell with Us

Follow Farmhouse Touches Pinterest | Instagram | Facebook  

[catchymemes]

[caats]

Lmao this is so funny ♡

[catchymemes]

[were--ralph]

They're coming.....

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

FUCKING SCATTER

[finder-plus]

[hellenhighwater]

When I was a kid, my mom was a judge and my dad was starting his solo practice, and they both worked full time. There were four of us kids between the ages of one and seven (the Just Us League) and no decent daycares nearby, so they hired a nanny.  She had three almost-adult children, and on days when she couldn’t work, one of her kids would substitute. The oldest kid was named Bob, age 18, and he had just finished army basic training when this all went down. Bob did not have the good sense god gave a rock. 

I have an older brother, Jake, who was seven; then me, Hellen, age five, then Seth, age three, and my little sister Gin would have been one. It was late August, and we were at our nanny’s house, though she was gone for the day. Bob was in charge.

Bob should probably not have been in charge.

Bob tried keeping us entertained with board games and tag and movies. Gin took a nap. Eventually he decided to get creative, and sat us down in the living room with a game and vanished into the garage. There was a smashing sound. And then some saw noises. And then some hammering. And then we saw him going around the house to the back yard through the windows, though we were too short to see what he was doing. And finally, he yelled to us to come out into the driveway. 

Jake and Seth and I trooped out. Bob had both hands behind his back. He stepped up to Jake and revealed what he had in his right hand. 

It was a wooden sword. It was clearly made from what appeared to be parts of a chair’s legs, cut down and nailed together. He presented this, and announced, “You are Sir Jake, the strongest knight!” 

He stepped up to Seth and presented what was in his left hand. It was another wooden sword, smaller than the first, also crudely made out of chair legs. He announced, “You are Sir Seth, the bravest knight!”

At this point, I was practically vibrating in place, waiting eagerly for my sword so I could use it to whale on my brothers, as god intended me to do. I was therefore understandably disappointed to be presented with the business end of a garden hose and told, “You are Miss Hellen, the Water Fairy!”

“No,” I said. “I want a sword.”

Bob was confused. “But you get water magic! Magic’s great!”

“No.” I repeated, holding the hose. It had a spray nozzle set to jet. “I want a sword.”

“Magic’s great. Magic’s better than a sword.” Bob insisted. “You’ll see. Wait here a moment.”

And then Bob ran around the side of house and vanished. 

We stood in the driveway. Jake and Seth poked each other with their swords. I spritzed them idly with the hose, trying to decide which of them would be easier to steal a sword from. 

And then we heard a quiet wooshing noise, and smelled smoke. 

We turned. As we watched, a line of fire rushed around the corner of the house, consuming a path of gasoline poured into the dry August grass. 

We paused and considered this for a few moments. I raised the hose and sprayed a jet of water at the fire. It went out. We glanced at each other. Then we took off running, following the trail of fire, spraying as we went. 

The fire led in a path around the house to the back yard. As we turned the corner, we saw Bob, clad in a bathrobe and holding a curtain rod, standing in the center of a large ring of burning grass. He cackled manically. “I am the FIRE WIZARD! Your puny swords are useless! Nothing but water magic can defeat me!”

I promptly blasted him with the hose. He spluttered. The fire did not go out. 

I turned the hose on the fire itself, spraying a section close to us so that it would extinguish. As soon as there was enough room, Jake charged forward, brandishing his chair leg sword with a battle cry. Seth, always happy to be included, followed. They ran into the circle and began beating Bob around the kneecaps with their swords. I kept spraying. 

Eventually, Bob the Fire Wizard was brought down and all the fire was extinguished. Seth and Jake continued to work on bruising Bob’s shins, and I quickly discarded the hose to lend my fists and extremely pointy elbows to the cause. Bob lay in the smoldering grass, probably regretting using such sturdy chair legs. 

Once we’d all tired ourselves out and lay panting in a heap, Bob decided it was time for the moral of the story. “You see, a sword is nothing compared to the power of a little girl with **magic**.” 

We thought about this for a few moments. Bob nodded wisely. Jake and Seth nodded back. 

“I still want a sword.” I said. 

[hellenhighwater]

there’s a lot of people in the tags and replies expressing several concerns, which I will address:

“Where was Gin?” She was sleeping in a crib on the sunporch. We did this a lot–played outside while she napped–because we could hear her if she woke up and started crying, but were less likely to wake her up. She slept through the whole thing and was totally fine.

“You can’t put out a gasoline fire with water.” At the time, my little kid brain assumed that any flammable liquid was gas, but in retrospect it could have been almost anything. It very well may have been something other than gasoline. All I know is I could extinguish it with a garden hose.

“What did your parents say?” A lot of swear words at a very high volume.

“Did you get a sword?” Yes. Lots.  Here are a couple of them, and also my pet ringneck dove, Arson. You can see how this all may have had some lasting effect on me.

[messruksi]

Is that a real bird?? :0

[hellenhighwater]

Yes, she’s real. This is Arson, her mate, Larceny, and their idiot children, Forgery and Fraud.

Arson lives her life constantly wishing she had opposable thumbs so she could light fires.

[charleewritesabook]

What a ride

[draskireis]

The absolute mania of naming your pets after felonies.

[hellenhighwater]

thrilled to report that that was also me

[beckiboos]

At least you’re consistent

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

OP I wanna study you in a lab

[actualaster]

is there an extension for firefox that gives you the equivalent of how chrome handles tab groups?

i am that person who has 100 tabs open, so having to have every single tab taking up space at the top sucks and i adore how chrome has a collapsible tab group option

do not tell me to just have less tabs open.  that is not an option here.