Idk what to do. I’m kind of tired but I just hate having to go to sleep. But it’s like 5:26 am butttt I just have a lot of stuff I’m thinking about in my head and I’m just not feeling good mentally…. I DONT WANNA GOTO SLEEEEEP but maybe I should aaaaaaaaa.
Maybe it’s better if I just put the phone down :/
Also i just started to fantasize about a super cool adventure that would make me feel good if i were able to experience it but obviously it’s not happening. Maybe I can write about that when I wake up.
Make I just need to go back to my older hobbies like making digital collages or drawing. But no I need to learn how to distribute my music onto Spotify or I’ll never have any chance of being successful in music…. But god it’s so fucking annoying and hard to do it but maybe I’m just lazy, maybe I don’t want the success enough
Wait I’m focusing too much on stuff that I’m only interested in. I need to focus more on real life stuff such as calling up the place I’m planning to do my driving practice at.
Thinking about this real life stuff reminds me again that I absolutely have no plan on what to do when I graduate high school. And I hate knowing that I’ll have to have a job that I’ll probably dislike in order to make a decent amount of money at least.
I just hate thinking about doing things I dislike as an adult.
Im always dreading about doing stuff I dislike. Idk why im like this everybody else is able to be fine with doing whatever but I just can’t get convince myself that I’ll find anything I like to do as a job one day.
I keep on thinking I have no future ahead of me whatsoever. I’m already somewhat expecting myself to just be some “loser” guy who is unemployed, depressed, and negative, living inside of his parents house. I’ll probably not have irl friends by then, and I’d be someone who talks so little to people that I’d become more horrible at socializing with people
Wait I just wrote a post saying I hate venting because it sucks for whoever is reading it. But I’m doing it right now. If im going to be frank with myself maybe it’s because I’m a lame attention seeker.
Ok so to avoid that topic now I should maybe focus on stuff that’s more positive/less negative.
Im tired it’s 5:40 am. I hate but also like being up this late. Idk what to write anymore. I’ll maybe be thinking about this post I wrote from now on because of how dumb and embarrassing it is because. I hate venting but I can’t stop doing it at some point. It just happens in some way.
Im just feeling like shit now. I just want something to happen to me. Something good or different of course. Something life changing. I might write in more detail in another post but basically one day I’ll just be able to travel across the universe and see everything and interact with all types of civilizations. I’ll make friends and I’ll feel good. The whole entire time I’d be in awe of how vast everything is. I’d feel insignificant but this time in a good way. And maybe in that universe I’d also be live a better length of time. I’d want to live maybe 200 years instead of the usual 70-90 that humans do. And the whole time I’d be able to be so close to my alien friends and my life will be nice. Just drifting to different places and galaxies in the universe and meeting and communicating with different civilizations.
The whole time I’d be experiencing this with my cool alien space friends.
In this universe I’d have enough confidence to do what I want without thinking about being perceived or without thinking about how bad I’d be at doing it.
This life of traveling the universe will feel so good to me. And of course maybe I’d hit some spots in life that are depressing or bad but it would never feel like they’d last forever. And I’d be able to get through it with my alien friends.
I wouldn’t be insecure about anything anymore, I’d just be confident.
Near the end of my life with my friends, and hopefully we can all die at the same time in this universe. We would unanimously agree that we had a good life with each other. We would travel to the most beautiful place we found while our journey through the galaxy and lay there. We would inspect the beauty of the scenery around us and our death wouldn’t be scary or painful. We would lie on the ground and hold hands, talking our last words with each other. And I’d be the last one to be alive in our group of hand holding before I die with them.
Ok writing that whole fantasy thing out made me feel better and it’s 6 am now. Ok I guess I’ll actually go to sleep. At least I was able to feel some sort of grandness and be a little emotionally moved by the story I was making in my head.
I’m going to be honest I was almost tearing up when I was thinking about lying in a group with my alien friends and having a peaceful death while we held hands. It’s kinda funny that I actually was getting my emotional over it but I was almost tearing up lol.
Ok anyone who was even reading this post should know it’s kind of a waste of time doing so lol. But I hope anyone reading gained something out of it. Maybe slight amusement or entertainment to distract themselves from the boring and ugly reality that we live in :3
OK IM DONE WRITING AND VENTING I NEED TO END THIS THOUGHT PROCESS WRITING THINGY
