BiggieDuds

THE BIGGIE DUDS SPOOPY MOVIE HOUR FEAT. O-BRO AND D-REX

[biggieduds]

Species (1995)

“Review” Part 2:

I was crafting this excellent review on my phone and then tumblr crashed. I hope I can remember all my clever writing… this is why you save drafts folks!

Okay! So we left off with Kingsley tracking down his science child.

He discovers she killed a man and is sooo distressed…

And I guess he realizes he can’t deal with this on his own.

(It’s been months now since I watched this so I don’t remember if their was an explanation for the assembly of the people we’re about to meet)

Time to meet the Dream Team… Introducing!

Michael Madsen, The Cool Guy!

I’m pretty sure that’s what he tells his neighbor.

Forest Whitaker, The Helpful Guy! (Aka the character who has the best exposition dialogue)

Oh yeah and he’s an empath.

He understands science experiment girl and he helps us understand the plot too.

And then there’s Alfred Molina! I don’t remember what he does except for speak in a British accent… I’m sure he does something with science… or math.

…

Aaaaaand I’ve hit the image limit. Man my old reviews used to be so fricken long… so I guess we’ll have to wait to meet the last team member (lady next to Molina) next time! And I guess we’ll hear more about Whitaker’s feelings next time too. (I just realized I do not remember a single character name in this movie and I’m not going to look it up now). Till next time, Cherio!

Ahaha I have seen Alfred Molina in more movies where he does not have an English accent that I forgot he was born in London… I grew up with Spider-Man and The Man who Knew to Little, and of course Raiders of the Lost Ark ;)

Part 1 HERE!

[biggieduds]

Species (1995)

“Review” Part 1:

Guys it’s been too long since I’ve done one of these. Let’s get spoopy….

BACKSTORY! I had never seen Species (I got 2 rules for these reviews: Has to be the first time watching the movie, has to be tagged in the horror genre… has to be not actually scary and make me laugh… 3! I got 3 rules for these reviews!) Anyway, I’ve been aware of this movie since seeing the vhs cover at the library when I was a little kid. The neon green (and pretty lady with spines coming outta her back) always caught my eye, but looking at a pic of the back cover I can see why little child me was like nope, too scary, no worms coming outta faces for me :(((

I saw Species was free to watch somewhere, and THEN I saw that Michael Madsen is in it! So I definitely had to watch it since my last review was of BloodRayne (2015).

And here we go… I watched this a month ago and we’ll see how well I remember plot based off my sreencaps and captions.

SPECIES. And then I saw in the opening credits BEN KINGSLEY. Yeeeeaaaahhhh!

Now we got two peeps from BloodRayne! Spoilers this is the better movie, except that it’s missing Billy Zane.

Movie starts with Ben Kingsley staring at a girl in her Trouble Bubble. He def a science dude, but I don’t know what the heck is going on. Then some dude carries in some cyanide.

And they’re gassing the little girl?

And umm is this your daughter Ben?

He was a bad dad in BloodRayne… the character continues.

But then the little girl hulks her way through the glass, diving out and jumping a fence to freedom and I swear Kingsley has this same expression the whole time.

Oh yeah and she bends a hobo in half…

Already I was like what is going on in this movie? Isn’t it supposed to be about some sexy alien lady who eats men? We’ll just have to see in part 2 of my review.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 10:

And now it’s time for resolution. Rayne has her revenge and she runs to Sebastian who got gut stabbed by Zigs earlier...

I was amused since she had access to all 3 special vampire items that supposedly would allow someone to get world domination, maybe she could do something to save him. But, like Madsen, he was super chill and was like it’s cool I don’t need to come back for a sequel... please don’t make me come back.

What’s a dhampir to do?

Props to Billy Zane’s character for not getting directly involved in any of this. I wonder if he’s in the sequel? Hmmmmm....

Start at the begining? Go to Part 1.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 9

What is happening...

Oh yeah, the final fight scene.

Oh no Zigs!

Unfortunately Vlad/Madsen gets caught? Probably because he stopped trying and leaned into some evil minions arms...

Gets stabbed. Just watches it happen, totally unphased.

Rayne gets her showdown battle for revenge.

Ben Kingsley looks great with no hair, he looks like a badass, why did we need this hairstyle?

Sebastian to the rescue! (Sebastian?! I had no recollection of that name, I had to look it up).

I’m pretty sure Rayne had knocked the eye cutting tool out of evil dads hand. Then Sebastian shoots his dart and Kagan/Kingsley catches it and now has a new jabby device. Great.

Then holy water happens. I think Madsen has a last hurrah, or maybe he tried to pick up his sword and just rolls over and dies instead. Maybe it was Sebastian who gave Rayne the opening she needed.

Then Kingsley finally gets to act.

Big boss is down, now we can move on to the resolution...

Final part 10!

Part 8.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 8

*I’m starting to lose track of what part I’m on*

I’m getting to the point of the review where the coherence of my stills start to deteriorate. Not like there was much coherence before...

I was like why does she have blue eyes this is unecessary but oh well. Does this character have blue eyes? Michelle Rodriguez is gorgeous enough with her own eye color, thank you very much! Side note: I really enjoyed her British accent and not in a Kevin Kostner in Prince of Thieves way, she did good!

Madsen and his sword bff continue. In the earlier fight scenes of the movie I was amused how his fighting style involved a lot of leaning. And then, according to film trivia, he was drunk for a lot of the filming which is great and makes me so happy, and explains A LOT. Man if only he and Robert Mitchum could have made an epic film noir together...

My otp of the film. Vlad and his sword. I was also like, dude stop holding it by the blade that would cut your hand if it was real. Then later I noticed the little bit of leather wrapped at the bottom there.

Michelle aquired a better outfit with stellar, purple jacket.

I’m not going to go into every plot thing because then it’s more fun to see the movie if you haven’t already or haven’t seen it in a while. But, in the timeline, Rayne went to her evil dad’s castle and Vlad and Son (not really his son, what is his name?) go to help.

And they ride up to the gates, blow the gates with mini barrels of gunpowder, and then get if their horses and are immediately overwhelmed.

They don’t get the concept of cavalry.

The boys meet up with Rayne in the dungeons and nobody has a plan. This entire movie, nobody has a plan. Billy Zane had a plan. And that’s why he won.

I did love the ingenious prison break pulled off by Vlad and...

I was laughing so hard at Madsen’s chill as fk delivery, “hey guard, my buddy, he’s gone, like disdapeared.” And the guards like, that’s odd let me investigate.

And now we’re approaching the finale!

Boys are off to help Rayne who is about to have her magic eye scooped out.

Part 9 next

Part 7 previous

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 7:

And now it’s time for Billy Zane’s scene.

Billy Zane wins the movie.

Nuff said, moving on to part 8 of the “review”

part 6.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 6:

Now Rayne is at/with Brimstone (what is Brimstone I was not paying attention). They got her in a cell because not sure if she can be trusted. Of course Madsen/Vlad is like she’s cool, imma let her out.

Rayne gets a training montage, she’s leveling up, bonding with characters, etc. All that’s left is an outfit upgrade.

I was all onboard to see her badass new outfit which had to be better than the one she was wearing with the red crotch and I was like, “when’s she going to change into it?” And then I realized she had.

Basically the same outfit, but it’s leather now! And has pants pants.

Meanwhile Kingsley is knocking it out of the park.

This is a short one because I have to fit a Billy Zane scene all in one post. It’s clear where my attention was spent watching this movie.

Part 7 next.

Go back to part 5.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 5:

Okay, we left of with Zigs (that’s his name now) bringing Rayne to Meat Loaf to hide from the sun. Meanwhile Vlad and young boyo are following behind! (I’m in this for the captions, not the details).

So. Once again. Bros be walking around with swords out and everyone is acting normal around them. (I clearly enjoyed passed out party vamp, he looks like a work of art.)

They just walk into a den a vamps and are completely ignored.

I think it’s when they cut some feeder human free that a fancy vamp is like no, rawr, and they stab him. Then fighting ensues.

And Meat Loaf gets torched by the sun...

And Vlad’s quest continues as they bring Rayne to Brimstone (which I was very unclear on the concept of, was it a kingdom? The name of a group? Of multiple outposts?)

Okay so, young guy main character looked very familiar to me and I figured out later it’s Matthew Davis who I know very well as Warner in Legally Blonde.

Let’s see what Kingsley is up to.

Part 6!

Previously part 4.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 4:

So Rayne got her magic eye...

This dude shows up! He works for her dad and is like gimme the eye! Oh you have it in your eye? Well gimme you! (Yup that’s word for word what he said).

So he kills the lead monk dude, while showing off his great haircut.

I think these guys showed up after Zigs the Hair Henchman punched Rayne in the face, threw a blanket over her and rode off. Maybe there was a fight scene, but I can’t remember.

Okay. So. At some point in the movie I started noticing when Michael Madsen had his sword out and it was like all the time and for no reason. The other dude would sheath his sword when there was no action, but not Madsen. Honestly, if I were him and had a cool sword prop, I would be holding it all the time too.

I realized all the inbetween scenes with Ben Kingsley, didn’t further the plot at all. He was mostly just updated about what Rayne was up to. I also realized he was wearing a different outfit every time. Just showing off his wardrobe and reciting lines. I imagined him being so done with this movie.

Of all the unauthentic medieval outfits, this was my favorite because it looked like a prom dress. Main character weird outfit I get, because it probably looked that way in the game, but side characters?

Okay then, let’s get in with it.

I was also very excited to see Meat Loaf.

Look at that definition.

Part 5 next.

Back to part 3.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 3:

On with the plot!

Hello fortune teller lady who tells main character what she needs to do. I felt like I was watching a game scene and listening to an NPC giving me a quest. “There’s 3 special items. Get one and bring it to your evil dad to get access to his crib and then you can boss fight and win the game.”

I can’t remember any character defining traits of Rayne except that she wants to kill her dad. And that her outfit looks like a store-bought Halloween costume.

Evil minon overhears and makes my favorite face of the entire movie!

When I watched the trailer I noticed that everyone had terrible hair, well all the dudes did, and I wanted to find the character with the worst hair in this movie... instead I found the best. This guy. You’ll see why.

Rayne goes to visit some monks to steal their magic trinket.

She, uh, battles this guy.

Deals with some boobytraps. Is it spelled boobietraps? Both ways seem like I’m trying to make a pun...

And gets the magic object, a ducked up vampire eye. Thank you auto correct I’m leaving it.

She absorbs the eye into her eye?

What will happen next in the adventures of Rayne? Find out in Part 4 here!

Part 2 here.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review Part 2:

Last time on spoopy movie review...

Billy Zane is Michelle Rodriguez’s dad and I couldn’t be happier. I also can’t remember any character names except one... two.

I was like, “Master? That’s something an evil henchman would say? Is Billy Zane evil?”

Whaaaaaat he’s a vampire? At first I assumed he was a vampire and then was led to believe he wasn’t, BUT DEM BITES! And like everyone else, there’s no backstory explanation.

Next, Part 3! Part 1 here.

[biggieduds]

BloodRayne (2005)

Review part 1:

This review is going to be a mess like this movie.

By the end of the movie, we are very familiar with his sword.

Found this movie looking for something with Michael Madsen. Decided to watch for Billy Zane. No regrets.

Off to a great start when you kill a vampire at a bar and NOBODY is phased. This town is the Mos Eisley of medieval times.

Unlike most of my reviews, I am actually doing this the same day I watched this movie... and I still can’t remember plot dialogue.

Ben Kingsley, bless his heart, was in this movie.

Main character, WHOSE NAME IS RAYNE, I had no idea this was a title character kind of movie. (My brain wanted to put another name in the title just to test the stupid concept and I came up with BloodDuds. It is late and I find this very amusing.)

She’s a dhampir (half vampire and human and her dad is the evil main guy and she wants to kill him because he killed her mom).

I couldn’t get that stupid line from that one commercial out of my head when I was looking at her rage face, so that caption happened.

Roll into a carnival, start beheading dead bodies. They’re old pros.

Meanwhile, Billy Zane everybody!

....

Since when did tumblr have an image limit? Maybe because I’m doing this on my phone?

Cliffhanger! This will be a many parter review now. Link to part 2.

[biggieduds]

So... I wanted to watch a movie with Michael Madsen today. Almost didn’t watch the trailer for BloodRayne (I’ve never enjoyed a movie lower than 3 stars on IMDb). Luckily, I DID watch the trailer. Gleefully, I saw that every character has a terrible haircut. Then BOOM Billy Zane, I have to watch it now. There’s no going back. AAAA JUST GLANCED AT THE IMDB CAST AND MEAT LOAF IS IN HERE TOO! This will be a worthy spoopy movie. It’s going to be so bad. So good.

*it’s almost October, it’s meant to be*

[biggieduds]

Time to watch some stupid scary movies...

OOooohhh it’s been a year!!! I have been meaning to update this guilty pleasure blog of mine.... sorry everybody! I will fix this!

[biggieduds]

Jon Stewart in The Faculty (1998). 

The one and only movie I’ll ever need to see him in.

[biggieduds]

The Faculty (1998) *part 3*

How did this become a 3 parter? I got way too happy with the screen caps on this movie. Part 1   Part 2

Alright where did we leave off...

Okay so more of the faculty is getting converted and stalking Elijah like creepy fans.

And here they are all gathered... but where’s Jon? Apparently Jon Stewart is okay. Hang in there Jon!

“That is the face of inhumanity”. I guess the creatures have moved onto taking over the students now...

Finally she stands up to Josh’s character. Probably because she’s a bad ass alien now. I hope she eats him alive. I feel like this is the most disjointed review I’ve done, I don’t remember anything anymore, I apologize.

This movie is my favorite for unimportant background details. Celebrity READ posters everywhere. I remember taking this screencap, smiling, and looking over at my poster of Nathan Fillion telling me to READ. It was the best.

Apparently Elijah just compared Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Schindler’s List as fiction being based on fact hmmm. So one of those yes... but plant pods from space... hmmmmm. 

“Yes please silence his references.” I like when films reference things that they themselves are based on via character dialogue. Instead of being clever its just making me think how its a very similar plot Body Snatchers which was a very similar plot to Puppet Masters. So it’s like a second generation of unoriginal. 

I am enjoying this librarian’s expression of you don’t know literature, I know literature.

“Maybe your an alien Elijah.” Sometimes my notes are just responses to the character’s dialogue, which is not helpful when I don’t remember what he just said. But look at him. Elijah the original alien boy. No human could have such blue eyes! On this tangent Christopher Walken is also an alien. Like the coolest extraterrestrial to ever inhabit our planet.

Moving on!

So I started loosing my cool with Elijah now thus, “This discussion is so stupid YOUR THE ONE WHO FOUND THE NEW SPECIES REMEMBER!?” I vaguely remember sighing and slapping my forehead in this scene. I think there’s a reason I don’t remember this scene. I think it went something like Elijah saying “anyone of us could be the alien. I could be the alien” and i’m like you were the one who discovered the alien and showed it to the class, would you have done that if you were an alien. And why has no one mentioned that weird shrimp thing that’s obviously connected to all this. Did they talk about that in this convo? Do I care?

For once I agree with this guy, Elijah is an alien.

Uh oh “Jon no longer looks confused he must be alien.”

“Even having your hair soaked can’t fix this bad haircut”. In fact I think it made it worse.

“Suddenly went from drug dealer to nerd.”

“Casey you did become Sigorny that was the best compliment insult” Sadly I can’t remember what sassy Elijah said.

The movie ended.

But Jon lives!

Everybody clap for Jon.

[biggieduds]

The Faculty (1998) *part 2*

A continuation of my review of The Faculty, that I watched a year ago (I’m so on top of things). You can read part one here.

Well I left of saying how I figured everyone was going to be introduced in five minutes, and I was right.

Starting with Elijah.

Staring at a pretty girl... PUNCH IN DA FACE.

Casey. They really are getting intros...

And it’s Clea DuVall! I’ve seen her in stuff.

And she gets an intro too!

Pretty girl Elijah was ogling. 

She’s outta this dudes league, but I think they’re dating. Probably because he’s the quarterback. 

A very unclear shot of who Stan is. 3 man Stan. But yeah he’s in the middle.

Elijah is still having a terrible day being brutalized. 

“Marybeth Elise Hutchenson, who notices a nose ring bringing out the color in your eyes.” Wait did that actually happen?

YOUR HAIR D:<

“Well that’s everyone in under 5 min and Elija just gonna make me cry this whole film.” Just a sad, sad boy. Also, Tito and Tarantula... I ship it. Oh wait I guess that’s a band. Well then. Never mind. Boys bathroom writing is very different than girls in movies. Poor unloved tarantula...

According to my notes, I knew Jon Stewart was going to be in this movie. BUT, little did I know he’d have such fine facial hair. Also a sneezing Salma.

And Jean Grey, I mean Famke Janssen. I didn’t realize that was her name. I didn’t realize she was from the Netherlands or that she modeled for Chanel. I’ve learned so many things.

Hi Salmaaa.

I feel like all I’ve done is this review is reveal who’s in it There’s no plot here, just endless character introductions. But yeah, there were a lot of recognizable people in this film. 

“Jean hates TV”

I think he was being smarmy and talking back to the English teacher. But, I just want to punch him in the face. Josh is not my type, but I’ll admit he is attractive. However, this movie fails at making him the hot bad boy. He’s just stupid, so very stupid. That is the only thing I remember about this movie. Oh and this weird bit at the end, but who knows if I even got that far with my caps and attention span.

“In a sudden change of heart 15 min in, I’m rooting for Stan now.”

I’M ONLY 15 MIN IN AT THIS POINT? THIS IS GOING TO GO ON FOREVER. Just a reminder anything in quotes is what I titled my screencaps and a lot of this is out of context for me too, because I don’t remember Shiiii....

“I WANT THAT MUG.” I do. But I also want myself to include a bit more plot in my captions next time... or maybe this movie has no plot... hmmm.

“You are the saddest boy. I hope you don’t die.” :(

Oh man, Usher is in here too. SO MANY PEOPLE!!! Also just noticing guy on the far left and his very amusing creeper face. He’s just staring into the side of her head! And his face is so shadowed...

At this point I noticed that, “Jon Stewart is always looking confused that he’s in a movie.” Also at some point this weird alien shrimp showed up. I dunno how, but I guess Elijah finally has a friend.

Jon, you’re not even trying to look at the CG marker for this thing.

Oh yeah, so invasion of the body snatchers type stuff is going on. This guy is so convincing everyone he’s human. I can’t stop looking into his unsmiling eyes.

“I paused to read the text and this happened.” 

Yes. So clearly human. (I just want to watch T2 now)

“Poor Stan.” 

Also...

The fuck?

Pardon my swearing. I think he found an old secretary lady. Why is he wet? Oooh I think she was crammed in a locker in the locker room. I almost forgot that’s what the sports changy place is called. Clearly bad stuff is going on!

“FIX YOUR HAIR”  This is why I couldn’t focus on the plot in this movie. He’s talking to the english teacher about stuff... I guess.

“I bet he lurvs her and that’s why he stayed behind. GO SUCK YOUR CHERRY CONDOMS LOSER” Wow. I am surprised by that 180. Okay, I think at this point intro group has figured out there’s aliens and shit and they’re going to gather to do something about it.

Elijah just called her a bitch. Her face says duh, I know.

This girl has the best reaction faces. “Elijah sniffs her and she’s like what are you doing there little guy? Trying to hit on me?”

“Hi, I’m Kent Mansley, I work for the government.” (Go watch The Iron Giant)

HE LIJAH FAJAH.

“Why hello mr boom mic tryin to steal the scene” 

“No more porno for Lijah.” That’ll stop his crazy talk about aliens. He must get it from his dad. (seriously watch the iron giant)

Okay I took a lot of caps for this movie. Probably because it was so amusing to me, and not to anyone else. But, for the sake of not having such a long ass thing to read, this is going into part 3. Also boob is such a weird word when you stare at it for a while. Like if you removed the b stems it would just say oooo.