Bilbo's Blog

Retired Adventurer - Storyteller

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

There and Back Again, a Hobbit’s Holiday

by Bilbo Baggins

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

I’M NOT DEAD

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

Home at last.

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

Farewell Fili, Kili, and Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain. 

The adventure has come to its end. It’s time to go home. 

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

An attempt at peace...

Thorin has gone mad for this treasure. He is willing to start a war to prevent the men and elves from taking any of it. We are all being kept in the mountain with him and he has called upon the dwarves of the Iron Hills to fight alongside him. 

I however, am not in any way looking forward to a battle of three armies. I wish for this conflict to resolve quickly and so if you, men and elves, are open to negotiation, I have something that may be of value to you. Allow me to meet you tomorrow evening at your camp and I will bring what Thorin values most. You must use it to bargain and prevent this war from happening.

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

ATTENTION LAKE TOWN

SMAUG IS HEADED YOUR WAY

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

I have never I my life seen such beauty! The treasures of Smaug are beyond what I ever expected. As far as the eye can see are mounds of gold and gems. And the most beautiful of all is the Arkenstone, Heart of Thorin. The dwarves have sent me into this cavern myself and so I shall take the stone as my 14th share of all our profits. 

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

We've rowed for many days to make it here. The Lonely Mountain in which Smaug resides with our treasure is finally right in front of us. The ride has been quiet as we all wait in fear of what could happen. Its almost time for me to really show off my burglary skills.

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

It's been days. Why haven't you posted in so long? Did you drown?

No, I didn’t drown. I happened to lose my mobile device in the river when we escaped from the elven dungeon. But we’ve made it to Lake Town and I’ve got a new one!

Lake Town is a place of great hospitality. The Master hastaken us in as esteemed guests and it has been a long time since I have dinedlike I did the last few days. The Wi-Fi is strong and I wish nothing more than to stay here,far from the evil grasps of Smaug. But Thorin says that we must depart soon. 

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

We didn’t stay on the path. But now we know why we were supposed to.

The wood elves have taken all the dwarves prisoner for trespassing through Mirkwook. but I've spent days wandering around this cave while invisible, trying to figure out a plan. Now I've finally got it.

1. Get the guards drunk and steal the keys.

2. Put everyone inside wine barrels.

3. Throw everyone into the river to Lake Town.

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

We have been inside this forest for weeks now and we see no end to it. The treetops stretch on forever and we must drag Bombur along behind us for he fell unconscious in the Mirkwood River. We are quickly running out of food and I constantly feel hungry. I just want to go home.

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

Bye

Gandalf

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

The entrance to the Mirkwood forest. I do not know what dark and terrifying things are within and I truly hope I never to find out. Gandalf and Beron both say that we must not leave the path, but I do not even wish to approach it. 

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

We've made it to the home of Gandalf’s old friend, Beorn. He is quite hospitable but also an intimidating fellow. Gandalf says that he is a skinchanger who can take the form of a bear, and at nights I think that I hear him out on the prowl. Nevertheless, he has provided us with good food and a warm place to sleep and for that I am grateful. I dread departing from here because I expect the journey can only get harder.

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

Eagles have come to rescue us! It was a terrifying flight from which I could not look down, but I am ever thankful to these great eagles for saving our lives. Now we have finally left the Misty Mountains behind and we head forwards towards the next obstacle in out way.

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

Escaped the goblins only to be surrounded by flaming wargs (T_T)

[biggitybloggitybaggins]

This is amazing. I found this ring in the goblins’ cave and it saved my life from that Gollum creature. When I put it on, I turned completely invisible. Gollum ran right past me and I snuck past all the guards unnoticed.

What kind of magic is this thing? Whatever it is it seems to have made this entire adventure a lot easier.