sorry this is a homo blog

🔞 24 bi ftm

[royalpuppp]

Ive been thinking about chastity all day because of a moot

imagining being put into chastity and then being forced to hump and pretend like I can feel it. Forced to fake moan and flutter my eyes shut as if I can really feel the friction on my cock. Just for my dom to laugh at how pathetic I look pretending to get off. My dom saying maybe if I put on a good enough show they’ll take my cage off and I can hump for real

[aerachiel]

Thinking of you 💋

OnlyFans | PornHub | BlueSky

[gaytanic-panic]

[levtolstoiz]

[featherquillpen]

D/s and Emotional Needs

This post is basically a transcript of a speech I give to newbies to the D/s scene all the time IRL. I figured it might be useful not only to people curious about kink IRL but also to smut writers here on the smut writing website.

For the purposes of this post, I am sending specific physical acts out of the room. Right now they don't matter, because you can meet an emotional need through any number of physical acts. So when I say that there are many ways to dom and many ways to sub, I am not referring to many kinds of physical acts. I mean that there are many emotional needs that doms and subs bring to scenes, and those can change the scene more than the choice of physical acts that will occur in that scene.

I say this to newbies to the scene because they tend to have a narrow view of the motivations and needs that bring people to D/s, biased by both the newbie's own preferences and the depictions of D/s they've seen in media. The same is true of people who write kink fic. Kink fic is very biased to a narrow subset of the wide range of emotional needs that people might bring to this kind of play.

It's really important to understand this in D/s IRL because a mismatch or miscommunication about these needs can lead to a bad scene. For example, let's take the approaches of sub-as-beloved-pet and sub-as-object. If a dom treats a sub as a beloved pet when what they really want is to be treated like an object, then a sub who went into a scene needing to be ignored, or at the very least the illusion of being ignored and disregarded, is suddenly in the spotlight of a lot of intense attention and affection. Again, I will note that both of these scenes could potentially involve the same physical acts, just approached differently. Let's say it's a service submission scene where the sub is naked and cleaning the room for the dom. Sub-as-beloved-pet would get frequent praise and lots of patiently repeated instructions, while sub-as-object would get one detailed instruction at the beginning and no reinforcement except a punishment if they get part of the instruction wrong.

I'm going to go through a bunch of different styles of dom and sub, with the emotional needs that underlie them. This list is not exhaustive. I'm sure there's more I haven't thought of or encountered, so feel free to reblog with additions. It may also be a bit dom-biased because I'm a dom, but I think that might be for the best, because the emotional needs of doms are generally less understood than those of subs.

Various consensual kinks discussed below. Kinkshamers in the notes will be blocked with extreme prejudice.

Dom-as-control: This may seem obvious or even trivial, but it shouldn't be dismissed: many doms are motivated by an emotional need to have some part of their life where they have total control over what is going to happen. Something that I love about this style of domination is that I always know exactly what will happen next (except if there's some emergency, safeword, or other issue to address.) There are no wild cards in a controlled D/s scene except for those I explicitly allow (like if I ask a sub to choose which whip I'll beat them with.) This is also a reason why I personally have a very hard time switching; I have difficulty with the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen next. It should be noted that this style of domination is fairly incompatible with the bratty style of submission, as the brat is constantly throwing wild cards into the scene.

Sub-as-blankspace: The other side of this coin is the sub who needs to not have to think anymore. They've spent all day deciding what to wear and what to eat and which toothpaste to buy and they just want to stop. This is a very common motivator. This sub needs specific and clear commands from a dom, without too many steps, or else needs to have a well-established protocol of kneeling and service that they can do by pure muscle memory. This sub does not want the dom to offer them a choice of whips they can be beaten with, because that forces them out of the blissful blankspace of not needing to choose.

Dom- or sub-as-service: The same emotional need can sometimes motivate domination or submission! Many people dom or sub out of a desire to please their partner. It's about taking on a defined role that you know will meet your partner's needs. It feels good to be needed, after all. This motivation for D/s is generally the best understood by the public, especially as a motivation for doms. It's generally more socially acceptable to want to control and torment people if you're doing it selflessly in order to please them. A big part of my motivation for making this speech to people, and for writing this post, is to point out that this is far from the only style of domination, and pleasing their subs is far from the only emotional need that doms might have.

Dom-as-whumper: I'm using this terminology because of the website I'm on. I'm not into whumpfic, but I recognize in people who have a visceral need to see their blorbos whimpering and bleeding the same need I have to tear apart a cute kitten with my bare hands, or to crush a sub beneath my booted foot. It's the cuteness aggression approach to domination: sometimes your sub is so cute your hands itch with the urge to destroy them. This is where domination and sadism bleed into each other; this style of domination does not work well for the sub who wants to submit without being hurt or humiliated.

Sub-as-object: Subs who like to be treated as furniture, robots, or objects are often motivated by a need to enjoy a sexual or kink situation while being free of attention and scrutiny. Obviously, some baseline level of attention is needed for BDSM safety; the dom needs to be able to notice if the sub is injured or upset. But beyond that baseline, it can feel very freeing for a sub to be turned on, blissed out in subspace, crying, drooling, whatever, without anyone closely watching or listening to them, so long as they fulfill whatever their purpose as an object is.

Sub- or dom-as-flex: Both doms and subs can be motivated by a need to feel competent. I definitely feel awesomely powerful and competent when I do a style of domination that requires specialized skill, such as hypnosis. Submission can also provide a feeling of competence: look how long I was able to stay kneeling on the hard floor! Look how perfectly I cleaned the room, exactly as Mistress told me to do it!

Dom-as-troll (or mad scientist): The sibling to this kind of dom is the writer who thinks "wouldn't it be fucked up if....?" and then writes a freaky nasty little horror story about it. A great thing about D/s is that you can have a thought like "wouldn't it be fucked up if I tied up my sub and then ate their favorite snack right in front of them?" and then you can just do it (provided you know your sub likes to be tied up and tormented.) Then you can find out how your sub would react to your terrible ideas and laugh evilly at the results. The emotional need being served here is the goblin part of your brain that wants to break things just to see how they shatter. All you need to do is find someone who wants to be broken.

Sub-as-brat: Brats are often discussed as a single type of sub, but in my experience, there are two rather different emotional needs that drive brats. Some people are brats because they need the assurance that they can act out all they want, and it won't derail the action; the dom is strong or skilled enough to subdue them no matter what nasty tricks their goblin brain gets up to. Other people are brats out of a need to live in a predictable and fair moral universe. Those brats want a very clear system of rules and punishments for those rules. Then they test the rules, and they get meted out exactly the punishment they were promised. Within the world of this scene, the world is fair, and the same misbehavior will always face the same consequences, something that rarely happens in the real world. These types of brats are rather different, because the first kind of brat doesn't care as much if the consequences of their misbehavior are inconsistent, while the second kind cares a lot.

Sub-as-beloved-pet: Or beloved child, if they're an ageplayer. I find that subs that like to be a beloved puppy are driven by an emotional need to be loved, treasured, and supported unconditionally, even if they make mistakes, even if they behave messily or clumsily, even if they look silly, because that's how a good pet owner should treat a pet. There might be discipline involved, but the discipline is very supportive and patient.

Dom-as-nurturer: Some doms are motivated by a need to be in a nurturing role that their non-D/s life may not allow them to fulfill. For example, a man who wants to express affection and tenderness to his partner but has a hard time doing so because of the way he was raised may be able to unlock that ability if his partner plays a sweet puppy and he's playing the puppy's doting owner. Basically, the D/s scene creates a little world and a set of roles in which it's expected and normal for the dom to be nurturing, even if that's not true for the dom outside of that scene.

Dom-as-enfant-terrible: The other side of the coin is a dom who needs to be in a role where they can be unreasonable, demanding, and selfish, a role that their non-D/s life may not allow them to fulfill. For example, a mother who spends all day thinking about her family's needs may relish the opportunity to center her own desires without worrying if she's being "too much." She can be impatient and fussy and demand the sub do things over and over until she's satisfied, all of which she can't do when she's working as a teacher or other caring role.

Dom-as-artist: I think this is a hugely under-appreciated motivator for doms. Many have a need to be creative and imaginative that they fulfill through domination. I've been to workshops and demos at kink conventions where I've been awed by another dom's fiendish creativity. I once watched a hypno dom with a sub who got off on being afraid, and he hypnotized her and crafted an extremely elaborate horror scene in the room, filling it with menacing shadows and phantasms. This is where I'm contractually obligated to link A Dom DM because this is where domination overlaps a lot with game running and game design.

Sub-as-aesthetic-object: The flip side of this coin is that many subs enjoy being an aesthetic object or canvas for a dom's art. Very often these are subs chasing a need to feel beautiful, or at least enjoyable to look at. Subs who want to be aesthetic objects may enjoy wearing special outfits during scenes, or being posed in sexy or appealing positions. Subs in this kind of scene may enjoy letting go of worrying about whether they look good to the dom, because the dom is shaping them to their own preferred aesthetic, whether that's via poses, makeup, shibari, or something else.

Sub-as-sexual-creature: A lot of subs enjoy being called sluts, offered up for free use, or otherwise being hypersexualized. Why is that? Well, our society has a lot of shame and repression around sex, and it can feel much easier to relax and enjoy sex if it's couched in the fantasy that you have no choice because you've been reduced to a purely sexual creature. The sub has an emotional need to give up responsibility for choosing to have sex and be sexual, because that responsibility is a heavy weight to carry.

Dom- or sub-as-taboo-breaker: This is a huge motivator for both doms and subs. We all live in a society, and sometimes we feel a need to break the rules of that society. Both domination and submission provide opportunities to do so. It's taboo to piss yourself as an adult, but a watersports scene creates a space where it is acceptable or even desirable for a sub to break that taboo. As a dom, I personally get a huge taboo-breaking thrill from slapping a sub across the face. There's something about the sheer disrespect of it, and the memory of being scolded for doing it as a child, that fills me with impish glee.

Dom-as-hunter/sub-as-prey: For the hunter to catch the prey, there must first be a chase, or at the very least an ambush. This need not be a literal chase (we sent physical acts out of the room, remember?) but it is a dynamic to hunter/prey-flavored BDSM: the hunter has to earn it. This fulfills an emotional need for both dom and sub: a dom who struggles with feelings of unworthiness can feel like they've earned their partner's submission, and a sub can feel that the dom cares enough to put in the effort to catch them. Hunter/prey also allows dom and sub to explore some pretty dark emotions within the safety of consensual kink, such as fear, obsession, and consumption.

Dom-as-shadow: I mean shadow here in the sense of shadow work. Many doms take inspiration from people who bullied them in school (and many subs enjoy re-enacting scenes of childhood bullying in a safe and consensual context.) There is a real emotional need served by claiming the power of those bullies for yourself. Those childhood cruelties can be utterly transformed by the change of context. For example, the catty whispers and sneers of straight girls who bullied me for being queer comes out very different when I perform those same catty sneers as a genderfucky adult.

Sub-as-lesser-being: While some subs like to be beloved pets, and others like to be disregarded objects, some like to be pond scum. There can be a real freedom that comes from occupying a role of being disgusting and horrible. Nothing good or useful can be expected of you, and nothing you do will ever earn praise, and so you're free from worrying about or pursuing any of those things. Sub-as-lesser-being is also a space to explore difficult emotions like shame and humiliation in a safe context.

[r0ckpsycho]

Bet you'd get REAL fucking tight if I punched you in the stomach while I was inside you.

[intramomnition]

pretty dog that you bring to show all of your friends? dog that you drag around the circle on its leash and make it sniff all your friends real close? dog whose face you shove against their cocks and cunts to give them a proper greeting?

[talons-and-stucco]

[madiestar-deactivated20260525]

[room033]

[pokeballvictim]

Please im dying and the only cure is you flopping your cock onto my face while I get drunk on the smell of your sweat

[butchloganhowlett]

forcemasc in the sense of being trained into being a top, a breeding bull, a stud. chained to the wall with your strap milked and ridden, edged beyond belief trapped behind the silicone base, only released from your chains when you give in and thrust like an animal.

[chainmailstrapon]

thick thighs (and straps) save lives

[boydahlia-deactivated20250723]

we're not playing house we can either play psycho killer vs helpless victim or crazed cult leader + devoted follower

[goth-fucker]

Dog tops i want you. Carnally

[ddinactive-deactivated20240921]

Dog tops want you, carnally! Dog tops want you whining and whimpering between their teeth! Dog tops want you squirming beneath them in heat! Dog tops want you pinned and hopelessly bucking your hips while they cover you in their spit! (You can count on a dog top for making sure you leave marked, by scent if not by sight.)

[needycatboy]

call for responses- forced/coerced transition kink survey.

below are the links for anyone who wants it to be a bit easier to reblog and share around. last post got really long.

PLEASE only respond if you're above the age of 18 and transgender. a forced transition kink is heavily encouraged since that's the whole kit and kaboodle of the survey. feel free to ignore the list of fantasy blogs i ask not to interact, if you fall under those, all i care about is you being trans and 18+. (not you, cishets, minors, or terfs. you guys should still stay away from this survey and my blog.)

acknowledgement for anyone who cares to read it

the survey itself

[needycatboy]

this survey has reached over 200 responses (thank you all!), and what my data could really use is more reach in transfeminine spaces.

i'm not surprised that a post from the guy who mainly writes about transmasc sex is reaching a primarily transmasc audience, but if you got any transfeminine friends with coerced transition kinks, please let them know about this survey, and send them the acknowledgement link as well, so they don't have to guess what my intentions could be with any information they share about their experiences.

transmascs still welcome! all data is valuable data. thank you all again for contributing to this kinda long-term research type project i am doing.

[toymoder]

How will you differentiate between cisgender and transgender participants with forced transition kinks? I find that a lot of eggs start with a desire to be the gender they ultimately become and that the fantasy and practice of coerced transition is part of self discovery. There are also cis men who have misogynistic views and think that becoming a woman is the most humiliating thing one couls do and are fixated on forced transition because of that. This is a real dilemma I'm facing in a different way (Community building that's trans exclusive)

[needycatboy]

great question! i have had participants ask me about this before sending in a response, and i have been choosing to leave it up to participants to self-select for this survey. if someone worries they aren't transgender enough to be eligible, then i tend to encourage them to fill it out because cis people don't usually worry about not being transgender enough. if someone describes themself as cisgender, then i wouldn't recommend they respond to the survey.

for example, a trans woman who isn't transitioning socially yet might be into forcefem from an angle of humiliation/degradation, and she might use it as a safe way to experience that feeling in a controlled environment (irl or in fantasy). i would want her to respond to this survey. adversely, if a self-described "femboy" who is confident that he is cisgender and is just a fan of feminization as a form of humiliation in sexual contexts reached out to me, i would not recommend he respond. it's all up to how the responder feels about their gender and their experience with their coerced transition kink. my rule has been: if you aren't sure if you qualify, then you may as well fill it out. i don't mind gender confusion, and if your gender confusion has any role to play in your coerced transition kink, then i want to hear about it.

i do discuss my feelings about eventually hearing from cisgender people in the acknowledgement (linked above), and generally i don't think i'm non-biased enough to do that research at this time, specifically because of the transmisogyny (and general misogyny) inherent to their humiliation experience. also, i notice anecdotally that cisgender women don't tend to have forcemasc kinks. i'm not qualified to comment on why that might be, but it is interesting nonetheless.

[blueberryratz-deactivated202512]

im so mad that i cant do cnc properly because anytime someone starts violating and taking advantage of me im just like yaaayyyy omg yaaayyyy ^__^ bitches will be like "shut the fuck up and take it whore" and ill be like whatever you say!!! :D im just happy to be in this inescapable position with you