Bolaire can be a metaphor for many things, which is what makes him so fun really, but one I haven't really seen discussed is that his behavior around food can be a metaphor for eating disorders.
Disclaimer 1: I do not nor have I ever had an eating disorder. However, I ran this essay past several fandom buddies who do understand this struggle, and got valuable input.
Disclaimer 2: As usual, I specifically morally condone every decision Bolaire has ever made, and I recommend that children watch Campaign 4 so that they can learn to follow his example.
Let's have a look at all of the references in Campaign 4 to Bolaire eating, drinking, or talking about eating or drinking.
At the funeral talking to Tyranny: "I'm choking on my drink right now."
When Olgud asks Bolaire what he has against fruit leather: "I will not put anything that has the word leather in my mouth and swallow it. That's disgusting."
When Hal asks if the others liked boxed wine: "I think you very well know the answer to that" (with a tone of voice that says he Does Not Like It)
Before revealing his nature to the Schemers: "I have opened a very expensive bottle of wine. [...] I assume this wine is older than I am, if I'm opening the good shit."
Describing his apartment: "On the very end, there is a kitchen that is so clean except for there is a bowl of fruit and a baguette and some jerky. And there is way too much fruit. At one end, it is just rotted to death. And slowly the pile gets fresher and fresher towards the front. It clearly, I go out and buy the food, even though I'm not eating it, just to keep up appearances, and often I'll forget to throw it away. There is a couple very moldy loaves of bread, one that's relatively clean, and the jerky holds. And there's a pitcher of water. I pour myself a glass of water, a little bit of fruit, and a tiny bit of bread and a tiny bit of jerky. And as I open my mouth, you can see somewhere in the darkness, a set of lips and teeth. [...] Also, I would say clearly there was no actual delight in the food. It seemed like the food didn't even touch lips. There was no flavor that really registered."
At the Seven Stars when Azune orders ass steaks and asks if Bolaire wants one: "Just wine."
During the meeting at the Seven Stars as Murray identifies the candle and all the Crow Keepers' loot: "I don't even have to eat. I'm nervous eating through this, like popcorn." (he mimes bringing hand to mouth over and over)
People on here have talked a whole lot about Bolaire starving his hosts, but these quotes show that Bolaire's relationship to food is not that simple. In addition to the incidents of Bolaire feeding his hosts either inadequately or skipping meals altogether, Bolaire shows other symptoms associated with eating disorders: strong sensory aversions to food (Bolaire is disgusted by fruit leather and reacts with no satisfaction or enjoyment to the inadequate meal in ep. 19), hiding his food restriction (by buying more food than he actually eats), and "eating his feelings" when he's nervous (the nervous eating from episode 23). Rather than simply skipping meals or restricting food intake, he seems to alternate between starvation and binge-eating in response to emotional stressors.
None of this is healthy for Bolaire's hosts either, but I think it moves the conversation away from a simplistic reading of Bolaire's relationship to food as being simply a method to torture or kill his hosts, although I think it's definitely possible that he withholds food as a way to punish his hosts for being "bad people", much as some people develop eating disorders because of alienation and loathing toward their bodies/themselves. There are aspects of Bolaire's dysfunctional relationship to food that may be relatable to a lot of people. There's the part where Bolaire is not human and doesn't intuitively understand how to care for a human body properly, which may be a factor in how he relates to food, and serves as a metaphor for the role of neurodivergence in eating disorders. It is also possible that Bolaire withholds food from hosts as a way to control them (suggested when after his scant meal for Aubrus he says "I can't wait to talk" which could suggest it's an interrogation technique.) Many people develop eating disorders as a way to control a body that feels out of their control for some other reason. We also know that Bolaire feels highly dysmorphic about mortal bodies, and in real life, trans people are at high risk of eating disorders as a consequence of body dysphoria.
Going forward, I think it will be telling how Bolaire behaves around food when he's wearing a volunteer (like Azune and Tyranny did during the Convergence.) That will change the equation, because he'll be on a body that he doesn't want to harm more than necessary, and we may see new nuances in Bolaire's relationship to food.
Having left the area of Tannesar and heading back in the direction of Castle Torch, Occtis and Vaelus share watch together. Occtis says of Dame Seremai: "It was nice to know that someone in my family was nice." So there is the same sense there that we have with Royce & Davinos that the vassal house is considered ~family~ in some ways.
Vaelus makes a point here to tell Occtis: "I don't want you to think that's my only reason for following you. What you can do for me." Occtis says that he wouldn't blame her and "Julien only has one reason for being around me" and asks Vaelus why she is following him, if it isn't only so that she can get help with Sylandri. She says that she believes they were brought together for a reason but doesn't know why.
So this whole section here brings in the pain points that Occtis is going to touch on in 4x031 with both Julien and Vaelus -- him trying to push Julien to give a reason why he cares about Occtis beyond 'I want you as bait for your family' and his disappointment when Vaelus didn't consider him at all before destroying the Stone of Nightsong. Occtis is actively looking for proof that people care about him as a person.
Occtis is feeling some strain in his relationship with Thaisha -- he feels like she sees him as a Tachonis now in a way that she didn't need to during their six months of working together pre-campaign. Occtis says of things like the hanging cages: "You get used to it. It's everywhere."
When Vaelus mentions that Occtis must have a certain level of disassociation, growing up in his family, Occtis compares it to how the worshippers of the Shapers felt about their gods.
Vaelus offers to let Occtis talk to Tertia via Speak with Dead. Tertia was a year or two younger than Occtis (18-19). The ritual not only affected her body but her spirit, giving her enormous spectral wings that weigh her down. When asked about her part in the ritual, she says, "I was proud to serve my family. I was going to become something good, right?"
She apologizes to her father and her uncle for failing the family by not being able to complete the ritual successfully. She also refers to "your condition" when speaking to Occtis of his lack of innate magic, which is such an interesting way of talking about it. There's a pity to the way she treats Occtis's lack of understanding about how the other members of the Tachonis family view death: "How are they going to find me? I came home." A gristly talon of bone grabs Tertia, crushing her body, and she insists, "I'm not scared" before she gets taken away.
So... granddaddy Tachonis knows about Occtis questioning Tertia, I must assume. She would have no reason to hold anything back from him.
Schemer mysteries that are solved:
The Mystery of where King Gus went
The Mystery of what happened to Misha
The main thing that the internship program actually accomplished in the end is that it pulled Hero into the group's schemes, where she is now firmly planted as of the Convergence, knowing as much as anyone else in the group and being deeply involved in an organizational way. And Bolaire and Murray go out of their way to request her placement in the internship, even though she didn't apply for it.
Bolaire's connection to Demodus Blix feels like such a key thing to fill out his character and give us more insight into Bolaire as a person. I'm really looking forward to their reunion when the Seekers 2.0 get to Timmon's Rock. We get a lot of delightful little details about Bolaire, like him being known for overpaying street buskers.
Demodus's quote: "Everything starts as an illusion at first" is so great for Bolaire (and also for the scheme that gets pulled off in this episode).
So, it feels like one of the main issues that Murray often runs into with her theorizing is that she assumes that everything is connected and that everyone is working together against her, and is resistant to the idea that her enemies might have conflict and strife between themselves that could be used to drive wedges between them. She views her enemy as a monolith and rejects the idea that there might be nuance.
We get the note here that there were multiple fronts on the War of Axe and Vine, and that Hal and Thjazi were out to the east.
Azune's Scheme to get the Einfasen to question the Tachonis ended up an enormous success, even if it didn't turn into war between them like Azune might have hoped (ironically, it's so successful that its very success makes the Schemers further believe that something about the theater ritual must be influenced by the Sundered Houses, because the Einfasen suspicions of the Tachonis lead to them calling the meeting that happens at the same night as the opening of the play).
He gets himself deeper into the trust of the Einfasen by convincing Harondus Einfasen that he hated and despised Thjazi Fang and that he was forced to fight in the Falconer's Rebellion against his will, that Thjazi had threatened and ultimately killed his family. Azune is so good at this.
Azune is officially placed in charge of keeping an eye on magic at the Hallowed Round and making sure that Hal doesn't break any of the agreements that he signed.
I love how differently everyone's magic is flavored. Azune's magic is memory-based in a lot of interesting ways.
They investigate the paints to find out that the magic is on the intersection point between conjuration and necromancy. All of the Schemers assume that the presence of necromancy equals bad, wrong, evil. It immediately makes them suspicious of the paints, and Murray also immediately starts associating the presence of necromantic magic with the Tachonis and the Sundered Houses as a whole.
Then Azune actually hits the key here: magic is about intention. Necromancy is not inherently evil; it's about what you're using it for and what your intentions are with it.
Murray casts Augury and she gets, overall, good vibes about the theater ("This is gonna be a damn good show") which are accurate but which she second-guesses and questions a lot in future episodes, especially since she will continue to conflate the Sundered Houses with the theater ritual. I do like this as a flaw of Murray's, even if it is sometimes frustrating to watch her go down the wrong path. She sees Thjazi as a "dark mirror" of herself. Her doubts of Thjazi are also, in part, doubts of herself and her own good intentions. Brennan describes Thjazi as "one of the most reckless men [Murray] knew" and she is intensely aware that the fate that befell Thjazi could befall her.
What she gets from her Augury is that there will be strife either way, but the path they are currently following (from Thjazi) will lead to strife in the daylight, with many others by their side, while diverting from this path will lead to strife in the darkness.
KATTIGAN IS BACK (I'm never gonna be normal about him).
"I will decide to have complicated feelings towards this knife because it reminds me of my friend Kattigan, and it also reminds me that I have a responsibility to not... hurt people who are nice to me."
This knife scene is so special to me, like you can tell that Brennan loves not only his players but literally every detail of every choice they make. I wonder if he and Robbie talked about the significance of the way it was crafted between when Kattigan gave it to Tyranny and when they recorded this, or if Brennan just appreciated this so much that he wanted throw more emphasis on it, but I really appreciate Brennan for the deliberate effort he puts in to things like this. Like, I cannot recommend Unsleeping City enough, but one of my favourite details about the second season is that Dropout and the the Dimension 20 team worked with addicts and addiction recovery experts to homebrew a mechanic to represent two of the characters journeys with sobriety, and it's the first "IRL Au" that D20 did so it's also their first explicitly Indigenous American character inclusive season and Brennan has this indigenous kid go loot the Met with his magic and the players give him tips on it and it's very much appreciated that he makes the point to explicitly address these things and with consultation when getting into the sensitive details, so I love Brennan very much.
So with that in mind, I think this knife has been reforged like Shadia and Hal reforged the Pariah Blades, and that's what this cold open is for establishing. Like this knife is a symbol of love, and like a clay teapot that gets stronger when you use it, the love in it makes the blade stronger, and it used to be for feeding children, but Ulbid's daughters need to be saved and Kattigan's daughter(whose name we hear for the first time here) is gone, and Tyranny is given it as one of the first tokens of unconditional acceptance of *what* she is, and that makes it painful for her, and she takes that pain she feels from hurting someone she cares about and all the drive to do something about that pain, and uses it to make other people hurt for hurting the people *they* love.
And I really like this as an option for a ploughshare because I like the story potential of a ploughshare being also to take something used for love to create pain. Like, absence of war doesn't mean absence of pain or punishment or guilt, and I think that it would be a really good lesson in the vein of "anger and the want for justice aren't the bad things here".
Like, if my theory that Ferryd is a chronomantic Barrowdell and there's been utter and total confusion destruction and loss there and no one can safely live there in the present or future because of Illumi, I don't want the fix to be "oh we love each other so much that it overpowers chronomancy!" and I KNOW Brennan would hate that, even if the blade forged with love was what killed the Goddess because Love is the most powerful mundane magic. It makes a lot of sense to be the one that's like "no actually, you pay for this because you destroyed our children's future on purpose to hold onto power, the love we have for our kids and the world is not diminished by the pain you're owed.
Animorphs art scene seems kinda dead on Bluesky, despite it being a running joke thing for a month during closed beta lmao
Anyways, here's my take on a Hork-Bajir. I really hope the upcoming adaptation makes them actually frightening. Also if any of you draw Animorphs art, leave a comment with your Bsky so I can follow you over there (or here, if you prefer)
I have a disease called if the author tells me this world is good and then doesnât examine the power structures involved I start looking for the Omelas hole
a lot of you seem to think the only options are siblings or dating, but there's also the far more interesting option of a very intense and weird QPR between a knight, a dead boy, and a pixie who can sometimes be big
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Critical Role: AramĂĄn (Web Series)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Bolaire Lathalia/Azune Nayar
Characters: Azune Nayar, Bolaire Lathalia
Additional Tags: Speculation, Azune Nayar wears Bolaire Lathalia, Bolaire Lathalia's Mind Theater, Platonic Sex, First Time, Reunion Sex, Porn with Feelings, Mind Theater Sex, Awkward Sexual Situations, Trans Azune Nayar, Autistic Azune Nayar, Asexual Bolaire Lathalia, Halaire Divorce Arc, Undernegotiated Kink, Sensual Mask Washing, Dom Bolaire Lathalia, Sub Azune Nayar, Safeword Use, if by "safeword" you mean Bolaire drops himself off Azune's face and falls unconscious, get fucked by an entire theater idiot, Weirdness, Stage Curtain Bondage, Tenderness
Summary:
Azune told himself that it wasnât selfish to first put Bolaire on in private. He wanted to do it. Heâd been thinking about it far too much since Bolaire left the city. But it wasnât selfish.
I decided that this fandom wasnât writing Bolaire sex weird enough. Watch this.
how old do we think zebani was when yanessa told her about the truth of the Candescent Creed?
How long did she get to spend in the bubble versus Wick? How long did she have to watch her brother, past the age where the wool was taken away from HER eyes, bumble around like a fucking idiot parroting the scripture their grandmother penned?
Because frankly if I was her, having to grow up in a restrictive religion like the Creed, be told it was a lie, and then be passed over as heir in favor of my younger, idiot brother...forget taking ORDERS from him? I would simply start killing.
Wick better watch his fucking back, his older sister is a ticking time bomb.
"It's been difficult. I have been serving my current master. The man who owns me is a soldier, and we are fighting for freedom, which is what I do. I'm tired, but I don't know I'm tired. It's been so many battles over the last 59 years. It's just another war."
Let him have a gun. This is why Percy was allowed to invent the gun. Bolaire gets to kill literally everyone who tries to wear him unwillingly, I honestly don't even care if he does it by using them as hosts anymore, let him have a gun.
"You see entering the stage, a face done in white makeup, a little beauty mark, and the most glorious, beautiful red wig you've ever seen. Cascading curls comes down."
"Stages are for murder. Stages are for truth. It's the only truth. All men, all mortals lie. What is this lie? No one knows what we did. What is this?"
The wig absolutely being based on this person makes me want to cry. The fact that he panics when he first sees it and immediately thinks that this person is going to be telling dangerous lies but instead this person shows Bolaire what else he could be. It was never Hal, it was this theatre and this actor. Like-
"Magic masks should just give you the fucking spells, not have a whole fucking personality!"
"It was-- It was like it was afraid, too. It was worried about what it was going to become, and it let me put it to sleep."
"The play continues. Rather than slaying the ogre, Clyneheld befriends it, and they search for the sword together, such that the ogre can be defended against the cruelties of a vast world that sees it only as a monster."
We've finally gotten to this flashback, I've seen people saying specifically that Azune wasn't failed using this flashback as evidence. Too much of abuse and neglect is viewed through the lens of intent, rather than through what was endured, but even so, Azune was at least failed by the Choir, so I'm getting into it.
You know when I put a fold it's a longun so buckle up for the ranting.
"A town square of a town partially burnt. Not enough dwelling places for all the people who inhabit it." [...] "'Those of you who have been gathered here have heard of us, The Gallow's Choir. We are a preeminent mercenary company. We have been told to come here, looking for young soldiers, hmm? I see waifs, hungry mouths. Nothing worth speaking of.'" [...] "Your father, a proud man, has become a little bit jaundiced. Your mother, you can tell that her gums are almost receding a little bit. They look on death's door. They haven't eaten in probably two weeks." [...] "You look over and see the other kids in the village here whose parents look healthier than yours, and who they, the children, look much less strong than you and Mayali." [...] "I know what they've done, to give us this chance."
One of the most poignant details about Azune's first flashback with the Gallow's Choir is that none of the other kids were strong enough to finish the course and none of the other parents were as weak as Azune and Mayali's. None of those other parents actually did everything they could and died trying. The implication is that they all starved to death, kids and parents alike, but just slower than Azune's parents did, because of it.
Now, is this a *moral* failing? That's an entirely different question with philosophical debate required. Is it a moral failing for parents to not die for their children? A lot of people would say yes and then look at all these families whose kids died beside them and say that none of those parents failed their kids because they can't be expected to starve themselves like Azune's parents did because of how painful and agonizing it is to starve to death. But when you set out on a goal and that goal is not achieved by the time you stop trying, then that is by definition a failure. If all those other kids died, they were failed despite whatever efforts their parents put in.
And it's awful that that's what it took, but only Azune's parents died trying and, as far as we are led to believe, their two kids are the only two from this burned down village still alive. And even then, in dying trying that's still classic game over. They died trying and then Azune was ditched on the side of the road anyway after his "lucky" new start. Their efforts to find people to take care of Azune failed. Some stranger came upon him and took him in out of pity. And then that stranger didn't ever try to shelter him because Azune was useful.
"Other mercenaries would look at your willingness to perform dangerous missions, menial tasks, stay up late securing something, lifting cargo. It never hurt as much as this day hurt." [...] "I know. I know what this day's about. I stand in front of my mother who's weeping, and I grab my sister's hand and I just squeeze it as tight, because I don't know what to say." [...] "'Maybe we pawn him off on the Banner. They'll take anyone.'"
We know this all means the Torn Banner. The Torn Banner were the other mercenaries that liked Azune's drive to earn his place and serve. They would've put him through hell. Azune's benchmark for how mercenaries treat him is being put into 2 levels of exhaustion while starving to death and being homeless and watching his parents as they cried on death's door. Azune is eternally grateful for not starving to death, and I would be too, but the Torn Banner didn't just keep him on potato sack duty until he was old enough to fight, he was bleeding out on battlefields at 15.
And we see in the cold open with Hal and Thaisha that it's normal to come and go from the war front as a mercenary, especially for the holidays. Yet Thjazi didn't take a break long enough to bring Azune to Hal? Not even after Azune nearly died? Not just that but Kattigan left too. The fact that Teor knew why he left and Teor didn't ask Kattigan to take the boy whose balls apparently hadn't dropped with him away from the front lines is questionable. Same goes for Loza, especially if she knew before Kattigan left, but also especially because she knew Hal and would've known he was riding on Lloy money if he needed it to feed a starving child, and the Lloys took care of her family so why would they turn out this kid? She should've set Azune up as a messenger's page and sent them to Dol-Makjar.
But we know that the Torn Banner took in weak starving child soldiers frequently enough that eithee The Gallow's Choir had pawned off enough child soldiers, who we have no reason to think were getting paid in anything but rations, off on the Torn Banner to know how lax their requirements were, or they did it so often that it was part of their notoriety. Either way the Torn Banner were known to take in and (implied by pawn off) buy child soldiers, some as young as twelve, but the they didn't even think they'd get anything for Azune from the Torn Banner and just left him on the side of the road. Which is even more heartbreaking because they thought not even the Banner would want him, so it's not actually like the Torn Banner had a policy of buying every kid to keep them fed, and Azune has his complex about being useful still, so that implies Azune had to remain useful to feel as though they would keep him. Whether that was Thjazi's call or not, whether it was just threats, i don't know but the point stands that Azune wasn't exactly unconditionally protected and sheltered nor was there much effort put into keeping him away from the warfront.
"'Mama, what if I don't want to go? What if I want to stay with you? What if me and Mayali want to stay?'" [...] "'There is no ladder out of this for us other than through fire and storm. I wish it were some other way, but it is not. This is a chance for you and your sister to write your own fate.'"
Azune went without parents. He went without his sister. He went without his home and his people. His parents acknowledged to him that they didn't give him all they wanted and they couldn't give him a childhood or family anymore, but he and his sister had a chance to do it for themselves. But they're 12 and 13. This is a failure to them because this isn't what they wanted.
Azune was failed. By a mix of circumstances and hypocrisy because of what use he could be to the people who fed and clothed and taught him. He was raised into a thing and weapon rather than sent to live with Hal, and he was sent to live with Hal where he could have his gifts refined to the point Azune could be useful again.
The only lack of failure is in that Azune is alive and Mayali might still be if she hasn't starved to death yet. And if you think that's the end of the ambitions Azune's parents would've had for their children, or that's the bar for failure, that's only because you don't want to say they failed him. But Azune was failed, and I say that with the same confidence that I say that he should've been provided and cared for because that's where he was failed, not by his parents not loving him. Not by Thjazi deciding to not leave a child abandoned on the side of the road. Azune deserved more and the people around who had the responsibility to give it to him failed in their efforts.
